Always Such Relief From The Winter Freeze
"I don't know… Maybe it really isn't that bad of an idea… Now stand still," I said as I gripped the sides of Dean's head and pushed him against the rear quarter panel of the Impala to keep him from fidgeting.
"What? What did you just say?" He asked grabbing my hands and trying to wriggle out of my grasp.
I pressed my knee into his thigh to force him to keep somewhat still and then tilted his head to one side answering, "Quit squirming… I swear I… I think I tasted a little bit of blood the last time you kissed me… I don't know if we reinjured you or not…"
I slipped my thumb under his top lip to flip it over to check his healing cut while he looked on with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He watched me in silence while he was waiting for me to elaborate on my first statement, but I offered no further explanation and remained focused on examining his lip for any further injuries. He was patient with me for as long as he could be, which really was all of a minute tops, before he gripped my hand tightly again and roughly pulled it away from his face.
"Lay…?"
"Sorry… Sorry," I replied as I slipped my hand out of his hold. "It looks like it's pretty much healed… I must have been… Anyways… You're good…"
I smiled sheepishly and gently petted Dean's cheek then started to move to kiss him. He leaned back and away from me, so I stopped and shared a frustrated glare with him.
"You don't think WHAT really isn't that bad of an idea?" Dean questioned slowly while trying to keep his anger at bay.
"Oh… That…" I completely retracted my hands then started pacing in front of him. "I don't really know… If… If what Castiel is doing is actually as horrible as you three guys seem to think that it is…"
Dean stood up straight off the car and nearly shouted, "What?"
I stopped and then took a large step back, trying to keep from showing that his reaction had frightened me slightly. "Dean… Now let's just keep calm… There's no need to shout…"
He continued to frown and took a couple of confident steps towards me. I held up my hands and retreated a couple of more steps backwards pleading, "Dean… Remember what happened last time when we got completely off track… I really don't want to pull a repeat of that… I'd hate to lose my ring out here in the middle of nowhere…"
I laughed uncomfortably at my attempt to ease the tension between us with a fairly lame joke. Dean shook his head disapprovingly in response and just huffed in a few angry breaths.
"Lay… This isn't funny," he warned in a low, infuriated voice.
"I didn't mean to… Dean I just… I don't want to fight with you… Not like we did before… But I… I want to... To talk to you about all of this. Even when our opinions differed, we've always been able to talk it out," I tried desperately to reason with him calmly.
He in turn took in a few deep breaths and closed his eyes tightly. I watched him intently while wringing my hands together while I stood in my spot awaiting his response. He took over the role of pacing beside the Impala and I silently reached out a hand towards him a couple of times, but I refrained from actually touching him for now just in case.
After what felt like an eternity, Dean finally stopped and faced me straight on. He took in another deep breath then replied with his eyes squeezed uncomfortably tight, "Okay… Fine… Let's… Talk."
I remained standing where I was, just out of his arms reach, and hesitated to speak even more when Dean opened his eyes and I saw what I thought was a glimmer of tears in one of them. "Dean… What I was saying is that… Maybe Castiel working with Crowley isn't the worst thing in the world that he could do right now."
Dean's jaw clenched and I saw his neck turn red so I quickly added with a slight bit more optimism, "Well we worked with Crowley to find Death…"
"That was different," Dean retorted sharply.
"Different? How? Why? I seem to remember a slightly uncomfortable drive to, from and around Chicago with Crowley sitting at our side until the moment when you were sharing a pizza with the Horseman," I countered while badly hiding my annoyed tone. "And then when I finally got back, Toby told me about how he was researching and seeking out Alphas that Crowley wanted you guys to bring him in exchange for Sam's soul…"
"We HAD to work with him then," Dean replied lowly through clenched teeth.
"And Castiel HAS to work with him now to stop Raphael," I threw back at him a little less heatedly to show my desperation.
Dean clenched his fists and angrily turned away from me to face the Impala. I almost thought that he was going to kick one of her wheels in frustration, but when he didn't I realized that he wasn't so enraged that he was going to resort to insane behavior just yet.
"Dean…? If Raphael does win… You know what that means for the rest of us, right?" I asked almost hesitantly from the place where I remained stationary.
He slowly turned on one heel to face me once again while shaking his head as the red in his neck started to creep up to his cheeks and ears.
"He'll… Dean he… He WILL use our sons… Our beautiful baby boys to play out the fight that you and Sam postponed," I continued while trying to use my sweetest tone to reason with him. "I know that you heard Eve just as well as I did… I had another boy… Which… Which brings up another reason why I personally cannot allow Raphael to have the satisfaction of winning…"
Dean's body seemed to unconsciously relax slightly, but only a minute amount before he asked, "Okay…? And what might that be?"
"I wasn't… Wasn't supposed to have to go through all of that ever again… After my accident… I wasn't… Dr. Wingren promised me that I wouldn't ever have to go through losing another baby again."
"Lay…" Dean started almost forlornly as he hung his head.
I took in a deep breath and stood a bit taller as I continued, "I know that I wasn't completely alone in that decision and that you had to give up the baby too Dean, but… But… I don't know what it is, but… I think that it's just different for me… I… I carried him… He was a part of me… Even if it was just for a few months again… But…"
"I know Lay… I mean, I think I get what you're trying to say now," he replied even more comfortingly. I smiled to myself thinking that I had finally gotten him to see things from my perspective and to understand what I was getting at. I then slowly took his hand in mine and started to braid our fingers together until he quietly said, "But…"
I squeezed his hand, stepped closer to him and whispered almost seductively into his ear, "But what Dean?"
"But… All that being said… Lay, I'm not going to budge…" He finally continued.
I stepped back and stared at him with my mouth hanging open as he added, "He can't… It just isn't right…"
Dean fell completely silent when I threw his hand back at his side and stomped away from him as it ricocheted off his leg.
