I Don't Know You Anymore

by DontWannaBeAClue

Part Three in the Addy/Dean series roughly following Season 6 onward.

20. If You Know What I Mean

If You Know What I Mean:

Bobby came into the kitchen to get a drink, but I didn't notice him until he leaned against the sink and asked, "Do you have something interesting there?"

I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes replying, "I really don't know… Toby wasn't lying when he said that he had found a lot of information… I'm still trying to sort through it all to get it into some sort of order."

He walked over to me, placed an open bottle of beer in front of me on the table and then briefly massaged my shoulders saying, "Well we basically have the 'when' and 'how', so all we really need is the 'where' to have all of the answers."

"Yeah… I know… And that's what I've been trying to focus on, but there's just so much to get through," I replied hanging my head slightly.

Bobby squeezed my shoulders then softly said, "Maybe it's time for you to take a short break? You know… Maybe grab a bite to eat…? Help you get a little perspective?"

I stood then smiled softly as I nodded and made my way over to the fridge. "How's he doing Bobby?"

When I turned around, Bobby just tilted his head and raised an eyebrow as his response. "Right… Right… Of course," I chuckled quietly. "I think I'll start by going down and seeing if I can get something other than whiskey into him."

"Sounds like a good plan Koala Bear… I'll see if I can make any headway in finding our feathered… Uhh… Friend and company."

When I finally did make it downstairs, I paused at the open door of the Panic Room and just watched Dean sadly for a moment. He was in practically the exact same spot that Bobby and I had left him in when we had finally finished painting the last of the protection sigils on the room's walls. The only difference now that I could decipher was that he was leaning his head on a glass that was a third full of whiskey. Even though he had his eyes closed, I knew that there was absolutely no way Dean would be praying, especially at a time like this. He hadn't come close to saying an actual, earnest prayer since speaking with Joshua in Heaven. He did however put on a show for Bill and Maureen in front of Toby whenever we had dinner with them while they said 'Grace' so that Toby wouldn't cause a fuss.

I silently placed my duffle bag on the floor beside Sam's bed opposite to where Dean was seated while trying my best not to disturb him at all. He raised his head when I gently touched his shoulder and before he could speak, I passed him a plate with two sandwiches on it saying, "I thought that you might be hungry."

He put his glass down on the table top to his right with a quiet, "Thanks" but then he just looked over from the sandwiches to Sam's face. All of us were beyond frustrated and worried about Sam's health, but I knew that Dean's guilt was probably eating away at his conscience more than any of us could even try to imagine.

I gently patted the back of his head while also giving the younger Winchester a long sad look and tried to reason with him by softly saying, "You really do need to eat something Dean… So that you can keep your strength up… Please?"

He nodded as I continued to pet his head and massage his neck. Once he started slowly eating, I returned to my duffle bag and knelt down beside Sam. If I hadn't known any better, I might have that that Sam was just sleeping serenely… However, I did know the brutal truth and it was hard for me not to cry… But I also knew that it wouldn't help anyone, least of all either Winchester, right now if I did shut down, so I held it in and force myself to try to stay strong.

"No changes?" I asked absentmindedly.

Dean shook his head and replied with his mouth still full of food, "None."

I couldn't help but smile as a quick laugh escaped my lips because as bad as everything was right now, Dean had just looked like my old Dean for a fleeting moment. He continued to eat slowly in relative silence while I worked at attaching something to Sam's bed frame. He wasn't sure what I was doing, but he actually trusted me enough to know that everything that I was doing would make perfect sense soon enough.

At least he remained silent until he saw me clean Sam's right hand and start to somewhat squeamishly insert a needle into one of his veins.

"Lay…? What the…?" He asked very slowly as his confusion threatened to bubble over into full-fledged anger.

I finally got the needle into the vein, but before I properly taped it, I quickly held up a bag filled with a clear, colorless liquid saying, "Whoa… Whoa! I just thought that this might be of some help."

He was half standing and didn't move as his face contorted with confusion.

