I'm Still Paying For It Every Day:

"Hey Addy? Could you come back here for a second please?"

I was still trying to dry some of the sweat dripping down my hairline with my sleeve as I stepped back into the spare bedroom asking, "What's up Buddy?"

Toby was standing in the closet focused solely on hitting various parts of the floor with the heel of his right foot once I got back into the room. I watched him for a bit and then asked, "Toby? What are you doing?"

"I dropped the tape gun," he explained without taking his eyes off his feet. "And then I found this…"

While he kicked his heel against one specific floorboard, I approached him as quietly as I could. I thought I heard a hallow THUD, so I knelt down in front of him and knocked on the wood under his feet. This time there was no doubt that I heard a hallow echo coming from the floor. I looked up at Toby with a questioning scowl to which he replied by shrugging and kneeling to one side of the closet.

"I thought you might have made a hiding place in here since there's on in your old bedroom too." Toby looked up to my face and then saw the confused frown I was wearing. "You know…? The loose floorboard in the closet in your old room that's filled with a stash of salt canisters?"

I shook my head slowly then replied, "Sorry Buddy, but I have no idea what you're talking about. The only hiding places I made are in the master bedroom."

"Huh…" Suddenly a mischievous grin spread across his lips as he said, "Well I guess there's only one way to find out who put this here."

"You can say that again," I agreed as I motioned for him to do the honor of the unveiling of the contents of this hidey-hole.

Without any hesitation or attempts to double check with me, Toby quickly slammed his fist on one end of the floorboard to force the opposite end up. I continued to watch him as he took the wooden board in his hands, lifted it up slowly and then gently placed it behind himself. Once he had the hiding place uncovered, he looked back at me to check my reaction.

I was staring at the hole in the floor trying to figure out who it could have been that had put it here. My Poppy and Mum would have thought of doing something like this, but then again neither of them would have been able to have kept it a secret for very long. Christmases and birthdays had always been amusing for me because I loved watching both of them try to contain their excitement about the presents that they had bought. Seeing the two of them together always made me wonder how Poppy wasn't really Mum's dad instead go being Sydney's. But those thoughts were always easily forgotten when Mum or Poppy couldn't contain their excitement anymore and would 'force' me to open at least one present nearly a week before my actual birthday or Christmas day.

Toby tried his best to wait for me to make the next move, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to continue. Once his impatience hit its peak, I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw him start to reach inside. Without really thinking about it, I swiftly grabbed him by the wrist in a bruising grip.

He stared at me in confused shock, so I made sure my voice held no severity in it as I said, "Tobs we don't know who put all of this in here, so we've got to be careful, okay?"

"I know Addy," Toby replied with a large smirk. "That's why I was grabbing this first."

I released his arm and then he carefully extracted a flashlight. While he checked if it had batteries, he quipped teasingly, "And if someone WAS going to booby trap a hidden compartment in the floor, wouldn't they have put it in the lid?"

He got the flashlight working and grinned even wider. I shoved his shoulder playfully as I replied, "Yeah yeah yeah, yuk it up… Now let's see what's in there."

We both went up on our knees so that we could more easily see into the hole while Toby moved the flashlight's beam over the contents below. The compartment was stuffed full of everything from canisters of salt, boxes of ammunition, books of matches, bottles of lighter fluid, knives and a canvas bag. Toby moved to reach inside, but stopped himself and looked up at me for permission instead. I smiled warmly and suppressed a chuckle as I nodded for him to go ahead and start unloading the contents.

He pulled out a box of ammunition labeled "SILVER", passed it to me and then pulled out another labeled "LEAD". He looked that box over closely before plucking out a larger box with the word "SALT" scrolled across the lid. I opened the first box and then the third box and smiled brightly when I found them both filled with the rounds that they were labeled to contain.

"Awesome! There are actually silver and salt rounds in here," I exclaimed quietly.

Toby snickered quietly then asked, "Should I give you a moment alone with the ammo?"

"What?" I asked no looking up from pulling out more paper boxes.

"It's just… You're sounding a little… You know…" He replied wagging his eyebrows suggestively. When I finally lifted my eyes to meet his gaze, I blushed brightly and he laughed loudly. "Wow! THAT made you blush?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes and laughed softly. He was just about to continue to tease me, but then his eyes once again landed on one of the boxes that we had extracted that I was holding. Suddenly he snatched it out of my hand saying in complete awe, "Wait… Isn't that John's writing?"

"Yeah," I replied with a chuckle. "He was a natural at pouring his own rounds. I still completely suck at it… I never seem to get the silver hot enough. But how…? How do you know what John's writing looks like?"

Toby continued to pull out some more of the supplies and carefully packed them into the canvas bag so that he could avoid eye contact as he explained, "While you were missing I… Umm… I kind of blamed Dean for all of it… He and Sam came to visit to sort of try to… Uhh… Fix things with me… Umm… Well I was being… You know… But then I found Dean in our backyard by himself reading something… It turned out that it was his dad's journal and he… Uhh… He had tears in his eyes…"

I got up and moved to Toby's side to give him a warm hug. I didn't say anything right then because I wanted to give him time to tell his tale, but at the same time I wanted him to know that I was there for him no matter what he wanted or needed to say to me.

He pushed himself out of my arms and then took a bracing breath before continuing, "Yeah… So when I saw that I knew he was missing you as much as I was… Or more… And… Yeah… I decided to put an end to my 'freeze out' and he let me look at John's journal…"

"Toby," I said despondently. "What happened to me wasn't Dean's fault."

"I know… Well I believe it now and I did properly apologize to him for being such a jerk before they left to track down Dick Roman."

I smiled sadly and squeezed his knee saying, "Okay that's good to hear…" He was now fidgeting in his spot, flipping a canister of salt between his hands so I quietly asked, "So what else is in that hole there Buddy?"

