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In this chapter, a bit more insight into Bella.

DISCLAIMER: All characters here are the property of their respective owners, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 4: Impasse

Bella recalled the words of Patsy, the cheerful elderly admin in her department. "Honey, there ain't nothin' sexier than a man in the kitchen." Damn straight.

She watched Edward move gracefully around her tiny kitchen, occasionally humming to himself as he chopped, stirred, and sautéed. For the first time today, Bella was able to relax. Unfortunately, it also allowed her to pay more attention to how well Edward's light jeans and black T-shirt molded to his lean, muscular body. His torn shirt was neatly folder on arm of her sofa. Edward glanced up and noticed her staring at him, and gave her a funny smirk.

"What's making you blush this time?" he teased lightly.

Mind running away with you again, Swan? her inner voice taunted. Several times today, she was grateful that Edward couldn't read her mind.

"It's probably just the heat from the pasta boiling," she responded, hoping he wouldn't question her further. Thankfully, he changed the topic.

Bella was amazed at how well she and Edward got along. Although she desperately wished she could take back the horrendously embarrassing minutes when she'd cried all over him, she was truly enjoying her evening with him. He was extremely intelligent and well-read, with an easy manner and dry sense of humour. In fact, he was…well…perfect.

When she asked him why he chose to be a pediatrician, he spoke passionately of children's unquestioning acceptance of his "inhuman" traits, and how his ability to read their minds allowed him to provide them the care they needed. She listened incredulously as he described the thoughts of infants, which were mostly of images, sounds, and emotions. Infant cognition was something in which Bella had always been interested, and here she was practically getting a first-hand account. For him, the typical communication barrier between human children and adults was overcome thanks to his gift, and his heightened vampiric senses were often useful in diagnosis.

Based on what Alice told her earlier, she knew that Edward's throat must feel as if a red-hot poker were being shoved down it. Alice indicated that, because of the overwhelming appeal that her blood held for him, it would be much worse for Edward that it was for herself. Bella hated that he endured such pain just to be near her. She wondered why he even did it. Just because Alice said "his friendship is important" didn't mean that her friendship was important to him. Perhaps he viewed it as some sort of personal challenge.

Quit over-thinking and just enjoy it while it lasts, her inner voice scolded.

When she finished eating and washed her plate, she noticed that Edward's eyes were a darker shade of amber than they'd been earlier. Almost brown, in fact. The purplish shadows under his eyes had also deepened. From experience with Alice, she knew that he needed to hunt.

"What about you?" she asked. "Don't you need to eat too? I don't have any large game stashed away, but…"

"I'm alright, Bella."

That was abrupt. He sounded almost angry. Maybe she'd reminded him that he was thirsty, and now being near her was making it even worse. She was about to apologize when her phone rang. Alice, of course.

"I'm coming over to spend some girl time with you," her friend announced. Oh lord. "Girl time" was Alice-ese for "Bella torture time." Visions of make-overs and wardrobe rehashing danced in her head. On the other hand, it would give Edward a chance to hunt, although why he didn't just go anyway she had no idea. She sighed. The things she did for friendship.

"OK Alice," groaned Bella good-naturedly. "Just please keep the instruments of torture to a minimum."

Snapping the phone closed, she mock-glared at Edward. He was perched on the arm of the sofa with his arms crossed, watching her with the crooked smile she was rapidly becoming attached to.

"It's all your fault," she grumbled, knowing full well that he'd heard the entire conversation. "If only you'd said, 'OK Bella, I'll just pop out for a couple of hours to eat,' I wouldn't be facing a fate worse than Chinese water torture."

He chuckled. "Is it really that bad?"

"Worse! Infinitely worse. Second only to shopping with her."

"I heard that!" Alice's voiced floated in from the corridor outside. In a matter of seconds she walked into Bella's apartment. Edward frowned.

"Bella, didn't you lock your door?"

"You think a locked door would keep her out?" she retorted.

"I mean that you should keep your front door locked. You never know who may be out there."

He really was sweet, concerned about her safety. What's more, he did have a valid point. "Alright, Edward, I'll try to remember."

"OK Boy-o," Alice declared, pushing Edward toward the offending door. "Out you go. We'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Good luck, Bella!" he teased over his shoulder before Alice shut the door on him.

For a few of minutes, Alice and Bella chatted about the concert that Ben and Angela were attending. Bella wasn't fooled. She knew that Alice was waiting for Edward to be out of earshot before she started grilling her.

"So Bella," began Alice, walking casually over to Bella's closet and inspecting a dark blue sweater dress. "What do you think of Edward?"