"I… Umm… I pocketed a couple of IV bags from the hospital," I explained as I continued to hook the bag to a tube running form Sam's hand. "Comas have seemed to have become sort of common place for all of us… And umm… I remembered how shitty I felt after my little incident that Cupid fixed, but… Uhh… After my car accident I didn't… Well… I did feel like shit, but that was because I… You know… Found out about… And… Umm… Yeah… And then I didn't eat for… Well you know… But they hooked me up to one of these things… So I figured… You know… Since we don't know how long that he could be… You know…"

I had kept my attention focused on my hands during my rambling, so I didn't notice Dean's reaction at all. While I continued to fiddle with the tubes and the bag to make sure that the liquid was flowing properly, Dean stood up and walked around the bed to my side.

I was still mumbling a few more words about my rationale when Dean almost roughly grabbed my arm. As he forced me to look at him, I started apologizing and repeating, "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to upset you…"

He then quickly leaned over and kissed me. The momentum of his embrace nearly knocked me over, but he wrapped one of his arms around my back to help ground me. I barely had a chance to react and reciprocate before he pulled back and rested his forehead against mine with a heavy sigh.

Even though I couldn't remotely see his face at this angle, I knew that Dean had his eyes shut tightly as he fisted a handful of my hair right at the nape of my neck while we tried to catch our breath.

"Don't… Just… You… Thank you…"

I remained completely still and quietly replied, "I just hope that it helps."

"It does… A lot…" He commented just as I felt a tear fall from his cheek onto my head.

I thought the he might pull away, but then he surprised me by falling to his knees and pulled me into a tight, almost uncomfortable hug. Dean had been on the receiving end of many a tear-filled breakdown that I had thrown at him over the years, but he had never initiated one himself. All that I could do was wrap my arms around him as he buried his face into my neck. He wasn't actually crying anymore, but we both remained on our knees holding each other until our arms stared to hurt.

After opening my mouth to speak more than once, I realized that I really didn't have any idea what I could possibly say that would be of any help right now. I quickly swallowed a sob, bit my lip hard and then pulled him impossibly closer to me.

The only thing that I could think to do in order to try to comfort him right then was to run my hands up and down Dean's back with intermittent circles on his shoulder blades. He didn't move but I felt his breath even out on my skin, so I hoped that whatever I was doing was working, even if it was only a minute amount. I started to feel slightly uncomfortable because the iron floor of the Panic Room was starting to fatigue my knees, so in an effort to ignore my pain, I shifted my position slightly and kissed the side of Dean's head.

As soon as I moved, I heard Dean utter a quiet "Fuck", so I pushed back on Dean's shoulders asking in a mild panic, "What…? What's wrong? What'd I do Dean?"

He stood up, but for some reason I remained on my knees where I was. Dean turned around and while he had his back to me, he rubbed his knees then replied, "Fuck this floor is hard… How are you still able to kneel on it?"

I was shaking my head as he took my hand and gently pulled me to my feet. I ran my thumbs under his eyes then light-heartedly said, "Iron floor? Pffft… That's nothing after you've given birth to a Winchester."

Dean almost cracked a smile, so I stood up on my tip-toes to peck his lips. "But seriously… I just want you to know that I'm here… Whatever you need."

He took my hands off his face and held them at our waists. I tried to hold his gaze but he slowly turned his head to look down at his brother saying, "I appreciate it, but…"

With a squeeze of my hands on his, I jumped in, "I'll bring you down some dinner later." He nodded but didn't seem to be actually listening to anything that I was saying so I just kissed his cheek and quickly added almost tearfully, "Just yell if you need… Want anything else, okay?"

During my hasty retreat, I couldn't help but steal a glance over by shoulder at the two brothers. Dean was back on his chair with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his fists. I breathed out a sigh then forced myself to leave the room before I started to cry because I knew that none of this was about me, so I had to ignore my feelings of unease right now.

With each step I took up the stairs, my body felt heavier and heavier. When I finally reached the top step, I rested my hand on the doorknob and took in a few deep breaths to make sure that I was able to remain composed and collected even though I knew that Bobby would be able to see through my façade no matter what face I tried to portray.

Once I finally opened the door, I was greeted by a somber looking Bobby who had a half filled glass of whiskey in each hand. We didn't say anything to each other as I took one gratefully and then he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and we both moved fluidly towards the study. I made myself comfortable on the couch and to my surprise Bobby didn't go to sit behind his desk like he normally would. Instead he found a seat beside me on the couch.

