Everyone's Got An Agenda, Don't Stop:

"Castiel… I'm begging you… Can't you just give us a minute? Just to talk?" I pleaded, nearly on the verge of tears.

"Adelaide," he answered as he placed a soft hand on my cheek. "What happened to you always having my back? Or your promise to have faith in me?"

I pressed his palm against my cheek then gripped his wrist tightly saying, "We still do Cas… You just have to trust us… Please Castiel…"

"Cas come on… This is nuts!" Dean jumped in while Castiel and I continued to stare at each other. "You can turn this around… Please!"

I thought that I saw something change in Castiel's facial expression for a brief moment, but then he just shook his head and snatched his hand away quickly. While he was still looking me straight in the eye, he sternly commented to all of us, "I hope for your sake this is the last you see me."

"Dean still trying to revive the Impala all by his lonesome?" Bobby asked to bring me out of my day dream.

I turned, leaned my back against the railing on the porch at the front of the house and just nodded in reply. When Bobby offered me one of the beers he was holding, I shook my head and hugged my arms over my chest protectively. The look in Bobby's eyes hurt too much to look at, so I tilted my chin towards my chest to avoiding maintaining eye contact.

"He still not talking to you?" Bobby asked sounding either annoyed or worried, but I couldn't quite tell.

I started to shiver slightly as I shook my head again. After I willed my tears to stay at bay at the brim of my eyes, I looked back up at him and whispered, "No sir… And I still don't know why… Or what I did… Or said so that I can apologize and try to make things better between us."

Bobby's jaw clenched then he closed his eyes muttering, "That stubborn bastard." After he opened his eyes he saw the worried look on my face then more lovingly offered, "I'll go, kick his ass for you and if that doesn't work, I'll lock him up somewhere until he agrees to talk it out with you."

I stared at him in mild disbelief then asked, "You know, don't you? You know why he's pissed off at me."

Bobby nodded then admitted, "But I didn't think that he'd take it this far… And since he's being too much of a idjit to tell you…"

I squeezed Bobby's arm then interrupted him saying, "No… Bobby, you're right… This is between Dean and I… It should come from him."

Although Bobby didn't look happy about my wishes, he just nodded then said, "Well I'll go see how he's doing with the car and see where his head's at right now."

As he started down the stairs, I made my way towards the front door. Without turning to look at him I called out, "Bobby? Just don't say anything to him about me, okay? Let's just worry about the new deity in town and getting Sam back into shape."

I didn't have to see Bobby's face to know that he didn't approve of my comment. As awkward as it was having Dean give me the cold shoulder, I knew it would be worse if he started ignoring Bobby as well. Plus Sam was out of commission again and we had no idea what Castiel's next move was going to be, so to say that we had bigger problems to worry about other than a quarrel between Dean and I felt like a complete understatement.

Sam was resting once again on the bed in the Panic Room, much like he had been before Purgatory was breached, but this time around he would periodically get nose bleeds. Then to make matters more heart breaking, every so often when he became restless during his sleep, he would aggravate the cut on the palm of his hand. I had started making it a habit to go down and check on him to make sure that his wounds stayed as clean as possible because preventing Sam from getting an infection right now seemed like the easiest problem for me to solve. Plus, at least when this Winchester gave me the silent treatment, I could take comfort in the fact that he wasn't making a conscious decision to do it… Or so I told myself.

His hands were still folded over his stomach, but I couldn't help but unlace them to check the gauze covering the crude stitches Dean had used to close Sam's wound. It was still clean and white, so I took a minor amount of comfort in the thought that he hadn't damaged them again since the last time I changed his bandage.

There was however a small trickle of blood flowing from his right nostril to his upper lip. I picked up the face cloth out of the bowl of warm, soapy water I had brought with me and wrung out the excess water before I gently washed his face. Once I had removed every inch of any remaining blood that I could find, I leaned down and kissed Sam's forehead.

"Alright Winchester, enough shut eye," I whispered in his ear with a teasing tone before continuing more somberly. "We're waiting Sam… I… We can't do this without you. Please Sam… I really need your help."

After putting away all of my supplies, I quickly retreated to the safe haven I had created upstairs in the room that Dean and I used to share. Dean was either staying up until all hours of the night working on his car or he simply just slept in Bobby's study or he might have been spending time in the Panic Room watching over his brother, but in any case, all I knew was that when I waited up for him every night, I woke up alone in the morning and his side of the bed remained undisturbed. At first I almost melted down, but then I decided that getting Sam and Castiel back was all that really mattered, my heartache be damned. It was obvious that Dean was ignoring the gnawing pain our sigils emitted in response to our abrupt and now prolonged dislocation, so I decided that I would ignore it too… Even if I had no idea why we were feeling that intense pain.

