Authors Note: Wow! Totally stoked with the number of reviews I've gotten, thank you guys so much. Like I said, here's the preface from Jasper's point of view.

Disclaimer: I own known of the lyrics, or the twilight saga. If I did things would of never happened the way they did.

Jasper:

And scars are souvenirs you never lose

The past is never far

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?

Did you get to be a star?

And don't it make you sad to know that life

Is more than who we are

-Name- Goo Goo Dolls

It was September thirteenth, 1995. An average Wednesday to the rest of the world, but not to us. Today was supposed to be a good day. It was Isabella Swan's seventeenth birthday. The first real birthday in many, many years. Everyone was in a good mood.

It had started out good, kisses from my wife before she went to the school with Edward. Esmé happily decorating the house hours in advance, her outloud musings if the human girl would like the cake. Would she like her presents, Alice should of gotten purple not pink. She and I were the only ones here. Emmett and Rosalie were still on their way home, but would be here for Bella's birthday party. And like always, Carlisle was at work.

I was feeling mildly awkward about being here tonight, from the moment I had first seen the girl there was something about her that sparked to much interest. I didn't know anything about her, besides bare basics, and what I had observed from afar. She was shy, and fragile, but something about her eyes told me she knew more, and had alot more to say than she ever actually spoke. She always had her tote that held a notebook, and her walkman, cassettes, and other random little objects. She wrote in the book when Edward decided he was going to play the piano, or any other time she was left alone.

The first moment I met her she ran into me, and I couldn't stop myself from grinning. She was beautiful in a unconvintional way, with her dark cloths, many layers, and black eyeliner. Hair always in her face, and the blood that rushed to her cheeks when she was embarrassed. She was terribly embarrassed when she literally ran into me, but when she looked me over I instantly knew she found me attractive. I didn't need my gift to realise that, but that certain spark of dark desire was never angled at another male. Not even Edward, and it made me feel awkward, uncertain and shy.

Shy. I wasn't shy. I was sure of myself, and able to be a leader when no one else could, I was a shy teenage boy. Of course I found myself in a world of pain and shame about the noticing of her, but I quickly blocked my thoughts by thinking of 'killing' a girl. Best think about murder when it's always expected of you. I sighed. I was so terribly tired of everyone. I strummed on the guitar in my hands softly. Name by the Goo Goo Dolls was on the top of the rock charts, while Micheal Jackson was on the pop leader board. Music had changed over the years, and I liked each and everyone one of them. Songs were life. I was just complete shit about lyrics though.

I wasn't supposed to get Bella anything, but I had picked up on something. The tips of her fingers had old marks. They weren't soft, and lovely like a normal human girls were, they were the hands of a guitar player, a worker at the very least. She always had pencil graphite on her pale hands too. So I decided to give her a guitar. It was a wild guess, but if she didn't know how to play, I could teach her one day. If Edward would even allow me too.

"Esmé?" I asked my fingers pausing momentarily.

"Yes Jasper?" She fluttered over to the couch instantly, roses in her arms.

"Do you think it's nessary for me to be here tonight? I just feel uneasy about the whole thing." And there was an open mic night at a bar in Seattle.

"Jasper.. I know you don't feel comfortable around Bella, but you are a part of this family. Theres no reason why you shouldn't be here. Everything will be great." She patted my shoulder, and when back to working. My head hit the back of the couch as I sighed. There really wasn't any reason to be worrying anymore, Alice had assured everything would go wonderfully. I didn't want to spoil the good day by making a fuss over things.

But it really wasn't.

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Consider this
Consider this, the hint of the century
Consider this, the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Flailing around
Now I've said too much-

Loosing my Religion- R.E.M.

"I should of known from the biggining. You don't belong here Jasper. You never have." Alice's short hair was wet, and her make up was running. It almost looked like she was crying, though that ability was burned away long ago.

"Alice-"

"No, don't. Your not my mate. We both have known that for quite some time. I love you Jasper, but your not mine to love, and I can't handle you anymore. I don't love you enough, I guess. I wish I could love you better, wish I could be someone who isn't pushy or someone who is more excepting of you. But that isn't me. It's best we go our seperate ways." My breathing was raggeded, my hair falling into my eyes. It had started raining horribly the moment I ran from the house.

The house were I nearly killed the only human that ever sparked a bit of interest in me.

"I can't loose you Alice. I don't know what I'll do, or where I'll go. Alice what if I-"

"Thats your cross to bare Jasper. Your life is in your hands, and your mind choices your course. I see a good future for you, and that's why I have to let you go now. It's not with me. Pack your things with us, then go where you want." She turned on her heel, mud covering her delicate shoes. Then she was gone, and I fell to my knees.

I roared, slamming my fists into the earth.

I never did get to give Bella her guitar, I wanted to give it to her when we were alone.

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Over the next few years I did what she said. I set my own path to my future. I spent time with Peter and Charlotte after I got the rage out of my system. The rage and depression. During that time I went from bar, to bar, singing and playing my guitar. Drinking, and smoking, and finding random female nomads to forget. I didn't spend more than a year at a single time with Peter and Charlotte, they needed there own space and didn't have time for a depressed sire to be hanging around them. I thought many times about visiting Bella, but the very last conversation with Alice told me to never revisit her. I thought it was best not to, let her have a human life that none of us ever could and Charlotte were the only family I had now. I had friends of course, but no longer quite the large family I had before. All ties had been cut with the Cullen's, and I never looked back, just like they never looked for me.

My diet had changed slightly. Picking up the occasional criminal, instead of animals. I still hunted animals though, but not deer, only predators. I didn't fall into a depression like I did before Alice, I was already in one. It wasn't really depression anymore, it was more like.. Numb. I was frozen in more ways than one. Fuck I'm such an Emo. It's been seventeen fucking years since that day and I'm still dwelling on it. I took another drink of my scotch, before pulling out a ciggerette. Contrary to popular belief, alchohal and cigerattes worked on a vampire. We were practically all blood, it effected out systems the same. I raised the lighter, before the bartender starting shaking her head rapidly.

"Not in here. Theres laws about that. Gotta go outside." I sighed, finished my drink, paid the tab and went out to lean against the alley wall. The night was still very young, and I didn't intent on leaving just yet. This was New York, I hadn't been here in a long time, and I was looking forward to the nightlife.

I took a drag from my Lucky Styke, and heard the distinct sound of a vampire growl. My head instandly whipped to the point of the sound. I caught it just in time to see a few locks of dark hair, nearly black, dart away. Hmm.. Curious. Clearly a female, unless the dude had some wicked long hippie hair. But it didn't hold my attention enough to put out my cig. I liked the way it heated me, and the smoke felt good on my tongue.

"Jasper?" I coughed, eyes wide as I saw the past before me. Same below the ears brown hair, and slight beard, and wild red eyes.

"Garrett! What are you doing here?" I had met Garrett after I left the southern wars, instantly becoming great pal's. Even Peter liked him.

"Following a girl. You wouldn't believe this chick man!" I shook my head, and gave him a manly hug, which was quickly broken.

"You? Following a chick?" I put out my ciggerette, as he patted my shoulder.

"You wouldn't believe this woman. Such a wild thing. She's got a friend!" He elbowed my side as I shook my head no.

"Wanna get a drink? You can tell me all about her."

"The friend, or my Vic?" I laughed.

"Both."

AN: Sorry this was short, but a real chapter will be posted next week to make up for it.