After finishing my drink in two quick swallows, I exchanged my now empty glass for an open book off of one of the random piles by the couch. I was eager to get back to our research, but after I read a passage on the page to which the book was opened, I inadvertently dropped it in my state of shock.

"You know… If you two were any more alike, I'd be demanding that we run a DNA test to make sure that you two aren't actually related."

I couldn't make eye contact with Bobby as I whispered my answer, "I just thought that if one of us could see what he was going through… What was happening… Then maybe we would be able to figure out how to help him… You know… Kind of like they did for you in Pittsburgh?"

Bobby took a second to think about his response and then he smiled to himself when he thought that he had the perfect retort. He held both of my hands with his right hand before he turned my chin so that I would be facing him with the fingers of his left hand.

"Alright, so going off your reasoning… And only going off of that right now… Why don't you tell me all about your months…? I mean decades that you spent in Hell?" He finally asked with more than a hint of sarcasm. "You know… So that I can help you with that and all?"

I stared at him mutely then shook my head while quietly replying, "No… I… I can't Bobby… I can't go through it all again… It was hard enough to describe when I told… Told…"

"You told Dean?" He finished in complete awe. When I diverted my gaze and just chewed my lip, Bobby released my hands and caressed my cheek saying, "I'm just glad that you talked to someone… Especially after what Cas told me…"

"Cas…? He told you something about me…? Being in Hell? And… And… You… You think he was telling the truth?"

He nodded answering, "With what's happening to Sam and everything that I saw once Dean got back, what he told me more than makes perfect sense."

I leaned in and hugged his neck and then sat back to resolutely reply, "Well even if… I mean… That might be true, but right now we all have to focus all of our energies on Sam and on finding Castiel… Anything that he thinks is going on with me can wait…"

Bobby gave me a brief pained look then he inhaled sharply before saying, "You're right… You're right… So, any ideas what we should try next?"

I unconsciously stroked my abdomen while I gave his question some serious thought. Bobby watched me then started to close up the various books about Ubulawu and dream walking that he had left out to force me to be straight with him. As he piled them up on the floor he stayed on the couch with me trying to read my facial expressions in an attempt to also get a read on my thoughts.

Just before I spoke, I grasped my St. Hubert medallion and rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger. "I know that you… You tried already… But I still think that Balthazar is our best bet."

"Well I performed the same ritual that Sam and Dean used the last time he helped us and that hasn't worked yet," Bobby explained as he poured us each another round.

He sipped at his drink while taking a seat at his usual spot behind his desk, but I just stared down into the liquid while running my thumb around the lip of the glass.

"Yeah… I know, I saw you out back…" I replied to my drink. "But… Umm…. I hoped… I was thinking that since he and I sort of bonded when he found me and save me from Raphael and then… Umm… Then he came to me to offer his help with the… Uhh… Baby… So… Umm… I was hoping that I could…"

"Exploit his soft spot for you," Bobby finished for me with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

My cheeks burned hot under an embarrassed blush as I replied, "Well, I was going to say that I was hoping that I would actually be able to reach him because he seems to have a soft spot for me… But 'to-may-to' 'to-mah-to'."

Bobby smile then conceded, "Well when you put it that way, it sounds like it could work… Or at least it couldn't hurt anything for you to try. Everything that you need is still out back."

I nodded then finished reading through one of the book that I had set aside after Toby had suggested that I read it so that I could learn a bit more about Purgatory. Bobby had been under the impression that I would jump at the chance to run out and try Balthazar's summoning ritual, but the truth of the matter was that I was truly afraid that it wouldn't work. The angel had ignored Bobby for nearly two days straight now, so I couldn't help but wonder what chance I really had to succeed. If he didn't show up, I would be crushed and then we would potentially lose our last hope of finding Castiel and Crowley in time.

Before Bobby could comment on my lack of action, I closed my book, downed my drink in one almost painful gulp and then quietly announced, "Okay… So… I'll head on out then… Wish me luck."

As I stood up slowly, Bobby walked around his desk and then pulled me into a hug saying, "Not that you really need it, but 'Good luck' Koala Bear."

