Hey guys, thanks again for the awesome input! ok so this chapter was super tricky and is kind of long but the circle scene deserved its own chapter so… enjoy and review!
JJ X x
After we'd rummaged through each other's things we sat near the History section in a circle. I sit with my legs crossed between Allison and John, leaning closer to the girl because I don't know why, but I was pissed at him… because he used and stocked girls like the books on the wall maybe. When I told Allison she gave me this look and I all but screamed 'I'm not jealous'
Oh wait right we're talking "What would I do for a million bucks? Well, I guess I'd do as little as I had to..."
"That's boring" Claire groans and I agree, we agree on something… strange
He looks kind of stumped when I can think of ten things already that would embarrass the shit out of me "Well, how am I supposed to answer?"
"The idea is to like search your mind for the absolute limit. Like, uh, would you drive to school naked?" now that's a fucking question
Andy laughs as he questions "Um, uh...would I have to get out of the car?"
"Obviously" I blurt at the same time as Claire nods "Of course"
"In the spring, or winter?" he seems really indecisive, just answer the question
"It doesn't matter...spring" Claire offers, trying to hurry him up but he keeps questioning it "In front of the school or in back of the school?"
She just shrugs because come on man just answer the fucking question "Either one"
"Yes..." as he answers I notice Allison looking at Claire, like she's a scattered puzzle before announcing to us all "I'd do that! I'll do anything sexual; I don't need a million dollars to do it either..."
Claire just shrugs her off because she can't be, not little Allison "You're lying..."
"I already have...I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal...I'm a nymphomaniac!" we're all watching her now and I can't believe my ears
Claire rolls her eyes "Lie..."
Andy smiles at her, not a sinister smirk but an actual smile while Brian watches her bug-eyed "Are your parents aware of this?"
"Right, because that's the main issue here" I laugh, trust him to think responsibly about that sort of confession
"The only person I told was my shrink" I watch her because seriously, this is some fucked up shit! I knew sluts, everyone knew sluts and I know Allison Reynolds can in no shape nor form be a slut
"And what'd he do when you told him?" Andy looks at her, like full on stares
She gives this creepy smile as she answers "He nailed me..."
"Very nice..." Claire mutters in disgust, like she was so fucking perfect
"I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape since I paid him." She's looking out of place, like she's thinking about what to say
"He's an adult!" the princess is obviously outraged
Allison is relishing this attention "Yeah...he's married too!"
Claire notes her disgust and I put a hand over my face; I don't want to judge her but… "Fuck Ally-cat"
She looks at me for a hard second before Claire bites in "Do you have any idea how completely gross that is? Even Mae is obviously against it"
My head snaps up and I bite "Don't drag me into this, it's her life"
She just shrugs; like doing it with your married therapist is nothing… this can't be true, please god don't let it be true "Well, the first few times..."
Claire bolts up right and I look over at John, for some reason he looks only mildly interested "First few times? You mean he did it more than once?"
"Hey! What part of 'It's her life' don't you get?" I groan to the redhead because I don't condone it but…
"Sure..." another shrug as Claire asks "Are you crazy?"
"Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink" Brian points out the obvious and I think I like the kid, he's not too bad
Suddenly the quiet girl gets all inquisitive "Have you ever done it?"
Claire acts like an airhead, but she knows what the question is actually asking "I don't even have a psychiatrist"
"Have you ever done it with a normal person?" Allison leans in, like a viper waiting to strike and I can't help but wonder if her pristine image is actually as perfect as it seems
"Now, didn't we already cover this?" I smile because she looks like of flustered
"You never answered the question..." John looks at her while I roll my eyes "Probably because you were being an ass about it"
She looks at us, obviously thinking of a way out of this "Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life with total strangers."
With a quiet chirp Allison speaks up "It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?"
