It Don't Matter

"Oh God… Dean! Dean! Gaaah… Don't stop!"

Dean laughed into my hair then clamped onto a piece of flesh on my neck and started to suck out a bruise. This had what I could only assume was the desired effect because my shouts of ecstasy turned into much quieter strangled cries and contented moans. While I was still on my high, I heard his excited grunts and his gentle nibbling became a more painful bite again.

Just before I let out another lust-filled cry, we both froze in our place at the sound of someone pounding on the motel room door. We both simultaneously turned our heads to look at it while holding our breath. Dean gave me a questioning look, but all I could do was shrug.

"Mister Wells? Mister Wells?" A male's voice called from the other side of the door.

Dean then rolled off the bed and quickly threw on his t-shirt and boxer shorts while making his way to the door. When he got there, he checked over his should to make sure that I was still there and somewhat decent as he unlocked the door. I had picked up his flannel shirt and was in the midst of buttoning it up when he finally cracked the door open.

"Umm… Good morning Mister Wells… Umm… I'm sorry to… Uhh interrupt," the motel manager hesitantly greeted Dean in a hushed tone.

"Good morning Mister Smith. Is there something that I can help you with?" Dean replied in an uncharacteristically shy voice.

"Well… I've… Umm… I've gotten a few complaints and… Uhh I'm sorry but I have to… You know… Because it's my job and all," he awkwardly explained.

I wrapped my right arm around Dean's waist to weave my fingers with those of his left hand to show off the ring on his finger. As I gently placed the side of my head on his upper arm, I sweetly said, "It's entirely my fault Mister Smith. You see, Rusty and I are newlyweds and I think I may have gotten a little carried away. I sincerely apologize for the disturbance."

The middle aged manager blushed slightly and completely avoided eye contact but nodded.

Before he could reply, Dean added. "Plus we'll be checking out soon. Sorry about the complaints."

"Well… Alright… Umm… Again sorry for the… Uhh… Thank you for understanding." The manager turned to retreat back to his office but stopped abruptly and looked over his shoulder to quickly say, "Oh… Congratulations."

I had already found a spot on the bed and was nearly doubled over in laughter. Dean said a final "Thanks" before closing the door and turning back into the room. He had an annoyed scowl on his face that deepened when he saw me laughing.

"Oh, come on Dean," I commented through my laughter. "That was kind of funny."

"You might think so, but I'm not really laughing here," Dean replied as he sat back on the bed beside me. "But either way, I've got to wake up and get back on the road to help Sam with the dragon."

I laughed even louder at that shifted closer to Dean. "I'm sorry… You have to help him with WHAT?"

"A dragon," he repeated, breaking his angry demeanor slightly. "Okay, yeah that sounds weird when you say it out loud… But the fact still remains that I have to wake up and hit the road."

I leaned in and kissed him gently then softly commanded, "Wake up Dean!"

He squeezed his eyes closed and I stifled my laughter by kissing his neck from the left side to the right. When I ended up straddling his lap, Dean groaned then quietly warned, "Lay, you're not helping."

I pecked his lips one last time then sat back on his thighs and asked, "Did you ever think that maybe it's because you're already awake?"

He kept his eyes closed, shook his head as he pet my cheek with his left hand. "You have no idea how much I with this wasn't just a dream. Now shush… I have to concentrate."

I bit back another laugh then reached out to grab a tuft of skin just under his ribcage between my index finger and thumb. After giving it an over-exaggerated and strong twisting pinch, Dean's eyes flew open.

"OW! Lay! What the fuck?" He gasped as he rubbed the spot vigorously with his right hand.

"Well… I was testing a theory," I replied. After shoeing his hands away, I lifted his shirt and kissed the spot a few times. "I believe, Mister Winchester, that that is a sure fire way to check if you were really awake or not."

While I continued to kiss his side, Dean lowered his t-shirt to stop me while saying, "You might have a point there… But traditionally you don't have to give the other person a massive fucking bruise." After I backed right off, he lifted his shirt to survey the damage then looked back at me, "Dude! Seriously it's already starting to bruise."

I bit my bottom lip and offered my best innocent pout with a shrug. "I forgot how strong I am?"

Dean stared at me in a stunned silence then tentatively raised his left hand to my cheek again. I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his hand, relenting completely to his touch.

"But how? How are you here?" He questioned absolutely mystified.

I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible then answered lightheartedly, "It's kind of complicated… It can wait because we have a… A dragon to kill?"

"Lay don't make a joke, please? You're actually here? Alive?" He questioned with a gut-wrenchingly sad tone.