He then held my face as I smiled and replied, "Thanks Bobby. I'll try my best."

After kissing my forehead, Bobby offered a comforting, "That's all that we can ask of you."

I picked up a couple of books then awkwardly explained, "Just in case Balthazar is feeling a little shy. Hopefully I'll see you soon… We have twelve hours before they can open the portal, right?"

"Fourteen," he corrected gently. "But don't worry yourself about that… Just focus on what we can do right now."

Smiled and nodded answering with a quiet, "Yes sir" before exiting the house.

At Bobby's makeshift garage, I check over Bobby's handiwork and sighed sadly because his inscriptions looked immaculate. I had secretly hoped that he had unintentionally drawn one of the eight symbols that were required to complete the ritual incorrectly, but of course Bobby's handiwork was completely perfect. I couldn't help but triple check that Bobby had brought out all of the proper ingredients and talismans, but I just once again kicked myself because I shouldn't have doubted that he would have had everything that was needed.

I walked a full circle around the makeshift altar and tried to collect my thoughts in order to convince myself that I actual did have confidence that this plan would work. Even though I kept telling myself that I could do this, there was a nagging voice in the back of my mind asking, 'what if he doesn't come?' and 'what if you can't find them in time?'. I continued pacing while the reassuring voices in my head fought for dominance.

When I finally stopped walking around aimlessly, I still hadn't come to any finite resolutions, but I did come up with one idea that seemed to appease me.

"Maybe if I start from scratch," I reasoned out loud, hoping that I could calm my racing thoughts by keeping my hands busy.

After I carefully placed the last candle in place, I leaned back on my knees to scrutinize my own work. Everything was positioned perfectly and looked exactly like the diagram that sat on the ground to my left, but I was still feeling queasy with uncertainty.

As I knelt there, I put the box of matches I was holding on the ground and folded my hands in my lap quietly saying, "Lord… Umm… I… I know that you probably, most likely won't answer and that you want us all to learn to take care of a lot of this by ourselves, but… Uhh… Father…? Please? I could really use your help right now. Please Father, please…? Help me get through to him? Please? Umm… And… Lord? I'm sorry that I used an angel to… To… Change your plan… But… Well… Uhh… I won't make excuses Father, but still I'm sorry for my actions… Umm… Yeah… So… Uhh… Amen."

As soon as I opened my eyes, I quickly lit a match and tossed it into the bowl of herbs to complete the ritual before I lost my nerves. I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath until I inhaled and caught the faintest scent of the fragrant smoke. I did a quick scan around me and then finally got up to sit on a chair while I waited.

"Please Balthazar?" I pleaded through a whisper as I wiped away a tear and stared at the altar in front of me.

A hand on my upper back gently shook me awake and then its owner quickly stepped away. I instinctively stretched as I sat up while they remained completely silent. When I noticed that I was still seated at the table in the garage, I figured that I had fallen asleep and that it was Bobby who woke me to tell me to come in before I got sick or something along those lines and I felt a large lump form in my throat.

I didn't want Bobby to see me cry, so I forced myself to take a few deep breaths before I attempted to turn around. When I finally did twist my body around, I could only take in a shallow breath because I found that I could barely breathe at the site before me.

"I've taken your breath away? My how you flatter me Addy," he commented with the barest hint of mocking astonishment.

When I got to my feet, I didn't feel like I had control of my body as I rushed over and wrapped my arms around his torso. "I didn't think that you were coming," I admitted into his chest.

"Yes… Well, I'm here… Sort of," Balthazar replied as he gently pushed on my shoulders to force me to detach myself from his body.

"Sort of?" I questioned as I quickly retracted my hands in response to his standoffish behavior.

He smirked then shrugged with an indifferent air. I went to shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans, but I found that I couldn't because I was no longer clothed in what I had fallen asleep wearing.

I smoothed down the front of the dress that I found myself wearing then questioned (mostly to myself) in a confused tone, "I'm sleeping?" I then slowly raised my eyes to look at the antsy angel in front of me and meekly asked, "You're visiting me in my dreams…? Why?"

He gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand to wipe away a tear then replied a little too jovially, "Well it's raining over at the Singer compound, this way I can take us somewhere more pleasant."

