I Know I Let You Down Again And Again:

"Toby! Toby! You really need to slow down Buddy," I nearly shouted into my phone as I leaned against my GTO in the lot of an empty rest area. "I don't think that I've been able to catch a single word that you've said since I answered the phone. Now just take a deep breath and try that again." I could tell that he was still hyperventilating so I more sternly commanded (in the hopes that it would help him to focus faster), "Toby! Deep breath!"

I then heard him force in a couple of slow, deep breaths before he more calmly replied, "Sorry… Sorry. Okay… They were all on a job together in New Jersey and something happened… I… I think it's bad…" His more relaxed demeanor started to crumble, but he managed not to sob or get overly excited again as he finished, "They're at the hospital now."

"Hospital?" I asked absentmindedly. "What…? Who…?"

"I don't know," he responded sadly. "When Sam finally answered his phone, he just said that there were at the Hammonton Regional Hospital. I'm sorry… I tried to find out more but he was in too much of a hurry to tell me anything other than where they were. I'm sorry… I swear I tried to find out but now he isn't answering his phone."

I just barely caught myself against the hood of my car when the realization of what Toby's statement meant hit me. Sam was the only one that had answered Toby's call. Toby had always tried calling Dean then Sam then Bobby and then back to Dean and through the list again in the same order until one of the three of them answered the phone if he had information for them on a job. If Sam was the one that had finally been able to tell Toby that they were at the hospital, it was more than likely that Dean was the reason that they had rushed to the hospital while they were in the middle of a hunt.

Panic wanted to overtake me fast and hard, but I managed no to completely succumb to my fear. It could be Dean, but there was still an off-chance that it was Bobby who was the patient who we needed to keep in our prayers right now. For a brief moment I felt the sharp pain in my chest ease up enough to take in a few deep breaths. But almost as soon as relief started to wash over me, guilt overshadowed it. Yes Dean might be okay, but then we could be losing Bobby instead. Bobby our rock, Bobby back bone… Bobby our everything we needed whenever we needed it, even if it wasn't what we thought we needed at that moment in time. There wasn't an event in my life (that he had been told about) that he hadn't helped me work through in order to come out stronger on the other side. After my Mum was killed, I had fallen into a deep depression and as a result for a while I had seriously considered leaving hunting forever. Most everyone else hadn't offered me any advice or opinion other than the fact that they would support me in any decision that I finally made, most everyone except for Bobby. When I somewhat flippantly told him that I was contemplating working on the farm with Bill full-time, Bobby just stared at me while he waited for me to tell him that I was just joking, but I didn't. Hell I didn't even crack a smile. When he realized that I might be serious, he yelled at me and told me that I was being stupid. He even told me that he would be willing to take me out back and beat the melancholy out of me if he thought it would do some good. That made me crack a faint smile and he eventually was able to get me out of my funk. He then proceeded to test me on everything he thought that I should have learned up until that point over the next week while I stayed with him and wouldn't let me leave until I had proved to him that I could (and wanted) to survive. When everyone else had coddled me and handled me with the same care you would use on fine China, Bobby was willing to give me then kick in the ass as well as the brutal honesty that I needed to get myself back on the right track.

"Oh… God… No," I whispered to myself as my conflicting emotions of relief and debilitating fear fought for dominance.

"Addy? Addy?" Toby repeated as his voice got louder with every syllable. "Addy? Did you hear anything that I just said to you?"

I was beyond grateful that he couldn't see me during this conversation because of the embarrassed blush that spread over the skin of my cheeks and neck. "I'm sorry Buddy, I missed it all. Would you mind repeating what you just said?"

There's no way for me to be certain, but I'm sure that Toby could hear the tears I was fighting off in my tone, so instead of good naturedly reprimanding me like he had always done in the past, Toby replied almost cautiously, "I was just saying that… Uhh… I was figuring that you'd be pretty worried no matter who's hurt, so I could… I mean only if you wanted… I could try to keep in touch with Sam to get updates so that you can just focus on driving." He paused to take a deep breath then added, "Then I'll call you with any news… Well only the really important stuff so that way you won't have to worry too much unless…"

"I hear from you," I finished with a soft tone of disbelief. "Buddy I can't believe how much thought you've put into this."

You could almost hear him giving me the innocent school boy 'Aw shucks' look as he said, "It's really no big deal Addy. I just want to do what I can to help you."

"It is a big deal Toby, it really is... You've matured so much and you should be proud of the man that you've become because I sure as hell am…" I could almost see his uncomfortable squirming as I spoke, but I didn't acknowledge it or change what I wanted to say to him. "And I really do appreciate your help and everything that you've done… And… As much as I love talking with you, I hope that I don't hear from you too soon."

Toby chuckled sadly then replied, "Given the circumstances, I hope that I don't have to call you anytime soon either."