I nodded as his hand maintained a hold on my cheek. Suddenly he lunged forward to kiss me then he held me tightly in a hug.

"You're alive! Oh my God Lay, I've… I… I wanted this so much… You can't even understand…"

I squeezed him in my arms then ran my hands up and down his back and was barely able to hold back my own tears as I said, "Yeah Dean I do… I've been through this twice with you, remember?"

He pushed back out of our embrace and looked down at me with tears in his eyes. "Lay? Please?"

I leaned up and kissed him then replied, "Dean we have lots of time to talk about it… Sam's what? A state away?" Dean nodded and whispered "Portland". I lifted his chin and continued more confidently, "Okay… Portland… That's almost Washington… So we have like five, six hours just the two of us in the Impala? How about we talk about it then? Now… You go hop in the shower and I'll scrounge up some coffee and breakfast, okay?"

Before I could turn away, he kissed me and completely took my breath away. It was the neediest kiss that we had ever shared, it smothered me, but neither of us wanted it to end.

"Okay," Dean finally relented as he placed his forehead on mine. "I think I might have some of your stuff in my bag."

I sat back and sadly asked, "Dean? No… You didn't?"

He nodded forlornly as he stood up off the bed. I quickly grabbed his arm to stop him en route to the bathroom and added, "I would have done the same thing if I had the chance."

He threw me a tear-filled smile then kissed my head before continuing into the shower. I had picked up his duffle and looked up as I rooted through it and met his questioning gaze. I silently mouthed "Go" while tilting my head towards the door in order to encourage him into the room.

After a few minutes Dan finally closed the bathroom door and I heard the shower running as I continued to rummage through the Marine issue bag. I was already pretty comfortable in Dean's flannel shirt so I was hoping he would have some sort of suitable bottom for me to wear as well. As luck would have it, Dean had packed away a pair of my tights, so all I had to do was synch a belt around my waist while sporting his shirt and my tights to make it look like a suitable outfit.

As I stood to put the finishing touches on my outfit, I heard the shower turn off and I called out jovially, "So Dean? 'Rusty Wells'… That name sounds awfully familiar to me."

"Well," he explained. "You left your credit cards laying around at the house… Plus you actually paid them off, so I got Bobby to make a few matching IDs… You're not mad, are you?"

I laughed then answered, "No, I'm not mad… It's just kind of creepy to think that I've now had 'relations' with 'Rusty Wells' when I've used that name and all… It's kinda like sleeping with yourself or something…"

Dean emerged from the bathroom laughing, but stopped abruptly when he found himself alone in the room.

"Lay? Lay?" His phone rang, so Dean snatched it up and snapped out an angry, "What?"

I blinked a couple of times before turning my head to double check where I was now.

"Ariel? What…?" I started to question as tears of confusion threatened to overtake me.

"I'm sorry Addy that was only meant to be a short visit, but then… Well that's not for you to worry about," she explained in a tender, apologetic tone as she started to pet my hair.

I instinctively curled up beside her on the bed and placed my head on her lap. "So last night really wasn't a dream?"

"No Addy it wasn't. You've been quite restless lately and kept calling out his name in your sleep, so I thought it would help to ease your mind," she quietly stated as she continued to smooth down my hair.

"It did… I think. I've missed him so much… Thank you."

I started to yawn and closed my eyes before continuing, "My Mum used to do this when I was sick to help me fall asleep."

"I know Addy. Now, try to sleep. I don't think that you got enough rest last night."

I nodded against her leg, but quietly asked, "Is she happy in Heaven?"

"Yes she is. Everyone is happy in Heaven."

"What's it like there? Dean said something about not wanting to see another person's version of Heaven, but he's never gone into detail," I continued with my eyes now opened as I picked at the hem of her pants.

"If I tell you about it, do you promise you will try to sleep? No more questions until after you've rested?" She counteroffered sounding very maternal.

I rolled over and crawled under the blankets then nodded and whispered, "Promise."

"Alright then… Well… Heaven is a little bit different for every soul. For the majority of souls, they basically get to relive their happiest memories for all eternity, for others…" Ariel trailed off when she heard my soft snoring.

After she had confirmed that I was in fact sound asleep, she tucked the comforter in around me. Her hands lingered briefly at my mid-section and she regarded it with a thoughtful scowl.

"Almost there… Almost," she commented before disappearing.

*************
Change of POV
*************

As Dean fuelled up the Impala in preparation for the ride back to Bobby's, his phone started ringing. Without being asked, Sam quickly took over at the pump so Dean could answer it.