In the blink of an eye, Balthazar had us seated at a candle lit table in an empty fancy looking restaurant. He then picked up a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket and poured us each a glass. I watched him with confusion and frustration as he bit into a large strawberry with a cocky grin on his face.

"Well you ARE an angel, you know?" I commented with a mild taunting tone. After I took a drink from my champagne flute I added, "You COULD have just zapped us somewhere in person."

"But this way I can stay relatively under everyone's radar," he countered a little too seriously for my own comfort's sake.

I choked slightly on my drink then whispered an astounded, "Oh…" I then sat up straight in my chair and nervously rubbed my palms in my lap as I said, "Right… Of course you would… Sorry, I hadn't thought of that."

"So… Once you're over you mini-meltdown, maybe we can get into why you couldn't just call me and had to resort to ancient rituals to speak with me," he calmly stated as he continued to enjoy his champagne.

I scowled hard at him then asked somewhat angrily, "Before I get into that, could you change me into something that I would actually wear?" I looked down at the dark red velvet halter style gown I was wearing and added, "I don't think that I've ever even owned a dress like this."

Balthazar refilled his glass slowly then flippantly commented, "Well you should because every woman should have a dress like that in her closet." I just stared at him wide eyed so he put his glass down and more gently offered, "This is your dream Addy… If you aren't happy with the wardrobe, you DO have the power to change it." After a slight pause he added, "But truth be told, you look quite stunning."

I looked down at myself again and blushed profusely. I started playing with my St. Hubert medallion then sheepishly admitted, "Well I guess what I'm wearing isn't really all that important."

Balthazar didn't attempt to hide his satisfaction and cocky grin before he finished the liquid in his glass. I shook my head trying not to show my embarrassment or amusement as I took a strawberry off the plate that the angel was offering to me.

The smile on my face faded as I placed the large berry on a plate and took a deep breath so that we could finally get down to the business at hand. "You know about Cas and Crowley, right?"

He nodded then humbly answered. "Yes, I do… Sam and Dean informed me of their plan when they enlisted my help to find you and your… Oh what are we calling him now? Your nephew? Neighbor?"

"Toby… Just call him Toby," I answered barely over a whisper. He offered me a sad smile of contrition, so I popped the cork off a fresh, chilled bottle of champagne then continued, "Okay… So I can only assume that means that you know what they are planning to do…"

"No assumptions required Beautiful… Yes, I know exactly what my little brother means to do with the demon."

"Well we're going to stop him… Them…" I asserted confidently.

"Oh you are, are you?" He interrupted sarcastically. "And how do you and your little playmate plan on doing that?" He squinted slightly then continued, "Especially since his gigantic brother is out of commission?" He paused to cluck his tongue a couple of times. "Cassie has been spending too much time down here… He's gotten soft… The old Castiel would have just killed him… And Dean to keep them from getting in his way…"

I inadvertently gasped out an astonished, "Balthazar!" so he placed a hand to his chest and uttered a wounded, "I didn't say that I would do such a thing Addy… It's just that our old Castiel was more of a 'get in my way and you're dead' type of warrior. Lucky for you he's changed."

I was nibbling at a strawberry while he spoke to keep myself from interrupting him and then I washed it down with a large gulp of champagne. He was watching me while he waited for my response and when our eyes met he smiled and wiggled his eyebrows somewhat suggestively.

"Well… That would be where you come in," I explained to the tabletop when I suddenly started feeling too shy to ask him what we need of him. "We could really use your help finding them… We've already figured out the 'what' and 'how' because we of course know the 'who' and 'why', but we have no idea about the 'where'… All we need is for you to tell us where Castiel is right now."

Balthazar held his glass up so he could look through the liquid as he asked, "And what make you think that I would tell you that juicy piece of information?"

I shrunk back slightly in my chair answering, "Well…" Then I looked down at the undeniably sexy dress I was wearing then I felt my cheeks start to burn. "Well… Uhh…"

While I stared at my somewhat bare chest, my clothing swiftly changed back into my more usual apparel of jean and a long sleeve shirt that I had been wearing back in the real world. My eyes snapped up to Balthazar's face and he just smiled saying in a smooth voice, "I haven't helped you because of your aesthetically pleasing body..."