I hadn't checked my email in a few days, so my first stop was to look at my laptop that was sitting on a table near a large window. When a little number one showed up on my email tab, I smiled in earnest for the first time in over forty-eight hours. The email could have been from just about anyone, but I instinctively knew that it would be from my number one supporter.

"Hey Addy!
So I've been trying my best to track Castiel, but he's being more elusive than I thought he would be… Plus… Dad's friend has been trying to get some scouts to watch me and maybe recruit me for a premier league…
I know that it's just baseball, but if I get in it could mean a scholarship to school and stuff…
Anyway, here's everything that I've found so far. (Toby then listed a few cities and strange deaths that had happened to religious figures in each.)
So… I hope it helps.
Love you lots! Toby"

I couldn't help but quickly check the newspaper articles Toby had sent me before I re-read Toby's message to write my reply.

"Hey Buddy!
What's this I read about a premier league? Buddy! That's awesome! Congratulations! I hope that that means your Dad set up the portable batting cage I left out back for you.
And wow! You're on your way to the Show and you STILL managed to out research me? Have you been hanging around with Jose Canseco? Because there has to be more than just raw talent for you to be THAT good! ;-)
Thanks for the help Tobs and keep up the good work!
And if you have time and find anything else on the Castiel front, let me know.
If not, then remember… Lay off the high ones!
Hugs and kisses, Addy"

As I read over each article, I pulled out a map and started marking where each incident had occurred. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to where each death had occurred, but it was the only lead that I had to investigate, so I kept trying to find some sort of a pattern. The suspicious deaths had jumped states, had happened in big and small towns alike and had claimed victims from a wide range of ages, races and religious affiliations.

Castiel seemed to have been focused on his new found power and how he could use it to punish people he had determined were guilty of transgressions. I circled the 'X's on the map that marked where religious leaders were killed and then I realized the other 'X's were most likely unrelated, at least to this case. I filed them away hoping that we would get a chance to work on them soon.

I remained completely focused on my work until my stomach started to growl so loudly that I couldn't concentrate anymore. I looked out the bedroom window that had a full view of the scrap yard and breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw movement around the Impala because that meant that I could sneak down to the kitchen and grab something to eat without having to pretend that I wasn't hiding from them.

Even though I didn't anticipate running into Dean, I still moved as silently as I could down the stairs out of habit. When I reached the kitchen door I froze in my place because I hear the distinct sound of Dean's voice. I gave the stairs a long, lingering look, but then I felt my stomach pinch painfully and I was reminded that I had already ignored my hunger for too long, so I moved into the study to wait for him to go back outside.

"Yeah, my head hurts a little, but… Basically," Sam explained not hiding that his current state had him just as baffled as it did the rest of us.

When I heard Dean ask, "Seriously?" I could tell that he had moved towards Sam, so I took that as my opportunity to sneak past the kitchen into the bathroom.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the back door close and both voices had been silenced. I was looking down at the bottle in my hand when I entered the kitchen, so I didn't notice that I wasn't alone. Sam had his back to me and was looking for something or someone in the study and he didn't seem to hear me even when I shook the pill bottle, causing the contents to rattle softly.

Sam took a step back as I took one forward and he stumbled slightly when he stepped onto my foot. He then whipped around and grabbed my wrists so quickly that I didn't get a chance to defend myself at all.

I looked up into his face and forced myself to smile as I greeted him saying, "Well at least we don't have to be worried about your reflexes."

He didn't let go of my wrists as he replied, "And you've been working on your stealthy skills for sneaking up on people."

We remained as we were, shared a soft laugh and then I looked down at where his hand was still gripping my wrist tightly. "Uh… Sam?"

He looked down and quickly dropped my hands with a quiet, "Oh… Geez, sorry."

"It's fine Sam. Now I had brought these," I lifted up the bottle of Tylenol to show him it and shook it from side to side. "For your headache, but now I'm not sure there's enough to share."

Sam grabbed my free hand more gently than before to check my wrists for injury. Before he could apologize, I pulled my hand away and started walking towards the fridge.

"Sam I was joking." I turned and tossed the bottle to him then playfully teased, "Okay so your reflexes may be good, but we still have to work on your sense of humor."

He chuckled softly as he took a bottle of beer form me. "Oh there… He laughs… There might be hope for you yet."

"Yeah, I'm on the road to recovery," he finally replied with a cheeky grin. "So are you joining us outside to hear the latest about Cas?"