When Sam noticed his brother's hesitation, he tried to gently persuade him saying, "Dean you haven't talked with him in a while, why don't you throw the kid a bone?"

Dean glared half-heartedly at Sam then joked, "So the psychic shit's back?"

Sam snickered and shook his head as Dean stepped away.

"Hey Buddy, you're up pretty late."

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep, so I thought that I just call to say 'Hi'. How are things with you and Uncle Sam? I mean, how's he doing since you know… Waking up and stuff?"

"He's alright, back to his more usual self. But I'm guessing that's not what's keeping you. What's really on your mind Toby?"

"Nothing," the teen lied. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay and all that."

"Toby… Look, I don't have time for this. What's wrong?" Dean questioned again as his anger started to surface.

"Umm… Well… Uhh… Spring Training just started… Umm… That got me thinking about…. Uhh…" Toby slowly started to reply.

"Come on Toby, spit it out! I don't have all night!" Dean interrupted impatiently.

"Dean!" Sam shouted to scold his brother while pulling the phone out of Dean's hand. "Hey Toby, it's Sam. Sorry about Dean, we've had a long day."

"Hey Uncle Sam... Umm, that's okay. It's my fault, I should have waited to call," his nephew replied just barely over a whisper. "How did everything go with the dragon?"

"Well, there was more than one (Sam paused as Toby blurted out a shocked "Oh? Really? Crap!") and that's actually probably part of the reason why Dean's in a bad mood… One got away."

"Really? That sucks… Oh, but I think I can help you guys with that. They go after virgins, right? I can keep an eye out for any strange disappearances… You know for anything like what you had on this case."

Sam sighed with relief when he heard a positive shift in Toby's tone and smiled as he replied, "That would be awesome. Thanks Toby. Now it's late and I don't want you to get into trouble with Maureen and Bill, so it would probably be best if we called it a night, okay?"

"Yeah you're right. G'Night Uncle Sam. I'll let you know if I find anything."

Dean was already seated behind the wheel by the time Sam had finished his phone call. After easing into the passenger seat, Sam tossed Dean's phone into his lap and curtly informed him, "Toby's going to keep an eye out for anything that looks like it might be our dragon… Despite you're being a colossal jackass to him."

Without uttering a word, Dean picked up his phone and exited the car. Sam quickly followed suit asking, "What the hell Dean?"

Dean was still staring at the phone in his hands as he flatly replied, "I believe the sun should never set upon an argument." Dean then looked up, smiled sadly and added in a remorseful toned, "I've got to apologize to him before he goes to bed Sam."

The younger Winchester returned Dean's smile then re-entered the Impala to give his brother some privacy. Dean quickly hit the speed dial key for Toby and held his breath while he listened to it ring. Toby stared at the screen of his phone as it vibrated in his hands, unsure if he should answer it or not because he didn't want to say anything else that would upset his Dad again.

"Hello?" Toby finally answered sounding small and unsure.

Dean swallowed back an anguished sigh before replying, "Hey Buddy. I… I uhh… I just wanted to apologize for being such a jerk to you… I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you like that."

"That's okay Dad, Uncle Sam explained about the one that got away and you must be tired from fighting and stuff… I should have waited to call."

"No Tobs, if you need to talk, then you should call. I know you were used to doing that with…" Dean had to take a moment to compose himself. "With… Your Mum, so please don't not call because you think I'll be too tired to talk or anything, okay?"

"Okay," his son quietly agreed.

"So you wanted to talk about something, right?" Dean gently prodded. After Toby whispered "Right" as a reply, Dean continued, "Well then we should talk about it… But just not tonight. It's late, so I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Toby was quick to reply with a quiet, "Okay."

"Buddy, I really am sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

"I do Dad, really it's okay. And you guys are right, it's way past my bedtime. G'Night Dad, I love you," Toby answered in a much more confident tone.

"I love you too Toby. Have a good sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

Dean slipped his phone into his pocket then leaned against the driver side door and rested his forehead on his arms on the roof of his car. Sam shot his brother a couple of worried sideways glances, trying to decide what he should do. After a few minutes, Sam started to open the passenger side door, but stopped when Dean's door flew open.

The elder Winchester remained completely silent as he started the car and exited to the gas station. When he heard his younger brother clear his throat, Dean's right hand instantly moved to the volume dial and he cranked it to the right. Sam offered a huff and a shake of the head in response, but let him have his moment of relative silence. After the second song finished, Sam's ears couldn't take it anymore, so he turned the volume down a bit, but made a point to do so while reading a book so Dean wouldn't think he was trying to have a conversation with him.