"A what?" like she doesn't know
"Well, if you say you haven't...you're a prude. If you say you have...you're a slut! It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do you wish you didn't, right?" she's right, there is no winning here
I can't help but scoff "hundreds of years in evolution and some shit never changes"
Brian smiles over at me for that, because it's not wrong, Henry the 8th had six wives and was considered a stud where women like Marie Antoinette were persecuted… what? I can't listen in class? ... or copy notes… ok steal notes but still
"Wrong..." Claire just groaned because for the first time in her life she doesn't know what to say
"Or, are you a tease?" Allison asks with a tilt of her head
I can't help but laugh as Andy confirms "She's a tease"
I smile at him and wink "How do you know?" he just turns away from me shyly
"Oh why don't you just forget it..." she's getting pissed off and it's funny
Andy scoffs while I sit back and watch the show "You're a tease and you know it, all girls are teases!"
"Fuck you, we are not! I'm not" I snap because I'm not a tease, hell most guys in this school are too scared to look at me for me to be a freaking tease
John looks at me, why is he looking at me like that? "She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot"
As Claire shouts "I don't do anything! Why aren't you picking on Mae?" I tear my gaze from John's because he's still looking at me and it's kind of freaking me out
My back straightens then because is she fuck moving this shit onto me "That's why you're a tease..."
Claire folds her arms and glares over to the girl in black "Okay, let me ask you a few questions"
Allison is suddenly defensive "I've already told you everything!"
"No! Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean don't you want any respect?" little red obviously isn't happy that the tables are turned and that she's the victim for once and John looks like he just solved a math problem
"I don't screw to get respect...That's the difference between you and me..." Allison just smiles and I have to hand it to her, girls got guts
"Not the only difference, I hope." Claire all but growls as John shrugs "Face it, you're a tease." And again she shouts, bitch is giving me a headache "I'm not a tease!"
"Sure you are! You said it yourself sex is a weapon, you use it to get respect!" I look at him, because that almost sounded plausible
She's scared and blatantly didn't expect that "No, I never said that, she twisted my words around."
He's in full-blown asshole mode as he asks "Oh then what do you use it for?"
"I don't use it period!" Claire is on the verge of tears and a small part of me feels bad for her… then I remember what she and her friends said to Lisa in gym who's pretty much overdosing on diet pills and suddenly I'm ok with it and laugh as John quips "Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?"
"I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth!" all I need is popcorn and this would be a real show
Then everyone is hitting her with the same sentence with new words all at once;
"Well if you'd just answer the question..."
"Why don't you just answer the question?"
"Be honest..."
"No big deal..."
"Yeah, answer it!"
"Answer the question, Claire!"
"Talk to us!"
"Come on, answer the question!"
"It's easy, it's only one question!"
Claire silences all of them by screaming "No! I never did it!"
Silence dawns for two beats before Allison jumps in "I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar..."
With a hand over my mouth I mutter with a smile "awesome" because it was, she is funny as hell and I'm kind of stunned by her balls because damn if that wasn't ballsy
"You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to fuck me over!" if I didn't know better I'd say Claire was really to rip Allison's head off
"I would do it though...If you love someone its okay" I see Andy looking at her again, he does that a lot actually, might be restraining order time soon. At her words I hold my hand up in the air, a beat later she high fives me, because the chick's smart and I like her
She scowls at Allison with utter fucking hate "I can't believe you, you're so weird. You don't say anything all day and then when you open your mouth...you unload all these tremendous lies all over me!"
"Come on Red, it's not that big a deal" I smile over at her, more like smirk but still
She glares at me then and slips on a bitch face "ok, fine, then what about you little miss Shrew?"
John turns with his biggest fakest grin "Yeah Mae, your turn"
"It's only fair Mae, Allison and Claire shared" Andy jumps in
Then Brian "and you already know I am so…"
With my hands in the air to shut them up I call "ok, ok…I almost did it once but I changed my mind. So yeah, I'm a virgin, happy?"
I should probably mind more than I do but… did John just let out a relieved sigh? Ok I'm seeing things. Claire hold her head up with her snotty ass attitude "No!"
