I haven't posted anything in awhile.
So yeah, lots of spelling mistakes and stuff.
ANY GoT FANS PLEASE BEWARE THERE ARE SPOILERS. SO ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Hope you enjoy lmao
Make sure review
"I just don't understand" Neji complained
"For god's sake, why shouldn't my mother be the godfather of our baby?" Tenten exclaimed in annoyance
"Because your mother is Orochimaru" Neji hissed
"Oh, wahhtevah" Tenten rolled her eyes and elbowing Neji into a bin
"What did I say about acting like we're in a teen movie?" Neji narrowed his eyes while crawling out of the bin and peeling a banana peel off his knee
"Only on birthdays" Tenten muttered annoyingly
The couple walked through Konoha discussing godparents. The godmother title was a close tie between Sakura and Hinata, the couple had decided they would hold a battle to the deaths round hosted by Anko with various tests and killing challenges to decide between the two. As for the godfather, well, Tenten wanted Orochimaru and Neji wanted anyone that hadn't molested Sasuke. So that pretty much ruled out half the village.
As they were passing through Konoha, and making their way closer to the training grounds, they suddenly started to hear yelling and 'hn'ing. Tenten and Neji raised a brow at eachother, turned back towards the direction they had been heading and cautiously walked onwards into team seven's training grounds. Naruto was tied to the ground while Sasuke sat over him holding a bowl of ramen and chopsticks with a poker face.
"Say uncle" The Uchiha commanded in his sexy voice causing a few squirrels nearby to orgasm so suddenly and unexpectedly midway through climbing that they let go and hurdled to their deaths
"NEVER!" Naruto screamed causing a girl nearby to start crying
Sasuke smirked then took a few noodles with the chopsticks and slowly threw them.
Naruto's eyes widened in slow motioned horror, watching the noodle separate from the chopstick while 'die hard' theme music played in the background. The noodle flew through the air twisting and twirling until it started to plummet, another noodle (female) looked out of the bowl with tears streaming down her face, screaming the noodles name. John. Some drops of the liquid in the ramen flew of the noodle in haste, as if trying to escape their own death. Then slowly but surely, the noodle collided with the ground, with such force that Konoha still feels the shake of that noodle. Slowly, it was the first end of the noodle that made contact with the cold, dirty ground. If you looked closely enough you could see the noodle was screaming and crying out to its family in the rest of the bowl. But the crying stopped as soon as the rest of the noodle fell, breaking the noodles neck. It could feel no pain as the rest of its limp body fell victim. Until it was just a dirty, limp, helpless, dead, flavourless, noodle on the ground. John was dead.
"YOU BASTARD!" Naruto screamed helplessly as tears slid down his face and he struggled to get out of the ropes holding him down "HAVE YOU NO MERCY?! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!"
"Hn"
"That's not a word"
"Hn"
"Huh"
"Hn"
"Heh"
"Ho"
"Hee"
"Huu"
"Hiii"
"HELLLPP"
"Naruto shut up, we're having a hn contest"
"NEJI" Tenten screamed accusingly "NO MORE HN CONTESTS!"
"Bu-"
"NO"
Sasuke smirked.
"Whatever, Uchiha."
"Hyuga."
"UZUMAKI!" Naruto screamed helplessly
Suddenly something in Neji's head clicked as he looked at the two shinobi atop of each other on the ground.
"You two"
They looked.
"How would you like to be the godfather of our child?" Neji asked
Tenten looked in horror at Neji "THEM?!"
"You want Orochimaru as the godfather, and you're complaining about them"
"Orochimaru—
"Molested Sasuke."
"It's true" Sasuke spoke "Puberty wasn't easy for me with him around…"
Flashback
The Uchiha sat at the lair of the infamous Orochimaru. He was in the hall when Orochimaru made his entrance, wearing a black cloak covering his entire body. What was he hiding? Kabuto poked his head out from a door and glanced at Sasuke provocatively before hiding back. The 14 year old looked at the old man.
"Sasssuukkkee-kunnn" Orochimaru hissed
"No"
"Don't you want poweerrrssss?"
He said nothing
Orochimaru's eyes glinted as he smiled "Kabuto. Bring it out"
Kabuto walked out wearing a white mankini holding lotion and a frilly bikini.
Orochimaru took of his cloak revealing a leather dress "to the fireplace…"
End of Flashback
Sasuke shuddered "I'll never look at a fireplace the same way again…"
"What?"
"Hn"
"WAIT" Naruto shouted "HOW CAN WE BOTH BE THE GODFATHER?!"
"You can't… Hinata and Sakura are already fighting eachother to the death for the title, its only fit both of you should do the same" Neji answered in a monotone
Naruto gaped while Sasuke's eyes widened slightly.
They both looked at each other then back at Neji.