"Lay…?" He questioned slowly in his confusion.
I turned back to him, threw my hands up in the air in utter exasperation then rambled out heatedly, "No! No! Of course YOU wouldn't budge! Why would the Almighty Dean Winchester ever stoop so low as to have to try to compromise with us lowly humans…? You know what? You're fucking unbelievable Dean!"
Dean snorted in a breath with indignation then replied sarcastically, "Well… So much for both of us keeping a calm head."
I was just about to sling my own angry retort his way, but we were interrupted by Sam calling out, "Hey guys! Food's ready!"
We both turned simultaneously and saw the younger Winchester waving towards a picnic table where he and Bobby were starting to lay out the food from the take-out bags. Dean walked up to my side and hooked his arm through mine like he had a hundred of times before and then led me towards the other two males.
"We're not finished," he commented quietly into my ear.
We had already made it over to the table that Sam had directed us to, so I refrained from replying out loud and instead just glared at him. Dean and I sat side by side across from Sam and Bobby and we tried our best to look as natural as possible. None of us had been particularly chatty after retreating quickly from the demon smoke that threatened to overtake Ellsworth's cottage while also leaving Castiel trapped in the ring of Holy Fire. I knew that I was feeling so guilty about stranding our Angel in the demon's home that I could barely form a sentence to express the extent of my remorse, but I still wasn't sure if my male companions were feeling the same way because we all refused to talk about it.
My guilt started to make me feel nauseated, so I pushed the food that Sam had ordered for me to one side and just sipped on my soda while watching the other three men enjoy their meals. Sam was the first one to notice that I wasn't eating and paused while devouring his own meal. He lowered his fork with a sad look on his face, but I just shook my head and mouthed "I'm fine" while trying to give him a strong smile to ease his mind.
He didn't really look like he believed me, but I didn't have a chance to try again because I abruptly stood up while pulling out my phone and hastily announced, "Sorry… Phone's… Umm ringing…"
Sam half stood and tried to say something to me but I had already move too far away from the table to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say. He immediately took note that I was out of earshot then sat back down while quietly asking his brother, "So… Is everything okay with you and Addy?"
Dean finally looked up from his food and quickly looked around him as if he didn't completely understand his brother's probing question. Sam huffed slightly but before he could say anything else, Dean distractedly explained, "Lay… She doesn't see anything wrong with Cas working side by side with Crowley."
"What?" Sam and Bobby gasped simultaneously.
"Okay… Wait… Just wait a second… How is Addy okay with Cas working with a demon now?" Sam questioned in a genuinely perplexed tone. "I mean, you know… Especially since he was the one that sent her to Hell… Let her be tortured…"
"Well… For Lay defeating an Arc Angel that wants to destroy the entire planet and all of its inhabitants takes precedence over her own issues," Dean replied somewhat absentmindedly with a mildly defensive tone.
DEAN! This isn't just about me… Or you… Or us… It's about everyone… Dean heard my voice echoing in the back of his mind. Tell me that you wouldn't do ANYTHING to stop Raphael right now… This is what I… WE NEED to do… Please don't be mad… Just let me do this… Please, I can't… Won't be able to get through this if you aren't with me on this… Please…Then after he or she is born, I'll be yours completely again…
I was finish with my phone call and was slowly making my way back to the group feeling slightly uncomfortable by the way that they were watching me as I made my approach. I didn't notice that Dean's expression had completely changed during my brief time away on the phone, so I made absolutely no change in my standoffish demeanor towards him.
"Do you think that you could maybe drop me off at home on our way to Bobby's place?" I asked no one in particular while standing slightly behind Bobby so that I would effectively be as far away from Dean as I could possibly get without being too obvious.
Bobby quickly turned and grabbed my arm as Sam worriedly inquired, "Oh no! Is everything okay with Maureen? Shit… With Toby? And Bill? What's wrong Addy?"
I squeezed Bobby's hand replying, "No… No… Everything's fine… Shit, I'm sorry… I guess I should have led off with that… It's just Bill's brother… He's been admitted to hospital, but it's nothing out of the blue… Except that their babysitter has had to cancel on them, so I offered… They're going to drop Toby off at my house… I just figured that I… We can research Purgatory from home just as easily as I can while researching at Bobby's and all…"
They all nodded while listening intently as I continued my explanation and looked slightly up at Dean, "Plus… With everything… I was thinking it would be better for me to… You know…? Take a breather on my own for a bit and all?"
Dean caught onto what I was trying to say and when his gaze locked with mine, his facial features hardened once again.
"Yeah… We can definitely do that," Sam finally answered when his older brother remained silent.
Dean almost violently threw his garbage into one of the paper bags then barked, "Well let's get going then… We don't want Toby to be left alone for too long…"
I had already started back towards the car with my arms wrapped around myself in a resolve that I wasn't going to cry, but Dean easily caught up with me somehow. I felt him grip my elbow, so I tried my best to flinch out of his grasp, but it was too tight for me to shrug out of it easily. Dean pulled me closer to him, but I remained defiant and refused to look over at him. If he was going to be stubborn about the Crowley and Castiel issue then I didn't see any reason why I couldn't be equally pigheaded as well.
"Lay… Hey… Just hold up a second…" He pleaded quietly.
I still kept from looking at him as I replied, "I don't want to fight in front of Sam and Bobby… Please let go of my arm."
"Lay," he tried again without loosening his grip. "Come on, just give me one second."
I finally turned my eyes to him, but before another word could be spoken Sam asked, "Dean…? Do you want to take over behind the wheel?"
Dean turned slightly and claimed his keys from his brother offhandishly answering, "Sure."