Neither of us could bring ourselves to say 'Good bye' or even another 'I love you' because it just felt like a reminder that it could be our last. Normally I didn't like encouraging any deception unless it was directly related to a job that I was working, but right at that moment I was more than happy to let us embrace the lie that we were telling ourselves. Until I got to the hospital there was no way for me to know who was hurt or how badly, so it would be easier for me to close the distance between here and there if I could just block those thoughts any way that I could (although right now I would have been just as content to just ignore them altogether for the foreseeable future). Of course the thought that I was trying to avoid the most was that once I got to the hospital there still wasn't much that I could actually do to change anyone's fate. If someone was dying, it wasn't like I could ride in there with a miracle cure or jump straight in to offer any of them moral support, right? I guess that I could offer a strong shoulder once I was able to convince Sam and whoever else was still conscious that I was in fact actually me. Toby told me that he had an almost fool proof plan to help out with me confirming my identity to the guys and he remained confident that it would work, even though he hadn't gone into detail about it with me. I didn't quite share his confidence that it would be easy to convince them, but there were just too many things that could go wrong between now and then that I wasn't able to focus on any one worry to obsess about on the drive, which in the end was a bit of a mixed blessing.

I easily mapped out a route to New Jersey and made sure that I didn't give myself enough of a reprieve to fixate on why I needed to get there as soon as humanly possible. As I drove, I couldn't help but check my phone to see if Toby had called me with any news. For the most part I was happy that he hadn't because it most likely meant that nothing else horrible had happened, but there was another part of me that just really wanted to hear his voice for a small measure of comfort. I had thought about calling him so that he could give me a pep talk, but in the end I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to do it. For one, Toby would instantly get annoyed with me for calling him instead of just concentrating on the road while I drove. For another, he was still technically a kid and he had already taken on too much responsibility when it came to ensure all of our happiness (especially mine). I was the adult and even though I was no longer going to be playing the role of 'Mum' to him, I had to remember that the natural order was for me to be the one that he ran to for comfort and not the other way around so I wasn't going to allow myself to revert back to leaning on him for moral support right now.

By the time I reached the parking lot of the Hammonton Regional Hospital I had stopped for a short nap so that I would be feeling as alert as I could to deal with the day. I still didn't have any more details about who the patient was or the nature of their injuries, so I stared at the red and white sign above the door and silently scolded myself because I had no clue if I was parking by the right part of the hospital. The trauma center seemed like the most logical place to start my search, but I couldn't afford to waste any more time so I broke down and called Toby to double check if he had been able to find out where the guys were in medical center.

"Hey Addy," he said hesitantly when he answered the phone. "So…? How bad is it?"

I fought the urge to laugh nervously before I more somberly answered, "I don't know yet Buddy. I literally just got here, but I need to double check something with you if you can spare a second."

"Of course I can," he replied instantly. "How can I help?"

"Well I'm…" I stated instinctively scanning the area for any potential threats or clues even though I didn't foresee finding any. As we spoke, my eyes landed on a shiny, black town car that a small group of people was gathered by the rear passenger door. I couldn't help but wonder who was so important that they had attracted such a crowd and then as if they heard my silent inquiry, the crowd parted like the Red Sea to reveal a woman standing beside the open window of the car. She was taking something form the person inside and then took a step away to reveal the smiling face of the man inside. I threw my body down over the center console towards the passenger seat as I breathed out a surprised and terrified, "Oh shit!"

"Addy? Addy? What's happened now?" Toby shouted in a mild panic in response to hearing my fear.

I forced myself to slow my breathing to calm myself down so that I could try to reply in such a way that he wouldn't worry any more than he needed to right now, but I couldn't help but focus on my own racing thoughts. "Oh my God it's him… Why is he here? Does he have something to do with the guys being here? Oh shit! Are there more of them here?"

"Who Addy? Who's there?" Toby yelled sounding like it wasn't the first or second time that he was asking me those questions. "Addy? Who is it?"

Before I could stop myself I answered, "Dick Roman."

"Oh… My… God…" Toby gasped in a tone echoing my earlier astonishment. "Did he see you? Do you see…? Umm… The… Uhh…"

The uncertainty of Toby's tone helped me to come back to myself and recover nearly completely. I shifted slightly so that I was more comfortable while still laying down without being seen from outside my car and answered, "Hey Buddy it's okay. I think that I was able to hide before he had a chance to see me. And no, there's no sign of Edgar at all."

"Why is he there?" He asked in a quiet, controlled voice.

"That's a good question," I replied as I snuck a peak out the windshield to see Dick's car pulling out of the parking lot. "And once I find the guys I'll be sure to ask them if they know anything about it at all, okay?"

"Okay… Okay… But are you safe…? I mean with him being there and all?"

I inadvertently laughed before responding, "Yes I'll be fine Toby. It looks like he's left so maybe him being here has nothing to do with why we're here, right?"

"Right," Toby agreed without sounding overly convinced that that reasoning was the truth. "Right. Well anyway be careful and I'll talk to you soon. Oh! And don't forget, I have everything figured out to prove that you're you to Sam and… Uhh… To everyone."

"I didn't forget. Thanks again Tobs."

After I had my phone tucked into my back pocket, I checked my reflection in the rear view mirror. I hadn't put on much makeup earlier in the day, so I didn't have to worry about touching it up beyond putting on some lip balm. As I stepped out of my car, I looked down the length of my body and sighed softly. Dark denim jeans, sneakers and a deep purple short sleeved polo shirt wasn't exactly the most eye catching outfit I owned, but I was too nervous when I dressed to try to find something else to wear. Plus the three men I was searching out had all seen me when I looked less put together than I did right now, so dressing to impress didn't have to be high on my list of priorities.