"You're just pissed off because she got you to admit something you didn't want to admit to..." and I nod because Andy's right.
John looks amused, Allison seems between a cross of shame and pride, Brian looks more thoughtful than anything and Andy is too busy defending Allison to contemplate the issue
Claire doesn't look any less pissed off "Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre..."
"What's bizarre? I mean we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." I could catch flies right now because did he really just say that? A prep admitting to being different!? What the fuck is going on?
Claire looks at him with a roll of her eyes, obviously disbelieving "How are you bizarre?"
Allison decides to field that question "He can't think for himself..."
"She's right...do you guys know what, uh, what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together." Claire laughs, John and Allison smile, but myself and Brian just share a look of knowing and abhor
"That was you?" Brian looks fucking horrified
Andy just nods "Yeah, you know him?" he can't take his eyes off the guy who hurt his friend "Yeah, I know him..."
And he really hurt him
The jockstrap decided to tell us what happened, share his story "Well then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too..."
"Oh my God..." all the faces fall, but I know Larry, not well, he's my Math partner and lets me cheat off his work.
God I want to beat the shit out of Andy right now, because you see I was in the nurses office on Thursday, trying to get out of French, I suck at French, when they brought him in. Brian and another geek were there, and when Nurse Harper pulled off that tape I heard him scream, cry… saw the blood on the floor. She forgot I was there and that was the one time I wished I was in class because he was in so much pain, I bolted from the room… that was just the first strip
"And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man… I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool." Why, why would any parent want you to do that?
All eyes are on him, Brian looks so close to tears already while Andy carries on "He's always going off about, you know; when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda...he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness."
He feels the guilt, the pain and I curl into myself because I never thought preps had anything like that "And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and...and explain what happened to him; and the humiliation...fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal...I mean…"
He's crying, he's actually truly sorry and I don't think I can breathe for a second "I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man."
Brian is hiding behind his hand, not wanting to be seen as Allison's eyes brim with tears, Claire looks on with a shamed glaze while John stares intently at his hands, I know he's thinking about something bad by the look on his face… what I don't realize is I'm shaking with a clenched jaw "Oh God, I fucking hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore... 'Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!' You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give...and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me..."
My lips are dry, swallowing the silence until John chirps in "I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling."
Andrew laughs briefly and I give a wisp of a smile because… John, ever the ice breaker
Lowering his hand Brian looks skittishly between us "It's like me, you know, with my grades...like, when I, when I step outside myself kind of, and when I, when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't."
"What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?" Claire asks with a frown
I shake my head then and choke out "nothing, there's nothing wrong with you Bri"
He looks me dead in the eyes and nods "yeah there is. It sounds stupid but because I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um...and we had eight weeks to do it and we're supposed to, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was supposed to go on...my light didn't go on, I got a F on it. Never got an F in my life...When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. 'Cause I thought, I'll take shop; it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average..."
Strangely enough I get it, I get them…
"Why'd you think it'd be easy?" Shit, the tone in his voice wasn't good
Don't try to be smart Brian "Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?" to late
"I take shop...you must be a fucking idiot!" I can see Claire's face scrunched up, I didn't know he took shop
"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?" Brian's defensive and meanwhile my ass has gone to sleep
John just glares at him "No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp..."
"What do you know about Trigonometry?" he snaps, because he knows stuff, that's what kids like him are all about
He doesn't move, just sits there with that snarl on his face "I could care less about Trigonometry"
"Bender, did you know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering?" valid point
"Without lamps, there'd be no light!" also a valid point
"Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one..." Claire decides to play referee and it's that awkward silence again
Shuffling a little I look to the faces around me who've all told their horror story's today. Don't talk about it, I never talk about it… but for some reason my mouth opens "I get it, you're not enough, any of you. No matter what you do or how hard you try, it'll never be enough. I get that"
They look at me and nod, if fact everyone's looking at me so I start fiddling with my mismatched rings as Brian asks "you do?"
