The Picture Frames Have Changed

I had my whole body stretched as far as I could while standing on my tip toes when I felt him step up close behind me. Dean easily grabbed the book I was struggling to reach then gently helped me back to my feet so I wouldn't lose my balance.

"I told you to wait for me," he softly stated into my ear through my hair.

I turned around and picked up the pile of book I had accumulated on Bobby's desk then I walked over to the couch to make myself comfortable to start our research. Once I was seated I replied, "Dean I can still get books off the shelf… I'm just pregnant which doesn't make me a complete invalid, you know."

Dean was now seated beside me and he lifted up my legs so he could sit even closer to me and draped them across his lap. "I know, but after everything that's happened today, you should be taking it easy."

Our eyes met as he rubbed my belly and I swallowed any other protests that threatened to spill out of my mouth. After our heated screaming match, Dean and I had said our apologies and I was finally able to convince him that everything that I had proposed wasn't a decision based on want, but one based on need. We sat for over an hour in the kitchen sipping tea (well mine was actual tea of the dried leaf variety, Dean's was 'tea' of the frothy, hops variety) and went over everything in a much calmer and rational manner.

While was sat on the couch, Dean read through his books with his right hand continuing to make lazy circles on my stomach. The baby was completely settled, which allowed us to remain relaxed as well. After flipping through two ancient looking volumes, I finally stole a lingering glance at my male companion. His face was scrunched in a tight scowl that had become a familiar sight to me when we were younger and were left behind to focus on research whenever our parents went out on the road. I didn't want to disturb him, but I was having troubles concentrating, so I let my thoughts wander without breaking the illusion that I was focused solely on the text in my hands.

Once my mug was empty again, Dean unlatched his left hand from mine to get up and refill it at the stove. I watched his movements intentionally trying to determine if his body language matched everything that he had been saying to me at the table. My upbringing was forever in the back of my mind and I couldn't turn it off even when I was with a loved one, so I decided not to fight my instincts and started to study him more intently.

I could see the tension in Dean's upper back as he moved in the room and a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I had finally figured out (or thought that I had finally figured out) why he had gotten so upset the instant I told him that we couldn't keep our child and raise him or her together this time. I almost blurted out another apology, but I waited until he was back at his spot at the table across from me. Dean set down the mug with an easy smile on his face that didn't waiver as I claimed the mug. When I took his left hand in mine and kissed the back of it softly, I could see the concern that filled his eyes, so I smiled brightly in the hopes that I could dismiss some of his worry.

"Dean… You know… You know that if circumstances were different..." I started in as loving of a tone that I could while feeling like I was about to cry at any moment. "I mean if we didn't have an Arc Angel that wanted us dead… If we could… Then I would… I would want nothing more than to raise our child together… You know that right?"

He smiled softly and nodded, quietly saying, "Of course."

I squeezed his hand a little too tightly then continued, "I'm serious Dean. Last time… I know… I know that I seemed kind of uneasy about being all domestic and all… But I was trying, really hard and… And… I really was happy leaving hunting behind to start a family with you. Granted, it was a huge change, but I was with you and Toby so it felt right. I really wanted that… You know that right? Right?"

His smile never wavered as he placed a finger to my lips then replied, "I know… I really do… But it is nice to hear it none the less."

I nodded then said in a soft, almost cheerful tone, "Alright, as long as that's clear."

"Crystal," he affirmed with a chuckle. "So your arrangements… Is there anything that I can do to help you with them? Or anything I can do to make it easier for you?"

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow… I'd… Umm… It would be great if you could come with me," I offered as I stroked his hand. He whispered "Of course" then I soldiered through the rest of my reply. "But as for everything else… I'm so sorry Dean, but if I let you help me with them then the whole my location being a secret will be out the window."

Dean squeezed my hand as his eyebrows scrunched closer together, so I jumped in light-heartedly asking, "So this 'Mother of All' pain in our ass… I know that Bobby and Sam are following up on a few things in town… Do you think that Bobby would have anything here that we could look her up in to get a start while they're away?"

Dean shook his head smiling then got up to his feet and moved to my side of the table. He kissed my lips softly, helped me to my feet and then finally replied, "He mentioned that he has a few books in his library that we might want to have a look at."

As we stepped into the study, I abruptly stopped Dean, held his face in both of my hands then kissed him deeply.

"Mmm… It's only been a week, but I still really miss beer."