"Then why?" I asked sharply to cut-off his impending ramble.

"As I told you before, Raphael rubs me the wrong way and I want to do anything that I can to help stop him," he answered without hiding any of his annoyance.

"And I don't?" I questioned crossly. After a brief staring contest, Balthazar's hard scowl broke into a faint smile so I continued more civilly, "What I meant to say was that you know that ultimately I want nothing more than to stop him too… But what Castiel is doing… Tell me that it's the only way to stop Raphael… Tell me that and I'll walk away and let him continue without complaint."

The angel looked very pensive as he drank from his champagne glass then he very calmly stated, "Well, I have already pledge my allegiance to Castiel…"

He continued to scrutinize his drink and even though he sounded like his statement wasn't finished, he didn't look like he was going to say anything else. I abruptly stood up and announced, "Oh… Fine… Okay… Well at least now I know where you loyalty lies. Thanks anyway."

As I started to walk away, Balthazar called out my name. I stopped in my place but didn't turn to look at him as I calmly said, "It's alright Balthazar, you've done too much for us already… Again thank you for that, but right now… If I'm actually sleeping in the position you found me in here, then I really need to wake up or I'll have one helluva kind in my neck and that'll be a bitch to work out."

As I continue out of the restaurant into the down pouring rain, I heard Balthazar chuckle softly so I finally allowed myself to crack a smile.

This time when I woke up, I shivered then sighed sadly as I looked out towards Bobby's house because the skies were no longer clear and the weather looked identical to the weather Balthazar had been avoiding in my dreams. I put on my jacket then stared at a puddle while I stood at the outer edge of the roofing of the garage thinking to myself, Well at least this way I can just say it's the rain if Bobby notices that I've been crying.

After letting out another heavy sigh, I readied myself to run through the yard to get inside so that I could give Bobby the bad news. Just before I stepped into the rain, I felt a hand grab my shoulder and halt me in my place. I didn't get a chance to turn to see who was stopping me before they transported us into the kitchen.

'You're right Addy… Stopping Raphael isn't worth sacrificing Castiel," Balthazar stated with a soft, reassuring squeeze on my shoulder.

I quickly turned around and hugged the angel tightly exclaiming, "OH THANK GOD!"

After hearing my loud excitement, Bobby rushed into the kitchen to find out what the commotion was all about. He and Balthazar shared a polite nod then Bobby nodded and led him towards the basement without a word being spoken between them (at least out loud).Before he left the room, Balthazar gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my forearm.

I stayed behind and watched them disappear down the stairs as I allowed a few tears of relief to fall as I stumbled into the study. After downing a full glass of whiskey, I felt like I had calmed myself down enough to be able to carry on.

I was just finishing packing the last few essentials into a travel bag when Dean came into the room. He moved over to where he kept his duffle bag without noticing to me and fell to his knees beside the bed to retrieve it. When he couldn't find it, he pounded his fist on the floor and then stood up and angrily threw the door of the closet open to search for it in there.

"Dean?" I called out softly after I jumped at the loud bang of the closet door's knob hitting the wall. "Dean…? I have your bag right here."

He turned around slowly as I was closing the zipper and when he saw it in my hands, his face softened considerably. "Thanks… We need to get packed up so we can head out…"

I walked over to him and handed his bag off to him. Once he felt the full weight of the duffle, he gave me a slightly confused look so I explained, "I packed everything… Well everything I could think of that you and Bobby will need the best I could… I just wanted to give you a bit of a head start…"

Dean placed the bag on the bed then pulled me into a hug whispering, "Thanks Lay." After a couple of seconds, he abruptly pushed me away so that he could look me in the eye and asked, "Wait… You said for me and Bobby…?"

"Yeah," I answered as I took both of his hands in mine. "When Sam wakes up he… He might not be feeling well enough to drive and all… This way I figured you two can stop Castiel and then we'll meet up with you there."

When Dean didn't reply immediately, I released his hands then worriedly asked, "That is okay, right? But… But if it isn't, I can quickly throw some stuff together so I can go with you guys."

Dean shook his head, kissed me softly then replied, "No… No, that's okay. You staying her with Sam would be more than fine. I… I don't know what I did to deserve you, but… Thanks Lay."