As they spent their final miles in Idaho and just before they entered Montana, Sam had had enough. He closed his journal and shifted in his seat to look at his brother. He was determined to get Dean talking, so he turned the music down so low that it was barely audible.

"Dean? Dude, you've been on edge since you got back from San Francisco… Did something happen there?"

Dean replied by once again turning up the music to a near ear splitting level. Sam immediately turned it down and then there was a slight back and forth struggle for volume control. Sam finally claimed himself victorious and turned the radio off completely. Before attempting to get his brother to speak again, Sam took a moment to regroup.

Sam tried to hide his smirk as he spoke, but it was difficult, "You know… I've heard that the sun should never set upon an argument."

The driver's shoulders relaxed considerably and he huffed in a laugh before speaking. "Bitch… WE weren't having an argument."

"Whatever… You're pissed off about something, so come on… What is it?"

Dean shook his head and replied, "No… It's nothing for you to worry about Sam."

The younger Winchester frowned but wouldn't be deterred. "Yes it is Dean, especially when it makes you snap at Toby like you just did."

Dean hung his head in shame momentarily and looked like he was going to give in, but his reply wasn't what Sam was expecting. "I'm sorry you had to run interference like that with him… But seriously, you and me? We're not discussing it Sam… At least not yet, okay?"

Sam smiled, turned the music back on and agreed saying, "Okay."

*************
Change of POV
*************

Ariel and I spent a few more days just the two of us and I tried to focus while we spoke, but my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Dean. Even when she had me talk about the torture sessions that I remembered, my thoughts remained on him… I would randomly wonder what forms of torture he had endured. What had finally made him break?

"Addy? If I let you visit Dean again, will you finally be able to focus all of your attention on our conversation?" The angel questioned without evoking any malice.

I cringed slightly at my rudeness then sheepishly replied, "Sorry Ariel… Umm… Yeah, I guess it might… Uhh… Plus I sort of promised him a heart to heart chat."

She smiled softly then nodded. Suddenly I was standing in an abandoned looking house and started shivering. I took a few deep breaths to ground myself before hunting around the rooms to find a jacket or a blanket to cover myself with so I could warm up.

"Thanks a lot Ariel. Could have at least put me in something weather appropriate," I grumbled as I moved between the rooms.

In the fourth room I entered, I found Sam and Dean's duffle bags and I nearly lunged at them. I had to assume that they were out in their street clothes because I couldn't find either of their jackets. I gave their suits that were hanging on a picture hook a second look, but shook that thought out of my head and pulled out one of Dean's flannel shirts. As soon as my bare flesh was covered, I started to warm up considerably.

"Much better," I commented to no one in particular. I hugged my body and ran my hands vigorously up and down my upper arms.

"Here to steal another shirt Lay?"

I turned to face Dean and offered him the best innocent grin I could muster. "Is it really considered a theft if I didn't mean to take it? You know no Mens Rea and all that?"

"Yeah… Sure… Whatever," he unenthusiastically replied putting down his coffee and take out bag on a side table.

"Dean? Are you okay?" I asked from my spot, too frightened by the look on his face to take a step forward.

"Who, me? Yeah, I'm just peachy… Insanity is doing wonders for my complexion, can't you tell?" He retorted sarcastically as he turned his back to me.

"Dean…" I started with anguished remorse. I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder. "Dean you're not going crazy. I'm sorry about my disappearing act." I hooked my arms over his chest with my hands on his shoulders and pulled my body flush with his back. After I rested my cheek against his right shoulder I quietly said, "But I think I get to stay long enough to explain this time."

He didn't move so I just continued to hold him tightly. My arms started to ache before I registered that neither of us had moved so I slowly release my grip on him. He shivered slightly so I ran my hands up and down his sides to try to warm him up. He flinched away from my hands, so I took a step back away from him whispering, "Sorry… I won't touch you… Sorry."

His hand travelled up to his left side and he shook his head as he turned to face me. "It's not that. The bruise you gave me is still pretty tender."

I smiled apologetically and quietly told him, "She healed the hickey you gave me. And again, I'm sorry. (I kissed his side through his layers of clothes.) I really did forget how strong I am."

He gripped my chin gently then forced me to stand up straight. "How Lay? How are you back? I… I did CPR on you… We had a funeral, buried ashes…"

I pulled my left pant leg up to show him my most recently acquired scar on the opposite side of my ankle from my tattoo. He pointed to it awestruck as he stuttered, "You… You… You were…? How?"