I took the opportunity of his being distracted afforded and slipped my arm out of his tight grasp so that I could slip into the backseat of the Impala. Sam quickly followed me and slid in beside me with the hopes that he might be able to try to talk with me to find out what was happening in the background, but I had already curled up against the closed door with my eyes closed in an attempt to fall asleep during the ride to Iowa. Dean adjusted his rear view mirror slightly so that he could check on me and then he caught his brother's gaze. Sam narrowed his eyes slightly as if to ask Dean, "What's going on?" but Dean just shrugged to silently reply, "Who knows?"
Bobby watched their back and forth then quietly asked, "Something I should know about son?"
Dean shook his head then replied, "Don't worry about it Bobby, I'll explain later."
When we pulled up to my back yard, the kitchen door flew open and Toby came running down the stairs. He stood at the bottom of the staircase, practically bouncing from foot to foot while waiting for Dean to park the Impala and turn the engine off before approaching the vehicle because he had been admonished on numerous occasions in the past by both Dean and myself about the hazards of his running up to our cars before they were completely stationary. As soon as Dean opened the driver side door, Toby was there wrapping his arms tightly around his Dad's waist.
"Hey Buddy," Dean commented with a chuckle. "Up a little late, aren't you?"
"Like I could sleep knowing that all of you were coming to visit!" Toby nearly shouted because of his excitement. "But I promise I only stayed up just to say 'Hi'. I'll go straight to bed soon," the teen concluded while pushing out of his embrace.
"That's good to hear," Dean replied as he tossed his keys to Sam to open the trunk.
I was still waking myself up from my impromptu nap while the men started to unpack the car. With my left wrist gripped tightly in my right hand behind my back, I bent over at the waist until I heard my shoulders pop. As I straightened back up, I too found myself being pulled into an enthusiastic hug by our son. I struggled slightly to get my arms around him to reciprocate because he was squeezing himself so closely to my body, but I somehow managed to do so.
"I missed you too Buddy," I stated softly into his ear before kissing his head.
After he had released me from his hold, Toby gave me a sad smile saying, "Mom told me that… Well this last job… She said something… That it was pretty tough and all… I just… You know…? I love you Mum…"
I held his face then kissed his forehead before replying with just enough force that he wouldn't have any reason to argue, but with a tone that kept be from sounding too harsh, "But that isn't anything that you need to worry yourself with right now. And Buddy…? I know you do and I love you more than life itself."
He nodded his understanding then walked hand in hand with me silently to the trunk of the car. Before I had a chance to pick up my bag, Toby had its handles in his left hand as he stated, "I've got this for you Mum… Good night everyone."
We all watched as he sprinted into the house and then I hugged Sam and Bobby while promising each of them that I would let them know if and when Toby and I had found anything useful. They in turn promised to keep in touch and to keep me up to date about everything to do with Crowley and Castiel. They both looked like they wanted to add something else after those assurances, but they each stopped themselves and seem to have thought better of announcing their final thoughts.
After the two of them were back in the car, Dean started to approach me. I tried to side step around him while mumbling a quick goodbye, but he easily stopped me from being able to retreat.
"Dean… I'm tired… I'm finally home… I still don't want to fight with you," I explained quietly. "Why don't we just agree to disagree on this one, okay?"
"Okay…" He answered softly. When I kept moving towards the house, he reached out and grabbed my arm to add, "But Lay…? I think I get where you're coming from now… The ends should justify the means, but Cas… He's been lying to us and there's no way for us to know how long that's been going on."
I finally turned my gaze to him and sheepishly asked, "Oh… So it's his lying to you that has you so upset, isn't it? It isn't just the fact that he's working with Crowley, it's that he lied about it for so long…"
Dean nodded then moved to pull me into a hug, but refrained from doing so answering, "When has it ever been a good thing for us to hide anything from each other?"
I nodded softly quietly asserted, "We'll call when we have something for you."
As I made my way to the house once again, I noticed that Toby had been watching us from the doorway and I groaned inwardly at the prospect of having to be dishonest with him to ease his mind so that he could sleep. I quickly looked over my shoulder and saw that Dean was standing beside the closed driver's side door looking back at both of us over his shoulder. He tentatively waved, so I stopped, turned fully around waving and shouted, "Drive safe!"
He nodded and gave me a sad smile then got into the car and started back on his way to Bobby's. When I turned back around to face the kitchen door, I immediately noticed that the doorway was empty. I found Toby up in his bathroom brushing his teeth and he barely gave me a second glance as I walked by so I just continued to my bedroom. It hadn't been too long since my last visit home, but I was in the habit of unpacking and sorting out my laundry whenever I returned home (no matter how meager the load would be) and Toby found me doing just that when he was finished getting ready for bed.
"Are you and Dad in a fight?" He asked quietly as he sat down at the foot of my bed.
"No… Buddy we aren't," I replied with my back still turned to him.
"Really? So when I call him tomorrow to check in, you'll want to talk to him and he'll take the call?" He queried sounding more than a little suspicious.
I waited until I was sitting beside him and holding his hands in mine before answering him. "Yes Toby, Dean will take a call from me and yes, I will do the daily check in with him too… Just like we always have…"
He looked at me and nearly whispered, "So what was that all about by the car? You looked like you were trying to get away from him…"
"Damn," I cursed under my breath, hoping Toby wouldn't hear me.
"So you guys ARE fighting," he accused in an anguished tone.
I cupped his chin and forced him to look at me, but waited to answer until he looked like he wasn't going to cry. "We had a disagreement…" He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I just continued before he could say anything, "But we aren't 'fighting', okay? We weren't seeing eye to eye on an issue, but we agreed that we wouldn't let it come between us… Understand?"
"What weren't you guys seeing eye to eye about?" He asked in a much calmer tone.
I shook my head while standing up off the bed. I took his hand in mine and gently tugged his arm for him to follow me saying, "We won't get into that tonight. You need to get some sleep and then I'll tell you all about it in the morning."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
He leaned over and kissed my cheek then turned into the hallway saying, "Sure… Okay… G'Night Mum."