It wasn't until I reached the front doors that I realized that I had forgotten to ask Toby if I was actually in the right spot or not. If Dick Roman had hurt any of the guys then I was more than certain that this was the right place for me to be. But if it was just a coincidence that he was here at the same hospital where one of them was being treated… Huh, coincidences and monsters had never meshed in the past so I opened the door feeling even more confident that I was on the right track. And then I saw it.

Immediately to the left of the entrance was the directory for the hospital and its glass had been completely shattered. Near the center of the impact there was a small amount of blood which led me to believe that someone had punched the glass to cause this much damage. I extended my arm out to measure where I would hit the glass if I was to punch it, but at my height I would have come up more than a few inches short. As I mimed another punch, I laughed softly because deep down I just seemed to know who the blood would belong to if it was tested.

"I'm sorry, but can I help you Miss?" A deep baritone voice questioned behind me.

I turned around quickly and gripped my left wrist with my right hand as I replied, "Yes… Well actually I hope that you can. I'm looking for the man who caused this damage. Do you know where I might be able to find him right now?"

He straightened his tie and then tugged at his blazer anxiously before bending down slightly to quietly say, "Look Officer, I'm sorry that someone has wasted your time by asking you to look into this incident but we won't be pressing any charges. I spoke with my employee about his inappropriate timing in discussing organ donation with the next of kin and he agreed that he was most likely out of line. We all concluded that that caused this angry outburst and all parties have also agreed to stay separated, so I don't see any point in making matters worse for the family than they already are."

I resisted the urge to laugh at his assumption that I was an officer from some branch of law enforcement who was here in plain clothes and somehow kept my face neutral saying, "Oh… I wasn't aware of that arrangement… But I would still like to cover all of my bases and speak with both parties. You know just so that no one can change their minds in the future and possibly file a suit against the hospital."

"Sue the hospital?" He questioned sounding like he hadn't considered that to be a possibility. He gripped my upper arm in a tight, uncomfortable grasp then leaned in closer to me asking, "No one has been talking about suing anyone have they?" I stared at his hand and raised a questioning eyebrow causing him to quickly release my arm and whisper, "I'm sorry Ma'am."

I took a step back and pointedly rubbed my arm as I replied, "No sir, no one has mentioned a lawsuit, but wouldn't you feel better if someone was able to get that on the record…? Officially?"

"Right… Yes… Yes having it officially on the record would be very… Advantageous," he replied in a ramble before standing up straight and composing himself. " I'm not one hundred percent sure where he went after I spoke with him, but since his uncle was being rushed to surgery, he's most likely in the private waiting room by the O.R."

"Surgery?" I hoarsely questioned before clearing my throat loudly to more confidently ask, "I mean, may I inquire as to why his uncle is being rushed to surgery? I… I just want to be properly prepared so that I don't say or do the wrong thing and make matters worse and all."

"Of course, of course," he said as his suspicion bled out of his facial expression. "Mr. Singer came in with a bullet embedded above his right eye, more specifically in the upper frontal bone of his skull. From what I could gather it appears to have been the result of a hunting accident, but…" Suddenly his grave tone sounded less somber. "But no one has had the heart to question his family any deeper about the accident. Maybe when you're speaking with him you could…?"

When he trailed off I smiled warmly and said, "I'll try my best because just like yourself I want nothing more than the truth. Now… If you'll point me in the direction of that waiting room?"

"Right, of course," he replied as he stood up even straighter and pointed down the hall. "Follow this hallway, turn right and it's the third door on the left."

I whispered a quick 'Thank you' and then forced myself not to run in the direction that he had told me I needed to go. As I rounded the corner, his words sunk in and the realization of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. It was Bobby who had been admitted to the hospital. Bobby was the one I might be losing forever. Once that thought formed completely in my mind I stopped cold in my tracks. A couple of nurses gave me a weird questioning look, so I tried to compose myself as much as possible, but nearly failed. I then rushed towards the door of the women's restroom in the hopes that they would assume that I was just another distraught family member who was worried about someone in their care.

By the time I reached a sink, I was hyperventilating and held little hope that I would be able to catch my breath before I found Sam and Dean. I gripped the sides of the porcelain of a sink and just stared at my chagrinned reflection. There didn't seem to be much point in fighting my feelings, so I just looked into my eyes as tears spilled out of them and down both of my cheeks.

Bobby… Bobby was shot in the head… In the fucking head… I repeated in my mind over and over as the tears flowed with a renewed vigor. I allowed myself a few painful sobs before I stumbled into a stall and pulled off a long line of toilet paper. After I dabbed away the moisture off my cheeks and neck and blew my nose, I turned on the cold water faucet to splash some water on my face. When I looked at my reflection again I was thankful that I hadn't put on all that much makeup because it meant that there wasn't much to ruin on my face to make me look like a stupidly sad clown or something.

Okay I thought resolutely to myself. Now you know without a doubt that it's Bobby who's fighting for his life. Fine… FINE! Get over it. Sam and Dean were there and are having to deal with it too so get over it! You aren't the only damn one that's hurting right now for fuck's sake. Come on, get it together. As I was scolding myself I pulled my phone out to type out a text message to Toby saying, "IT'S BOBBY. HE'S IN SURGERY NOW."