I tried my best to keep my face neutral, but when I felt like I might fail I just turned away from him and moved back to the fridge.

"No… Uhh, I've been brought up to speed… Plus I'm absolutely starving."

Sam looked up at a clock then said, "Right it's getting on that time isn't it? Okay, well after he's filled me in, I'll try to pry Dean away from his baby. Yeah… That'll probably give you enough time to put dinner together."

I stared dumbly into the fridge as I listened to Sam. Before he left the house he paused at the door and called out, "Thanks Addy."

After he closed the door, I pulled a couple of containers out of the fridge and then grumbled to myself, "Great, I guess that means I'll have to eat with them too."

During dinner, we avoided having any prolonged, uncomfortable silences by keeping our attention on a variety of new channels to check for any new or strange deaths. When we were done eating Dean quickly headed back out to the garage, Bobby retired to his study and Sam help me clean up the dishes.

Now that Sam was awake, it became increasingly more difficult to just avoid Dean because that would be too obvious to the younger Winchester. Instead I came up with as best a coping strategy that I could. Bobby continued doing research, even though he had no idea what he was looking for, so I helped him with that when I could. When I wasn't helping with research, I took over the role of the head of all things domestic. I took over doing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. It wasn't my forte, but it meant that I was able to stay out of Dean's way.

Sam picked up a wrench then walked to meet Dean at the trunk of the Impala. "So Dean…? Not that it hasn't been great having someone who will make something other than steak and manwiches for dinner… But… Umm… Why isn't Addy out here helping you? You know since she can actually rebuild an engine on her own and all…?"

Dean snatched the wrench out of his brother's hand then snapped, "I think I hear Bobby calling you."

"Dean…?" Sam questioned quietly with genuine concern.

Without acknowledging him again, Dean laid down under the car to work near the rear quarter panel. Sam almost questioned him again, but his brother turned the radio beside one of the car's wheels up so loud that Sam knew Dean wouldn't be able to hear him.

When he got back into the house, Bobby and I were exchanging notes in the study. He watched us for a bit then he cleared his throat loudly.

"Hey Sam! You should see some of the crazy shit Toby's found that hasn't made the news."

Sam almost asked a question, but with everything we had seen already, he was genuinely intrigued to find out what I considered was 'crazy'. He sat down beside me as I passed him his laptop. He turned it on then found that I had forwarded every attachment that Toby had sent me via email. He scrolled through the documents and the three of us fell silent while we read over everything we had found.

After about an hour, Sam couldn't hold his tongue anymore and while his eyes were still focused on the computer screen, he asked, "So Addy…? The engine's sounding pretty good… Uhh… Did you help Dean with that?"

Bobby watched my reaction silently, trying not to let a gloating smile spread across his face. I just pretended not to hear Sam and closed my laptop announcing, "I think I should check on the roast… Mashed potatoes are still good for you two, right?"

I discretely wiped a tear away as I stood up, so Bobby shook his head then swallowed his playful retort answering instead, "Sounds better than perfect Addy."

Once he and Sam were alone, Sam stared at him in absolute disbelief. Bobby held up a hand to keep Sam silent then he said, "I know and I'm going to try to work on it… Just give me some time, alright?"

Bobby left to go check on Dean, so Sam came into the kitchen to try to help me. I had pulled the roast's pan out and placed it on the stove. The potatoes were still cooking so I stirred them absentmindedly while I tried to think of proper reply to Sam's question. I must have sniffled softly while I continued to cry as I finished our dinner, so Sam just touched my back gently to let me know that he was in the room.

"Did you want me to carve the roast for you?" He asked softly.

I shook my head and refused to look up at him as I replied, "No, but thanks Sam. Why don't you get Bobby and… Dean. By the time you all get cleaned up everything will be ready."

He squeezed my shoulder and once again confirmed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I tried to laugh him off. "Go." I instructed with a chuckle. "Or everything's going to get cold."

I finished getting dinner ready and then dished my own meal and hurried upstairs before them men had returned. Bobby had been trying to find a way to kill God, but I still wasn't convinced that that was the key. I turned my focus back to learning everything that I could about angels. It was obvious that Castiel had changed because the angel blade hadn't killed him, let alone hurt him, but I still wasn't sure what could cause such a change in a celestial being.

At first I thought that my theory was way off base and was just a good distraction from everything that was going on here at home. Then I found a few pieces of information in the research I had about Purgatory that vaguely reference beings that could cause transubstantiation the might possibly exist in Purgatory.