"Sakura and Hinata… are having a girl on girl fight… and you DIDN'T TELL US?!" Naruto yelled
"Where are they having it?" Sasuke asked instantly
"In the river, why?" Tenten spoke this time
Naruto's mouth hit the floor.
Sasuke was speechless.
"Of course they're having it in the river, who doesn't like getting wet? Of course they don't want to get their clothes dirty so they're wearing bathing suits. Personally I don't think they'll put out though, they're so unstable and stringy and small. Plus the oil they rubbed on themselves won't exactly help— HEY! WHERE ARE YOU BOTH RUNNING TO?!"
"Tenten, was that really necessary?"
"Of course, I can't wait to see them fight it out for the godfather title!"
Neji glanced at the brunette "You were against it a second ago"
"Yes. But Sakura and Hinata are in bathing suits, oiled up, in the water, half naked battling it out and half of the time on top each other"
"… So?"
"When Naruto and Sasuke battle it out. They'll have to do the same"
"I didn't realise you were a yaoi fangirl"
"I used to have a penis too"
"What?"
"Never mind. That's a story for when after we're married"
"..."
Meanwhile…
The Akatsuki members sat around the large tables forced together in the restaurant, it was the only way everyone could sit together. Kakusu had been forced to sit on a small table by himself somewhat afar from everyone else. Pein had forced him to go sit there after he had gotten sick of hearing Kakusu's constant come on's towards Deidara. Deidara laughed for a few hours at that, Pein got so sick of it eventually he ended up sending Deidara to the same table. It had taken both Hidan and Sasori's entire strength to drag the desperate blonde away from the table and to Kakusu.
Tobi sat poking his bowl of icecream with a fork. Konan had objected to the fork idea, but after Tobi had told her how her life was meaningless and the man she loved was dead leaving her to only cling onto his false body with another poor boy she friendzoned inside it. She let him use the fork.
Konan was between Obito and Pein, eating her pasta nonchalantly. Pein was drawing faces into his spaghetti, Hidan next to him was mashing his mashed potatoes as if his god depended on it. Sasori was making shapes with his pretzels while Kisame next to him was sipping his fish soup up with a straw.
"Okay" Pein started "we have to get straight to matters"
They all looked at him, Kisame looked so suddenly some of the soup burst out of his nose like a fountain.
"I have something to admit" Pein spoke
"You're gay!" Hidan burst confidenently
"Did someone say gaaaay?" Kakusu appeared from behind a trollie holding Deidara by his pinky toe.
"Pay up fish face!" Hidan roared
Kisame grunted and pulled out some naughty mermaid magazines with ariel on the cover, opened them to the last page and pulled out a hundred dollars.
"Get BACK to your table Kakusu!" Pein growled dangerously
"Hmph" Kakusu pouted and slowly crawled back to his table
Once he was gone Pein turned to hidan and pimp slapped him viciously "I'm not gay"
Hidan was so surprised he threw his money to the air just when a seagull flew into the restaurant; it caught the money and flew out shitting on Kisame's face in the process.
"Anyway" Pein sighed sitting down
Suddenly Konan whipped him in the face with her napkin
"What was that for?!" Pein exclaimed
"You had something on your face" Konan stated going back to her pasta
Pein ignored the woman and face the rest of the group "as I was saying…"
"Obito is a good boy!"
"What?" They looked at Tobi
"I-I mean… T-TOBI! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Tobi stuttered "Look Kakusu's eating a penis"
"What?"
They all looked around but the only thing Kakusu was eating was Deidara's soul.
"I have something to admit" Pein went back to the subject at hand and continued before Hidan could speak "Tenten's pregnancy is not why we're here"
Konan looked in horror at Pein "Then why?"
"We're going to destroy Konoha" Pein's eyes narrowed "from the inside out"
….
"Didn't you already try that last time?" Sasori asked
"Yes, we're trying it again"
"Oh. So it's we know"
"He fails once and suddenly it's 'we'"
"WHO'S THE SUGAR DADDY?!" Pein exclaimed angrily
Sighs echoed around the table "You are"
"Say it!"
"You're our sugar daddy" They all replied/muttered
"Alright" Sasori stood up smacking Kisame's soup in the process and almost drowning him "What's your plan this time? You always do this. What about that Haruno girl? The one that killed him? If it wasn't you using the philosophers stone on me I would be dead in the ground. So I'll serve you, sure. But you better have a good fucking plan or I will shove my bony—
"Philosophers stone?" Konan interrupted inquiringly
"I leapt through dimension to full metal alchemist, to a philosophers stone and brought back Sasori"
"Why didn't you bring back Itachi?" Kisame whined
"He betrayed us, remember?" Pein rolled his eyes "besides, with him here I have no chance with any of the women"
"You have a chance with me?" Konan spoke
"Don't be stupid Konan, I've known you since we were kids"
Konan was trapped firmly in the friend zone. It's probably why she turned lesbian.
"Sasori's right" Deidara spoke "What's your plan, Pein?"