I lowered my pant leg and took him by the hand. "Dean maybe you should sit down before I get into the details."

He squeezed my hand firmly and when I tried to sit across from him, he tugged my arm to coax me to sit beside him. I complied but moved to the other end of the couch. To make myself more comfortable, I pulled my legs up under me so I was cross-legged and facing him.

"Okay… So did you get that the same way I got mine?"

I had my head lowered and nodded then turned my eyes towards him whispering, "Yes."

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, how?"

I focused on the cuffs of Dean's shirt that I was wearing as I explained, "I made a deal with Crowley… He was worried that you would come after him, so he said he was going to make it look like it was natural causes or something." I paused to sneak a peek at Dean's reaction. He had shifted onto his right hip and slung his arm over the back of the couch so that we were facing each other.

"Official autopsy results stated blood clots that interrupted blood flow to your heart as the…" He replied through the lump forming in his throat. "The doctors attributed it to complications from the accident."

I nodded and sniffled back my own forming tears. "I'm sorry… I didn't even think… Oh God that's so horrible, I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"Why? Why would you sell your soul to him?" Dean asked in a confused tone.

"To save Toby," I sheepishly replied. "They know about him, so I wanted to make sure that nothing would come after him."

"Lay… We can protect him… Nothing would get him," Dean replied still maintaining his composure. "And he knows how to take care of himself when we aren't around."

"No Dean, they know and Crowley said that they were planning to use him to get back at you," I blurted out as silent tears started to fall.

"Did you once stop to consider that he said all of that to get you to make the deal?" He proposed with a surprisingly calm tone as he wiped away my tears.

"No… I was so sure… Plus he buttered me up with praise about me surviving Pacer and I figured that I could handle myself there, so the trade seemed worth it."

"And could you?"

I bit my quivering lip to try to stem the flow of my tears. I was too afraid of how broken I would sound if I spoke, so I shook my head as I cried.

He shifted over and pulled me into his arms. "Shh… We don't have to talk about that yet."

Once my breathing had evened out, I leaned back and dried my cheeks on my shirt's sleeves and then I crawled into Dean's lap and hugged his neck.

"I don't even know where to start to describe how horrible it was," I stated into his neck.

He kissed my temple and rubbed my back and once again softly repeated, "Then it can wait… What I really want to know right now is how are you back?"

I sat back, smiled through my tears and held onto his upper left arm where Castiel's hand print was seared into his skin answering, "You have Castiel and well (I pulled back my pant leg and placed his right hand on my matching scar) I have Ariel. She… Uhh… She pulled me out and has been my own personal counselor, helping me to re-acclimate."

Dean didn't move and held my eyes in a steadfast gaze. "So this is really happening? You're here? Alive? And more beautiful than ever?"

I shrugged shyly and ducked my head as I responded sounding slightly embarrassed, "Yes this is real… Yes I'm here and I'm alive, but I don't know about…"

I couldn't finish my thought because Dean pulled my face into a passionate kiss. As our lips fought to dominate the lust filled kiss, Dean quickly and easily unbuttoned his shirt that I was wearing and pushed it off my shoulders to reveal my navy blue, spaghetti strapped bra tank. Before I knew it, Dean slipped his hand beyond the lacy hem and ran it up my stomach.

"Lay… You are so unbelievable beautiful."

I threw my head back with wanton disregard as Dean remained completely focused on adorning my flesh with soft embraces.

We only paused when we heard the door open and Sam nearly shouted, "Dean? What the fuck?"

I remained seated straddling Dean's lap as he enthusiastically replied, "What does it look like Sammy? I'm entertaining a guest."

I covered Dean's mouth with my hand and twisted around to flash Sam a smile. Before I could say anything, Sam took a step forward asking, "Addy? Is it really you?"

I stood up and we both continued towards each other until I was wrapped in Sam's arms. He picked me up and twisted me around a couple of times before placing me on the ground.

Instinctively Sam looked past me towards Dean and asked, "But how?"

Dean jutted his chin towards me and answered, "It's her story to tell."

"And it's kind of a long story Sam," I replied as I walked back to Dean, picked up his shirt and placed it on his lap. I then placed a soft kiss on his lips and said, "I'm sorry Dean, but I can't stay. I don't know when I'll be back, but she promises that it'll be for good soon."

I could see the questions forming in his mind, so I kissed him again to try to reassure him.

"Hey!" Sam blurted out. "Where'd she go?"