"Fuck yeah!" I exclaimed softly to myself.

I quickly grabbed for a book that I thought had more details about this theory, but it wasn't where I thought I had left it. I checked every book on the chair on the opposite side of the table before I checked the closet and then under the bed. When it wasn't found in any of those spots, I just sat down on the floor and tried to retrace my over the past few weeks.

When I did realize where it was, I cursed under my breath then stood up trying to decide if it was worth the risk to go and retrieve it. I walked slowly over to the door and after I opened it I stood to listen for any movement on the main floor. I didn't hear any talking or dishes clanging either, so I cautiously made my way down the stairs.

The kitchen was empty, so I assumed that the Winchesters were out in the garage working on the car and that Bobby was back at his post behind his desk. As I walked down the stair to go to the Panic Room, I almost started humming to myself and inadvertently bounded down the last few stairs.

I turned and almost skipped, but stopped when I heard, "Oh… There you are Adelaide… Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

"Crowley," I gasped. "What are you…? Why…?"

A devilish grin spread across his face as he offered me his whiskey bottle but I didn't move until Dean pushed off the beam he was leaning on then snidely said, "If you two want some alone time…"

"Really?" Crowley asked, "You'll break this trap and give us a room with a lock on the door?"

Before Dean could reply, Bobby cut in, "Enough! Addy…? Addy? Were you looking for something Koala Bear?"

I slowly turned my attention over to Bobby (while trying my best to avoid looking at either Winchester) then hoarsely replied, "Yeah… A book… I left in the… The Panic Room… From when I was sitting with…"

Bobby walked over to me then he gently led me past the amused demon and annoyed man softly saying, "Take your time, I'll let you know when we're done."

I nodded and after passing Sam I took the initiative and hurried towards the open iron door. I paused ever so slightly when I heard Crowley yell, "Maybe later then Love!" before I ran into the room and slammed the door shut.

I slid down the length of the door and started to sob uncontrollably once I was seated on the floor. I had never seen Dean look so angry before, not even when I had lied and gone hunting behind his back, that he almost spat his words in my direction. Then to make matters worse, I still hadn't figured out why he had been focusing his wrath towards me. Both of us had done our fair share of stupid and reckless acts, but since we had reunited, we had always been able to forgive each other and work through it. But now we just lived our lives as separate people and avoided making eye contact, let alone having any civil conversations.

When the door opened, I was still crying into my legs as I hugged my knees tightly to my chest. Bobby handed me a handkerchief then I blew my nose loudly and muttered a "Thank you." He gently helped me to my feet, but instead of guiding me out of the room, he sat me down on the bed in the middle of the room.

"Just stay here and give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down, okay?" He whispered in my ear before he kissed my head.

I nodded then followed his instructions. After my sobs had completely subsided, I dried my eyes then looked around the room. The book I had come downstairs to look for was still on the desk and when I saw it I laughed sadly to myself thinking, Yep, right where I left it.

I was flipping through the pages then found the passage I was looking for when I heard Sam say, "No… Bobby said that she went out for a walk to clear her head."

"Fine… But seriously Sam? What could possibly be in here that would be of any help to us right now?" Dean asked in an exasperated tone.

I turned around just in time to see the Panic Room door slam shut. I held the book to my chest and sat down on the desk while I watched Dean run over to it and pounded his fists on the closed, now locked door.

"Sam! SAM! Open the door! I mean it! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR NOW!"

The window on the door opened then Dean ran back to it saying, "Bobby! I'm not joking! Let me out!"

"No Dean, not until you two talk," Bobby answered with stern conviction. "This bullshit has gone on long enough! If we're going up against Castiel then we're doing it together… ALL of us!"

"Bobby…" Dean started again.

"Dean!" Bobby quickly interrupted. "If you don't tell Addy what Crowley said then I will! Now go and work it out damn it!"

When I heard my name I jumped off the desk and dropped the book I was clinging to onto the bed. As I approached Dean I angrily snapped, "Crowley? I've been getting the silent treatment from you because of something Crowley said? Seriously?"

Dean was still trying to open the door, so I grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around and look at me. Even after his back hit the door, Dean didn't let up and turned his head to demand that Bobby or Sam open the door before he had to inflict bodily harm upon them.

"DEAN! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!" I shouted hoping that I could shut him up long enough to get him to focus.

"And I ignored it!" He finally retorted angrily at me.

When he had turned to face me, Bobby quickly closed the hatch and locked it as well. Dean heard that final click, turned to double check it then looked back over at me yelling, "GREAT! Now we're stuck in here! Good job!"