He looked over at me like he was going to ask if I was sure that I didn't want to make him talk more about what happened with Dean, but then he thought better of it. I would have been more than happy to listen to every minute detail, but he seemed so reluctant about going into the specifics about that subject that I didn't want to press… At least not yet. When he was ready to go over everything that h while I was missing, I knew that he would come to me to talk and I was content to wait.

"Huh… This is weird…" He mused as he reached in the hole to grab something and pulled it out slowly.

"What have you got there Tobs?"

His eyebrows knitted together and he just held up the two newspapers he found as his response. I took one of them from him, laughing softly to myself as I said, "You think having these with the rest of the stuff is weird?"

"Well why would anyone need old newspapers with their hunting supplies? I mean… Since you taught me it isn't smart to read on stakeouts because you could miss something, so what's the point?" When he saw that I was trying to keep from laughing, he asked with a bit more urgency, "What…? What's so funny?"

"Oh Tobs… You've gone camping, right?" He nodded, but didn't look convinced that my question had anything to do with the topic at hand. "Really? No one has taught you this trick?" I pulled off a couple of sheets and twisted them together tightly as I explained, "It's good to use them as a fire starter. Once you have it like this, you light one end then toss it into the grave after you've doused the bones with salt and lighter fluid… Or whatever accelerant you have on hand. I've always hated wasting a perfectly good Zippo if I didn't have to, so Mum taught me this."

Toby blushed slightly then meekly admitted, "Yeah I do know that trick, but I just… I hadn't really ever considered it being useful for hunting… Plus there's these…" He held up two unopened cases of paper matchbooks and shrugged.

"Yeah those are good too. Wow… There is literally everything you would need for a hunt in here," I observed as I pulled out and passed Toby two filled bottles of lighter fluid.

Toby finished packing the last of the supplies, except for the newspapers, into the canvas bag as he asked, "So now that you've been able to take a good look at everything, who do you think put it all in there? Your Mum? Or John? Or…?"

I looked into the hole again and then looked down at the newspaper I was holding. Out of everything it seemed like the most likely place for me to find a clue, so I decided to examine it more closely. The headlines meant nothing to me, but as soon as I read the date, I flinched and nearly started to shake. I moved to place it beside me, but paused when an envelope fell out. I caught a glimpse at the name scrawled across the front of it as it fell to the floor and threw the newspaper back where we had found it as quickly as I could.

"Addy…?" Toby questioned in a mild panic when he saw the color drain completely from my face. He picked up the envelope to read the inscription and then passed it to me asking in a quick-fire fashion, "Are you okay? Does this mean something to you? I don't recognize the writing… Do you know who wrote this? Did they put all this stuff in here? Do you know who it is?"

I snatched the envelope out of his hand and shoved it into my pocket as I stood up. He moved to follow me, but stopped to recover the hole in the closet first. I had made it out of the room by the time he was done, so he hopped up onto his feet, slipped the straps of the canvas bag over his right shoulder and then ran out to find me.

He nearly slammed into me in the hallway and before he could speak, he heard me mumbling to myself, "We should get these downstairs… There's so many of them to move…"

I tried lifting one end of a box that was way too heavy for me to move on my own, so Toby grabbed my arm to stop me. I didn't react or respond to his touch, so he moved closer to me and gripped my other arm tightly so that he could more easily shake me. He continued to shake me rather violently and repeated my name over and over until I finally shook my head and focused my attention on him.

"Tobs… Don will be here in a bit and I really do need your help getting all of this downstairs," I said in a timid voice as I tried to take a step away from him.

He squeezed his hands around my biceps then answered, "Yeah I know that and I promise that I'll stay here and help you until I have to leave for practice, but… Umm… Only if you answer my question first."

I almost tried to play dumb and ask him which of his many questions he was referring to, but he just clenched his jaw and quirked an annoyed eyebrow to silence me. I swallowed hard and tried to step even further away, but Toby's grip just tightened even more to force me not to shy away from him right now. I tried to look him in the eye and answer him, but every time I opened my mouth my words got stuck in my throat. When he saw my difficulties speaking, his face completely softened and he whispered out a plea of, "Please Addy?"

I nodded then hoarsely said, "Sydney… It was Sydney."

"Oh," Toby exclaimed quietly while he finally let go of my arms. His left hand quickly removed the bag's straps off his should as he said, "Oh… Crap… Crap! What…? What should I…?"

He finally paused when my hand covered his and cease his motion. "Toby…" I started in a soft tender tone. "You should still keep all of that with you. I know that we haven't put a kit together for you yet and you'll need one if you're serious about hunting."

"I'm serious… I swear that I'm still serious about being a hunter Addy," he asserted desperately.

"Alright Tobs, I believe you. It's alright," I said with a warm smile as I pulled the straps back up onto his shoulder again. "So you'll keep this in a safe place at home until it's needed just like…"

"Just like I have with the shot gun and pistol you gave me after you moved back home," he interrupted with a tear-filled smile.

I pulled him into a hug then replied, "Good… Now… How about we get to moving these boxes downstairs?"

Toby nodded and gave me a tight smile, but he didn't say anything else about what we both knew was bothering me the most and just grabbed one end of the largest boxes in the group in the hallway. I tried to give him an easy smile, but I knew my eyes completely betrayed me as I gripped the opposite end. We then moved the rest of the boxes into the living room without saying another word. Every once in a while Toby would catch my eye and we would share a sad smile because he knew what the contents of these boxes had meant to me and what it meant for me to finally pack them away, let alone for me to give them away to someone else.

Once we had them all pile by the foot of the stairs, I wrapped my arms around my waist and just stared at them forlornly. Toby quickly check his watch, trying to do it stealthily so I wouldn't notice, but I caught it out of the corner of my eye before he moved to my side to reassure me.