I'm not crying, my eyes are just watery as I swallow hard around the lump in my throat, twirling a silver skull around my finger "Angie…um, my mom, never wanted kids, not ever, but my dad pushed her into it…"
I close my eyes and see his face, the eyes he blessed me with and the sandy blonde hair I was never given "I was his whole world you know, his little Angel Mae, so I never really noticed that Angie never seemed to want me around… then he died"
Why am I doing this, I don't know, I just know my heart hurts and throat burns with the words I've never spoken "… I was eight years old for fucks sake and my own mother hated me! Blamed me because the only reason he got in that car was to pick me up from school, because he loved me more than her and she couldn't take it"
I can feel the tears streaming down my face and a hand clutch onto mine "it didn't matter how much I tried to be good, to be better it wasn't enough. I was never enough…because she never loved me, not ever."
The hand that grips mine tightens as I bury my shamed face into my knees. I've never talked about it before, about what she did, how she hurt me with more than cigarettes and glass. So why now? Why with these people I barely know… because maybe for the first time since I watched them put my daddy in the ground I found someone who gets it, people who understand… or maybe I'm just so fucking tired of pretending she didn't royally fuck me up
I rest against my tear stained cheek on the soft cotton covering my legs to look at the leathered hand and course fingers laced through mine. When did he grab my hand? Looking past my watery vision I meet his chocolate gaze, a twitch of a sad smile on his lips with vice grip around my hand
"So that's why you're such a bitch to everyone?" I shoot daggers to the redhead, was she fucking kidding me right now
I'm about to jump over there and John looks at her with a whole flared nostril thing going on as a voice breaks the tension "I can write with my toes! I can also eat, brush my teeth..."
"With your feet?" Because Claire was obviously above such commoner like skills
But Allison just smiles proudly "...play Heart & Soul on the piano"
"Talent!" I smile at her, forgetting the tears bleeding into my pale cheeks
Suddenly Brian chirps "I can make spaghetti!"
"What can you do?" Claire asks a suddenly quiet Andy
"I can...uh...tape all your buns together... Mae?" he looks at me and I laugh, eyes darting to each face as I confess "I can fit my whole fist in my mouth"
John's head turns to me slowly with that look I can't figure out before he shakes it off and Allison laughs with Claire who mutters playfully "that's just wrong"
I smile and stick my tongue out to her but John just looks at the school's precious gem for a long second then demands "I want to see what Claire can do!"
"I can't do anything." She's all defensive now for no reason or maybe it was the way he said it
John rolls his eyes then "Now, everybody can do something..."
She thinks for a minute before giggling "There's one thing I can do, no forget it, its way too embarrassing"
"You ever seen Wild Kingdom? I mean that guy's been doing that show for thirty years." At John's words I reach out to tap her gently with my foot "Come on Red, I just told you I can fit my hand down my throat for fucks sake…"
She nods then, because it can't be any more embarrassing than mine right? "Okay, but you have to swear to God you won't laugh...I can't believe I'm actually doing this..."
We all watch like it's a new show on TV as Claire takes lipstick out and open's it. She places it between her breasts head lowered and her mop of hair making sure we can't see when she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect.
Everyone claps because fuck, I wish I could do that "All right, great! Where'd you learn to do that?"
I look at my breasts then to Claire's; mine are way bigger… I could do that "so hot! You have to teach me that!"
Putting her lipstick away she smiles "Sure thing. Camp, seventh grade"
It's only then I notice John's slow mocking of applause "That was great; Claire...my image of you is totally blown"
"You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!" Allison snaps at him
"Am I laughing?" he just shrugs
I smack him on the arm and growl "don't start Johnny…" at the same time Andy glares "You fucking prick!"
John looks from my blue gems and turns to Andy. As he speaks, we can see his words hitting home. Andy's words "What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember?"
Turning that stony expression to the wounded girl he carries on "And you...don't like me anyway!"