He then made his way slowly to his room and closed the door gently without another glance my way. I rested my head against the door jamb and let out a deep sigh. I lingered a bit longer, just staring at his closed door then formulated a plan that I thought would help create some kind of place in my house and in our lives.
Hey… Do me a favor? I typed out while still staring at Toby's door.
When my phone finally vibrated in my hands, I turned back into my room then illuminated the screen. Anything… But I'm sort of limited by my current location to do a few things.
I chuckled thinking of the face that Dean must have been making right now then sent; Could you call Toby to say a proper 'Good Night'? You know… To smooth things over?
I re-illuminated the screen on my phone at least ten times in a two minute period then moved to step into the hallway when I received no reply. I stood by Toby's door to listen in, but his room was filled with the same painful silence as the hallway, so I retreated to my room once again.
I want to… "Dean?" I answered as I quickly closed my door.
"'Smooth things over'? What am I missing out on here Lay?"
I started pacing the length of the carpet at the foot of my bed trying to figure out how to explain everything to him without raising too much concern. "Toby… He's really worried about us… You and me… I… I told him it wasn't anything to worry about but…"
"You think he'll believe it if I corroborate your story…"
"Yeah, something like that," I admitted sheepishly.
Dean then answered without hesitation, "Okay, yeah, I can do that."
I sighed then sat on my bed sadly replying, "Thanks Dean. I really appreciate this more than you know."
"Umm… Lay? Would he still be up? I don't want to wake him."
"I'm guessing that he's probably worrying so much that he won't be able to sleep… But even if he doesn't answer… Could you…? I don't know… At least leave him a message?" I inquired meekly.
Dean sighed heavily then answered, "Lay… Of course I will… It isn't a chore for me to call Toby you know."
I started to blush uncontrollably and was almost too embarrassed to reply. "I know it isn't… I'm sorry… I didn't mean it that way… Fuck… Now I'm screwing this up too… I'm so sorry Dean."
"Hey… Hey, it's okay. You're in over-protective mom mode, I get it," Dean offered sincerely. "And don't forget that you should get some rest too."
"I will… I will. Thanks again Dean."
The next morning I woke up and slowly got ready. Toby's door was still shut tight, so I continued downstairs hoping that he was still sleeping soundly. Usually when Toby was upset, his appetite was practically nonexistent, but I still wanted to have breakfast ready for when he got up just in case he woke up hungry. I wasn't really overly worried about wasting food because I knew that that would be a sure fire way to tell if he was lying about how he was feeling or not without having to actually interrogate him.
I was standing in front of the open fridge and jumped slightly when I heard Toby softly announce his presence saying, "Good morning Mum…" As I looked over my shoulder at him he quietly apologized, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
After I turned to face Toby I answered, "It's okay Buddy, I was just surprised that I didn't hear you… So… Are you hungry?" He nodded softly in the place where he stood, so I turned back to the fridge asking more enthusiastically, "What do you feel like having? It looks like there's bacon… And eggs…" I pulled out both of those packages and smiled at him hopefully.
Toby was seated at the island and looked around me saying, "I think Mom bought hash browns too…"
"Really? I'll check again…" I turned back to the fridge yet again and silently celebrated that Toby seemed to have a hearty appetite. "Oh… Mo sure did, here they are."
As I started breakfast, Toby got to work at brewing a pot of coffee. Once he heard the pot gurgling, he glued himself to my side to help me with the meal. He didn't seem to want to talk about anything he may have discussed with Dean, so I refrained from mentioning the phone call Dean was supposed to have made last night and just kept up the light hearted banter between us.
Once the coffee was brewed, I made the mistake of pouring myself a cup because Toby took that as me relinquishing the role of chef. He looked so happy at the stove that I didn't want to do anything to impede that in any way, so I just sat back and watched him as he continued cooking the meal. As we ate, our conversation remained on that same track and we shared more than one laugh until I started cleaning up our plates.
"So what are we researching now?" Toby asked while I was crouched down behind the dishwasher.
I slowly stood up then he clarified, "I mean Dad killed Eve and all, right? So what's next on deck?"
"Purgatory Buddy," I replied easily. "We have to find where all of the non-human souls go after a creature is killed."
"Whoa… Really? Okay… So where do we start?" He asked trying not to show how baffled he was feeling.
"Well… You'll start by finishing your math homework," I answered earnestly from my spot on the other side of the island.
Toby stared at me with his mouth hanging slightly open in shock, so I continued, "Or History… Maureen mentioned something about a Spanish test that was coming up too…"
"You… You want me to do school work?" He asked with an unimpressed look on his face. "With everything that's going on right now…? YOU want ME to do HOME WORK?"
"Yes Toby I do… You have finals coming up quick, so I want you to be prepared."
"Prepared?" He questioned sounding like he didn't understand what I was trying to say. "For school finals? Really?"
"Yeah Buddy…" I explained calmly. "It may not seem like it, but school is really important and you need to keep up with your studies."
Toby snorted indignantly at my comment then said, "Why? Dad didn't finish high school… You said that you just barely graduate and did the bare minimum to get your diploma… Why do I HAVE to finish high school if you two didn't?"
I took a moment to calm myself before replying slowly, "You… That… Toby... Buddy finishing high school IS important. Look at your Uncle Sam… He graduated with honors and a lot of what he learned has come in more than handy…" He looked like he might seriously be contemplating what I was saying, so I slowly added, "Plus…"
"Plus what?" He almost worriedly asked.
"Plus, you finishing school is important to your mom." He scowled at my reply, but I remained undeterred. "She has never once asked for anything special from any of us, but after Cas healed her, she told me that she had dreamt of seeing you in a cap and gown on your graduation day."