Before he could speak, I rested my head against his shoulder saying, "I'm okay Buddy. In all honesty I should have done this a long time ago. I swear I'll be okay. This is something that I really needed to do… And you have your practice to get to, so you should get going…"

"I could stay if you want me to," he offered while pressing me against his side.

I gently pushed myself out of his embrace so that I could look up at his face to allow me to reply with a stronger voice, "I'm fine Toby. Plus… You have those try-outs coming up soon… And they could be really important for schools that might want to give you a scholarship, so you really do need to go, alright?"

"You're sure?"

I reached out to pet his cheek and felt myself calming into my more usual 'adult/motherly' role with the teen as I said, "I'm sure that I want you to do anything you can to follow your dreams. I'll be okay… I... I… Uhh… I think that I probably need to do the rest of this on my own, you know?"

He nodded, kissed my cheek and then quietly said, "I understand… But if you want company later for like a movie or whatever, you know where to find me."

"That I do Buddy, that I do," I replied with an almost teary smile as I escorted him to the door.

After he left, I continued to stare at the boxes and let a few more tears fall as I said a final 'Goodbye' to that part of my life. I thought that I had definitively closed that chapter of my journey a long time ago, but seeing all of these boxes piled together reminded me that deep down inside I still held out some hope that I could still have that life so long as it was all still in my house. Soon enough my sobs of regret turned into tears of relief and I could feel a weight lift off of my shoulders and more importantly my soul.

Once my tears morphed into a soft smile of acceptance, I dried my cheeks on a rag I had found to dry my sweat off my face while I worked with Toby and then I found myself in front of the liquor cabinet in the living room. As I opened one of its doors, I wasn't completely certain what I was looking for until I knelt down so that I was eye level with the bottles on the shelf. Without consciously wanting to, I moved a few bottles at the front so that I could reach the one that I had shoved to the back in an effort to try to forget about its mere existence years ago.

After I carefully pulled out the square, three quarters filled bottle of Jack Daniels, I poured a glass full and then sat down on the couch. I stared at it in my hand as I pulled out the envelope Toby and I had found and just looked dumbly between it and the glass of whiskey. I slowly raised the glass to my lips in the hope that some 'liquid courage' would help me, but just the smell of the amber liquid evoked such vivid memories that it made my stomach clench painfully and I pulled it away from my face to catch my breath.

"Please Daddy…! Please! Stop… Stop!" I pleaded tearfully as I pulled my knees up to my chest in an effort to hide my face and the front of my torso from any further damage.

Sydney kicked me hard in the upper back and I almost released my hold around my knees to instinctively clutch at the newly damaged flesh because I thought that it felt like it was bleeding, but then again that could have just been the blinding pain. He tried to kick me again with the same amount of force, but he stumbled as his boot once again hit my back and he had to catch himself on my bed in an effort to stay upright. His lack of coordination didn't have much effect on his desire to damage my body, so he just kept trying to kick at my any part of my torso his foot could find. Thankfully the alcohol he had been consuming practically non-stop for nearly four days straight was making his movements slower and even more uncoordinated, which finally gave me an opening to try to get away.

When Sydney's next kick hit the floor instead of my back, I rolled over as fast as my damaged body would allow me. Sydney was still having to hold himself up with both of his palms pressed flat onto my bed's mattress while he was hyperventilating heavily into his chest. He looked like he was ready to pass out, so I kicked him as hard as I could in the groin, reducing him into a moaning mass on the ground behind me. I tried to then roll over and stand up, but the pain radiating from my body was incapacitating and it took over to cause me to black out around the same time that Sydney's breath evened out into a loud snore.

When I came to Sydney was still snoring loudly, so I hastily stuffed a few more essentials into my duffle bag, grabbed my pre-filled bag of 'work' supplies and then ran… Well limped to my car. My left eye was still bleeding, despite the hours I spent passed out on my bedroom floor, which caused a veil of blood to mix with my tears to blur my vision while I tried to drive. Thankfully the Connors' house was close by and was on a route that I could have driven blind-folded, so I did manage to make it there in one piece.

It had gotten dark again by the time that Sydney finally came to and the pounding in his head reminded him that it had nearly been twenty-four hours since he had had his last drink. He sat up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and then he felt an extra, uncomfortable twinge behind his brow-line when he realized that he was not only sleeping on the floor (which had unfortunately become more of a habit than not since his wife's death) but that he was on the floor in Adelaide's bedroom.

At first he had thought that the events of the night before had just been a horrifically surreal dream, but when he found himself on his daughter's bedroom floor he felt beyond sick to his stomach at the thought that it might have been real. He whipped his head around to look at where he'd last remembered her laying in a ball on the floor, but he moved too quickly and his vision blurred momentarily under a new pounding headache. Sydney doubled over with his palms pressed into his eye sockets and he managed somehow to keep from vomiting all over the grey area carpet beside Adelaide's bed.

Sydney waited a few minutes after the pain in his head subsided before he opened his eyes to survey the state of the room again. His eyes almost immediately landed on a dark spot on the light colored area rug that he had never recalled being there before. He leaned over slowly after learning from his previous mistake of moving too fast to touch it so that he could have his suspicions confirmed.

Surprisingly, the blood was still tacky even thought it was cold enough to the touch to tell him that it wasn't fresh. He wondered how long he and Adelaide had been passed out on the floor and how badly he might have actually hurt her. While his anguish was mounting, he noticed that the duffle bag of supplies that she normally kept under her bed was gone, so he felt some sense of comfort in the fact that she had been well enough to make it out of the house okay.

Once he finally made it to the main floor, Sydney quickly downed a couple of gulps of Jack Daniels to steady his nerves and to ease the jackhammer in his head. After he had refilled his glass he wandered to the kitchen to look into the backyard and he sighed out a relieved breath when he saw that Adelaide's car wasn't in its usual parking space. If she was well enough to drive her beloved gift from his father then Sydney felt confident that she would be able to get to someone that could help her and that he hadn't hurt her as badly as he had dreamt.