"Lay? You've been staring at that book pretty intensely… Does that mean that you found something?" Dean asked shaking my knee softly to get my attention. "Or is there something else on your mind?"

I carefully closed my book and placed it on the floor with the other texts saying, "Nope… Nothing helpful in there… It's definitely something else that's running around in this brain of mine."

"Anything you can share?" He asked tentatively with a definite hitch in his voice.

His tone sounded so unsure that it was almost small and hearing that made me want to cry. I felt somewhat guilty that I had to keep so much from him to ensure all of our safety, but we both knew, deep down, that it was all for the best. When he asked his question, Dean didn't look at me, but after I disengaged his hold on my belly to kiss his hand, he did turn his saddened eyes towards me.

Once he was looking me in the eye again, I answered, "Most definitely something that I can share. In fact, I think that you're one of the best people to answer my question."

Dean drawled out a long "Okay" while slipping his hand out of my grasp to place it back on my stomach. I knew that he was trying to gauge my level of anxiety by checking on the baby's movement and I did nothing to stop him because I knew that would be more reassuring than anything that I could say to him. Dean's face finally softened when he had some confirmation that I was hiding the fact that I might have any feelings of apprehension because this question wasn't one that caused me any feelings of unease.

"So… When Balthazar and I first got back here… Uhh… There was a pretty huge hole in the wall…Umm… What the hell did you guys do? I mean if you don't mind me asking and all."

Dean chuckled then explained, "WE technically didn't DO anything… Balthazar did… At the end of his spell to protect us."

"To protect you? What the hell kind of a spell did he use on you guys because the one he performed for the baby sure as shit didn't put any holes in the wall back at the B and B," I questioned sounding mildly shocked.

"Different kind of spell Lay," Dean replied as he gently tapped my stomach. "He… Uhh… He threw us somewhere so that Virgil couldn't get to us."

"He 'threw' you somewhere? Okay that is definitely going to require a much more thorough explanation," I stated as I took his book out of his hands and carefully placed it, still open, with the rest on the floor beside me.

"Umm… Well there was that whole debacle with Balthazar hiding the weapons of Heaven and so on… So… Balthazar sent us somewhere to keep us hidden from Raphael until he and Cas got that all figured out," he answered somewhat evasively.

"All… Right…" I nudged his legs with my foot trying to persuade him to elaborate. "And that somewhere would be…? Come on Dean… Please… Tell me?"

Dean stared at his hands as he laughed to himself. "Umm… That somewhere would be… Uhh… It would be an alternate universe? Yeah… I guess you would call it that… But seriously Lay, it was pretty messed up there."

"Hmm… Well I'm beyond tired and reading is starting to hurt my eyes, so I think a break for story time is in order," I playfully instructed.

To make myself more comfortable, I scooted down on the couch to lie down because Dean had already stood up to retrieve a couple of pillows for me. As he gently lifted my head to place the pillows under it, he quietly asked, "Did you want me to get you a blanket too?"

"If you wouldn't mind," I implored softly as I rolled onto my side to get even more comfortably.

Dean quickly left the room to retrieve a blanket then covered me and kissed my head. After he was done, I could sense that he was going to leave the room, so I gently grabbed his arm and tugged him back towards the couch.

He kneeled down and kissed my forehead softly saying, "I thought that you were sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you."

Shaking my head, I replied, "Nope. My eyes just needed a bit of a rest. Now sit and tell me all about this messed up universe you were hidden in."

"Well that's the first fucked up part… I… I wasn't me and Sam… Well he… He wasn't Sam," he started to narrate after he was comfortable on the floor. My eyes flew open and grew so wild that he started petting my hair and continued to relay his story before I could jump in with any questions. "Yeah… There he and I were… Uhh some kind of actors playing the role of 'The Winchester Brothers' and we weren't even supposed to be blood relations."

"Really? Your life was a Sci-fi show? Hey… Wait! Did it air on HBO?"

"I'm not sure. Why do you ask?" He countered with a chuckle.

"Well if Chuck's books have taught us anything, there's no recounting the life of Dean Winchester without some full frontal nudity," I clarified with a suggestive eyebrow quirk.

He laughed out right and then leaned over to place a soft kiss on my lips. "And who's partially to blame for that?" Dean whispered in my ear huskily before continuing, "But yeah that's basically the gist of it."

"Sorry… Nope, but that isn't good enough," I teased. "There must have been something else. Come on, out with it. Please Dean?"