I calmly picked the book that I had dropped onto the bed then sat down on the chair by the desk and opened it up to the page I had found before Dean entered the room. He yelled something else at the two other men, so I calmly placed the open book on the desk and pointedly shifted the chair so that my back was completely facing him.

Crowley… Crowley… What could Crowley know? I thought to myself while I was pretending to read. He… Oh… shit… SHIT!

Dean slamming a locker door brought me out of my thoughts, but I kept my eyes focused on the book in front of me. He stomped around the room then paused to open a wrapper before he continued loudly pacing again. He then opened another cupboard and rooted through it before slamming the door closed once again.

My head started to throb from listening to him bang around the room, so when I heard the painful sound of metal hitting metal, I slammed my book closed and snapped, "Dean! Do you have to make so much noise? Fuck! We're going to be stuck in here until Bobby thinks we've had enough time to talk everything out… Can't you just wait it out in peace? Plus! PANIC ROOM DUMBASS! You can't break out!"

He threw the chisel to the floor with a loud bang then held his hands up in a sign of annoyed surrender. I placed my elbows on the desk and started massaging my temples in a futile attempt to will my headache away. Dean thankfully jumped onto the bed and laid down with his arms under his head so now the only sound that was left in the room was the whirring of the fan over our heads and the quieting creak of the bed's springs as they settled under Dean's weight.

After trying and failing to read a few books for a while, I grabbed the nearly empty bottle of whiskey off the table top. As I guzzled the contents down, I got up and unlatched the cot from the wall. I wasn't sure where Bobby had stored the extra mattress for it, but I figured that laying on it like this could be kind of like resting in a hammock and that had to be more comfortable than laying down on the iron floor right now.

Once the bottle was empty, I stared at it then let it fall to the floor, but made sure to stand it up so it wouldn't roll around.

"So?" I questioned aloud. "You hate me now, huh? Should I just pack up and leave for good?"

Dean stayed on his back just I was as he answered, "You've been a big girl for a while… You can do whatever the hell you want to do…"

I tried to sit up, but my hand fell through the woven elastic and I ended up falling to my knees on the hard floor instead. Dean almost rolled onto his side to ask if I was okay, but I quickly got to my feet so he refrained from commenting and didn't actually move at all.

Out of frustration, I walked up to the door and tried to open it because I need to get away from Dean right now. I needed to go and clear my head before trying again.

"Still locked genius," Dean announced disdainfully.

I turned around and when I saw that Dean just had his arms and legs crossed with his eyes closed, I bit my lip to stop myself from replying. While I watched him relax in his place, I sat down on the floor where I was standing and returned to the same position that Bobby had found me in earlier. The only difference this time was that I wasn't crying. I just watched Dean while trying to figure out what I could say to get him to finally confide in me.

We sat in silence for what felt like hours until I finally asked helplessly, "What did I do Dean? What did Crowley say I did that made you hate me so much?"

Dean didn't move or show any way that he had heard me, so I just pulled my legs closer to my chest. As silence fell over the room again, I slowly crawled over to Dean's side. I sat up on my knees and noticed right away that he was still wearing my Poppy's ring, so I figured that there was still a small glimmer of hope that I could get through to him somehow.

I leaned down and kissed his lips then whispered, "Please Dean?"

When I kissed him again, he started to kiss me back but then his eyes flew open. He quickly rolled off the bed and stood up so that the cot would be between us. I leaned back and sat down with tears in my eyes as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Don't… Don't you dare try to make it all better with a kiss," he cautioned with a growl.

He was towering over me, so I stood up as quickly as I could then yelled back heatedly, "Fuck! Well what else can I do? I've tried the pissed off cop and now the good cop routine…! What? What the fuck else can I do to get you to tell my why you're so fucking angry?"

"Oh… I don't know…" He started irritably. "Maybe you could go and fuck Sam behind my back for starters…"

I felt like he had punched me in the gut so it took a second before I had recovered enough to catch my breath and reply, "Sam? What…?"

"Right… Because then that way you'll have worked through the whole line," Dean explained mockingly. "Yeah… If you pull out your punch card then maybe you'll even get a prize."

"Punch card? Prize? What the fuck are you talking about now?"

He walked over, opened a drawer at the desk and pulled out a fresh bottle of whiskey. He cracked its seal then took a couple of long swallows with his back facing me.

"I thought that you were SO smart that you would have figured it out by now…" He replied with sarcasm dripping off every word.