We sat in silence for a few minutes then Toby finally said, "My Spanish test is first so I guess I'll finish that first… Then I can probably finish my math pretty easily too…"
I stepped over and kissed his head and agreed with his reasoning saying, "Sounds good Buddy. I'll be pulling everything that I can together then… Then once you're done you can help me, okay?"
He nodded with a tight smile then went straight to his room to complete his work. I spent almost half an hour trying to weed through my library for any texts that might have any type of information about Purgatory before I settled into a spot in the living room to start my research.
Although Toby had complained about having to do his homework, he actually enjoyed doing his classwork most of the time, much like his Uncle Sam. He worked through his Spanish translations quickly then took it upon himself to attempt to translate those same terms into Latin before moving onto his math work.
He was stuck on the term 'eradicate' and started pacing his room to try to evoke the term he thought he knew in the back of his mind.
"NO!" He heard me scream in the distance. "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE!"
Toby ran over to the top landing of the stairs and after he caught a quick glimpse at the scene below, he ducked back into his room. He scooped his phone up off of his desk and then kneeled down beside his bed to hide himself while dialing a number on his phone.
"Hey Toby," Dean greeted him jovially. "What's…?"
"DAD! There's strange men in the house!" Toby cut in breathlessly.
Dean sat up straight on Bobby's couch asking, "What?"
"They… They got past the Devil's traps… They grabbed Mum… I think they're coming after me," Toby hastily explained.
"What are they?" Dean asked while trying to remain calm and collected.
"I… I don't know Dad… They… They look human…"
"Did… Did you see their eyes? Their teeth?" Dean asked slowly hoping that if he kept a calm demeanor that Toby would be able to as well.
"No… No Sire… I didn't really get a good look at either."
"Okay… That's okay… Where are you now?"
Toby took in a deep breath then replied, "I hid in my room Dad… Sorry."
"That's fine Toby… Can you get to our closet in the master bedroom? I know Lay has always kept a spare shotgun in the closet, but I stashed one under the bed too and it's filled with rock salt."
"I can try… But Dad… If they're up here…" Toby started to explain.
"Right… Okay Toby, listen to me… Go to your window and jump," Dean stated calmly as a counter offer.
"What?" Toby exclaimed quietly, not quite sure if he heard Dean properly.
Dean tried to keep his voice even as he continued to instruct the teen, "Go out your window, crawl to the front or the back yard, jump then hide. Any bones you break won't compare to what they can and will do to you… Got it? Toby… Buddy…? You got that? Toby… Tobs! I'm coming Buddy! I'll take care of you and Lay… Buddy? Buddy! Did you hear me? I'm coming!"
"Oh… Hello Dean," A smooth voice with a Scottish accent replied. "Fancy a chat? I mean it's been so long since my so called demise, yes?"
"Fuck you Crowley!" Dean retorted angrily. "Let them go! They have nothing to do with this! Let them go or I swear…!"
"Nothing? You think so, eh?" The demon countered cockily. "Funny that… I seem to recall making a deal with our dear sweet Adelaide and she didn't live up to her end of the deal… But Tobias… Well he's just been begging for me to claim his soul… So if I don't… What? You'll rip me a cornucopia of new orifices? Let's just get to the bit where I tell you how this goes… Your chocolate's been in my peanut butter for too long…"
"Fuck you… I AM going to kill you," Dean growled while pacing Bobby's study.
"Oh Dean! Ever the wit!" Crowley replied light heartedly, sounding as if he didn't have a care in the world. "I've got your… Oh what should I call them? Your sorry hope at a family? And I'm keeping them until I'm more than satisfied that you've backed the hell off!"
Dean's voice hadn't changed from its low severe tone as he cautioned, "I'm warning you… Last chance to let them go easy."
Crowley laughed to himself then said, "You're adorable when you get all threatening. Don't worry, I won't hurt them… Provided you and Jolly Green stand down. Got it?" Before Dean could reply, the demon happily added, "Splendid! Kisses."
After Crowley hung up the phone, Dean nearly shouted a frustrated "FUCK!" That brought his brother and eldest ally running to him to see if he needed their aid. None of them really knew what Crowley's end game was, but Dean knew that the first thing he had to do was find Lay and Toby, then he could get to Crowley and kill him. The only problem was that none of them really knew how to start.
A demon stood by a table full of tools looking over at Addy and Toby with a satisfied smirk on his face. Toby managed to keep his breathing even but shuddered slightly when two other demons entered the room and joined the one watching over them. They all froze in their place when they heard a fight break out in the hallway, so one of the demons left to investigate what was happening.
Toby reached out his fingers to try to touch his mother's hand to find some measure of comfort in her touch, but quickly retracted them when a demon came flying through the closed door above them. He turned away from the scene in the room, but continued to visibly flinch at the sounds of the fighting that was going on.
"Dean. Thank God!" He heard his mother exclaim.
Dean worked at cutting Addy's bindings and grumbled out, "Still gotta get you out of here." As Addy stood up and started to rub the feeling back into her wrists and arms, Dean cut Toby free, helped him to his feet and instructed both of them hurriedly, "Alright Toby, come on, let's go. Let's go."
Suddenly Addy snatched the demon killing knife out of Dean's hand then spun Toby around and pulled him tight against her chest. As she held the knife to Toby's neck, she flippantly said, "Brat's not going anywhere… And neither am I."
Addy's eyes turned jet black then she smiled sinisterly explaining, "Crowley thought you might come, so he had me jump this hot piece of ass for insurance. Can't go losing our leverage now, can we?"
Dean started to approach the two of them, so the demon possessing Addy pressed the knife to Toby's throat warning him, "Ahh… One more step… Free appendectomy." It then turn to face Toby saying, "You know, she's still awake, your Mum. I can hear her thinking… Ooh you should hear the things she's saying."
Dean stared the demon down and nearly growled as shouted, "Don't listen to her Toby!"