I carefully placed the filled glass on the coffee table and then leaned the letter-sized beige envelope against it so that I could just continue to stare at it. Sydney had never sat down to have a heart to heart with me about anything, so I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he might have decided to write out to me in a letter. Before long I found myself pacing the length of the couch, chewing the skin around my thumb nail while staring at the neatly scrawled 'ADELAIDE' in black ink.

"Oh come on Addy!" I cursed myself quietly. "If you just open the damn thing then you'll find out what he wrote and you'll know the answers…" Before sitting down again, I filled another glass with Glenlivet whiskey and sipped it slowly. "Come on Addy, you can do this… Deep breath…"

After finishing the contents of my second glass of whiskey, I finally found the courage to reach out and grab the envelope to open it. Just as I had the envelope in my hands, I froze in my place at the sound of someone knocking on the door which was swiftly followed by the sound of my home phone ringing. I stared at the envelope in my hand and silently cursed the intruders before letting it drop to the coffee table's top again.

"Come in!" I called out before reaching over to answer my phone with a quick, "Hey Dean… Just… Give me a sec… Okay?"

I didn't wait for his reply before turning my attention to the man coming through my front door. I held the phone against my shoulder then nodded towards the pile of boxes whispering, "It's all over there."

Don's eyes grew comically wide when they landed on the items I had referred to and I couldn't help but laugh as I moved the phone back to my ear saying, "Hey…"

"ADS! This is a lot to take! Are you sure you're okay with it?" Don inadvertently shouted when he gave all of the boxes a closer inspection.

"Of course I am… And it isn't that much!" I replied with a chuckle. He shook his head with a grateful smile on his face as he started loading boxes onto a dolly that he had brought in with him.

When I again raised my phone to my ear to apologize to Dean for the interruption, I immediately heard Dean scoff loudly before he asked disdainfully, "So Don's well hung, huh?"

"What?" I gasped out in confusion.

He cleared his throat then said, "Nothing. So… You and the Sheriff are all Buddy Buddy again, huh?"

I took in a deep breath to try to keep myself calm (and to keep from drawing Don's attention towards my phone conversation). "Dean… You already knew that he and I have been talking again… Plus… He's actually doing me a huge favor right now."

"I bet he is," he replied before pausing to try to swallow some of his anger. But then again his next comment came out sounding like nothing but pure sarcasm. "So what is the OH SO PERFECT Sheriff doing to help you out while you're home all alone Laide?"

I knew he was trying to bait me, but I refused to give in because I hadn't done anything wrong, so Dean had no right to be snippy with me right now. With all of that in mind, I let out a long exasperated sigh then explained as could while trying to ignore his jabs, "He's helping me by… By… By giving the nursery set we bought together for Victoria a new home…" I gave Dean a chance to reply, but when he didn't utter a sound I elaborated, "Because… Well… It's beyond painfully obvious that it isn't going to get used here… Ever… And since Veronica is about to go into labor any day now… Well she's finally letting him put their nursery together."

"Veronica's…? She's pregnant? But I thought…"

"Yeah, I know," I cut in while still trying to keep my voice low. "But that's a story for another time." I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that Don was having some difficulties with one of the larger boxes in the group causing me to blurt out loudly, "Don! Don't be stupid! Just give me a minute and I'll help you with all of that!" I turned my back on the Sheriff once he nodded and then more quietly said, "Hey Dean… He needs my help, so I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah of course he needs your one on one help," Dean retorted with a scoff.

"Dean? Please don't start in on that subject again…? Please? I'll call you in like five," I replied before quickly hanging up the phone.

I closed my eyes to keep myself from screaming in frustration before placing my phone down on the table beside the unopened envelope Sydney had hidden away in the spare bedroom. When I turned back towards Don he gave me a sad questioning look and almost said something, but I just shook my head to try to keep him silent. Don had grown used to this exchange during our teen years, so he knew better than to press me right now. Instead of trying to get me to tell him what was said too lowly for him to hear and what words had upset me, he just waited by his dolly for me to help him.

We then worked at rearranging the boxes he had already loaded and then we got the rest of the boxes loaded on as well. Once we were both satisfied with the new arrangement, I picked up the box filled with baby clothes and followed him through the kitchen so that he could use the ramp Bill had constructed with the Winchesters for Bobby to use while he was stuck in a wheelchair so that he could take the load to his car.

Don barely allowed me help me pack everything into his vehicle by insisting more than once that I had done more than enough by just giving him this bedroom set and all of the clothes. "Ads… Seriously I can't begin to thank you enough. Really… Ronnie's been so stubborn about letting me buy anything for the baby that I was starting to worry that I wouldn't be able to get anything done before we were ready to bring her home… You're a total life saver."

I swiped my arm over my brow to dry some sweat before stepping forward to pat his shoulder saying, "Like I told you before… You're doing ME a huge favor. Really… So long as this all was in the house… I… I…"

Don quickly scooped me up into a hug saying into my hair, "I know… I mean… I get it. But you're still the best friend that anyone could ask for. Especially given…"

I pushed on his stomach just enough to look up at his face to say, "Don… We've already gone over this… Ad nauseum… And we already…"

"We have," he interrupted with a sad smile. "And you're totally right… We did already come to an agreement… I mean we did work through it all, but we also promised each other total honesty and I honestly do still feel guilty about what happened…" He gently squeezed my upper arms to keep me from interrupting before saying, "You're so tough and so self-assured that for most people it's always been so hard to see through your hard shell, but Ads…? I see it… I always have… So I just need you to know that I'm here for you if you need to talk to someone about whatever is going on with you and Dean, okay? Just like I always said back when we… Well… You know."

"I know," I replied with a smile that was sadder than I meant it to be. His tight smile faltered slightly, so I pulled him into a tight hug asserting more calmly, "Don I promise you that I'm good. Now… Do you want any help setting all of this up at the house?"