"Figured…?" I questioned slowly as I picked up my empty bottle and sat down on the cot. Okay… Think… Think… Get us a room? Big girl… Sam… "Who…? Who do you think I slept with Dean? Because since you saved my life in that cabin I have been completely faithful to you…" I paused then pick at the label on the bottle as I whispered, "Except for Pacer, but you can't hold me getting raped against me… That would be beyond low."

Dean pulled the bottle away from his lips and gave me a concerned look. I kept my eyes focused on the bottle in my hands, so I missed seeing the look because it was so fleeting. He recovered quickly then hardened his face into a scowl before taking another long drink.

"Don't tell me that he was that forgettable," he answered with a sneer. "I know you would have been young and inexperienced back then… And he was a moody son of a bitch… But still…"

Fuck Sam behind my back echoed in my mind until I raised my head in horrified recognition.

"Oh… My… God…" I started slowly as I stood up and faced him. He turned back to me while still drinking out of the bottle with a quirked eyebrow and a satisfied grin. Before I could stop myself, I violently whipped my empty bottle at his head. He ducked just in time to avoid being hit and as it smashed on the wall I nearly shrieked, "You think I had sex with John? YOUR DAD? Are you insane?"

"More like a revelation," Dean replied looking over his shoulder, down at the broken shards of glass behind him trying not to look shaken.

I started pacing the room as I reasoned out loud, "Crowley told you that… Fuck… FUCK! This is Sydney…" I stopped then turned to him as I continued, "I told you he wanted to break us up and this… This is his doing."

Dean glared at me as I tried again more desperately saying, "Don't you see it Dean? This is exactly what he wants… Us… Apart… Fighting…"

"Oh yeah?" Dean replied condescendingly. "And how do demons normally do that?"

He tilted his head to one side to exaggerate his point. I stared at him with disbelief then I threw my hands up in the air with complete exasperation. He finally put his bottle down on the desk and leaned against its edge still looking overly smug.

"They lie Dean!" I shouted back at him feeling too desperate to speak in a calmer tone.

He snorted then replied, "Sometimes."

"What?" I gasped out not believing my ears.

"They lie… Sometimes…" He repeated slowly to ensure that I would hear him clearly. "But they use the truth if it would do the trick… We all know that."

I stepped forward in a stunned silence, but Dean didn't move a muscle. I opened my mouth to speak, but instead of reasoning with him, I clenched my fist and landed a hard right cross onto his cheek. Dean was just barely able to raise his hand to his face before I punched him square in the nose then my left followed up with a shot to his gut.

While he was doubled over with his eyes watering, I stomped over to the door and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Bobby! BOBBY! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Almost immediately the door flew open to reveal Sam and Bobby in the hallway. Bobby had a large grin on his face that faded as soon as he saw Dean doubled over and holding his face, groaning in pain.

I snatched up the book I had originally gone into the Panic Room to retrieve then stomped towards the hallway. Sam ran to Dean's side to offer him help and Bobby watched in wide-eyed confusion.

At the door, I paused then turned back to Dean and angrily announced, "And for the record… JACKASS… I did NOT have sex with John!"

My heart was still beating erratically when I heard a knock at the door. Bobby didn't wait for me to reply before he opened the door and let himself into the room. When I saw the plate of food in his hand, I closed the books I was reading and pushed them aside to make room on the table.

"I'm no gourmet chef, but I thought you might be hungry," he explained sitting across the table from me.

"Thanks Bobby, I am." Even though I had been feeling hunger pains before Bobby came upstairs, I had no appetite. "How… How is he?"

"Doesn't look like anything's broken… Nothing an ice pack can't fix," he replied with a playful smile. "So… I guess I don't have to ask how it went in there…"

"I tried Bobby… I swear I really did, but he's taking Crowley's word over mine… He's playing right into Sydney's hand," I narrated to my food. "Since words didn't seem to be working, I thought maybe I could knock some sense into him."

Bobby chuckled softly then I continued more seriously, "But now I'm thinking that it really doesn't matter in the end."

"Addy? What do you mean?"

I pushed the plate aside then reached across the table and held Bobby's hand. "I don't know… Just… With everything that's happening, does it really matter if Dean and I are…? Well Dean and I? Shouldn't we just focus on Castiel?"

He ran his thumb over the ring on my left hand then somberly said, "Yeah we should keep focused on him, but that doesn't mean that it's okay for you to be hurting."

"I'm fine Bobby," I asserted unconvincingly. "So… Crowley…? Here…? What was going on with him?"

Bobby held up a piece of paper and I took it to read it over as he explained, "We're heading out soon to get the last ingredient."