I didn't pay much more attention to my message to Toby because I figured that it had enough information and detail in it that Toby would have a better idea of what was happening without me needing to call and get into everything more in depth right now. Once I saw that the message had successfully sent, I stared at my face again to get myself further under control. Toby knew the truth, I knew some of what was happening, the worst of it was out there, and now all I needed to do was confront Dean and Sam. In my head it sounded that easy, all I had to do was walk out the door behind me and through the one just down the hall to finally find them. Toby was more than certain that he had a fool proof plan to prove to the Winchesters that I wasn't some supernatural creature, but I still hesitated before I turned the knob on the door in front of me.

Once I pushed the door open, the first face that I saw was Sam's. He was seated on a couch with his head in his hands, but he didn't do much more than gawk in my direction as I stepped through the doorway and closed the door quickly behind me. I smiled brightly in his direction and he shook his head vigorously. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself from saying anything when his phone started to vibrate. He pulled it out to answer it just as my eyes landed on Dean's slumped figure where he sat on a table top against the wall.

I sort of heard Sam's voice when he answered it and his brother seemed to put himself on high alert as soon as he heard Sam say, "Hey Toby…" I stayed cemented in my place while Sam continued his conversation and then Dean's eyes connected with my own.

Before I had a chance to notice any change in the younger Winchester's demeanor, Dean was looming over me so I worriedly said, "Dean?"

Without saying a word, Dean whipped the door behind me open and forcefully pulled me through it into the hallway. I tried to get his attention, but he ignored all of my efforts as he tugged on my arm down the hallway to a door with a small placard that read "SUPPLY CLOSET". A few hospital workers that noticed us seemed to look the other way when they noticed that it was Dean who was pulling a stunned woman into a closet, which didn't surprise me at all.

I wasn't sure how I felt about their indifference and before I could verbally protest, Dean threw me up against the now closed door and mashed his mouth painfully onto mine. As much as the thought of a hot make out session with Dean appealed to me, I still fruitlessly tried to talk to him while Dean nearly fed at my lips which in turn meant that I was kissing him back at a weird uncomfortable pace.

Dean finally pulled back and placed his forehead against mind as he huffed out, "No… Shh…"

My hands landed hard on Dean's shoulders as he nipped at my neck after pulling the buttons of the neck of my shirt open. I tried to verbally reply but those words just turned into unintelligible moans as his tongue and lips caressed my throat and scarred collarbone as his hands moved to open the button and fly of my jeans. He continued to bite and kiss my neck as he pushed my jeans and sensible cotton briefs down my thighs. For some reason he froze when I let out a lust filled, "Dean… Yes… Yes…"

He quickly recovered then cupped his palms over the cheeks of my buttocks, lifted me off the ground and nearly threw me up against a wire metal shelving unit on the other side of the small room. My words then turned into a flurry half pained, half aroused noises as he started to hit my back into the sharp metal over and over.

Dean didn't pay attention to the fact that I might be uncomfortable or that I might want to protest this course of action as he simultaneously pulled my pants and underwear to my knees while thrusting his still jean covered groin into mine that was completely bare. I issued another inarticulate, satisfied noise as Dean shifted my garments to my ankles so that he could get the leverage he needed to thrust the full length of his painfully hard erection into my awaiting warmth.

"Dean… Dean…" I mumbled softly in an unending loop as he plunged himself fully to the hilt inside me. When he didn't move beyond that, I awkwardly hitched my legs higher up over his hip bones to pull him impossibly closer. When he hit a spot inside of me that made pleasure spread through my body, I completely ignored any pain or unease and moaned out a long, "Yes… Dean…There… Please…"

As soon as I said his name loud enough for him to hear it, Dean clamped a hard hand over my mouth to silence me as he replied, "No… No… Not her… No…"

When what he said hit my ears, I tried my best to reply but then my words were lost to my feelings of euphoria and I lost my ability to speak. I ended up with my legs wrapped around his lower back, my ankles effectively handcuffed by my jeans, so that he couldn't pull himself too far away on the backward slide of each thrust. My shirt started to ride up and I could feel my back scraping on a shelf so I tried to wrap my left arm around part of the shelving unit but it hurt too much so I used my right arm instead to anchor me and Dean then started to pound himself into me with more ease.

"No… Not her…" He repeated almost angrily. My jaw went slack as I just took what Dean was willing to give my body. His mouth found my neck as his hips continued their bruising pace. He bit and sucked a bruise on my flesh while I cried out quietly as my first orgasm hit me surprisingly quickly.

Dean worked me through my first climax roughly then brought me to my second as his thrusts stuttered as he reached his first. My right hand slipped slightly as I tried to keep myself steady against the metal at my back while the palm of my left hand made a home near the nape of Dean's neck. Dean for the most part didn't seem to notice what I was doing beyond my somewhat passive acceptance of the harsh rhythm that Dean decided on as soon as he touched me.

Long after he had removed his bruising grip over my mouth, which nearly caused me to cut my lip on my teeth, I understood that Dean didn't seem to want to hear me call out his name as loudly as I could. His name turned into a soft drawn out multi-syllable "Deeeean" until his mouth covered my own while his midsection continued to stab painfully into me. Unexpectedly, I was on the cusp of my third orgasm when his rhythm finally stuttered enough to be more pleasant and I could feel his body seize up under the weight of his own. Dean nearly slammed his head against my chest and growled out some word or phrase that I couldn't understand once I finally felt him allow himself his release. I was finding it hard to catch my breath so I didn't even try to praise him verbally and decided to just pet his head with my functioning right hand instead.