I picked up his bag in one hand and took of his hands in the other to lead him out of the room as I answered, "I'm pretty sure that you did the same thing that I did to deserve you… Now, let's go find Bobby."

We met the eldest hunter at the bottom of the stairs and when he saw that we only had one bag between us, he seemed to instinctively understand what was happening. Thankfully he let our decision stand without any protests and we all just continued in solemn silence.

As Dean and I followed him to the basement door, Bobby finally said, "Got a few more essentials downstairs that we'll need."

I remained at Dean's side as he stood looking down at his brother with the same sad look of frustration that had been etched on his face since he and Bobby had struggled to get Sam comfortable in the Panic Room. Bobby continued packing all of the items that he needed, then he patted me on the back and whispered, "See you soon Koala Bear."

As he continued to the door, Bobby more urgently called out, "Time's up Dean."

"Yeah, just a second." Dean released my hand then knelt down beside Sam holding the piece of paper Balthazar gave him saying, "Alright, this is where we're gonna be Sam. You get your lazy ass out of bed and come and meet us… Sammy… Please."

When Dean stood up and turned back towards me, he had a wounded, apologetic look on his face. I figured that he felt some measure of guilt about addressing his brother as if I wasn't in the room, but I understood that that was one of his ways of coping with Sam's condition, so I hugged him quickly then gave him as confident a smile as I could muster to try to reassure him.

"Drive safe Dean," I instructed softly into his ear when I pulled him close to me again. "I love you."

Dean muttered a quick, "Love you too", then released himself from my hold.

He then walked around to Sam's side and put his brother's handgun on top of the note with the address of Castiel's current location. I pulled up the chair that Dean had been sitting on and made myself relatively comfortable at Sam's side. When I looked up, I briefly caught Dean's eye just before he abruptly turned and left with Bobby.

Sam's facial expressions hadn't changed at all and his breathing remained unnervingly steady from what I could tell, which seemed to worry me more than anything else. I knelt down beside him, took his free hand in mine and kissed the back of it softly.

"Sam?" I questioned out loud. "I'm here… And I'm staying here with you until you wake up. But… But… S-sam… We ne-need you here," I pleaded as tears started to fall. "P-please wake up, S-sam… Please."

I don't know how long I was asleep this time, but I woke up to the sound of someone placing a clip into a handgun. For a brief moment in time I had forgotten where I was, so I stayed perfectly still, hoping that I hadn't tipped them off that I was now awake.

Somehow I managed not to jump in my seat when I felt them gently touch my back, but I did whip around when I heard Sam softly say, "Addy…? Addy?"

"SAM! You're okay!" I nearly shouted into his chest. I pushed back on his stomach and as we smiled dumbly at each other, I suddenly grabbed his wrist and hurriedly asked, "Shit! What time is it? We have to get going!"

He followed me obediently as I tugged his arm and pulled him up the stairs. I grabbed my jacket off the back of a chair in the kitchen, threw his at him and barely gave him enough time to put it on before I grabbed his arm again.

While I was pulling him towards the kitchen door, I held up a set of keys saying, "The car's already packed… I know the route… Let's go!"

"You can't imagine what it's like… They're all inside of me… Millions upon millions of souls," Castiel explained in an eerily serene tone.

"Sounds sexy," Crowley replied as his eyes darted around the room. "Exit stage Crowley… Unless… Dean…? Is Adelaide here? I know I'm not John or anything, but maybe she could offer me some sexual healing?" The demon barely allowed Dean to register the question before he quickly added, "No, not here? Alright then… Ciao."

When the demon disappeared, the two angels continued as if nothing overly scandalous had been said, but Dean turned his attention slightly towards Bobby. The younger hunter didn't have to utter a word before Bobby shrugged then mouthed "Later" and then they both turned their attention back to the two angels that were left in the room.

"Just pull up ahead and park… It'll probably be better if we go on foot from here," Sam finally spoke once we got within blocks of the target address.

I followed his instructions and then he hurried down the street without waiting for me. Once I finally did manage to catch up with him, I grabbed his arm and forced him to stop.

"Hey… Hey… Sam… Sam, just hold up a second… How are you…? Are you feeling okay?"