Bella had already resigned herself to lengthy Edward discussion. In fact, she almost welcomed it.

"He is very…nice," she replied noncommittally.

Alice responded with a delicate snort. "A good-looking guy rescues you from your wrecked truck, drives you to the hospital, stays with you there, drives you home, and makes you tea and dinner. And all you can say is 'he's very nice'?"

Bella rolled her eyes at her friend. "Fine. I think he's amazing. Too amazing. There has to be something wrong."

"Well, no kidding. He's a vampire. Does that bother you?"

"You're a vampire too," she pointed out. "It doesn't bother me in the least. I mean, neither one of you is planning to eat me, right?"

"He isn't planning to, but in theory he may be tempted beyond his control and do the unthinkable. Of course, he would never forgive himself if he did. I don't see it happening, though."

"Well, that's a relief."

"Like I said earlier, you can trust him. How do you feel about him?"

"How do you feel about him Alice?" There, time to turn the tables.

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "From what I can tell, one day Jasper and I will join their coven…family. He will be a wonderful brother. In fact, I already feel some sisterly affection for him. It's probably because of my visions, but it's there."

Bella felt a pang of sadness. Alice and Jasper would be part of Edward's family, and she would be left outside. It was silly to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. She was probably just wishing for the stability of a family, especially as she recently lost hers. Not that hers had been that great.

"Well," continued Alice, "I think he likes you, and you like him.'

"Of course I like him," Bella scoffed. "What's not to like? He is intelligent, thoughtful, warm-hearted…oh, you know what I mean!" Alice had cocked a delicate eyebrow at the "warm-hearted" comment.

"Hot?" she teased, "Not literally, of course."

Bella rolled her eyes, although she could feel the blush rising in her cheeks. "Enough with the vampire jokes." Alice didn't drop her eyebrow. "OK fine, hot."

Alice's squeal threatened to shatter the glasses in the kitchen. "I knew it! You do like him! Like like him!"

"Alice," Bella admonished, torn between amusement and embarrassment, "I have neighbours, you know."

"Oh Bella, I'm so happy that you finally found someone you're attracted to! Angela and I were worrying that, with everything that's happened over the past year, you were completely shutting down your emotional side."

Watching the small, dark-haired vampire flipping through her closet, Bella frowned slightly. "Whoa, Alice! Even if I were attracted to him…"

"You are."

"That doesn't mean that he feels the same about me. Sure, he's attracted to my blood, but I doubt that he feels anything for me."

Alice somehow unearthed nail polish and a manicure set, and gracefully seated herself cross-legged on the bed. Knowing that resistance was futile, Bella reluctantly offered her hand before her friend snatched it.

"Why do you think that?" Uh-oh, a leading Alice question. Now it starts.

"Oh, come on. Be logical, Alice. He's beautiful, perfect... You should have seen the nurses at the hospital. They were practically throwing themselves at his designer-shod feet. He can have any female, human or vampire, that he wants. I, on the other hand, am plain, too skinny, and boring, with tons of emotional baggage."

Financial baggage, too, Bella thought to herself. When her parents died, they left behind only a mountain of debt. A few months ago she started selling her own blood plasma to help cover her portion of the rent. Of course, she would never, ever tell her friends about this. They would want to help her, but it was something she had to handle on her own. The little fortune-teller sitting across from her would probably know, although she was wise enough not to interfere.

Alice had heard this self-deprecating speech before. "So why did he take you, bleeding, to the hospital? And stay there with you the whole time? And drive you home?"

Bella shrugged. "Like I said, he's nice. He probably thought it was the right thing to do, felt responsible for me or something. I must have looked truly pathetic, like some lost and injured little girl with no one to look after her."

"What about the dinner he cooked for you? Don't tell me he was hungry."

"Alice, he's new in town, doesn't know anyone here, and had no place to go. It was already 7:00pm, and all the realty offices were closed. Angela went off on her overnight date with Ben, and you left as well. He had nothing better to do, heard my stomach rumble and went into doctor mode. You know – blood loss, bruised ribs, need nutrients to replenish strength? His patient wouldn't be able to reach the cupboards without aggravating her injuries, so what else was he supposed to do?"

"Bella!" Despite her agitation, Alice still managed to paint perfect French nail tips. "Stop putting yourself down. You know you like him."

Her friend grimaced. "Yes, I suppose I do. Probably too much." The last part was stated so quietly that even Alice's vampire ears had a hard time hearing it.

"Oh?"