I pushed myself out of our embrace so that I could look up at his face as he replied, "I should be alright. Leo's at home looking after Duncan for me and Veronica's brother, Keith, said that he'd help out so that we could surprise her when she gets out of hospital with the baby."

"Okay… Good… So you already have help," I said as I stepped away from him. "Well… If you need anything else you just let me know, okay? And tell Veronica that I'll visit her soon."

Don smiled brightly and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "I will. Duncan would love to have you babysit him again and Ronnie would be more than happy to have some estrogen other than the new little one around her once in a while."

I couldn't help but snort out a laugh and then gently slapped his arm saying, "Yeah… I know that feeling."

We shared another soft smile before Don gripped me by the shoulders then resolutely stated, "I'll call you when she's ready to come home. Thanks again for everything Ads."

"Don…" I almost had to choke back a sob before more confidently saying, "I'm just glad that I could help. Now you should get going before Duncan gets to be too much for the Deputy."

Don chuckled and then pecked my cheek again before replying, "You always were much smarter than me. I'll call you later Ads."

I stood in the driveway waving as I watched Don drive down the long dusty road until he disappeared before turning to look at the front door of my house. Sighing heavily I slowly made my way up the front stairs and for some stupid reason I hesitated with my hand on the door knob of the front door. Subconsciously… And consciously I knew that as soon as I got into the living room that the first thing I would do was pick up my phone to call Dean. Lately our phone calls had become more of a chore form me because they usually ended the two of us in a shouting match, fighting over something stupid that one of may have intimated instead of actually discussing the topic that was preoccupying both of our minds. But neither of us were known for dealing with our grief well and I was starting to feel extra antsy because I hadn't been out on any hunts lately to work off any of my excess energy.

Before going near my phone, I filled my glass with my whiskey and swallowed a couple of mouthfuls. I had the glass raised to my lips for another sip when I heard an unfamiliar voice answer with an annoyed, "Yeah?"

"Oh… Umm…" I started as I pulled my phone back from my ear to double check that I had dialed the right number. "Uhh… Is…?"

"He just stepped out for some air. He should be back in a minute Sweet Cheeks."

I couldn't help but laugh as I replied, "Frank… I almost didn't recognize your voice… It's been a while… So how is the hunt for Roman going?"

"Yeah Addy it has been a long time… But given the circumstances, I could have waited a bit longer to hear your voice." He paused so that we could both issue an uncomfortable chuckle. "As for the hunt… Why don't I let Loverboy fill you in?"

Frank was passing Dean his phone and then I heard, "So did you take good care of the local Sheriff Laide?"

"Dean…" I nearly pleaded in the hopes that I could stave off another unnecessary fight about my friendship with Don.

"I know… I know…" He finally said more politely. "So… Veronica's having another baby soon? I thought that she couldn't after what happened back when… Well when…"

I let out a sigh of relief then answered, "That's what I thought, but she told me that she could conceive another child but that she had been too afraid to because she thought that it might happen again. That's why Don's had to wait until the last minute to put the nursery together."

"So she's worried about having another miscarriage?"

"Actually… What happened to her is much worse than that," I answered with a soft voice.

Dean didn't try to hide his confusion as he somberly said, "I saw firsthand how hard it was for you after… Uhh… So…? What in the world could be worse than that?"

I sniffled in a breath thinking not only of the even that Dean was referring to but also to the last heart to heart that I had had with Veronica. "She… Uhh… The last time… The… The baby was still-born… Her doctors still don't know why because she didn't have any complications at all so they had no explanation why it had happened."

"Pacer…" Dean nearly whispered in surprise.

"That was my suspicion too, but by the time I found out the truth it was too late to check." I took a couple more sips of my drink to further compose myself before I asked in a careful voice, "So… Earlier…? Did you just call to chat or…?"

I heard gravel crunching under his boots before he replied, "Yeah I was going to ask if you had heard from Sam, but you can just forget about it… I can take care of it myself."

"Dean… I… If…"

"No, it's fine. He's my brother so it's MY responsibility," he replied curtly.

I swallowed my tears that tried to rise up in my throat then asked, "Do you know what he was going after?"

"He's helping some kid that called Bobby's cell because her Dad went missing while tracking a Vetala," he replied sounding wearier and wearier with each word.

Immediately I wanted to ask who the hunters was since I had tried to keep a close tabs on anyone I knew that had children, but instead what came out was, "Oh… Shit! Well… Be careful... Vetala's are nasty buggers and their venom will hit you harder than a roofie… But a silver knife to the heart will do the trick."

"Yeah… I knew that…" he replied with a condescending scoff. "This isn't my first day on the job."

"Dean… I… I didn't mean it like that. I just meant…"

"Yeah well either way…. I have to go find Sam and I can't do that if I'm stuck talking on the phone."

I opened my mouth a couple of times to apologize again, but I closed it just as quickly before any words came out. When I opened it again, my words came out much angrier than I had thought they would be as I snapped, "Well then don't let me keep you from your oh so important work… Try not to get killed."

I slammed my phone down on the table and nearly knocked over the glass of Jack Daniel's that I had left sitting there. Without giving it any thought, I snatched up that glass of liquor and drank it down as quickly as I could. While I was still panting in a few breaths to try to suppress my nausea, I picked up the envelope and opened it with such violent force that it was a miracle that I didn't rip it in half during the process.

I had to re-read it a couple of times to make sure that I was seeing the words properly through the haze of inebriation that was trying its hardest to overtake me.