"Binding Death? Wow… Our lives are seriously fucked up." Bobby chuckled softly while I got up and walked to his side. I leaned down, hugged him and whispered, "Good luck."

After I stepped back, Bobby looked up then asked, "You're not…? I mean I had…"

"No, I'm not… Seriously Bobby, you locked us in a room for what? An hour? And it ended with me almost breaking his nose… I don't think being trapped in a car with him would be fair to you and Sam."

Bobby nodded graciously then as he left he quietly replied, "I'll call you to let you know how it went."

While they were gone, I tried my best not to watch the clock, but I couldn't help myself. Books didn't seem to hold my attention and TV made things feel that much worse because there seemed to be an infinite loop of stories relating to people that had most likely died at Castiel's hand. Next I tried the radio, but in between playlists there were the same news stories that I had been avoiding by turning off the TV.

After pacing around the house a couple more times, I pulled out my iPod and started cleaning. Somehow empty bottles and dirty dishes had started to overrun the house, so cleaning all of that up felt like the right thing to do.

"You didn't go with them."

I know that I jumped when Castiel spoke, but I didn't care. I had been trying to keep a brave face for too long, so I was more than willing to let him see how I was really feeling. As I turned around, I dried my hands and paused the music that was playing.

"No, I didn't," I replied plainly.

He watched me then sounded almost surprised when he said, "And you lied to Bobby about why you wanted to stay behind."

"I only half lied," I answered with a soft smile. "I don't want you dead Castiel… I just want YOU back and I don't think that death is the answer for that."

Castiel walked over to me, brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes then solemnly stated, "And I shall show you mercy for that."

I reached out to take his hand, but as soon as I touched him, he disappeared. "Damn it Cas!" I huffed out loud before I returned to washing the dishes.

I continued cleaning and nearly missed hearing my phone ringing because of the sound of the vacuum. Since it was still the middle of the night I figured that it could only be one person.

"Bobby! You guys… ALL of you are okay, right?"

"Yeah, we're fine Koala Bear. Is everything okay with you?"

"Yeah… I'm… It's okay… But… Well, it's just that when Cas was here, he said something so I was…"

"What? Cas was there?" Bobby worriedly interrupted. "What did he…?"

Before he could finish, Dean snatched the phone out of Bobby's hand and he quickly barked into the phone, "How long ago did he leave? What did he say? Where was he going?"

"I… I don't really know…" I replied hesitantly.

"Well what DID he tell you? He didn't just drop in to stare at you did he?" Dean demanded just as angrily as he had previously.

I paused then gritted my teeth and spat out my reply, "And I'm fine by the way! Thanks for asking!"

I quickly hung up the phone then threw it onto the couch before running back up to my room. When they got back to the house, Sam was the first one to see me sitting in one of Bobby's cars gripping the steering wheel tightly. Dean stalked up the stairs while Sam and Bobby silently debated who should try to speak to me.

"Just turn the key and go… Just turn the key and go… Just turn…" I chanted to myself staring at my hands.

"Addy?" Sam called out softly as he slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Why can't I just leave?" I asked the windshield.

Sam touched my arm gently to get my attention and after I turned my head, he saw my tear streaked cheeks. "I packed everything up easily enough… But that's as far as I got."

Sam leaned over then turned the key. Once the engine was running he squeezed my hand saying, "Drive safe Addy. Keep in touch, okay?"

He reached over to open his door, but stopped when he heard me turn the car off.

"I have nowhere to go," I answered his unasked question.

"Oh… I thought that you would be heading home."

I shook my head and sputtered out a sad laugh. "Sorry Sam, that was kind of rude… But I can't really show my face there." He gave me a confused look, so I quickly explained, "I'm still technically dead, remember?"

Sam blushed slightly then replied, "Right and since Cas hit reset on the Connors…"

"I'm not like their daughter anymore," I finished as I started to sob.

He slid over and wrapped me in a tight hug soothingly saying, "You're still more than welcome to stay here."

I shook my head as I pushed out of his embrace. "I… I don't think I can… I don't think it's healthy… I haven't been eating properly and… And I can't remember the last time I actually had a proper night's sleep…" I dried my cheeks and tried to hold Sam's gaze, but had to look away when he started to look like he might cry. "I… I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore."

"Oh… Addy… I'm sorry." He pulled me into another hug then continued, "It's late… Why don't you come inside and we'll try to figure something out."

He carried my bag in for me as he led me back into the house. Once inside I continued up to my room without even thinking about it. Sam paused in the study to briefly explain what had happened to Bobby then he brought my bag upstairs. I felt someone sit on the bed behind me so I rolled over to see who it was.