"What?" The demon asked with mock innocence. "I was just going to tell him that you aren't his real daddy… Yeah, you might have broken the seal Dean, but my daughter slutted it up pretty good after that." Sydney laughed then continued taunting him. "Just kidding. Who else could this pain in the ass belong to?"
Dean lowered his voice and sternly commanded, "You shut your mouth."
"Oh what? You're her white knight now? She wishes she never met you, Dean. You're the worst mistake of she ever made." Sydney looked down at Toby again saying, "Well… Second worse… After you that is…"
"It's not your Mum Toby. She's lying."
"Says the C Minus lay with the ten miles of daddy issues. Whatever gets you through the night Tiny Tim." Dean took another step forwards so Sydney pressed the knife even harder into Toby's throat causing the teen to whimper softly. "Uh uh… Back off cowboy."
Dean held a steady stare with the demon and pulled out a flask of holy water. He kept his eyes on Addy's face to make sure that Sydney hadn't notice, then he looked down at Toby's terror filled eyes saying, "Toby, look at me. Look at me Buddy. You're going to be just fine." Toby nodded slightly, trying not to cut his chin on the knife, and then Dean tossed the holy water at the demon. Sydney let go of Toby to swipe Addy's hands over her face. Toby rushed past Dean and wasn't able to focus on anything in the room until he heard his Dad shout, "Toby! Knife!"
"What's the matter Dean? Hit me!" Sydney retorted after shoving Dean. "Oh, you don't wanna hurt poor Adelaide."
While Sydney was laughing, Dean sneered but didn't reply to his taunts, instead he started to chant, "Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spititus…"
"Shut your mouth," the demon seethed before punching Dean in the face.
Dean tried to keep from reacting to the punch then retaliated by continuing to chant, "Omnis satanica protestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis congregation et secta diabolica, ergo draco maledicte…" Sydney stepped forward and grabbed Dean by the throat. "Ecclesiam…"
"You finally learned an incantation," the demon commented angrily. "Stop it!"
"Tuam…"
"I'm warning you," Sydney cautioned lowly in another attempt to get Dean to cease his recitation.
Dean glared at Addy's face while trying not to focus on her features as they contorted in pain. "You can go to hell you black-eyed bastard."
Sydney still had Dean by the throat when he suddenly noticed that they were standing beside a table covered in tools. He quickly snatched up a chisel while simultaneously releasing Dean. While Dean tried to catch his breath again, Sydney gave Dean a sick, demented smile asking, "You sure about that?"
He quickly plunged the chisel deep into his daughter's stomach while maintaining the same satisfied smirk.
Toby stared at the two adults wide eyed and nearly screamed, "MUM!" but his terror just seemed to fuel the demon controlling his mother's body.
Sydney laughed then said, "Exorcise me now. Little bitch is just a dead meat suit. She'll be heading back downstairs with me… Now… What was it that you wanted to say?"
Dean gave Toby a long, sad, lingering look then soldiered through his final commentary, "Securi tibi facias libertate… Servire te rogamus, audi nos."
Once the demon was expelled from her body, Addy fell to the ground then remained motionless for a moment.
"Mum!" Toby called out again before running to her side while Dean shouted "Lay!" and did the same.
"Lay… Here, put some pressure on that, okay?" He instructed as he pressed her hand over the cloth he had put on the wound. She groaned painfully then gave him an apologetic look, but before she could try to speak, Dean squeezed her hand and said, "I know honey, I know. Shh… Don't worry. That's it, it's okay."
He tried to call Sam's cell, but when he reached his brother's voicemail, he angrily asked, "Sam? Where are you damn it?" Without taking his eyes off Addy, he directed his words to his son, "Alright Tobs, we gotta get her out of here, okay? Toby? Buddy?" When the teen didn't make a sound, Dean turned to face him. Toby was frozen in his spot staring at his mother with wide eyes while she struggled to keep some amount of pressure against her wound. "Toby!" Dean suddenly raised his hand and slapped his son across his face.
"Hey! Listen to me… I need you to pull it together, okay? You gotta be strong. Your Mum needs you right now Buddy. Go open my duffle bag, grab the salt gun. I gotta carry Lay out so if anything comes at us, you shoot it, just like she taught you."
Toby still looked beyond terrified as he mumbled, "But…"
"GO! NOW!" Dean ordered more forcefully.
Once Toby started moving, Dean picked up the now limp Addy and continued giving his son instructions, "Okay. The knife. Get the knife! Alright… Toby you know this Buddy… Keep your elbow in, gun tight to your shoulder and watch for the kick."
Toby listened and followed Dean's orders as they continued down a dark hallway. When a demon rounded the corner, Toby hesitated until his father shouted his name at him.
After he shot the man being possessed by the demon soul, Toby tried to protest with a weak sounding, "Dad…"
"Come on, pull it together!" Dean commanded as he continued on his way. "Do you want Lay to die again? Let's go!"
Dean then lead Toby down the same path that he had taken after he and Sam had split up to find Addy and Toby. This time when they ran into a couple of demons, Toby didn't hesitate before shooting them. The teen tried to stay close to his Dad's side as they maneuvered through the dark halls and they both stopped at the exact same time when they heard someone pounding on a closed door.
They approached it hesitantly then heard a faint "Dean" that Sam had been shouting over and over.
"Sam?" Dean questioned loudly.
"I'm in here!"
Dean looked back at Toby who instantly raised the shot gun and shifted into a ready stance without being told to do so. Dean then placed Addy on the ground as gently as he could. He lovingly petted her face then stood up and retrieved his pistol from the small of his back to shoot the lock in order to free his brother.
As soon as he slipped out of the room, Sam's gaze landed on Addy's bleeding body. Before Sam could say anything, Dean had scooped her into his arms saying, "Come on, we gotta get to a hospital. Toby give the gun to your Uncle. Sam, we need a ride."