"There's no way he'd ever be interested in me, so please don't try to convince me otherwise. He just feels sorry for me. When he makes other friends here, he won't need me hanging around him." It felt as if something sharp twisted in her stomach at this thought.

"Although," she continued, "if you and Jasper become part of his family, I suppose he'll be forced to see me from time to time. It's torture for him to be near me. Why would he want to do it when he'd have other friends?" She was not only trying to convince Alice, but drive the point home to herself as well. Living in the same building as him wasn't going to help matters.

Alice sighed. "You're trying very hard to be pessimistic about him, aren't you?"

"Unrequited affection is a deeply painful experience, Alice. I'd prefer to avoid it. Once was enough." Bella was thinking about a man she'd met as an undergrad. He was also a student, and she immediately fell for him – hard. Of course, he only saw her as a friend, never anything more. In fact, he asked for her assistance to set him up with one of her friends. Nothing like helping the man you love get a date with another woman.

"Bella, look at me." She reluctantly raised her eyes to meet Alice's amber ones.

"Edward definitely doesn't pity you. He understands that he feels very protective of you, and admires your courage. When he gets back tonight, please listen objectively to what he tells you. Promise?"

"OK, I promise."

The two friends sat in companionable silence for some time. Finally, Alice leaned back to admire her handiwork and saw that Bella had her lower lip caught between her teeth.

"That's a bad habit, you know."

"What is? Oh." Bella immediately released her lip. She'd done it ever since she was a child, whenever she was nervous or pensive.

"So spill, Bella. What's worrying you now?"

"Nothing much." Another dubious eyebrow raise. Bella sighed. "Alright, but you're going to think it's silly. Edward has his own apartment now, so he'll want to stay there tonight, right?"

"Not silly at all. I don't know, Bella. He hasn't made a decision yet. However, it'll be rather lonely for him in a completely dark and empty apartment."

"But at least he won't have to put up with the burning throat and bloodlust, right? Besides, he doesn't sleep. He can go out whenever he wants. It's not like he'll be trapped in there."

"No, he won't go out, Bella. He doesn't want to leave you alone."

"What? Why not?" She felt a twinge of irritation. This babying was beyond ridiculous. "I'm a big girl, and have had plenty of injuries worse than this before. I can manage just fine on my own!"

Alice hurried to explain. "No no, that's not what I meant. Of course you can manage on your own."

Bella hadn't seen her friend flustered before. What was she hiding from her? "Alice?"

"There's something else, but that's for him to tell you, not me."

"So that's why you came? Edward needed to go hunting, but he didn't want me left alone? What does he think I'm going to do?" Annoying, overprotective vampire. She refused to be treated like a child, especially by a man she just met.

"Not what you are going to do, exactly."

Various scenes from today flashed through Bella's mind. The uneasiness she felt at the site of the crash, the panicky need to get away from there. Edward lying about the deer running across his path, his overly vigilant behavior, the way he sniffed the air and growled outside her apartment. Ah, now she beginning to understand.

"He's not trying to prevent me from injuring myself," she mused aloud. "He's…protecting me from something else. From someone else?"

"Bella," begged Alice, "Please don't ask me for any more details. He'll tell you himself when he gets back."

All sorts of possibilities ran through Bella's head. Maybe he "heard" someone near the hospital planning to harm her? Or perhaps…? A chill ran down her spine. What if the vampire who attacked her four years ago had returned? No, that didn't make sense. Still, she couldn't shake the impression that she'd guessed correctly.

Alice saw the panic flash across her friend's face. "Bella, please! You're borrowing trouble again."

Bella felt guilty for worrying her friend. "Alright, Alice, I'll wait. But that vampire Adonis has a lot of explaining to do!"

An hour later, said Adonis returned and Alice was on her way back to her Jasper. At the door, Alice gazed meaningfully at Edward. Bella wondered what she was telling him.

"Hello Bella," he greeted her, setting his small duffle bag on the wood floor by the door. There is was, her favourite crooked smile. His eyes were now a warm butterscotch, and he'd changed into a grey UW hoodie.

"Hi." Great, now she sounded breathless. How did he do that? "Er…did you have fun?"

He grinned, obviously able to hear her heart racing. Bella took a couple of deep breaths, inhaling his scent and calming herself down.

"Yes, thank you," he responded politely, although his eyes danced with mischief. "Did you survive the fate worse than Chinese water torture?"

She held up her newly-polished fingernails. "Barely."

He laughed. "Well, they look good."

"Thanks." Well, this was awkward. "I, uh, wanted to talk with you about something."

