A/N: I know you've all been waiting for more interaction between Seth and Blair, but I wanted to make sure the transition was smooth from all the angst, so bear with me while I work out the details :)
Hope you like this one and get some laughs from it!
Blair was impatiently tapping her foot, waiting for Summer to get out of class. It wasn't like they were tight now or anything, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and this was a desperate time. Blair should have known better than to think that the gods would allow life to go smoothly for her for once. The moment things were starting to look up with Seth Cohen no longer on her case, Blair found herself face-to-face by a Category I disaster – the worst kind there was. Now she just needed to wait for Summer so she could put together a task force to dismantle the bomb. As soon as Blair spotted the tiny brunette bouncing out of her classroom, she grabbed her arm and violently yanked her aside.
"Ow! What the heck, Waldorf? You don't want to be at the mercy of one of my rage blackouts," she warned, examining her arm for bruises. Blair rolled her eyes. As if her threats bore any weight against her. But she didn't have time to school Summer Roberts just yet – there were more urgent matters to discuss.
"Look, I need your help with something. Something important – something I need you to keep your mouth shut about," Blair explained, eyes darting from side to side, checking that the coast was clear.
"Don't tell me you think you're pregnant this time! Haven't you guys heard of condoms?" Summer whined dramatically.
"Ew!" Blair shrieked, borrowing Summer's vocabulary in spite of herself. "If I found out I held within me a spawn of that pea-brained scumbag, I swear I'd perform the abortion myself. But that's beside the point – listen to me," Blair started, dropping her voice to an even lower whisper, "I think that he may have – ahem – made…a sex tape of us." Blair's eyes immediately fell to the floor.
"He did WHAT?!" Summer practically screamed. Her voice caught the attention of students nearby, and Blair continued pulling her aside, whispering while they walked down the halls to find another spot where they could chat in private.
"Could you keep it down? If I wanted the whole school to know I would have called CNN," she scolded. "Normally I wouldn't have confided in you even if my life depended on it." Blair finally stopped walking, fidgeting again. "But I didn't have a choice. This is not something that I could put my minions on, and I don't think this is something even I can take care of on my own."
Seeing that this was probably the closest Blair would ever come to paying a compliment, Summer decided to just leave it at that. "So how do you want me to help?" she finally asked. "Do you think maybe if I got Marissa to ask him nicely, that he'd just delete it, or give it back or something, if you – you know – want to keep it for your own entertainment?" she asked sarcastically.
"Give me a break. There is no civilized way to handle these kinds of men – take it from me," Blair made a face as the image of Chuck Bass suddenly appeared in her mind. "We need to find the source and destroy it ourselves, so that he has no chance of using it against me when I decide I've had enough of him. And judging by his IQ of negative two-fifty and his impressive vocab bank consisting only of phrases like 'that's rad', and 'let's party, bitches', I'd say it's going to happen sooner rather than later," Blair affirmed, seething. No one messes with Blair Waldorf and hopes to get away unscathed. Luke had better pray that no one else ever lays eyes on whatever it is he had playing on his cell phone this morning. Blair was just getting out of the shower when he saw Luke engrossed on what appeared to be a video of himself, naked, and speaking to the camera.
"Okay, so what's the game plan?" Summer asked, fully engaged.
"I need to find a way to get hold of his cell phone so I can check what's on it. The thing is, the guy literally showers with his cell phone. He guards the thing with his life. I'm going to need a distraction to be able to get it from him," Blair explained. She really hoped that a Newport hick like Summer – and yes, to Blair they were considered hicks – would be able to pull off a full-on Blair Waldorf scheme. "So this is what I'm gonna need you to do…"
Summer hung back nervously, waiting for the right moment to execute their plan. She wasn't exactly good at lying, and seriously doubted whether Blair's plan would work, but she didn't really have a choice – she did kind of have to thank Blair for staying with Luke, and for not stepping in between her and Seth. As much as Blair wasn't willing to admit it, she could tell that she had feelings for him, and that those feelings were in part sacrificed for Summer's sake.