The four of them continued to make their way out of the building then Sam broke off from the group. Dean and Toby didn't speak, but when Toby noticed that the rag Dean had pressed to his Mum's wound was soaked through, he removed his jacket then slipped off his top layer of clothing and pressed his t-shirt into his Dad's grasp. Dean pressed it against Addy's stomach and was about to thank him, but they were interrupted by Sam pulling up in a white Jeep Cherokee.
Toby was just staring at Addy and didn't seem to notice so Dean shouted, "Go! Go! Go! Go!"
Toby climbed into the front passenger seat while Dean awkwardly crawled into the backseat with Addy on his lap. He could hear his Mum's ragged breath, so Toby turned in his seat and gave his Dad a worried look. Addy's eyes were now open while she tried to breathe evenly, but she gaze remained only focused on Dean's face.
"She's fine Buddy, she's fine," Dean tried to reassure his son. "She's gonna be just fine."
Toby turned back in his seat and stared at his hands. He inhaled sharply, willing his tears away when he heard Dean say, "Almost there Lay… Hey… Hey, stay with me… Sam… You gotta go faster man!"
Dean continued to stroke her face with his hand that wasn't dripping with Addy's blood then pulled her close to him and repeated over and over, "You're going to be fine… You're going to be fine…"
Sam reached over and squeezed Toby's knee and tried to comfort him quietly stating, "She's strong Toby, and she'll make it through this okay?"
Toby nodded then turned away from Sam to look out his window. A couple of silent tears slid down his cheeks, but he made no attempts to dry them because he didn't want to tip his Dad or Uncle off that he was crying.
It was nearing midafternoon by the time the doctors had Addy stable and in a room. Toby hadn't been able to listen in when the doctors were talking with Dean, but he could tell from his Dad's body language that things were worse than anyone was letting on. When Maureen had first gotten ill, Addy body had displayed the same unconscious reaction when she and Bill were talking to Maureen's doctors, so he knew; deep down, that it was only a matter of time before he lost his Mum again.
Neither of them had been particularly talkative since they made it to the hospital, but as they sat there just staring down at Addy, Dean tried to break the ice by quietly apologizing, "Toby… I'm sorry."
Toby could feel his tears threatening to overtake him, so he got up and left the room. He almost hesitated when he heard his Dad call out his name, but he hated crying in front of Dean so he just quickened his pace. He weaved through the corridor and ran full force into Sam when he had finally raised his hands to his face to try to dry his tears.
"Toby? Hey… Are you okay?" Sam asked sympathetically as he reached out to grip his nephew's shoulder.
Toby didn't reply and turned to run away again, but Sam caught his arm saying, "Hey, hey, hey… It's okay… You don't have to talk. Come on, why don't we go find somewhere to sit for a little while?"
Sam was able to slip his arm around Toby's should and he guided him out of the hospital and into the open air. At first he wasn't sure where he would take him and thought better of taking him to the stolen SUV because the backseat was still covered in Addy's blood and then he realized the Impala wasn't a viable option because he had given Dean her keys after he retrieved the car from Bobby's. Toby continued crying without making a sound, but didn't say anything while Sam steered him down a path to a small forested area with a small duck pond.
Once they were seated on a bench, Toby threw his face into Sam's chest and sobbed quietly. At first Sam thought that Toby was just crying, but then he felt his jaw moving slightly. The older man then gently push back on Toby's shoulder, but maintained contact so that the teen knew that he was still ready to support him.
"I'm sorry Toby, I couldn't hear you."
"She's gonna die again, isn't she?" Toby questioned through his tears. "Don't lie to me Uncle Sam… Please…? I… I just…"
Sam pulled Toby to his chest then quietly replied, "I'm so sorry Toby."
After he let his nephew cry for what felt like an eternity, Sam and Toby stayed outside and talked a bit about everything that had happened. Toby told Sam about how it was Addy's father that was the demon who had possessed her and how the demon seemed to have had a lot of fun tormenting him and Dean with all kinds of lies.
"Toby, you know they do that just to get to us, right?" Sam offered sympathetically.
Toby scoffed softly then said, "Yeah I know Uncle Sam… And I know none of it was true because I read all of Mum's journals, so I already knew that Dean's the only guy that… That… Well that could be my real dad… But hearing her voice…" Toby took a second to swallow his tears. "I don't know if… If… If I can be a hunter… I don't think that I'm brave enough to do it…"
When he finished his statement, Toby jumped to his feet and took off towards the hospital. Sam got up and followed Toby slowly to allow the young teen some time alone with his parents, so that Toby could hopefully come to terms with losing is mother… Again. Toby hesitated before he re-entered his mother's room and shuddered softly when he saw that off of the tubes that had helped her to breathe had now been removed from her body.
At first he thought that the worst had happened, but then he saw her inhale a deep breath, so he approached her apprehensively. When he was standing beside her, he took her wrist into one of his hands and felt a strong pulse. He then lunged forward, hugged her tight and then kissed her cheek before settling on a spot beside her legs.
After watching me for a while, Toby smiled down at me when I opened my eyes and said, "Hi Mum."
I awoke with a bit of a start and looked around the room replying in a confused tone, "Hey Buddy…" My hand hit my stomach then I worriedly asked, "What…?"
"You're in the hospital," Toby explained plainly. When he noticed that I wasn't wincing in any way at all, he somewhat roughly touched my stomach then asked in a rapid fire fashion, "Where's your bandage? How are you healed already? Did you make a deal? Where's Dad? He wouldn't make a deal again would he? What's going on Mum?"
I held one of his hands and tried to soothingly reply, "No… Shh… Buddy it's…
"Nothing like that," Dean finished from the open doorway.
Toby was on his feet in an instant and shouted "Dad!" as he wrapped his arms around Dean's waist.
I could tell that Dean had been crying and he had a look of pure confusion on his face. Toby was too excited to see his Dad to notice any of Dean's distress, so I tried to distract him by calling out, "Hey Buddy…? Could you…?"