"Shall we sit down, then?" He motioned her to sit on the sofa, and he gracefully folded himself next to her. To her surprise, he suddenly looked nervous. "Alice mentioned that you had figured out what I was up to? What does that mean, exactly?"

Bella hadn't expected him to put her on the spot. She was supposed to be the one leading this conversation. Stupid, manipulative supernatural creature.

"It means that I think you're going to a lot of effort to protect me from someone. I want to know who, and, more importantly, why." There, she said it.

Edward ran a nervous hand through his bronze hair, making it look more windblown that it did already. "You are even more perceptive than I gave you credit for, and I was already giving you a lot of credit."

"You were right to suspect I was lying about the deer. It wasn't a deer, it was a vampire." He watched her anxiously. "You had your window down. He smelled your scent, and thought he'd make us crash, thus providing lunch for him and his mate. When he discovered that there was a vampire in the car, he ran off."

Bella swallowed quickly, forcing herself to remain calm. "So he's gone?"

"No Bella, he isn't," responded Edward in pained voice. "I'm afraid that it's my fault. He watched, and when he saw that I didn't drink from you, he decided it would be fun to…take you from me."

To say that Bella was dumbfounded would be an understatement. "I…I don't understand. I don't belong to you. How can he…?"

The anguish in Edward's golden eyes made her wish to comfort him, but she didn't know how. So that was it, he was here because he felt guilty? She immediately resolved to find a way to release him. Unless, of course, there was something more that he wanted from her. After all, she thought dryly, she was an interesting case study for him.

"James is a tracker. He lives for the challenge of the hunt, and once he captures his prey he has a nasty tendency to play with his food. After you crashed, I prevented him from having you by taking you with me. He assumes that I want you as my pet, so now you…we…present him with a much more intriguing game. He's absolutely lethal, and will stop at nothing until he gets you."

Bella stared back at him, attempting to process what he was telling her. There were so many questions and emotions coursing through her.

"Do you want me as a pet?"

This was clearly not the first question Edward was expecting. He looked shocked. "What? No! As a friend, perhaps even…" He stopped abruptly, disgust creeping into his velvety voice. "A pet is a human who is repeatedly raped and drunk from over a period of several months. I would never do that, especially not to you."

"Then why did you rescue me?"

Her companion seemed hurt by the question. "You think I would just leave an injured woman on the side of the road, at the mercy of a sadistic vampire?"

Bella managed to shrug. "I'm his natural food source. Surely you don't intend to save every human that a vampire tries to eat. It would be like preventing lions from killing gazelles. The lions would starve."

"Bella, there is no way I'd stand by and allow a vampire to kill an innocent human if I could prevent it."

"But you said that you'd tasted human blood before."

Edward frowned, watching his long fingers playing with the sofa cushion. "It's not something I'm proud of. A few years after Carlisle, my father, changed me, I rebelled against his dietary strictures and went off on my own. I sought out evil minds, thinking that if I killed them, I could at least save others. After a while I realized that I was no better than the owners of those evil minds, a monster just like they were. Like them, I decided who should live and who should die at my hand. I became disgusted with myself, and crawled back to Carlisle to grovel for his forgiveness. Undeserving as I was, he still welcomed me back with open arms."

He finally looked up at Bella, almost pleading with her to understand. "Since then, I've never taken a human life, although with you I came dangerously close."

Instinctively, Bella covered his hand with hers. "Like I said, you didn't kill me. You won't intentionally hurt me."

"You have more faith in me that I do myself," he told her softly.

Bella smiled. "Someone needs to."

Slowly the smile faded, and she withdrew her hand from his. "Edward, about James…"

"I'll protect you from James and his mate. They won't get to you."

"His mate?"

"Victoria, the vampire who attacked you four years ago. James probably didn't even know."

She thought for a long time, her mouth forming a grim line. Edward seemed to grow more agitated.

"Bella, please tell me what you are thinking. You're starting to worry me here."

She'd made a decision. Taking a deep breath, she asked him, "James and Victoria are not only after me, they're after you too. Right?"

Edward reluctantly agreed.

"They will try to kill you to get to me? Perhaps Alice and Jasper as well? Angela?"

"We'll protect Angela. Don't worry."

"But I can't have my friends die because of me!" Panic threatened to break though her hard-won façade. Bella took another steadying breath.

"Edward, you barely know me. I don't even understand why you care what happens. It's not your fault that James is after me, and it's not your duty to protect me." She hesitated briefly. "I think you should just let him have me."