As soon as she spotted Luke, walking out of the boy's change room, Summer purposely stumbled on him, giving him a generous flash of as much of her cleavage as possible. "Ooops," she squealed sheepishly, bringing the flirt on. She batted her eyelashes ferociously at the athlete, hoping that he would take notice of her. She gently squeezed his biceps. "Ooooooh Luke, what big arms you have! Do you work out?" she exclaimed in an over-exaggerated tone, making him drop his gym bag. With his gym bag on the floor, Summer proceeded to continue dragging Luke aside, showering him with praises and attention the entire time. She casually kicked aside his gym bag towards Blair, who had been hiding behind the lockers, prepared to lunge for the bag. Just as she was about to take action, Luke stepped away from Summer deliberately, both hands up in the air.
"Hey, easy there, sweet cheeks. I know it's hard to resist the Luke-tastic charm, but I've got my Blair-Bear, so back off, okay?" he worked his around Summer to retrieve his gym bag, throwing Summer a strange glance as he walked away.
Blair threw her arms up in the air in frustration, coming out from hiding. "Well, that worked well," she said, rolling her eyes at Summer.
"It wasn't my fault! You just didn't come out fast enough!" Summer insisted, feeling slightly annoyed.
"Right. So it wasn't because you just weren't attractive enough to catch his attention for more than three seconds?" Blair pointed out, trying to come up with another plan as they spoke.
"Yes, no match for Blair-Bear now, am I?" Summer retorted, arms crossed. She swore that this would be the last time she did a favor for the ungrateful brat. She was just about to tell her off when she spotted Seth, lurking by the Geography Room, in the corner of her eye. Great, Summer thought, wondering how she would explain what just went on to Seth, who was already approaching them with a frown on his face.
"Well, if it isn't the new best friends of Harbor, spending some quality time together again," Seth greeted them, a thoughtful look on his face. "I'm guessing you haven't yet resolved last week's situation, seeing as you're now sending Summer to seduce your baby daddy?" he remarked, directing the question at Blair.
Summer stirred uneasily between them, not liking where this conversation was heading. She knew that Seth had been bothered by the events of last week, but didn't think it was her place to explain to him what really went down.
"Relax, Cohen," Blair practically spat the words at him. "I'm not going to sell your girlfriend out to Luke. Just need her for a little task, that's all," she replied, giving him a tight smile and trying to ignore his offensive tone. Both Seth and Summer looked noticeably uncomfortable at Blair's remark. Seth glanced down at Summer while she avoided eye contact with him. "You can go now. Oh and by the way – I'm not pregnant – but thanks for caring. You're dismissed," she said bluntly, turning away from him. The last thing she needed at a time like this was to deal with Seth Cohen's finger-pointing fest yet again.
"That's a pity," Seth replied, not skipping a beat, "since the offspring of Blair Waldorf and that very brilliant boyfriend is yours would have surely made for a fine candidate for Congress, don't you agree, Summer?" Seth held up his hand to receive a high-five from Summer, but she didn't play along. It seemed that every time Seth and Blair were near one another, they could not stop their endless banter. Summer couldn't help but feel left out.
"Actually Seth, Blair never even thought that she was pregnant. It was actually Marissa, so it would be nice if you would just lay off it, okay?" Summer disclosed, visibly annoyed. She figured that it was okay to tell him the truth now that Marissa was fine. The way Seth kept speaking to Blair bothered her, and she didn't know why he always seemed to be making an extra effort to appear like a colossal jerk in front of Blair.
Seth was slightly taken aback by the reveal, and watched Blair with uncertainty, feeling like a total jackass. He clucked his tongue softly, unsure of what to say. It was good news – great news, in fact – and if Summer wasn't standing a few inches from him right now, he would probably have gone and picked Blair right off her feet and swung her around a few times in celebration. But he didn't move an inch. Even Blair stayed silent, for once. "My apologies," Seth mumbled softly, mostly to Summer, but mentally diverting it towards Blair.
"Well, Cohen," Blair said suddenly, her eyes sparkling with mischief, "if you want to make it up to me, there is something you can do." Blair's mind was already busy spinning up another scheme, and she had the perfect part for Seth to play. She pulled the two of them closer as she briefed them on her new plans.