She looks torn, hurt but so does he and for the life of me I don't know why "You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!"
He's so mad, furious and I watch him rip her to shreds "God, you're so pathetic! Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! 'Queenie isn't here!' I like those earrings Claire."
Quietly with watery eyes she says "Shut up..."
But John just keeps going "Are those real diamonds, Claire?"
"Shut up!" she's starting to get angry
"I bet they are...did you work, for the money for those earrings?" how did we get back to this shit "Shut your mouth!" we were getting along, weren't we "Or did your daddy buy those?"
"Shut up!" Claire starts crying.
"I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said 'Hey! Smoke up Johnny!' Okay, so go home'n cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?" it's a sharpened blade to the heart at hearing my nickname used like that, it just didn't sound right… feel right. I called him Johnny…
I think I get it now; he was jealous, fuck I was to. Claire never knew what it was to cry out for someone who just kept hurting you in every way a person can be hurt, but she had her shit… we all did
There are a few beats in the air until Andy asks almost pleadingly "My God, are we gonna be like our parents?"
The idea sends a shudder down my spine as Claire sobs "Not me...ever..."
"It's unavoidable, it just happens." Shit, when did Allison start crying?
Clearing her face Claire asks "What happens?"
She's looking at Andy; I don't know why "When you grow up, your heart dies"
"Who cares?" John's lent back on the pillar behind him and shrugs it off while Allison looks at us "I care..."
Without thought I take her hand, because she's crying and I shake my head because I won't let it happen "I can't be like Angie, I'd rather die"
It's honest, more honest than I've been with myself in a long time…
"Um, I was just thinking, I mean. I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I?" he's right to wonder, hell I hadn't even thought about it
"No..." Andy answers his question, because we are friends I guess, it's messed up but it's true
Brian seems happy with that but he needs to know, what with his brain that never stops ticking "So, so on Monday...what happens?"
"Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?" I look at Claire and for the first time in my life I hope I'm wrong about her
"Yeah..." he asks the girl of his dreams that before today he never would have guessed knew his name
The second she says this I bite my lip and an angered hand falls through my mismatched curls "Do you want the truth?"
"Yeah, I want the truth..." he sounds so hopeful
"I don't think so..." so much for friendship
Allison's hand leaves mine to wipe at her tear tracked cheeks as she asks "Well, do you mean all of us or just John?"
"With all of you" at least she has the decency to look ashamed
I shake my head with a click of my tongue "thanks a lot Red"
"That's a real nice attitude, Claire!" Andy seems optimistic, I like Andy, and I understand him
She just scoffs at him before announcing "Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this; you're there with all the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!"
"No way!" it's not convincing, but at least he's trying
Allison leans forward and almost pleads "'Kay, what if Mae or I came up to you?"
"Same exact thing" that didn't hurt me, it didn't… I don't even like her
Furious and screaming at Claire John fly's forward "You are a bitch!"
"Why? Because I'm telling the truth; that makes me a bitch?" she tries to defend herself and I look away, I don't like her and I don't care
"No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them that you're gonna like who you want to like!" he's right, she's a clone, a fucking image this society created and I don't want to be her friend anyway
"Okay, what about you? You hypocrite! Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties?" Allison looks really excited about the idea of that "Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high?" I look at John like he's mulling all this over "What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together? They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me and god knows they'd never forgive you for being seen with Mae!"
I think about it, the whole school hated and feared me; I was the scary violent bitch shrew. I have two friends out in those halls… what would Ned and Candy think? And I know for a fact I've ripped out and beat on one, maybe two, of John's friends before now
I lean back into Allison because I don't know where else to go as John screams at Claire "Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you don't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends so you just stick to the things you know, shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor-rich-drunk mother in the Caribbean!"
She's crying again as she kicks him, yeah, actually kicks him "Shut up!"
"And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget it! Because it's never gonna happen! And you can shut right the fuck up about me and Mae! Just bury your head in the sand...and wait for your fuckin' prom!" my mouth is hanging open because damn, what just happened…again?