He took my hand in his then started jogging as he replied, "I'm fine Addy… Now come on… We have to hurry; we don't have much time left."

I had no choice but to start running with him despite my reservations about his health. He had gained a lot of ground on me and it took a bit before I fell into pace with him when Sam had finally slowed from a full sprint to a more hesitant walk. I had kept my eyes trained solely on him because if felt like if I couldn't see him that I would lose him, so I wasn't sure what had caused him to almost grind to a complete halt in the middle of the street.

"Shit," Sam mumbled under his breath which caused me to finally shift my gaze down the street a few yards.

As soon as I saw the illuminated taillights of the Impala, I gasped and froze in my spot. After a couple of seconds I finally realized that the reason why the lights looked odd and out of place was because they were upside down. Without thinking, I sprinted towards the car shouting Dean's name frantically.

At the driver side window, I fell to my knees and ducked my head inside to check on Dean and Bobby. To my relief the Impala was empty and when I saw Sam's feet by the open passenger's door, I crawled back out and stood up.

"Sam!" I called out over the car. "They're not here… Sam…? Sam!"

He didn't seem to hear me at all, so I ran around the wreckage to his side to check on him. Sam was panting in a few quick breaths and he sounded like he was trying to fight off a violent wave of nausea. I refrained from touching him because he was now gripping the top of his head with his right hand as he huffed in a few more breaths.

"Sam?" I tried again softly as I felt a worried panic threaten to overtake me.

He took in a couple more quick breaths then he squared his shoulders and walked a couple of staggered steps saying, "We're almost there Addy… Come on…"

Sam was off and running again, so I had no choice but to swallow my words of concern and follow him. He easily found us an open door at the back of the house for us to sneak through. I went in first, but he had to catch me when I almost fell down the stairs just past the door that I hadn't seen in the dark. Off in the distance we could hear voices, so we moved towards them as silently as we could.

After we rounded a corner, we could just barely make out Castiel and Raphael as they spoke to each other. I would have run into the room except I couldn't because Sam had wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me tight against his chest.

"Slow down Addy," he cautioned in a voice that was just barely audible.

"You on the other hand…" Castiel stated to Raphael before he raised his right hand.

Had Sam not clamped one of his hands over my mouth, everyone would have heard my horrified and surprised scream when Raphael exploded at the snap of Castiel's fingers. Thankfully Sam still had a hold of me because my knees completely gave out as relief and then fear overtook every fiber of my being.

Sam then knelt down with me then quietly explained, "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth, but you HAVE to stay quiet, okay?"

I nodded then Sam released me and crouched down at my side. I opened my mouth to speak, but he raised a finger to his lips then pointed to the blood spattered silver sword that had fallen to the ground. He mouthed "Stay here" and all I could do was nod dumbly as I complied.

Everything seemed to be happening so quickly that my brain couldn't register anything that Dean or Castiel were saying to each other even though I could see both of their lips moving. Dean had a pained look on his face while he spoke to the angel, so I could only assume that Dean was trying to convince Castiel of something. Castiel however just maintained a strange smile on his face without showing if Dean's words were having any effect on him at all.

Sam picked up the sword then after Castiel took a step towards Dean; Sam thrust it into the middle of Castiel's back. I didn't hear myself yell the angel's name, but as I stood up it felt like I had for some reason. Sam gasped in a couple of shallow breaths and when nothing happened, Dean shot his brother a worried look.

Castiel easily removed the sword from his back then calmly said, "I'm glad you made it Sam… Adelaide, why don't you come out of the shadows and join the group?"

I tried to calm myself the best I could, but I was still hyperventilating as I slowly moved into the room and stood slightly between Castiel and Sam.

Castiel looked down at the blade in his hand and scoffed slightly as he placed it on the table beside him. When he began to speak again, he turned and directed the beginning portion of his commentary to the youngest Winchester, "But the angel blade won't work because I'm not an angel anymore." He then turned back towards Dean and Bobby continuing, "I'm your new God… A better one."

As he continued his proclamation with cool confidence, Castiel turned and faced a wall saying, "So you will bow down… And profess your love unto me, your Lord…" After a dramatic pause he finished, "Or I shall destroy you."