It was lunchtime, and finally time to put Blair's master plan into action. Seth wasn't sure why he was even doing this, considering Blair hadn't even told him what it was she needed out of Luke. But of course, saying no to Blair was an impossible feat, what with her death glares and rib jabs. He sighed, and braced himself for what was coming up. He wished that Ryan were here in his place instead – he was made for this role. Seeing Luke appear with the rest of his water polo buddies, Seth took a deep breath and rushed out at him, charging forward.
"What were you doing this morning with Summer, huh?" Seth wounded back his fist, and punched Luke as hard as he could on his jaw. Right away he knew that it was a mistake. His hand stung and started to swell at the force of the impact. How on earth does Ryan do this so often? Seth wondered. He was instantly thrown from his own thoughts as he caught himself flying across the table, with Luke on top of him, hands tightly grabbing his collar.
"You want a piece of me, Cohen? Huh?" Luke picked Seth up and slammed him down again violently against the cafeteria table. "I should have finished you last time when I had the chance." Seth closed his eyes and lifted his arms to block the punch, praying that it wouldn't hurt too much. Man, Blair Waldorf owed him one. Just as he was about to cry out in pain, he realized that Luke had stopped himself just before hitting him, and that Summer and Blair had thankfully arrived just in time with Ms. Richardson standing beside them. Nice job, Seth saw Blair mouth to him, as he let himself collapse on the table in relief.
Blair and Summer slipped silently into Luke's house, using Luke's spare key that he had given her for "emergency purposes" – which of course meant booty calls. For once, she was glad that she had access to it, since it may be the only chance for her to uncover Luke's dirt. Thanks to Seth and Luke's little brawl at lunchtime, Luke was being kept for detention along with Seth, and Blair knew that they would have at least a good hour to go through his computer and search for the video.
"Look, if Luke has a habit of doing this, he'll probably have a backup of the files somewhere on his computer. There's no way he could have taped us using his phone without me knowing – I'm much too careful for that. I'm guessing he has some sort of pervy-creeper webcam set up for his conquests," Blair gagged at the thought. She couldn't believe that she had continued her low streak after letting Chuck Bass get into her pants. She really needed to kick these kinds of bad habits. New Year's resolution, she promised herself.
Summer took control of the keyboard as soon as the computer switched on. "Damnit! It's password-protected? Who knew Luke would be smart enough to use a password?" Summer rummaged through the mess on his desk in hopes of finding a note or something with a code written on it. Blair, without breaking a sweat, nudged Summer aside, typing confidently onto the keyboard.
"Smart enough to use a password, but not enough to use a good one," she remarked with a smirk. Summer gawked while she watched Blair typing in the password to Luke's computer – BlairBear. They both tried to hold back their snickers but failed, falling into a fit of laughter. Blair then expertly began searching through his files, one by one, hoping to find his database, but to no avail. After almost twenty minutes of searching, Blair was starting to lose hope and decided to launch into Plan C. She texted Seth:
No luck. Take action. –B
Seth felt his cell phone vibrate against his coat pocket and checked it. It was Blair. Looks like her plan didn't work out after all. Time to use some of his Cohen charm to get the job done.
"Soooo Luke," Seth crooned, shifting to sit closer to him. "Seeing that it's just us two boys here, I thought maybe, you know, we could catch up a little. Get to know each other. You know, some man-to-man talk," Seth said, tentatively punching him lightly.
"Are you f-king serious?" Luke asked, scowling at him. "Look, I'm pissed off enough that you got me in here. I'm missing water polo practice for this bullshit. Don't touch me, okay?" Luke shook his head in disgust, trying to concentrate on his math homework.
"You know, I'd say we actually have a lot more in common than you'd think. First Blair and now Summer – maybe it's written in the stars. We could be destined to be like, chick-brothers or something," Seth pressed on, desperate for any way at all to get Luke to talk.
"Chick-brothers? What the hell?" Luke was too confused to even be angry anymore.
