Here's the update! Sorry for the long wait you guys. And I do think this is the longest chapter I've written.

So my muse for this chapter basically it's what I was listening to over and over again as I wrote this:

Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi-On/Off

Eien No Setsuna-On/Off

Butterfly-On/Off

Rinne Rondo-On/Off

DISCLAIMER!: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS. I ONLY OWN MY CHARACTER WHO IS SADLY DEAD cuz I killed her :'( I ALSO DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SONGS I JUST MENTIONED.

Here it is Chapter 11 of Deadly Love!

Paul's POV

Kira….

Kira…

…..Kira…..

My life, my love was gone, gone, nothing I could do was gonna bring her back

I-I don't understand...why...

It d-doesn't make s-sense...

"No change?" I could hear someone ask but I didn't bother thinking about who it was or why they were here.

"Nope. He hasn't moved since we brought him here."

"Well at least he hasn't tried to kill himself again."

That's right….I-I tried to kill myself to-to be with K-Kira.

*Flashback*

Someone took the phone away from me. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. There was this big gaping hole in my chest and I knew that nothing would ever fill it again. Someone moves in front of me. Voices. I see their lips moving they're saying something but I can't hear them. Something shakes me and I snap. I get up and run out the door. I don't even feel the rain hitting my body as I run through the woods. I don't know where I'm going. Where am I going?

I'm here I realize. I'm standing at the edge of the cliff. I look down into the water. A small smile reaches my lips as I realize that somewhere down there my angel my Kira is there. The tears are streaming down my face and a sob escapes me. I can't bring Kira back but maybe just maybe I can go to her.

I jump and although the impact doesn't kill me I don't bother trying to resurface. I just stay still as I'm getting pulled under and deeper. My chest is hurting again but a different hurt. This one is a burning hurt as I realize that it's my body trying to get me to breathe. I smile again knowing that soon I'll be with Kira. Things start going dark as I realize that soon we'll be together again. I see something coming towards me. It must be Kira. I let myself drift and things go completely black.

Something is hitting me hared. "Paul….Paul…..Paul….Paul…." Someone is calling me. Is it Kira? Kira is that you? I try to yell out her name but I can't. Moving is also a no. I don't know what's going on. If I'm dead then where is Kira? She should be here. I don't see anything.

"Paul!" The thud hits me hard again and I spit up whatever was lodging itself in me. I continue coughing up whatever it is and I'm able to slowly open my eyes. "Kira" I rasp out. When things finally become clear I look around and see that the pack is looking at me with worry and sadness.

"Damnit Paul! Are you fucking stupid or what? Don't you ever pull some crazy shit like that again do you hear me?" I barely register what Sam is saying as everything starts to sink in. The pack must've pulled me up.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why what?" Sam looks at me, obviously confused.

"Why didn't you let me die? Why couldn't you just let me be with Kira?" I yell out. I'm sobbing like I've never done before. I'm crying and I don't care. All I want is my angel back. That's all I want. All I ever wanted was to be with her.

SLAP

My head whips to the side as Leah slaps me right across the face. I don't even touch my cheek the pain doesn't even register because the pain in my soul is much much greater than any physical pain.

"Do you think Kira would've wanted you to kill yourself Paul? Use your head for once?" She stops yelling and looks at me her eyes going soft and shiny as they fill with unshed tears. "I-I want her back too. She was the only one who seemed to understand. B-but I know P-Paul I know she wouldn't want you to give up your life like this. She loved you Paul. She wouldn't want you to do something like this. She would want you to live your life Paul. And try at least try to be happy. She gave up her life because she wanted to protect you Paul because she loved you. So don't be an idiot and throw it all away or else Kira's death would have been for nothing."

I took everything in and somehow made my way out the door. I wasn't going home. No that place still smelt like Kira and I wanted to keep her scent there for as long as I could. And I couldn't handle being in the house that Kira and I used to share together. I made my way back to the home I had before Kira.

*End Flashback*

I don't know how long it's been. I don't bother keeping up with the days. It didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Paul. Paul please try to eat something." I looked and saw Jake standing over me. Trying to hand me the tray of food that more than likely Emily had made. I shook my head. I wasn't hungry.

"Paul you haven't eaten anything in days." I didn't care. I wasn't hungry.

"(Sigh) I guess. I'll leave it here next to you in case you change your mind." Jake placed the tray next to me on my bedside table. I just kept looking at the wall and found the comfort of my dreams. Because there at least I could still see my Kira and believe that she was still here and we could still be together.

*Time Skip*

Blake's POV

I opened the door to Paul's house and shivered. The house had a weird atmosphere around it like it was nonliving but not exactly dead. I shook my head and took notice of Embry just lying on the couch. The pack took turns of taking care of Paul. From what I heard from Leah he hadn't moved much since that day. I shuddered trying to push down the memories. It was instinctual a reflex really, my mind was pushing away the painful memories so as to cause me as less pain as possible.

"Hey Blake you here to see Paul?" I snapped out of it as I saw that Embry had now sat up to talk to me.