"I hate you!" she screams and I think she means it
John growls back because fuck if he doesn't get the last word "Yeah? Good!"
I twirl a pink end around my finger because I'm not good at awkward silence "Then I assume Allison, Mae and I are better people than you guys, huh? Us weirdo's..."
"Would either of you do that to me?" he asks and my head in running a mile a minute as Allison shrugs "I don't have any friends..." I let out a small gasp at that because that, now that breaks my fucking heart
"Well if you did?" he looks praying almost as she answers "No...I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind"
"Mae?" they look at me, dead in the eyes and a smile "no, no I wouldn't. My friends would be curious and shit, but their my friends so no… and Ally-cat…" she looks at me, wondering and beseeching as I take the silver wrap around cat ring off my left pointer before smiling with a hand in her hair, our brows touching "you do have friends"
She beams brightly and takes it with so much joy. In the short time I've known her she's become someone I like; short of trust… she became my friend
I see some shocked faces; they expected me to be the cold callous bitch that walks down those halls every day… well fuck that
Brian smiles slightly before it falls and he claims with such determination "I just wanna tell, each of you, that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not; because I think that's real shitty"
"Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us" is she serious? Yeah, because kids really look up to the bastards that make their lives hell everyday
"Fucking moron" I snigger because hey, she's not my friend… remember!
Brian laughs at her, right in her face with tears he's fighting to hold back "you're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself, why are you like that?"
"I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!" she's crying again, she cries a lot actually
"Well then why do you do it?" he snaps at her, who knew he had it in him
"I don't know, I don't...you don't understand…you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you!" Claire tries so hard to fit in, they all do and what's the point? So they can be privately miserable while making others publicly miserable
Brian is shocked and outraged at her "I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire? Well fuck you! Fuck you!"
Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying "Know why I'm here today? Do you? I'm here because Mr Ryan found a gun in the locker..."
My chest aches, no Brian… no
"Why'd you have a gun in your locker?" Andy leans in, concerned, scared almost
"I tried. You pull the fuckin' trunk on it and the lights supposed to go on...and it didn't go on, I mean, I..." he just rambles on, trying to explain himself… but he can't get the words out, it's to hard
"What's the gun for Brian?" Andy has to know, he's acting the hero
Brian leans back sobbing into his hands "Just forget it..."
"You brought it up, man!" Andy keeps at him
He can't meet our gaze "I can't have an F, I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it! Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B. And everything's ruined for me!
With pity Claire sigh's "Oh Brian..."
Brian bashes a chair over and I quickly crawl over to him as he speaks "So I considered my options, you know?"
"No! Killing yourself is not an option!" I pull him to me, because if anyone needed a hug now was the time and I and how important a simple hug can be
"Well I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so!" he's angry, broken, but he's clinging to me like a life line and I hold him tight; whispering in his ear "it's ok Bri, I've been there… it's ok"
As we pull apart he looks at me shocked and now I'm fucking crying again, damn this is so messed up "It was a hand gun?"
As he falls back from me he answers Allison's question "No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker."
"Really?" Andy starts to laugh.
"It's not funny..." he tries to stop himself, but he can't
I bite my lip hard to stop it twitching up, everyone fighting it off until we can and we all start to laugh, including Brian "Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was destroyed!"
The laughter slows as Allison smiles "You wanna know what I did to get in here?"
Andy has a big grin on his face, we all want to know what the invisible girl could have done to end up in here with us "Nothing...I didn't have anything better to do."
I can't stop it, we all break out laughing "You're laughing at me..."
"No!" Andy fails to help
Allison starts to laugh too as John almost falls over and Brian actually does "Yeah you are!"
With hand on my chest to steady my heart I laugh "My god, I love this girl!"
I look around me at my new friends, laughing together and I think about it all…what was going to happen to us! But right now is good, so with that I stand smiling down to them all before "Come on losers, let's get this party started!"