My mind was coming out of its euphoric haze and I could feel minor aches and pains all over my body in response to the tortuously rough treatment it had just received. As I moved my hand back and forth over the back of Dean's head, the pain radiating from my left elbow started to over shadow anything else that I had previously been feeling. It didn't seem to matter if I was moving it or not to keep the pain from pulsing up and down my arm, but I still chose to err on the side of caution and kept it still until I had a chance to survey the damage properly and find out how badly I was injured in the hopes that the pain just wouldn't get any worse.

Dean caught his breath first and he started saying something into my shirt where his head still rested. Before I had a chance to question what he was saying, Dean's head shot up. For a brief, fleeting moment he looked like he might cry but then his jaw quickly set into a hard line. He tried to take a step away from me, but my jeans were still around my ankles, meaning that he was effectively trapped between my legs, but I did drop my hands to my sides in response to the angry look on his face.

"Okay," he started with a low rumble as he awkwardly stepped over the fence of cloth to back away from me while he also tucked himself back into his pants. "You've had your fun, now pick a different face."

I could feel my confusion showing on my face as I tried to lightheartedly joke, "Sorry Dean but this is the only face that I have… I guess we're kind of stuck with it."

He sneered at my response so angrily that I almost jumped backwards, but with the shelves still behind me I had nowhere to go. His chest started to rise and fall rapidly as he huffed in a few enraged breaths and he seemed to be too incensed to actually speak. I swallowed hard while trying to decide what I should say next. I held his stare for as long as I could but it was so uncomfortable that I dropped my eyes to stare at my feet while I waited for him to reply. As soon as I looked down, I noticed that I was still partially undressed. I had never really felt uneasy about being naked around Dean, but for some reason right then I wanted nothing more than to be fully clothed.

The pain in my left arm had been completely forgotten up until the moment I reached down to pull up my pants and it screamed at me for the rapidity of that movement. "Fuck… Fuck…" I cursed quietly under my breath as I gripped my elbow with my right hand. That seemed like a good idea before I executed it, but my left elbow had been so badly chaffed on the metal of the shelves that when my palm it the cut a new hot wave of pain ran up and down the full length of my arm. "Oh… Shit… Fuck…"

Dean didn't move while he watched me inspect my wound. I sighed loudly with relief once I could finally see the cut because it didn't look like it was too serious and it should have been more than an easy fix compared to most of the injuries we've had to patch up on a job. Dean's eyes just darted from my bloody arm to my face and back as they grew wider and his mouth fell open in what I thought was a stunned silence.

"Hey… No worries Dean. This'll just take a second to fix up and I'm pretty sure it won't be too hard to find a band aid here," I said with a soft chuckle as I idly gestured around the room filled with medical supplies.

He continued to stare at me in wide eyed horror while I turned to find some gauze and tape to patch myself up. As I predicted the supplies were more than easy to find. I eagerly ripped into a package but was stopped mid-motion by a hand that gripped my arm just under the new damage.

Dean ran his thumb over the cut causing me to hiss in a breath in an attempt to ignore the pain that motion caused the best that I could. When I turned around to face him, he was rubbing the blood between his thumb and index finger with a thoughtful scowl on his face. I kept myself from reaching out to him so that he could process everything at his own pace. He then looked up at my face from his hand and I could have sworn that I saw tears brimming his eyes.

"Your… It's… It's… Red," he stuttered out quietly. "Lay?"

I smiled softly and nodded as I choked back my own onslaught of tears saying, "Yeah Dean, it's me."

I took a tentative step forward and finally tried to reach out to him like I had been wanting to since he stumbled out of my embrace. Dean nearly jumped back a foot then wiped my blood off of his hand onto his jeans as he continued to stagger away from me. I started to take another step forward but stopped myself when he just kept shaking his head from side to side rapidly.

"No… No… Lay…You… She wouldn't have let me… Let me pretty much…" Before he finished his thought, he abruptly turned around and rushed out of the room.

I stared at the spot that Dean had vacated while I tried to connect the dots to a conclusion that made some sense in my head. I had expected some level of distrust or disbelief from Dean, but this reaction made absolutely no sense to me at all. We had just had a round of some of the most intense love making that we'd had ever shared together and yet he wasn't here with me basking in the afterglow. What had him so spooked?

"He's probably still freaking out about Bobby," I reasoned to myself aloud as I bandaged my wound. "And I'd bet anything that he hasn't had a decent night's sleep in the last couple of days."

At the door of the waiting room, I stood and stare at it feeling strangely self-conscious even I though I had tried to talk myself out of that self-doubt on my short walk to this room. By now Sam should have been finished his conversation with Toby, so he would know the truth about me, but how was he going to react?

"Only one way to find out Girly Girl," I whispered to myself as I opened the door slowly.