"Yeah. How is he doing?" I asked hoping that he was at least faring better than from what I had heard.

"Not so good. He took it pretty hard. But that's to be expected. They were soul mates losing someone that close to you is pretty hard to just take you know?" He told me.

I said nothing as I looked at the door that Paul was probably hiding himself in.

"But then again maybe you don't." I whirled to look at Embry anger filling me as I could guess at what he was implying.

"And just what exactly do you mean by that?" I said through clenched teeth as I tried to keep my anger in check.

"Nothing it's just that you knew Kira longer than any of us including Paul. Yet you got over her death like it was nothing. I don't know I guess because you're like how she was that you don't really care about anyone. Not the way that Paul cared about Kira anyways."

I snapped and in a blink of an eye I had him slammed against the wall. I felt every fiber of my being seething with anger. Who the fuck did this kid think he was? "Don't you ever say that I didn't care about Kira. I cared enough to tell her that she was going to be the one to kill me! But you wouldn't understand what exactly that means seeing as how you're not like us.(1) Kira was my friend, my best friend. And Kira wasn't the only person I cared about!" I yelled as my mind drifted to the one who held my heart. The tall Quileute beauty that I know I would kill and die for.

I let go of him and walked to Paul's room. I took in the sight of him just lying there and with my temper already high. I grabbed him and dragged his sorry ass out of the bed. The bastard didn't even have the strength to look surprised he just slowly looked up at me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I said my anger already taking control.

"…" He said nothing. Figures.

"You pathetic excuse of a person! How can you just be lying here like this?" I threw him against the wall and felt Embry try to grab a hold of me to stop me. I ducked and glared at him and that seemed to freeze him on the spot. "No he needs to hear this."

"My best friend, Kira, died for you." I walked towards Paul stopping just in front of him. "And this is how you honor her memory? By letting yourself rot away like this? I thought you loved her? What happened to the 'Oh I love her so much blah blah blah BULLSHIT!" I yelled. "She gave up her life for you! If it wasn't for you she wouldn't have gotten into the car-"

"Blake stop!" Embry yelled.

"No this is the truth and he needs to know!" I told Embry.

"If it wasn't for you she would still be here. She wouldn't have gotten into that car to protect you. She wouldn't have died!" The sobs came freely as the door that I had locked in my mind spilled open filled with every single memory of Kira. "She did it for you. And this is how you treat her memory. Dying slowly when you know she would've wanted you to be happy and live your life. I was wrong about you Paul. You didn't deserve her. You didn't deserve Kira, you didn't deserve to have her in your life, and you didn't deserve her love. But most of all you didn't deserve her life." I said as I turned and walked away. The tears fell from my eyes and I bit my lip to try and keep everything in.

"Blake? What's wrong?" I looked up. I didn't even realize that somehow I had walked to Leah's house. She gathered me in her arms as the sobs came.

"I-I-I do miss her Leah. I miss her so much. She wasn't supposed to die Leah. Not yet. She was supposed to grow old with Paul and have children left and right with him."

"I know Blake. I know. Shhh it's okay sweetie just let it all out." She rubbed comforting circles on my back. I held on tighter to her if that was even possible knowing that if something ever happened to Leah then I would probably end up like Paul. But Paul, he needed to hear that. He couldn't give up. That's not what Kira would've wanted.

Back at Paul's- Paul's POV

"She did it for you. And this is how you treat her memory. Dying slowly when you know she would've wanted you to be happy and live your life. I was wrong about you Paul. You didn't deserve her. You didn't deserve Kira, you didn't deserve to have her in your life, and you didn't deserve her love. But most of all you didn't deserve her life."

'Kira…

He's right.'

I gathered everything I could and pushed myself off the floor.

"P-P-Paul?" I heard Embry stutter. I walked slowly to the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

When I was done I could hear everyone in my living room. I grabbed a pair of clean boxers and shorts and put them on and made my way to the living room. It got quite as I opened the door and I felt their anxious stares as if at any moment I was going to fall back into that dark hole I had put myself in.

"I-" My voice was raspy seeing as how I hadn't used it in who knows how long. Emily was there and gave me a glass of water. I nodded my head in thanks. My throat felt a little bit better and I tried to speak again. "I want to say thanks. Thanks for putting up with the way I've been acting. It's just it's been h-hard." My voice wavered as a wave of sadness hit me. I took a deep breath to calm myself before starting again. "I'm not saying I'm going to go back to the way I was before hell I don't think I'll ever go back to being myself but I'll try." I looked Blake in his eye. "I'm going to try. Because I owe Kira that much." He looked me in the eyes and nodded.

'Kira. It's going to be hard but I'll try. For you I'll try to live. Because Blake was right I was throwing away the life you gave your life to give me.'

(1) It's a big thing if you give your life to someone especially an assassin. Basically what Blake is trying to say that he cared about Kira so much that he would allow her to kill him and she did the same thing because in the assassin world they were only comfortable around each other.

I'm so sorry I know I haven't updated in a while but I've been busy. Well here it is please review :3