"ADELAIDE,
WELL I DOUBT THAT YOU'LL EVER TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS AND IF YOU DON'T… WELL I GUESS THAT I CAN'T BLAME YOU, BUT WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON I TRULY HOPE THAT YOU JUST LIVE THROUGH IT.
I SCREWED UP WITH MY FATHER'S FUNERAL BY NOT WAITING FOR YOU TO GET HOME. I WAS ANGRY WITH… ANYWAY I KNEW IT WOULD HURT YOU LIKE ALMOST HAVING TO QUIT HUNTING HAD HURT ME… I GET NOW THAT IT WAS CHILDISH, SO I HOPE YOU FOUND VICKI'S NECKLACE IN YOUR ROOM. IT'S ALL I HAD TO GIVE AS A PEACE OFFERING.
I'VE HEARD SOME WHISPERS THAT WHATEVER IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE APOCALYPSE… I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT I DO KNOW THAT IT IS BIGGER THAN BIG. I'VE RIGGED SOMETHING UP IN THE GARAGE WITH BOBBY'S HELP, BUT IF YOU CAN'T GET HERE… YOU SHOULD GET TO BOBBY'S INSTEAD. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN GOOD AT KEEPING YOU SAFE. I HAVE A FEELING DEEP DOWN THAN I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT, BUT…"

I flipped the page over, but the back was just as blank as the last third of the first page. Based on the dates of the newspapers that Sydney had put into the hiding place, I knew that he had placed them in there during the 'Rising of the Witnesses', so I could only assume that he had written this letter during that time as well. I would have liked to believe that it was his death that had left his thoughts unsaid, but I knew better. Sydney had never been one to apologize to anyone (except my Mum) so I knew in my heart that the reason he didn't finish the letter was most likely because he couldn't find the right words or even the right sentiment so that he could.

Sydney screeched his truck to a stop in the Connor's front yard and hadn't even made it out of the driver's seat before Bill came down the front stairs yelling at him all the while.

"NO! NO! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY SYDNEY! GET…! LOST!"

Bill was still running towards the truck by the time that Sydney got out. "NO! You get back in that truck and you get… Get off my land! NOW!"

Sydney continued to ignore the farmer's protests as he wiped the back of his hand across his face to soak up some of the blood still oozing out of the corner of his mouth. "Bill… I… I don't… I just need to know that she's okay… That she's…"

"What? Alive?" Bill scoffed loudly then shoved Sydney so hard that the hunter actually stumbled back a couple of steps. "Like you even care… Not after what you did to her… No… You don't get to ask about her! Now GO! GO…! GET OFF MY PROPERTY! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE! WE DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Sydney flinched, still reeling from the injuries he had just received from a vengeful ghost that had tried to kill him earlier that day. "Bill… Please… It's…"

"PLEASE? You say PLEASE? DID YOU STOP BEATING HER WHEN SHE BEGGED YOU TO?" Bill only stopped his angry tirade at the memory of the night that Addy showed up on their door step, covered from head to toe in her own blood from the cuts and bruises of that beating. "Just go… Now… Before I do something that I WILL regret."

With a curt nod, Sydney turned back and walked towards his truck. At the door he stared down at his hand on the door handle and meekly said, "This is really big Bill… Worse than anything she's faced… Hunters are dropping like flies…" He looked up and then turned to look at the other man. "Just tell her to be extra careful… And to watch her back."

Bill's jaw clenched as he gritted out, "WE always have her back."

I moved up to the head of the bed while working my panties off from under my skirt. He watched me in wide-eyed disbelief as he started to slowly unbutton his flannel shirt. Once I had my underwear in my hand, I dropped them to the floor and then sat up to grab a fistful of his shirt to tug him closer to me.

"Just take off your jeans," I instructed through excited pants. "Getting totally naked will take too fucking long."

He laughed heartily but still followed my wishes as he said, "You want it real bad don't you pretty girl?"

He started to slowly crawl up the bed once he was naked from the waist down, so I grabbed his shirt again to drag him up over my body and kissed him hard. "Fuck you Terry… You've been teasing my all fucking night and now that it's dead you better fucking make good on every fucking one of your promises."

Terry laughed softly as he pushed my skirt up to my waist so that he could settle in between my legs more comfortably. "Oh baby… Don't you worry… I would never dream of leaving you hanging."

I threw my head back against a pillow when he bit down on my earlobe then he worked his way to my lips by nipping lightly against my jaw. I could feel his hands running up and down my thighs and then I gasped out a ragged breath. I tried to take in another breath to prepare myself for him, but I immediately noticed that I couldn't and the reason had nothing to do with my level of arousal.

My eyes flew open at the feeling of the temperature of the room dropping dramatically. My companion didn't seem to notice it at all as he worked his hands under my shirt to palm my breasts and continued to kiss my neck. I watched a long puff of white air leave my mouth just before my eyes landed on someone standing at the foot of the bed.

"Terry… TERRY…!" I repeated frantically as I shoved at his shoulders and struggled to get out from under him.

He lifted his head to reply but when he saw that I was staring at something off into the room he slowly turned his head to follow my gaze. Once he saw the figure that had captured my attention, he just shrugged nonchalantly, kissed me softly and then whispered, "I always put a salt line around the whole bed… We're safe right where we are… It can't get us."

As he waggled his eyebrows at me, I pushed him as hard as I could cause him to land on his side on the other half of the mattress. Once I was free, I snatched my underwear up off the floor then angrily snapped as I put them back on, "I'm not going to fuck you in front of a fucking ghost you prick!"

Terry barely caught his pants after I threw them at his face as we heard, "Is this what you were doing instead of saving me? Banging some bimbo in a cheap motel?"

It moved closer to Terry's side of the bed as it continued, "I screamed until I was hoarse… Begging it to tell me why it was torturing me… To tell me what it wanted. It had fun slicing me up… And where were you?"

"Terry…? TERRY!" I shouted when I noticed that he was frozen in his place and that he was now whiter than the sheets on the bed.

The ghost continued speaking while I tried to get the other hunter's attention. Since it seemed to be intent on tormenting Terry, I slowly made my way over the salt line to retrieve the canister of salt that I could see poking out of one of our bags on a chair. I kept my eyes trained on the two men as I moved silently as I could and blindingly grasped at the salt container when I thought that I was close enough to the chair to snag it.