Once inside I was confronted with the image of an anxious looking Sam who was watching Dean while he was pacing in a tight circle saying insistently into the phone, "No, but Toby how do you know that THIS is her? I mean couldn't something have happened to her between then and now…? I mean because there's no way that she would let… She wouldn't…"

The fingers of Dean's free hand seemed to be trying to iron out the worry lines on his forehead between his eyes while he listened to the teen's response. Toby mustn't have been saying what Dean needed to hear because the older male continued to stalk in his tight circle while his fingers raked over his skin while he continued to plead something into the phone that was too quiet for me to overhear.

The sound of the door clicking closed or a floor board settling under my feet must have alerted the Winchesters to my presence because Dean froze in his place and Sam sat up straighter in his spot on the couch while they both turned to face me. Dean terminated his phone conversation so abruptly that he must have cut Toby off mid-sentence, however he didn't seem to pay his rudeness much mind. Sam's head just moved from side to side while he looked between the two of us and any time his mouth opened, he quickly closed it without uttering a word.

Soon enough I found that I had pressed myself against the door, staring into the stunned faces of the Winchester brothers, so I tried my best to break the tension like I would have in the past saying, "Hey guys, long time no see… Wait… Do I have something in my hair?"

As I ran my fingers through the length of my long, brunette locks, Sam laughed quietly and uncomfortably, but Dean's expression just harden as he stepped back and sat down on the table behind him. They both looked like they had seen a ghost and given our backgrounds, I knew that that meant that they were both somewhat freaked out by seeing me again in the flesh for some reason. I silently cursed Toby and his 'fool proof plan' that he managed to never actually describe to me while I tried to remain as still as I possibly could. Since my humorous approach hadn't worked, I figured that I should just wait for one of the guys to make the next move before the tension in the room could rise any higher.

Sam looked over at Dean for direction like he had done a million times in the past, but Dean was just openly gaping at me where I stood almost shaking with fear. Since his brother didn't seem to be giving Sam any indication about how to proceed, the younger Winchester took the initiative and stood up to take a couple of cautious steps towards me. I wanted to be annoyed at his restraint, but then I was painfully reminded of how I had treated him when I first saw him alive after he had gone to Hell to save us. Granted he had no soul but I didn't know that then and I had still irritably called him "It" just to prove the point that I didn't trust him on sight.

He was so tall once he was standing in front of me and I wanted nothing more to jump into his arms and hug him, but I remained still in my spot. He took my left hand into his and then he gingerly raised my arm so that he could see my elbow and said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear it, "Red… You bleed red."

I nodded then whispered back, "I'm not a Leviathan Sam."

He acknowledged my statement with a curt nod as he tenderly placed my left hand onto my right shoulder. To my utmost surprise this was the first position that had completely taken the pressure off of my wound and I finally felt more comfortable. He then led me by my right elbow to the couch where he had been seated to help me sit down and get as comfortable as I could be right now. Neither brother was saying much, which had always unnerved me and I found it kind of creepy that they could both silently move around each other with an easy fluidity when the rest of the world would have had to explain verbally or they'd run the risk of looking completely awkward. Sam exchanged another quick look with Dean once I was completely 'settled' in my seat and then he turned his body to face completely away from me.

In the end I remained as I was on the couch while he walked over to a bag by Dean as he tried to explain with as little emotion in his tone as he could muster, "You're right, that cut does prove that you aren't one of them… But you of all people must know that you have to pass more than one test to prove to us that you are positively human."

I laughed quietly still in my place as Sam pulled out a bottle of what I could only assume was filled with Holy Water because his tone evoked the most vivid case of déjà vu from when I had had to pass similar tests under Toby's watchful eye. As I took the bottle from his steady hand, I tried my best to take all of the humor out of my tone (which was surprisingly hard once I saw the apparent humor in this current predicament) as I said, "And just so we have ALL of our bases cover… Where's the silver knife Sammy?"

Sam gave Dean a stunned look, but the elder Winchester was just watching my even more like a hawk, so he had no answers to give to his brother. As I took in their exchange I wanted to cry but I remained stoic as I said, "Sam? Why don't you reach into Dean's right boot? He always used to carry a silver knife in it."

While they silently debated what I had said, I chugged back the contents of the two liter bottle in my hands. After I swallowed the last mouthful of water, I swiped my good arm over my lips and panted in a few frantic breaths while I looked up Sam's body to his face once again. To his credit, Sam actually appeared to be impressed that I had been able to ingest that much liquid at once as he passed me the opened switch blade.

"Sorry I was parched," I joked weakly through a couple more labored breaths. I had forgotten how guzzling that much liquid in that short a time would affect me and I couldn't have masked the large, long, loud belch that snuck up on me even if I tried before I more politely asked, "So where do you want it?" After I had finally managed to take in a couple of calm breaths, neither of the brothers had answered me, so I laughed before I clarified my statement. "I meant, where should I cut myself? Seriously boys, don't you know by know that if I was a monster that was going to kill you that I would make sure that neither of you would see it coming?"

Sam chuckled nervously and sat down beside me once again. He gently touched my bandage answering, "No sense in having to find more gauze and tape, why not just slice yourself under here?"

I nodded in understanding then passed him the knife, hilt first. He gave me a questioning look, but I seemed to have ignored it as I pulled back the tape before explaining, "The blade just has to touch the open wound and blood, right? This way, if you do it, you won't make it any worse than it has to be… And I won't have yet another nifty new scar."