"I know I'm not… But…" Sam hesitantly offered as he opened his arms to me.

I shuddered out a sob then buried my face into his chest. Sam awkwardly laid down with me in his arms and then he kissed my head before whispering, "Try to get some sleep Addy."

After only a couple of hours, I woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed and hungry. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen I could hear giggling on the soundtrack of whatever Dean was watching. He barely raised his eyes as I passed him and just continued drinking to keep from having to talk to me.

As I made my meal, I stole a glance over my shoulder when my curiosity got the best of me. When I saw what he was watching, I couldn't help myself and blurted out, "You're disgusting Dean."

He just shrugged then sipped from his glass, so I tried to finish as quickly as possible. Dean was still smirking when I walked by him to leave the room, but it faded away when I put a plate down beside him.

I didn't look down at him and quickly said, "You're going to get an ulcer if you don't eat periodically."

Sam and I nearly ran into each other in the study and he smiled when he saw me eating a sandwich.

"So what were you up to Sam?"

He shrugged then answered, "Last ditch effort."

I patted his arm, swallowed what I was chewing and said, "At least you tried."

My plan was just to go up to my room again, but I stopped to eavesdrop on the impending conversation between the brothers. I laughed to myself when Sam got Dean to shut off his computer.

Sam asking, "Cas?" had me running back into the kitchen.

Castiel braced himself so that he could remain standing then replied, "I heard your call. I need help."

I ran to his side then Sam and I helped him to a chair. Some of the blood on his coat transferred to our hands and clothes prompting me to stutter out a quiet and frightened, "Oh my God… Cas…? What happened?"

He closed his eyes and passed out, so Dean answered my question by playing the news story he had found earlier in the day. I nearly fell over in shock then found that I had no words and just sighed sadly when I looked back over at Castiel.

Sam smiled to himself then somewhat smugly said, "Looks like he wasn't completely unreachable."

When the men worked at getting everything together for the ritual, I sat with Castiel and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Periodically, I would help Bobby move a table or such, but for the most part I just tried to stay out of the way. Sam went to retrieve the blood that was needed to open the portal then he promptly disappeared. I offered to go and look for him, but Bobby insisted that I was needed there. Bobby started chanting and the blood symbols started to glow. Dean and I took turns straightening Castiel up until he finally seemed to be able to stand on his own.

Just before the wall cracked away, Castiel turned to Dean and sincerely stated, "I'm sorry Dean."

I couldn't stand to watch because I was starting to feel so nauseated that I had to walk away. As I moved away, I felt the meager contents of my stomach rise up in my throat. I tried to will away the wave of nausea that was hitting me, but then I caught a whiff of some foul odor that I knew could only be decay and I just barely made it to my knees as I started vomiting.

When I got back to the room, Castiel was standing with Dean and Bobby. All of the sores on his face had healed but he was still completely covered in blood.

Dean had him by the arm saying, "Alright, well one thing at a time. Come on, let's get you out of here. Come on."

Castiel stopped to more urgently plead, "I mean it Dean."

"Okay, alright," Dean answered trying to appease him. "But let's go find Sam, okay?"

"Please Cas?" I asked as I approached them.

He nodded then Bobby and Dean each took an arm and started to lead him out of the room. I turned to leave, but froze when I heard Castiel's pained voice.

"You need to run now! I… I can't hold them back!"

"Hold who back?" Dean questioned sternly from his spot.

Castiel was leaning over holding his stomach shouting, "They held on inside me… Dean they're so strong."

I ran to Bobby's side as he asked, "Who the hell…?"

"Leviathan!" Castiel interrupted. "I can't fight them! Run!"

Dean turned Bobby and me by the shoulder urgently shouting, "GO! Go get Sam! Go get Sam!"

Bobby grabbed me by the hand and we started running until we heard a bemused, "Too late!"

Dean was standing right in front of the angel and asked, "Cas?"

Castiel took a step forward and grabbed Dean by the jacket enthusiastically explaining, "Cas is… He's gone. He's dead. We run the show now."

He tossed Dean across the room and into a table. I inadvertently screamed causing whatever was possessing Castiel to turn his attention to us. He grabbed Bobby and threw him into a table on the opposite side of the room.

I shrunk against the wall and tried my best to mentally prepare myself for possibly receiving the same treatment. I had my eyes closed tightly and jumped slightly when I felt him pet my cheek.

"My… You are pretty," he commented distractedly. I flinched as he petted my hair because all of the veins on his neck started to turn black. He chuckled then turned back towards Dean saying, "This is going to be so much fun."