"It's nothing, really… It's just that it wasn't here, so everything just felt off. Plus… Well… Apparently the best place for them to film our lives was in Canada… Seriously as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to be away from… Here, we were also stuck in the land of hockey…"

He stopped abruptly when he heard me gasping for breath while I silently laughed.

"Well I'm glad that you find my pain amusing."

I gently pet his face and apologetically said, "I'm sorry Dean, I didn't mean to laugh, but Canada really isn't THAT bad… Well depending where you were and what time of year it is…" He grumbled out "Vancouver", which elicited a louder laugh on my behalf. "Dude! You were in Vancouver and you're complaining?"

His eyes narrowed slightly in annoyance as he asked, "Does that mean that you've been there and you liked it?"

"Yeah, little bit. Poppy had talked about doing a road trip to the Northwest so that we could check out the Big League and Minor League parks as a Grad trip… But of course I couldn't really travel that summer because of… Well being pregnant and all… So we were going to do it the next summer, but he had passed away by then…" I explained as I sat up and pulled him to sit with me on the couch again.

"Oh… Geez Lay… I'm sorry."

I draped my legs over his lap and cuddled into his side. "It's okay and totally not your fault Dean. I did finally make it up there after Mum passed. But really, the area is beautiful in the summer and their ballpark is pretty amazing. Next job that we have up in Washington State, we should do a little detour," I elaborated with my head on his shoulder and playing with the medallion hanging from his neck. "You know there are ghosts and other creatures north of the border too."

"Oh yeah?" He questioned, twirling a tuft of my hair around his index finger. "So you fought some nasty ghosts while you were in the Great White North?"

"I tried to, but it just turned out to be a fat lot of nothing," I replied with a disgruntled grumble.

"Well now who's the one that needs to go into more detail about their story?"

I laughed and hugged his torso as tightly as I could before telling him, "I got a little over excited when one of Mum's old contacts passed on a job at a partially abandoned insane asylum. I had high hopes that there would be some kind of crazy, pissed off spirit, but everything that I found was just residual."

Both of our bodies shook with Dean's laughter before he said, "You sound a little disappointed."

"I was! But luckily the Canadians were in town so I consoled myself with a few wobbly pops at the ball park while working on my tan. There's no better way to relax than having a few at a ballgame."

We sat in silence for a while and then he felt me stutter in a breath. Since he had heard me using a tone that could be described as pure contentment, Dean hugged me closely and softly stated into my hair, "Hey… Lay we're definitely going to make it back up there together… And I'm pretty sure we might even be able to convince Toby to go with us too."

I wanted to believe him… To believe that we could plan our trip this far in advance, but I knew that that was just wishful thinking. We were both hunters and we threw ourselves whole-heartedly into every job that we found, so we knew that the farthest into the future that we should look was twenty-four, forty-eight hours tops. Anything beyond that would just be a set up for bitter disappointment.

Even with that knowledge at the forefront of my thoughts, I gripped his medallion tightly affirming, "I don't think it will take too much to convince him to go on any type of trip with us."

Dean chuckled softly in response, and then we fell into a comfortable silence once again, holding each other as closely as my current condition would allow. Suddenly I abruptly pushed myself up off his chest and sat up at attention. Before he could say anything, I placed my hand, a little too roughly in my haste, over his mouth so I could focus my attention on what I thought I had heard.

As I stood up, I grabbed his hand cheerfully exclaiming, "I think Sam and Bobby are back! And they promised to bring food!"

Dean laughed loudly, but when I earnestly pouted at him, he leaned in and caught my lips in a loving kiss.

"Sorry, but I haven't had anything to eat except for a granola bar and tea and after our ginormous…"

Dean quickly kissed me again saying, "I'm starving too… I just didn't expect you to get so excited about the prospect of food."

With a nonchalant shrug, I winked and playfully teased, "It must be the pregnancy hormones… Yeah they must be making me act more like you."

As we ate our dinner, we went over everything that Sam and Bobby had found on their trip to two. We still didn't have many details, but we were close to a trail that we… They might be able to follow. But before continuing any further, we delved deep into research mode to see if there was anything else that we could uncover about our latest foe. During this time, Bobby did finally find a definite pattern that looked to be very helpful to us.

Bobby had pulled out map and point out a path along one road with a red marker. "I've been getting blasts from hunters all week. Nest of vampires… Werewolf dance party… Shifters, six of them… Two hunters died taking them out… Ghouls… Ghouls… Ghoul wraith smorgasbord…"

Dean leaned over the desk to take a closer look at the line Bobby was pointing to then asked, "Is it just me or is that a straight kick-line down the I-80?"