He took the knife but worriedly asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah… From this angle I might dig it in too deep." I squeezed my eyes tight then tried to sound strong as I said, "Just do it Sam… Please so we can move on, please?"

Every muscle in my body stiffened when he pressed the tip of the knife into the open cut on my arm. It was a complete miracle that I was able to stay completely still as he pressed the knife in father at an excruciatingly slow pace. By the time he was finished probing the wound, my mind was solely focused on controlling my breathing as I forced in a few slow, long, deep breaths through my nose and exhaled them through my mouth. He gently redressed my wound then wrapped his arms around me to pull me into an uncomfortably tight hug. There was no way that I could have moved my arms to reciprocate, so I didn't even try, but I did have to shift the position of my head so that I could breathe more easily.

"You're getting as bad as us with this whole coming back from the dead routine," Sam said as he ran his hand down the length of my hair.

His grip had loosened enough that I could push back on his chest with my good arm so that I could look him in the eye when I smiled and replied, "Except that I technically only died once. You two still have me beat on that front… I just had a little bout of amnesia this time around."

"Amnesia? Mind filling us in about that?" Sam asked as he settled back a little bit away from me on the couch.

I licked my lips nervously as I looked over at Dean to see if there had been any change in his demeanor after seeing that I was in fact human, but for some reason he still looked completely spooked so I hoarsely asked, "Are you sure that you want to get into all of that right now?"

Sam shrugged and without taking his eyes off of me at all answered, "The doctor told us that we can't do anything to help Bobby right now and that we just have to wait it out, so why not fill that time with a story?"

I gave him a weak smile and said, "Umm… Okay… But before I dive into the deep end… Is there any chance that I could harass you guys for a Tylenol or something?"

Sam's eyes landed on my left arm where I was massaging it gently then a thought seemed to hit him hard, "Oh shit! Right… That's new… Of course… Just one…"

As he turned to stand up, Dean handed him a pill bottle over his shoulder. Sam thanked him, but Dean didn't seem to hear it before he announced, "And you'll probably want something to eat… I'll go grab that too."

Before I could protest, Dean had made his way out the door. I gave Sam a worried look to which he replied while taking one of my hands in both of his, "All of this has been a lot to deal with… Plus you know how he is."

I laughed softly then laced our fingers together agreeing, "Yeah, that I most definitely do. So should I wait for him to get back before I start the story or…?"

Sam was running his thumb over my fingers to soothe me and then gave the door a long, considering look. "I say you should start now because I don't think that I can wait. We can just fill him in later."

"Okay… So… Where to start…? Where to start?" I said as I shifted slightly in my seat so that I was facing Sam more comfortably. On my drive to New Jersey I had tried rehearsing how I would tell my story, but I hadn't actually decided on how far back I should go to begin my tale. Part of the reason was that I didn't want to go too far back and remind Dean of the last fight we had been in, but with him gone I didn't have to worry about that, which in a way made a starting point almost harder to find. "Alright… So… I stayed behind at Bobby's while Dean went out to find you after you had disappeared on me. Umm… So I was trying to keep doing research when I realized that I had left a bunch of my books in the car… Uhh… You know from when I got so upset with Dean that I umm…"

Sam squeezed my hand while sympathetically saying, "I remember… That was just before Cas came and found us, right?"

"Yeah, right… Exactly. Okay…" I took in a deep breath and relaxed a bit before continuing, "So I went out to the car and while I was bundling everything to lug it back inside, I heard a couple of cars pull up to the front of the house. I didn't really pay them much attention because I figured it was just you guys, but then I heard glass breaking and I almost went around front to check everything out… But then… I saw like a fireball or something in the house before I heard two men yelling at each other. One of the voices was telling the other to go out back to 'do his part', so I… I ran back to the car, crawled into the trunk and hid from them."

"Wow. So you were there when they torched Bobby's place…" Sam almost muttered in awe.

I nodded and turned my eyes down to my lap guiltily. "Yeah, but since I was alone and I didn't know for sure how many of them were there…"

"Hey, I wasn't criticizing Addy," Sam interrupted me while squeezing my knee. Once I looked back up into his face, he smiled warmly and said, "I was just thinking that if you hadn't have thought fast and hid from them then we probably would have really lost you this time. But let's not dwell on that. What happened after that?"

"Well I stayed squished in the trunk until they stopped yelling and waited until the sound of the fire had died down… When I finally ventured to take a look at the damage, it was completely dark out so I figured that if any of them were still there while I checked things out that I could just run into the junk yard and use the night to help me hide again."

"Sounds like a good plan," he encouraged when I paused for longer than just a breath again.

"Yeah," I replied with a sarcastic scoff. "It did to me too until I got around my car and ran into Edgar."

"Edgar? Latino, around Dean's height, dark hair, greying goatee…?" Sam questioned softly.

"That's him. He's actually a Leviathan that took over a construction workers body." Sam nodded with a solemn look on his face. "But you know that already because you guys must have run into him too."

Sam let out a quick bark of a laugh then said, "We did. Dean dropped a car on him after he broke Dean's leg and knocked me out. He… He was also at the warehouse when Bobby was shot."

For a moment I was so stunned that I couldn't do anything more than just gape at Sam silently. Once I regained the ability to speak, I said more to myself than to him, "Shit the project at work that was causing them more trouble than they anticipated… Fuck… It was…"

"Project? Addy what are you talking about?"