I continued to watch Terry as I took a couple of more steps towards the chair while holding my breath. My hand brushed against the canvas of the bag, but I didn't turn my attention to it until I felt something cold brush against the top of my wrist. My head whipped around and I gasped out a breath feeling like I had been punched in the gut.

"Oh… Hey Roo… How ya going?"

I fell to my knees when she shoved her hand into my chest. She maintained an eerily serene smile on her face while I tried to get any air that I could into my lungs. I could practically feel her squeezing my heart, but she didn't take her eyes off of my face as it contorted ugly in pain.

"Mummy?" I pleaded though my confusion and fear.

Her lips started to twist up into a more sinister grin just as I managed to get my hand on the canister of salt. She barely caught the movement of my right hand and was easily turned into vapor with an arc of the white grains flying through her ghostly form. I fell to my hands and knees and took in a couple of quick, deep breaths to ensure that I wasn't going to pass out before I even attempted to stand up.

Once I was on my feet, I jumped over the salt line on the floor into what I hoped was relative safety. Terry was thankfully still and the bed and had even moved closer to the side where I was standing.

"Terry! Terry you HAVE to snap out of it!" I said sternly as I could to try to get his attention.

He started trembling on the bed while whimpering out a few tearful "Noes". I got up onto the bed and grabbed him by the collar to shake him forcefully a few times, but I couldn't get him to take his eyes off the ghost to my right.

"TERRY!" I demanded once again as I reared my right hand back and smacked him with as much force as I could muster across the cheek.

He raised his left hand to his face, but he still looked completely confused about the origin of the pain. The ghost beside us started laughing and the hunter in front of me never took his eyes off of it. I grabbed Terry again by the collar, but then the thought that I would never be able to regain his attention with the ghost in the room hit me, so I reached across our bodies for the salt canister and used the momentum of pulling my hand back to my sided to throw its contents at our unwanted guest.

As soon as we were alone, Terry's eyes wandered to my face. He was still rubbing in cheek as he dazedly said, "Addy… That… That was…"

I gently placed my hand over his on his cheek and then replied in a tender tone, "I know… I know… It sucks so hard to see them like that, but we have to get out of here before they come back."

He nodded with me and then shook his head until his eyes took on a more focused look. "Ghosts… I… I have an iron crowbar…"

"Good! You get your duffle together. I'll watch your back and then…"

"I'll do the same for you," he finished with a soft smile. I gave him a relieved smile and then he leaned up to place a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry I got you all revved up and didn't follow through."

I stroked his cheek that I had just smacked gently then replied, "Couldn't… You COULDN'T follow though… Once we live through whatever the hell this is I WILL be cashing in my rain check."

He smiled sadly and looked like he was going to say something until we were able to see each others' breath again.

"Is this why I saved your life? So you could spread your legs for any hunter you come across? What happened to you having eyes for no one but…?"

I whipped around quickly, throwing the last of the salt at the apparition of my mother before turning back to Terry barking, "We don't have much time before they come back, so let's move!"

We gathered up our belongings quickly and then parted ways at our vehicles. Terry and I promised to check in with each other 'later', but my first thoughts once I got behind the wheel were to call Bobby to make sure that he was still alive and to check if he knew anything about what was happening. Normally I didn't like to drive and talk on the phone, but when I noticed that I had missed a few calls from both Bobby and Sydney I made an exception to call Bobby.

"Bobby?" I questioned frantically when I heard someone pick up on the other end of the line.

He let out a heavy sigh before replying, "Oh thank God… I was starting to get really worried when I couldn't get a hold of you Koala Bear!"

"I'm so sorry Bobby… Really I am! I was working a case so I was kind of ignoring my phone," I apologized while checking my rear view mirror to make sure that my back seat was still empty. "So…? I take it from your tone that it means that you've heard about what's happening? Or have you…? You haven't…?"

"We found Olivia Lowry dead," he explained bluntly, knowing I would be able to handle it. "Looked to me like it was probably a spirit of some sort… A few other hunters I've tried calling appear to be M.I.A."

"Yeah… Bobby it's definitely spirits."

"Balls! Are…? Are you…?"

"I'm fine Bobby… I've got a seat full of salt beside me and I even broke off a piece of iron drain pipe at the last gas station I fueled up at," I interrupted to ease his mind.

Bobby sputtered out a laugh then said, "Good…Good to hear. So where was this job of yours?"

"Kentucky. Why…? Oh… Shit… Have…? Have you heard…?"

"Yeah… I have… He has something set up in the garage of your… His garage that should be a safe place for you to weather out this storm. And I know Koala Bear, you and he ain't on the best of terms, but it's the best way that I can think of for you to live through this since my place is too far for you to drive to right now."

I took a moment to recover because I knew that this situation had to be beyond deadly if Bobby was suggesting that I hide in a bunker with Sydney. "Okay… Yeah… I'll do that Bobby… But… If it's that bad, should I…? Maybe…? Should I go check on a few other people?"

"Don't worry about any of that. Sam and Dean are checking on a few hunters in the Tri-State area that I couldn't get a hold of… You just get home and get safe, you hear?"

I nearly drove off the road at the nonchalant way Bobby said HIS name. I managed to regain control of my car even if I hadn't fully regained my composure as I asked, "Sam and Dean? Like 'Dean' DEAN…? Like my Dean?" After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, I sputtered out, "I… I didn't… Didn't mean MY Dean like…"

"It's fine Addy… I know what you meant. And yes… I was referring to Sam and Dean Winchester… I'm sorry, I haven't really had a spare minute alone to call you and now…"

"Yeah… Things ARE pretty hectic… It's fine Bobby, you don't… Anyway… But how…? How did he get out of Hell?"