Bobby nodded answering, "Exactly."

"Looks to me like it's a Sherman March monster mash," Dean observed with a tone teetering between annoyed and amused.

"Yeah, but where are they marching to?" Sam asked.

"And why now?" I added meekly.

Bobby circled another point on the map and we all shrugged and threw him a perplexed look. Dean wrapped an arm around my expanding waist as Sam finally asked the question that was on all of our minds, "What is it?"

Bobby replied simply, "Guy bashes in his family's head."

We all stared at him wide eyed then we all slowly settled back to our previous posts around the room. After we were all seated, Bobby then commented somewhat pointedly, "I think I'm going to start packing."

Sam quickly took the hint and jumped up offering, "Why don't I help you Bobby?"

Once they had vacated the room, I laughed softly to myself then quietly asked, "Why do I get the feeling that they've ditched us?"

Dean smirked and winked saying, "Yeah I kind of got that feeling too."

"Well… Dean, why don't you go help them and I'll pull together all of the information we've found?" I directed as I stood and bundled our notebooks in a pile.

"Are you sure?" Dean questioned rubbing my back softly as I struggled slightly to stand up straight.

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm sure… And let Bobby know that I'll start dinner too, so he doesn't have to worry about that, okay?"

Dean nodded quietly answering, "Thanks, I will."

After I had everything gathered together for them, I went upstairs to work on packing for my own trip. I had had all of my arrangements completed for a few days by this point, but I hadn't quite decided when the best time for me to depart would be, so I took this as my opening. I also had most of what I needed already packed, so I was basically doing my anal triple check that I had everything packed and ready to go.

With that complete, I turned my attention to the daunting task of putting together a meal for the four of us. Luckily Bobby was the type of man that kept his kitchen stocked with everything that should have made it easy for me to put a meal together, but I was finding that under the weight of my pregnancy it was harder and harder for me to move around any small spaces. Given their upbringing, I knew that Dean and Sam wouldn't be too picky about the food put in front of them, but I still made sure that there was plenty cold beer stocked in the fridge just in case I needed any help distracting them from the taste of the meal.

"So… Ohio, eh?" I asked as Dean and I prepared for bed in 'his' room.

"Yeah…" Dean replied sounding somewhat suspicious. "Why…? Does that mean something to you?"

"No… Just… Umm… Well… I was trying to start with small talk before getting to this, but… Uhh… You know that when you get back… I won't be here, right?"

Dean pulled me closely to his chest and replied softly in my ear, "I had a slight inkling that was the case when I saw your duffle bag out. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Since I couldn't easily roll over to kiss him properly, I pulled his hand to my lip in an effort to reassure him. "That's still a no for that. I'm going to make a quick pit stop to check in with Toby and the family and then I'll continue on from there… And no… I'm still not telling you my final destination… But…"

Dean had started to kiss my neck and behind my ear, but when I didn't continue he stopped to whisper, "But?"

"But Toby just told me that he was able to pick up a prepaid cell for me, so it looks like I'll be able to call you… You know, just so that you don't forget about me while we're apart," I finished, trying to ignore the fact that he was using his soft lips to try to distract me.

Dean suddenly stopped, mid-kiss and then pushed me onto my back. He was rougher than he had meant to be, so before he said anything else, he muttered a few apologies into my flesh as continued to kiss my neck and upper torso.

"Really? You'll keep in touch?" He finally asked, desperately trying to keep an even tone. I nodded, smiling cheerfully. "Thank God… If I to go a whole month without even being able to talk to you…"

I gently pet his face and jumped in saying, "I know me too… But remember, it's just a crap, disposable, pay-as-you-go phone, so it'll have no GPS, which mean no trying to find me, okay?"

He leaned down and kissed me then begrudgingly agreed with an "Okay" against my lips. Then he laid down once again on his side and helped me to do the same. I snuggled into his side and we both left each other to our own thoughts as we held each other tightly.

"Hey Dean?" I asked somewhat hesitantly because I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep or near to falling asleep.

He replied almost immediately with a kiss on my head then said, "What's up Lay?"

"I… I know that you read… That you read my journals," I started in a neutral tone.

Dean quickly interrupted me apologetically saying, "Umm… Yeah, about that… Sorry… But I… Uhh I…"

"Dean… I wasn't getting mad at you, so relax, okay? I was just saying that I know that you did and that if you wanted to ask me about anything that you read… Well, I want you to know that you can, alright?" I finished as I relaxed in his embrace.