"Oh sorry… Sorry I got ahead of myself there for a second," I replied dismissively as I gently patted his knee. "Now… Let's go back and fill in that gap… Okay… Where was I? Right… So I ran into Edgar and since I'm such a badass hunter, I… Uhh… Turned tail and ran away from him… Well at least I tried to run away like a scared little girl." Sam was biting the inside of his cheek and looked like he was trying not to laugh, so I smirked and said. "Go ahead and laugh Sam. I even screamed like a bimbo victim in a horror movie when he finally did catch me… Even though I sounded like a total rookie on their first hunt, I did actually manage to land a couple of good nut shots to slow him down… Well to try to slow him down."

Sam finally did laugh then but he was sure to pull me into a warm hug so that he could atone for that insensitivity. "That I more than believe, but… Well Dean and I had to take him on too, so I know that hitting him is pretty much like punching a wall, so don't discount that effort."

"Yeah that's definitely a good analogy… Anyway, I was still basically tickling him with my fists when we were interrupted by you guys yelling for me and Bobby." I paused for a second after saying his name because I almost turned into a sob. When I felt confident that I had my voice under control I continued, "When he heard you guys yelling for me too, he didn't want to give me a chance to call out to you, so he started then to finally fight me in earnest. The last thing that I remember about being at Bobby's place that night is Edgar smashing my head into the side or hood of one of the cars… And then I woke up in the hospital."

Sam ran his fingertips over my hairline until I gripped his wrist and guided his fingers to the dent that you could still feel in my scalp as he asked, "And when you woke up you couldn't remember anything about who you were?"

"Nope I couldn't remember anything, not even my name or what State I was in, but… Umm… Edgar was there standing dutifully by my bedside."

"He showed up at the hospital?" Sam blurted out in surprise.

"Yep. The doctors or nurses or whoever had found one of my fake IDs and they must have told him the name… I'm kind of hazy about that, but they all told me that my name was Lonnie Beale and that Edgar was my husband. I still can't believe that the doctors totally believed it and let him take me home with him."

"That's because the doctor was one of them," Sam explained with a quirky smile on his face. "Actually we're pretty sure that a large portion of the hospital staff has been taken over by Leviathans."

"Oh shit… Shit… Shit! That totally makes sense now… Shit." I shivered at the thought that I had just had, but I did my best to straighten myself out so that I could speak clearly. "Dick doesn't like them being in the spotlight for the wrong reasons. He would call or pop by to check in with Edgar to make sure that only certain 'projects' were making it to the media."

"Dick? Do you…? You mean Dick Roman, right?"

I nodded then said just over a whisper, "Yeah… I had dinner with him a few times too… He thinks he's a total charmer."

Sam looked like he was just about to say something when we heard Dean ask from the door, "While you were forced to play house with the monsters, did you overhear anything about their full game plan? Do you know what the fuck they want with us all?"

I stole a quick look at Dean over my shoulder and then turned back towards Sam as I shook my head slowly and answered, "No I didn't get a chance to at all. They both were really careful not to get into any specifics when they talked about work around me. Edgar told me it would be rude since I wasn't on the crew at all. I only heard them refer to everything vaguely, like only calling the things they were doing 'projects'. Since Edgar worked construction I just assumed that he was helping Dick with a new building or something."

"It's okay Addy… Really it is… In the end, you getting out of there alive is the most important part," Sam countered warmly before he gave Dean a look of disbelief over my shoulder.

Dean ignored his brother's statement and nonverbal warnings as he sat down on the coffee table in front of me with a dark scowl on his face. He reached out a hand hesitantly, but let it fall into his lap limply before it could actually touch me. "How did you manage to get away from him?"

I turned my body so that I was facing him and shrugged as I nonchalantly said, "I drove."

The Winchesters had identical looks of confusion on their faces and I had to almost visibly fight my urge to laugh at seeing it. I shrugged again and spoke with a meek, humble tone, "He never actually tried to hurt me at all… At least he never attempted to hurt me physically after I woke up without the memory of him being the one that put me in the hospital. I… Uhh… I think that they wanted me to like fall in love with him and be a happy little homemaker with him or something."

"Why?" They both asked simultaneously.

"I'm not sure but I've been asking myself that too and the best that I can come up with is that it would be to get to you. That's the best that I could come up with so far. Umm… I don't know… I think maybe they were going to use me as bait then fuck with you guys when you saw me clinging to one of the monsters and didn't trust you guys at all," I explained sheepishly.

Sam uttered a thoughtful noise then said, "Yeah… That… That would have been a pretty good plan to… Well it definitely would have been shitty for us but… Yeah makes sense."

Dean swallowed hard then visibly centered himself and stared at his hands as he asked, "So…? When you were blissfully playing Molly Homemaker with…? Him…? How close did you two actually get? You know, since you were husband and wife and all?"

My eyes shot up to his face and I stared at him, but before I had a chance to reply, we all turned towards the door at hearing it creak open. A female doctor with light brown hair that was tied back in a bun and light blue scrubs stepped in while still holding a bloody smock bunched up into a ball in her hands.

"I'm sorry to disturb you all but I was told that I would be able to find Mr. Singer's next of kin here?"

Dean and Sam stood up quickly as they replied at the same time, "That's us."