Bobby chuckled uncomfortably then softly said, "What's say that we live through this and then I'll tell you about it over a pint?"

"Sure," I replied with a chuckle. "But I do have a couple of bottles of Glenlivet hidden away at the Connor's… So Bobby…? You make sure that I get to see you again so we can break into them together, okay?"

"Same to you Koala Bear… You be safe."

After I hung up the phone with Bobby, I drove straight through to my childhood home. I had a few jerry cans filled with gas for whenever my tank got too low to continue traveling so I wouldn't have to stop at a gas station and thankfully I received no visits from any ghosts when I did stop to refuel at the side of the road.

As soon as I drove into the backyard of the house, I was confronted with a man sized mass on the ground. Before getting out of my car I loaded my pockets with as many salt containers as I could and then I picked up the iron pipe in my right hand. I slipped my bag of food supplied onto my left shoulder and then scanned the familiar landscape of our backyard for any potential surprises.

When I saw nothing but the original crumpled mass on the ground, I gingerly extracted myself from my car. My intention was to keep my pace as slow as possible so that I could keep an eye out for any possible dangers, but suddenly I found myself running towards my father's body.

"Sydney…? Syd..! Dad…? Daddy…! No…! NOOOO!" I screamed as I fell to my knees beside him. His chest had been ripped open so I knew I didn't have to double check for a pulse to confirm what I had already known since I drove up to the property. "No," I whispered as I stared down at his dead opened eyes. I gently pulled down his eyelids with my index and middle fingers whispering another forlorn "I'm sorry."

I lingered beside his corpse for a moment, but then I remembered Bobby's warning and I got back to my feet to start running towards the garage. At the door I looked around the large open space frantically. To my left I saw the familiar light blue door that would lead to the restroom and then a light green door to the bedroom that my Poppy had built for me. Neither of those seemed like they would be 'ghost proof' rooms to me, so I kept looking around for anything new.

Then my eyes landed on it. In the far right corner there was something that looked a lot like a shipping container. As I got closer to it I noticed that there was a "Key of Solomon" drawn on the door. Various other symbols that I hadn't ever really seen before were on the sides and there was a six inch thick line of rock salt around its perimeter.

"Bugger me! You actually left that Ocker to die alone?"

I tried to ignore the taunts coming from my Mum's apparition as I made my way across the room. While I fought with the door she appeared behind me blowing ice cold air at my back as she said, "So you left your Ol' Man to cark it just like your Ol' Cheese and for what…? To be some Root Rat with some random hunter? To open your fanny to the first….?"

After I got the door pried open I quickly swung my arm so that the pipe would go through her torso to hopefully put an end to her hate filled tirade. As soon as the door opened, a light inside went on, so I hopped over the rest of the salt line inside and slammed the door closed behind me. I flicked a couple more lights on in case the overhead light would turn off after the door was closed while tears threatened to completely overtake me.

Even though I was sure that the walls of this ten by ten room were made out of iron, I noticed that there was another two foot wide line of salt around the room. I fell to my knees and dumped almost all of the salt that I had in my pockets across the line of the doorway while I continued to cry hysterically.

After I had nearly cried myself to exhaustion, I stumbled over to a plush looking sofa at the opposite side of the room. I kept telling myself that it wasn't her… Whatever had caused her spirit to rise had manipulated the truth just enough to hurt me. Then a sickening thought hit me… What if that's what my Mum really had thought but that she had never actually said it to me because she saw how my relationship with Sydney had gone downhill when he had told me the truth?

Before I could dwell on that thought, I was hitting redial on the second to last number that I had called.

"Addy? Addy…! Are you okay?"

I tried to keep him from hearing the snotty breath as I inhaled, but there was no way that he could have missed it unless he was deaf. "Yeah… I'm fine. I… Uhh… I made it to a safe house of sorts to get through this weirdness."

"Good… Good. I made it to Brendan's after checking on Annisa and Jordan. We're… Well Brendan and me are hiding in a closet… But Annisa and Jordo are…"

"They're dead," I finished when he trailed off. "Yeah Syd… Err… Ahh… My Dad… He's in the City of Silent too. And I talked to Bobby Singer… He found a few others that have… Umm… Crossed the River Styx."

"Shit! Really! How many?"

I was finally able to breathe easier now that we were talking about an actual job instead of my family. "I don't know, but you know how Bobby is…" He chuckled out a 'Yeah I do' so I just calmly continued, "So I was going to call him next. So make sure to check in with me later, okay? And you guys make sure to watch each others' backs okay?"

"Yeah we will… But Addy? Do you have someone there to watch yours?"

Even though I knew in the back of my mind that he meant that comment in a 'concerned for my safety' way, I still retorted angrily, "I watch MY back!"

After I terminated the call, I slammed my hand on the sofa's cushion. I knew Terry didn't deserve that from me, but it still rubbed me the wrong way whenever I thought someone was questioning my abilities.

Fuck… There goes my chances with him… Guess that rain check will go unpaid I thought with a disdainful snort as I dialed Bobby's number.

"See this is why I can't get behind God…" I heard on the other end of the line when Bobby answered. I gasped in a surprised breath at hearing Dean's voice then Bobby said just over a whisper, "I think I have it Addy. Are you somewhere safe?"

"Yeah… I am… But…. Uhh… Syd… He… He was…"

"Shh… It's okay Sweetheart. You just sit tight and we'll make sure to take care of this okay?" He waited for my reply and when I couldn't come up with anything he stated more insistently, but still maintained a hushed tone, "Did you understand me Koala Bear? Me and the boys are going to stop this."

"Yeah… I mean yes sir. I'll just sit tight until you call me."

Bobby said a quick 'Good' before hanging up the phone and hadn't noticed that both of the Winchesters were looking to him in expectation of some sort of answer. Although he had only half-heard what they were saying while on the phone with Addy, he still confidently replied, "I ain't touching this with a ten foot pole!"