"Yeah, like you know, we're like, brothers 'cause we share the same interest in girls," Seth clarified, delighted that this was finally going somewhere. "In fact, I've got this thing I do with my girls, when I'm into them. Sometimes I take pictures of them when they're not looking, and I save them down and post them on my blog. It's pretty cool, actually. You should check it out," Seth said with a strange, maniacal laugh. This was some bizarre script that Blair had given him. Seth tried to ask more about what it was he was really trying to find out for her, but Blair became indignant and kept mum.
"Are you some sort of freak?" Luke exclaimed, getting up from his seat.
Crap, Seth thought. Things were getting out of control. He approached him slowly, trying to calm him down. "Hey, it's nothing, dude. I-I-I was just wondering whether you know, you had some collections of Blair in your phone or whatever, and we could you know, trade or something," Seth offered, shrugging. Within seconds, Luke was on top of him again.
"You STAY AWAY from my Blair-Bear, you got that?!" Luke breathed onto him. He obviously was in need of some major anger management sessions, but Seth didn't think this was the most opportune time to bring it up. He froze completely, waiting for Luke's rage to subside. This scheme of Blair's was basically a suicide mission, and Seth wasn't sure how many times he would end up on top of the table before he lost one of his limbs. To his surprise, Luke suddenly broke down into tears, sobbing into Seth's shirt.
"Why? What does she even see in you?" Luke whined, a jelly-like discharge now dripping from his nose and onto Seth's shirt. Seth wanted desperately to push him away in disgust, but feared too much for his life. Besides, this guy was obviously mentally unstable. Better not test him, Seth told himself. Luke continued to lament. "I've done so much for her – so much! But every time you walk by, or talk to her, she gets this look on her face. I can't help it…I feel like I'm losing her!" he whined, still on top of Seth.
This was getting really uncomfortable. "I don't know what you're talking about, Luke. How about we sit down first, take a deep breath, so we could just, you know, talk about this," Seth suggested. Luke finally relaxed his grip, and Seth slid back into his seat, waiting for Luke to do the same.
"I've been planning this thing for her," Luke confessed, wiping the tears from his eyes. Bingo, Seth thought. He leaned closer in interest, hoping that Luke would finally reveal what it was that he had been hiding all along. Luke took out his phone from his pocket, and started to play a video.
"Woah, dude!" Seth exclaimed as soon as he saw the first few seconds, screening his eyes. It was a video with Luke basically naked, speaking into the camera. "Uh – I usually stick with PG-13. You know, nothing too graphic, my parents don't really allow me to get into those kinds of things."
"Just watch," Luke replied sternly, which made Seth cease his rambling. The video continued to play, and Seth could see that it was actually Luke, filming himself, albeit without much clothing, but on different occasions, recording snippets of things that he wanted to say to Blair.
"I love watching you fall asleep. You have this peaceful look on your face, and it's the only time you let your guard down," Luke spoke to the camera. He smiled to himself in the video, and Seth could see, for the first time, how genuinely in love the guy was, with Blair. "Sometimes I want to, you know, get you on film too, but that's kind of creepy, and you would probably kill me if you found out," Luke laughed to himself. "But really, I just don't know how someone so beautiful could have ended up with someone like me."
Seth looked away momentarily from the phone, ashamed for the ways he had judged Luke in the past. Sure, the guy was basically an imbecile, but at least he was a passionate one. This was a romantic gesture that Seth wouldn't have been able to come up with in a million years, and Blair was lucky to have a guy put this much thought into making her smile, considering all he's been doing since he's met her was make her cry. He turned back to the screen at the sound of Luke's completely off-pitch singing: "So I just wanted to say, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Blair-Bearrrrrr – Happy birthday to you!" The screen went blank.
Seth was speechless. He wasn't sure what to say next, and Luke was still staring intently into the blank screen, lost in thought. Seth finally cleared his throat, and tried to keep a straight face as he spoke to Luke. "Um actually, Blair's birthday passed back in November, so you've got a few months."
"What?" Luke's face went pale as he looked up at Seth, then buried his face deep into his palms. "God, I'm so stupid! See what I mean? I can't even plan a proper surprise for her without completely screwing up!" He punched the table violently, making Seth jump in response.