"Get you a coffee?" He finished confidently. I shot him an amused glare as he added, "I'll find you something to eat too. Did you want anything Dad?"
Dean shook his head and just patted his son on the back as Toby left the room. Dean then took a couple of steps forward as a tear slid down his cheek. I reached a hand out to ham and felt him shiver when he took my hand in his. He looked completely overwhelmed which allowed me to tug him down to sit beside me so I could place a soft kiss on his lips.
"I couldn't let him do it Dean," I stated softly as I sat back against my pillows. Dean slowly opened his eyes while I explained, "I couldn't… Not after everything we've been through together… You… You're… I've… I've never… NEVER consider being with you a mistake Dean… Not ever once."
I sniffled in a breath then Dean leaned down and kissed me more passionately before replying, "I just want you to be safe and happy."
"I'm happiest when I'm with you… You're the other half of my heart, remember?"
Dean chuckled then he quickly kissed me again. He looked like he was going to say something else, but we were interrupted by a cheerful Toby announcing, "I found Uncle Sam too."
Toby rushed to my left side with a coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other. Dean got up off the bed and took a coffee from his brother. Sam then walked over and kissed my head saying, "Good to see you again Addy."
"Thanks Sam, you too."
We all sat in the room with only the sounds of our eating and drinking breaking the grim silence until Toby somewhat absentmindedly asked, "Uncle Sam's already paid your bill, does that mean that we can take you home now?"
I looked over at Sam with a quirked eyebrow and he shrugged answering, "I didn't think you'd want to be stuck here for longer than you needed to be."
I then squeezed Toby's hand and replied, "Let me at least finish my coffee first Buddy."
We didn't say much as we ate the sugary confections, but it was our lack of eye contact that tugged at my heart strings the most. I had fought Sydney tooth and nail for control of my body, but I still couldn't stop him from sifting through my memories to pick the ones that he could manipulate the worst to hurt Toby and Dean. I hated myself for not being able to stop Sydney, for falling back on my old teenage insecurities and for cowering to him. Now Dean was hurting, he was doubting our relationship just because I wasn't strong enough. I made a resolve right then and there that the next time that I saw Bobby that I would sit down with him to find out exactly how he had done it… How he was able to keep one of those dick's from using his body to stab Dean.
I must have gotten lost in my own thoughts because when my eyes refocused on the room, Dean and I were completely alone. He was working at gingerly detaching the few electrodes that were still attached to my body.
"Dean… You were right, that wasn't me," I said as I gently stilled one of his hands. "Sydney has been having fun working in Hell torturing souls… He just knew what would be you Achilles' heel…"
"I know Lay, I know," Dean replied unconvincingly.
"Dean, I'm being serious. He saw you wearing Poppy's ring… Then he told me… Told me that he was going to destroy us," I explained desperately.
Dean helped me off the bed then pulled me into a hug asserting, "I got that Lay… But… Nothing he could say compared to watching you die slowly in front of me… Watching you suffer…"
I leaned back with a chagrinned look on my face. I needed to say something to him, needed to reassure him, but the thought of him seeing me like that again; I knew it probably resonated with him the most. It was almost as if Dean could read my mind because he gave me a knowing smile then pecked my lips.
"Here… Take my jacket. It's kind of chilly outside," he explained as he wrapped one of my Poppy's old army jackets around my shoulders.
I nodded dumbly then took a couple of steps, but was stopped by Dean tugging on one of my arms. "Hey… Lay… You're 'injured' remember? Just play along and let me 'help' you."
"Dean…" I sighed with a chuckle. He narrowed his slightly puffy eyes at me playfully, so I leaned into his body agreeing, "Alright, you can be my crutch."
We then made our retreat and I tried my best to play the part of an injured patient. Dean seemed to be better at his role of 'concerned partner' and was able to dismiss most of the quizzical looks we were given by flashing the ladies one of his most bewitching smiles.
"Mr. and Mrs. Winchester! Please! Wait up!" A nurse called out from behind us.
I stared at Dean wide-eyed and he just shrugged whispering in my ear, "Sounds good, huh?"
He then quickly turned to face the nurse replying, "Nurse Richards, how can we help you?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Winchester, but your wife hasn't been discharged yet, so she can't leave," she explained authoritatively.
"Oh… We weren't leaving," he countered sounding slightly wounded. "I just wanted to take her out for some fresh air… That's okay, isn't it?"
The nurse blushed slightly then said less severely, "Oh… Okay… Just don't keep her out too long please…"
Dean smiled then winked at her with a quiet, "Of course."
As he held the door open for me I whispered, "Wife?"
Dean quickly wrapped an arm around my shoulder then kissed my temple, "Love you too."
We then met up with Toby and Sam at the Impala. Sam had the engine running just in case we had to make this an actual 'get away'. Dean helped me into the backseat despite my protests then the three men jumped into the vehicle as well.
Toby was yawning profusely, so I squeezed the back of his neck gently and asked, "Hey Tobs? Did you get any sleep at all last night?"
He shrugged in response so I tugged on his arm and patted my lap. Toby knew exactly what I meant by this, so he curled up and placed his head in my lap with his eyes closed. I started softly petting his hair the same way my Mum had when I had had troubles sleeping and I could feel him relaxing a slight bit more with every breath.
Dean suddenly ejected the cassette tape that was in the deck and plucked one out of his jacket pocket labeled in Toby's hand writing 'For Mum'.
But on the telephone line I am anyone I am anything I want to be I could be a supermodel or Norman Mailer…
Toby sighed then relaxed completely as my eyes shot up and caught Dean's eye in the rearview mirror. He seemed to instinctively know that this music would be the trick to help our son fall asleep. Dean smiled softly and winked while all I could do was brush away a tear as I mouthed I love you.