Pein looked strangely at the blonde "how the fuck did you get here?"
"I don't wanna talk about it" Deidara said tightening his large jacket that hadn't been there before and looked oddly familiar to Kakusu's
"Seriously though, what's your plan?!" Hidan asked over dramatically
"Well. We're going to …"
…
"To…?"
"SHUT UP LET ME THINK!" Pein slammed his fist on the table
"You didn't consider this?!" Hidan screamed "WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! YOU'RE SUPPOUSED TO BE OUR SUGAR DADDY!"
Pein messaged the bridge of his nose "I am! I just… I… I don't know man" Pein started to get teary "I've just been so out of it lately"
"Are you okay..?" Deidara asked hesitantly
"I just don't know what I'm fighting for anymore, man" Pein cried "this used to be so easy"
All the other Akatskui members looked hopelessly at one another.
"What's wrong, Pein?" Kisama asked slowly
"I…I…"
"It's Game of Thrones, isn't it?" Konan asked with a sigh
(AN: any GoT fans that don't want spoilers. I STRONGLY suggest you skip this part)
Pein sobbed viciously into the table "YES!"
"What happened?"
"I finished book three!"
"Oh god" Konan sighs "You should know by now, George R. R Martin kills everyone"
"I didn't think he would go so far!"
"What happened?" Kakusu asked
"NO!" Hidan stood up viciously throwing the bowl of soup at a nearby waitress killing her "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF BLOODY PEOPLE LIKE YOU! I'M WATCHING GAME OF THRONES TOO, OKAY?! IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK TO NOT HAVE A FUCKING SPOILER EVERY NOW AND THEN?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GO ON TUMBLR!? DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOUTUBE! EVERYONES FUCKING COMMENTED THIS AND THAT AND WHO DIES AND WHO GETS WITH THAT. LIKE SERIOUSLY. HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT! IF I COULD KILL THEM ALL BY THE POWER OF JASHIN I WOULD!"
"Hidan, are you on your period?"
"YES. BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I'M SO PISSED"
"Well brace yourself!" Pein flipped the table hitting Hidan in the face "Because I'm going to spoil it for you!"
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Hidan moaned in horror
(AN: I warned you. stahp)
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE PEIN!" Hidan screamed "DON'T YOU DARE!"
"What the fuck is happening?" Whispered Sasori in shock
"I have no idea" Kisame retorted "what the fuck is Game of Thrones?"
"Some other wordly crap" Konan shrugged with a sigh
"Oh?"
"Yep" Konan nodded "Cersei Lannister ftw"
"Ygritte dies!" Pein shouted
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hidan screamed viciously
"Tysha wasn't a whore!"
Hidan sobbed trying to kill himself
"Shea betrayed Tyrion!"
Hidan killed another waitress in despair
"I COULD GO ON HIDAN. I COULD GO THE FUCK ON!" Pein screamed
"PLEASE NO MORE!" Hidan cried "HAVE MERCY"
"DID WALDER FREY HAVE MERCEY WHEN HE KILLED ROBB AND CATELYN?!" Pein screamed
Hidan froze with widened eyes "R-… Robb…?"
"YES!... Yes..!" Pein knelt across from Hidan with suddenly saddened eyes "Robb…"
Hidan looked tearfully at Pein.
Pein looked back just as tearfully.
"Brother…?" Hidan whispered
A tear slid down Peins cheek "…I know… I know…"
Konan sighed "literally nothing was accomplished"
"I know" Sasori agreed as Hidan and Pein sobbed into each other's arms mournfully.
Konan suddenly collapsed clutching her stomach violently, she had a pained look on her face. Cringing as Sasori tried to help her back up.
"What's going on?" Pein and Hidan stopped hugging and looked at the woman
"My…My…"
"What?" Kisame held her
"My Uterus feels like it's gonna burst"
"Wut?"
"I thought you already peed" Hidan said with a raised brow
"My Uterus. Not my fucking BLADDER" Konan replied
"What's the difference?"
Pein whispered something in Hidan's ear
"Oh…Oh…OHH…OOOOOOHHH! EWWWWWWWWWWW" Hidan's face was full of digust as Pein stopped whispered
"Period pains?" Sasori suggested
"Yep"
"Wow" Kakusu stated "looks like I came just in time"
Back to Naruto and Sasuke
"They're gone!" Naruto wailed in the river
"We came too late" Sasuke stated annoyed
Naruto slammed his face into a rock
"Hn"
Something suddenly caught the Uchiha's eye "what's this?"
"What's wha—
Naruto's eyes widened in shock as the Uchiha pulled out a skimpy top half of a bikini from the water.
Sasuke gaped motionlessly at it "…"
"We came too late! DAMN IT! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"Idiot. Without me we wouldn't even be here"
"TEME"
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Naruto's lost his voice and Sasuke lost his sanity.
R
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