As he combed his fingers through my hair, Dean scowled and looked like he was trying to decide if he was going to ask his question or not.

"Dean really… I want us to be better than good before I leave… Please? Whatever's on your mind, please just ask me…? Please?" I nearly pleaded.

He leaned in close then soothingly stated, "Hey, don't worry about it… We're good, really… I promise we really are."

After he pecked my lips, I held his cheek then softly stated, "Come on Dean, I can tell you have something on your mind. Please? Please… Umm… What if I told you that I won't be able to sleep unless you ask me something?"

He chuckled and leaned back still shaking lightly from his laughter. "Are you blackmailing me?"

I placed my head on his shoulder as I contemplated his question and then nodded saying, "Yeah… I guess I am."

"Okay…" He finally conceded. "There was one thing that I read that kind of made me wonder… Umm… Did you… Did you really want to kill yourself because you were going to have our baby?"

I tried my best to keep my shudder to myself, but Dean felt it and squeezed me to reassure me. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me… Really it's fine if you don't."

"No… It's not that Dean… That… That period of time was pretty… Umm… Pretty high strung for me. Before meeting Sister Mary Catherine, I was all over the map with my feelings about having a baby. There was one day… Just ONE when… When Sydney and I had had an incredible screaming match and he sort of convinced me that I would have been better off dead… So I did uhh… I did… You know…? Uhh… On one of my wrists… But as soon as I saw the blood, I kind of snapped out of it and stitched it up before anyone could see it. I kind of let myself wallow in that self-loathing state for a while, but I only earnestly tried it that once… Really just the one cut."

"Lay, I still hate that you felt like that, even just for a minute," he whispered as he maintained an almost uncomfortable hold on my body. "And Dad… You… you told him about Toby?"

"Well… When he came out with Mum to drop off the car at the convent, it was beyond impossible not to fill him in… You must have seen the picture in Toby's baby book from that day… I was ginormous."

"Picture…? Wait… Do you mean the one of you and Vicki by Phantom? Dad… Dad took that?"

I nodded against his chest replying, "Yeah… For some reason no one was really able to say 'No' to Mum, so he quickly snapped that picture before they left."

"Huh… He never really let on about knowing about… Well you and Toby."

He started to attempt to lull me back to sleep by rubbing soft circles on my back, but I still had too many thoughts running through my head to fully succumb to the sweet embrace of sleep.

"Dean?" I asked into his chest.

He mumbled something resembling an "Uh huh" into my hair, so I continued just as confidently, "Tell me something I don't know about you."

Dean started to laugh at my question, but swiftly stopped himself to more somberly reply, "I read all of your journals and every single one of your yearbooks… I even have a few of them memorized."

I gently slapped his chest saying, "I knew that already… Well not that you memorized any of them, but I kind of figured you read them all when I saw them in the den." I pushed back off his chest so I could look him in the face and then petted his pecks imploring, "I meant, tell me something about you from back then… Something that no one else has told me already."

He closed his eyes and remained motionless for an uncomfortably long time so I tried to ease his mind by retracting my earlier pleas. "It's alright Dean… You… You don't have to if you really don't want to. I shouldn't have pushed like that."

Before opening his eyes, he shook his head answering, "No, it's just that that was a long time ago… Are you sure you really want to know?"

I leaned in close and kissed his lips and eye lids before asserting, "I'm sure. Please Dean?"

"Okay… Well… Here's one," he started slowly. "The day Vicki told me that I should just let you be and let you move one… The day she broke up… That day… I had actually… I had gotten a set of keys to the Impala cut for you… So we could… You know, like we talked about? But I got really drunk that night and tossed them off a bridge."

Before I knew it, tears were streaming out of my eyes and they started soaking the front of Dean's shirt. "I… I had no idea Dean… I'm… Oh God, I'm so sorry."

He tried to wipe away some of the moisture on my cheeks lovingly affirming, "Shh, it's okay Lay. Like I said, it was a long time ago, so don't worry about it now… Okay?"

I sniffled back my tears so that I could speak and then pushed myself off his chest to try to look him in the eye. "I know… But I had no… Still I'm sorry Dean. Really… And… Umm… I think that that was more like two or three confessions… I think I might owe you a few answers now if you had more questions."

Dean pulled me close to him again as he said, "No, I'm good for now, but I would really like it if you tried to sleep… You still do need your rest Lay."