"NO!" he roared. Bella jumped. Edward was standing up now, his fists clenched at his sides, staring down at her furiously, his eyes almost black. Sensing her alarm, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Why not, Edward? You can't save everyone. Is it because you're in some sort of competition with him now, and you don't want him to win? Or is it that you're trying to atone for sins you imagine you committed decades ago? By protecting me, you could lose one of your friends, a family member, even your own life."

"Bella…" His deadly quiet tone should have warned her, but she had to make him understand her point of view.

"Did it ever occur to you that I'm supposed to die this way, and that you're interfering with fate? How many vampires have I come across already? At least five, two of whom want to eat me, and another who has to constantly fight the urge to do so. Even Jasper won't come close to me, because the temptation could too great. In the past nine months, my entire family died except me. It doesn't make sense for me to still be alive. Maybe Alice's intervention not only saved me, but also saved my parents the pain of losing their child. But now…"

She couldn't continue, because Edward had grasped her shoulders painfully, his angry face inches from hers. "Dammit Bella, I will not have you wallow in survivor's guilt, nor will I allow you to commit suicide by vampire. You are being utterly absurd."

Bella forced back the angry tears that came to her eyes. She refused to cry in front of this man again. "Well, I won't allow you, Alice, and Jasper to risk your lives for me. Never mind the constant torture you put yourself through just to be near me. Edward, I'm not worth it. Please, I'd never forgive myself if something bad happened to any of you."

"Just as we wouldn't forgive ourselves if anything happened to you." By now Edward seemed to have calmed down, and his cool hands on Bella's shoulders were holding her gently. He favoured her with another crooked smile.

"It looks like we're at an impasse."

Bella couldn't resist that smile. "It appears so. What are we going to do about it?"

He released her shoulders and took a step back from her. "Go to bed. It's getting late."

She gawped at him. "What?" She blushed at Edward's knowing grin.

"I don't mean like that, silly girl." He raised a wicked eyebrow, his golden eyes twinkling. It would take a while for her to get used to these mercurial mood changes. "Unless, of course…"

"No, no," interrupted Bella, her face turning even more red as she laughed nervously. Drat, what was the matter with her? Get a grip, Swan, she scolded herself, and get your mind out of the bed…er…the gutter.

She swallowed quickly. "So, you're still staying the night here, right?"

"If you don't mind. My apartment is rather bare at the moment." He took pity on her flaming cheeks.

"How about you get yourself to bed, and I'll set up out here on the sofa. I plan to catch up on some reading while you're asleep."

Bella nodded and disappeared into her room, only to emerge with a pile of towels and blankets a couple of minutes later.

"If you'd like to have a shower or clean up, feel free to use our bathroom."

"I'll do that after you climb into bed." He shot her a grateful smile as he unpacked his duffle bag. "Thank you for letting me stay tonight."

She hurried into the bathroom, making short work of her face and teeth. Padding into the hallway in her flannel pants and warm long-sleeved blue T-shirt, she glimpsed Edward sitting stretched out on the sofa. A hefty medical book rested in his lap.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Bella."

Curled up under her old comforter, Bella listened to the soft sounds of pages turning in the living room. After a while she heard him sigh quietly, then soon after the rush of water in the shower. She quickly shut out the image of a naked Edward standing on the other side of her wall. Thank God he couldn't read her mind.

When the water stopped and the shower curtain opened, the unbidden image came back. Get a grip, Bella, her inner voice taunted her again. A moment later she heard his amused voice.

"Sleep, Bella," he teased softly. "I can hear your heart from here."

"Stupid vampire super hearing," she grumbled, then scowled at his soft chuckle.

As usual, nightmares took away her peaceful slumber. She tossed and turned, screaming in her dreams as she watched her parents and cousin go one-by-one down the basement stairs into the blackness below. Each time she would beg them not to go, knowing she would never see them again, but they didn't listen to her.

This time, however, there was another person in her dream. Edward was poised at the top of the stairs. "I'll get them back for you, Bella," Edward assured her over his shoulder, stepping into the blackness.

"No, Edward! They're already gone. Please don't go too!" She was sobbing in her dream, grabbing onto his arm, futilely trying to drag him back from the brink. She screamed as the blackness swallowed him as well.

In her dream she heard Edward's soft voice reassuring her, his cool hands soothing her face and brushing away the tears that refused to stop falling. How had he come back from the black hole, when her family had not? Somehow she was moved and propped against a cold, fabric-covered wall, where she calmed down and drifted back to a more peaceful sleep.