"Listen, it's cool, okay? I'm sure Blair would like the surprise, and you know, she'll think it's sweet, no matter what time of the year it is. I think it's sweet," Seth coaxed, hoping Luke could control his mood swings a tad bit better. Seth reached into his pocket to text Blair cautiously, without attracting Luke's attention:
I think we're good. I'm handling it. Meet me at the school.
By the time Blair got to the school, Seth and Luke were out of detention, and Seth hung out quietly behind them while Luke and Blair talked. He watched Blair's shocked expression as Luke pulled out his cell phone and presented his semi-pornographic video. She stood still for a while, then smiled, reaching out to hug Luke and giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. Seth kicked the dirt a little, not really wanting to face what he had just witnessed. He briefly wondered whether he should have kept the video a secret, but then decided that he wanted truly, to see Blair happy. And – she did look happy. Seth watched as Luke gave Blair a final kiss on the forehead, then headed towards his car. To Seth's surprise, he even turned and gave a wave to Seth, who nodded back in response. Guess he wasn't that bad of a guy after all. He slowly approached Blair, who had turned her head slightly, watching Luke get into his car.
"Sooo…I'd say that was an interesting turn of events, wouldn't you," Seth remarked to Blair, watching Luke drive off.
Blair snorted. "Yeah, who would have thought you and Luke would end up friends?"
"Who would have thought Luke would end up as a certified Prince Charming?" Seth answered, feeling rather dejected.
"Yeah well," Blair replied softly. There wasn't really much to say in response to that. To be honest, Blair was a bit touched at Luke's surprise, regardless of how idiotic the whole thing was. She suddenly burst out laughing. "He thought it was my birthday," she stuttered, her face red from laughter. Seth laughed along in spite of himself, and the two of them took deep breaths to calm themselves down. "We make a good team, Cohen," Blair added in a tender voice.
Seth cleared his throat. "Blair, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about," he said, suddenly growing serious and looking her in the eye.
Blair looked up at him, her eyes glistening in the fading sunlight. As usual, she felt the familiar shortness of breath that she always felt whenever Seth draw near. She maintained a smile as neutral as possible as she waited for him to continue.
"You were right. I judged you before, without really knowing you, just like how I judged Luke. You've been a good friend to Summer and Marissa, and it was wrong of me to make assumptions about you. It was wrong, and I want to get to know you – again. Let's start over." He held out his hand boldly. "Hello, I'm Seth Cohen. I like skateboarding, emo indie music, and I'm the president of the Comic Book club."
Blair hesitated. She felt his sincerity, and rolled her eyes at his completely ridiculous self-introduction. She took a deep breath and shook his hand slowly. "I'm Blair Waldorf. I like impressionist art, French documentaries, and aspire for world domination."
Seth chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze, feeling its warmth. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you."
They stood that way for a while, holding hands, staring into each others' eyes. In that instant, Blair knew that what she had felt for him in those few weeks was definitely not one-sided. Of course, things were beyond complicated at this point – he had Summer, she had Luke, and her and Summer had just managed to become friends, and even Seth and Luke were on speaking terms. She knew they could not risk jeopardizing all that. Or could they? She waited for Seth to make his move, to finally say something and fight for her – something that she had desperately wanted him to do all this time.
Finally, Seth gently let of Blair's hand. He knew exactly what he had to do. "Blair, there's something that I've gotta take care of right now. I'll see you around, okay? Say what's up to Luke for me, will you?" With that, he turned away from her, leaving her feeling confused and empty, as she always did after an interaction with Seth Cohen.
Seth showed up on the doorsteps of Summer's house minutes later. He had drove there directly after meeting with Blair, unwilling to take any time off to think about what he was about to do, in fear of second-guessing himself. He rang her doorbell, and when Summer showed up, almost lost the courage to present what he had prepared for her.
"Cohen?" Summer asked, stepping out of her house and closing the door behind her. "What are you doing here?"
"There's something I have to be honest with you about," Seth admitted. He closed his eyes for a moment to clear his thoughts, then opened them again. "I don't think I can see you anymore."