Chapter 7: Scars

I woke up in my bed. I couldn't remember walking back at first then I realized that she and I must've gone about four rounds last night. I couldn't remember the walk back because I was half-asleep. Dead-tired from my midnight excursion.

I had gotten out of bed and noticed that everyone would be up by now. I had no idea what the schedule for today was. So, I got my usual glass of chocolate milk, went outside and started my day by looking for Rex. I had asked around to see where he was and found out that he was fixing Mr. Freeze's AC again. So I headed to Solitary Confinement.

When I arrived I saw Rex exiting Fries' cell with a weird look on his face. "What's up? It break again?" I asked with a bit of an impatient tone in my voice. Rex didn't seem to notice.

"His fuckin' air conditioning coolant system seems to shut down more than anything else on this goddamn island," he said with a harsh tone of his own. "God, people are gonna start thinking I'm not doing my job right, I'm gonna get fired if this keeps up." We walked down the hallways quietly. "Where have you been?" Rex asked looking over at me. "You look like shit." I laughed it off, he tells me it a lot.

"I've been around," I said trying to put on my soft demeanor again. I tried but it would stay for very long. I had an urge, and urge to be, aggressive. Like I wanted punch someone, or worse. "I've been checking in on some of the inmates, under specific orders of course."

"That's cool, hey, I gotta check up on the systems of a few keypads that have shown signs of malfunction, wanna come with?" He asked.

"Sure," I said with a smile. "I wouldn't mind at all. Who's first?"

"Cobblepot," Rex groaned. "This should be easy enough."

We checked more than ten keypads including those of criminals not worth mentioning. We finally made it to someone I haven't seen in here before. "He's new," Rex told me. "Roman Sionis, aka Black Mask. He was transferred over from Blackgate on an insanity plea. Bad idea, Sionis," Rex said checking the keypad to the cell. "Warren White did the same thing and wound up going insane himself. Now he goes around as the Great White Shark." I looked to the back of the cell where a man in a full orange jumpsuit sat on his bed. He was a broad man with a muscular build and large, calloused hands. I looked up at his face and found the reason they called him Black Mask. On his face was a large mask made finely carved black wood. His eyes, however, were the creepiest part, a burning red that dug into my soul. He wasn't a good man, for some reason I could tell by looking at him he was a large contributor to the death toll of Gotham.

"You think I'm going to go insane?" Black Mask said. "You don't know what insanity is." He had a deep, dark voice that could shake a man to crack. "And when I get outta here I'm gonna kill every one of you bastards. I can assure you of that."

"Nevermind," Rex said adding the last touch to his keypad. "You've already gone insane haven't you?" He put the cover to the pad back on and locked it down tight.

"Don't worry, Sionis," I told him looking into his dark red eyes. "You'll be fine, I'll make sure of that myself." Sionis grunted then looked deeper into my eyes. He blinked then turned his back to us as if scared.

"C'mon," Rex said grabbing my arm and pulling me down the corridor. He pulled me all the way to his office then let me go and shut the door. He walked over to his desk and sat down and typed something on his computer. "Damian, you wanna tell me something dude?"

I stared at him unsure of what he was talking about. "What do you mean?" I asked him with cluelessness in my eyes. Rex turned his computer monitor towards me. I wasn't sure what I was looking at until I saw myself on the screen. I looked closer and my stomach sank. It was me, I was leaving Isley's cell, I was putting my shirt on and turning to say good night to her.

I looked at Rex who merely stared at me, waiting for an explanation. When nothing was said he sighed and turned the monitor back towards him. "Damian..." was all he said for a moment. "You can't do this man, you can't just go and fuck an inmate when you're feeling down in the dumps. You're gonna get youself fired, or worse, put in one of the cells yourself." He pulled out two cigarettes and lit them. He inhaled the smoke and handed me one. I took it from him and inhaled a bit of smoke myself.

"I'm not sure what came over me," I said truthfully.

"You aren't the first," Rex said flicking ashes into an ashtray in front of him. "And probably not the last. More than twelve doctors have fallen pray to that seductress, hell even I can't resist those curves when I'm repairing her cell, that's why her cell is so different from other people's, so it won't break and I won't be tempted by her. She's a temptress Damian, she feels nothing, nothing but hate and she sure as hell won't hesitate to kill y-"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up Rex!" I screamed slamming my hands on his desk. Rex slid back in his chair and stared at me in shock. "Don't you dare say shit about her, you don't know her! You don't know what it's like living in this world like she does! You don't know shit!" I was breathing hard and my hands hurt from how hard I slammed them down on the table. I looked at him. I couldn't believe what I said, how I said it. I backed up from his desk, Rex merely looked at me, the look on his face no longer shock but worry. I opened his office door and ran out and didn't stop until I made it to my room in the mansion.

I slammed the door and looked at my hand. I had burnt myself with my cigarette and hadn't even noticed. "What did I say? Did I take Ivy's side over my own best friend's? What the fuck is happening to me? Why am I doing this?" I walked into my kitchen and looked down. "What the?" I noticed a broken glass on the floor and realized that had been ther since Kainan's visit. I shook my head and grabbed a broom and dustpan. I swept up the broken glass and dumped it in the trash can.

I fell on the couch and put an arm over my eyes. I couldn't begin to think what was happening to me. "Am I being corrupted by the inmates?" I asked myself. "Am I letting them get to me? Or am I merely seeing the truth? The truth that was there the whole time?"

There was a knock at my door, I jumped and turned my head in that direction. "Who-who is it?" I asked a little shaken.

"It's Kainan and Rex, mind opening the door Damian?" I rubbed the palm of my hand on my forehead and sighed.

"What do you guys want?" I asked.

"Open the bloody door please, we look like idiots standing out here," Kainan said with an agitated tone.

"Damian, c'mon dude, I have the key to your door, either let us in or we're coming in anyway," Rex added knocking again.

"You don't have to knock again, he knows we're out here," Kainan said impatiantly.

"It's not locked, come on in," I said looking at the door as they both stepped inside. Rex closed it behind him and looked at me with that same worried expression.

"Look Damian..." he began.

"Sorry," I interrupted. "About what I said a minute ago, sorry about that, and the way I said it." Rex sighed and smiled.

"Don't worry about it, like I said, a lot of people have fallen for Ivy's spores' seductive powers-"

"I'm immune Rex," I said shortly. "I'm not falling in love with her spores, I'm falling in love with her." Rex looked at Kainan who stared at me. He cleared his throat and made his way into the kitchen.

"Mind if I make myself some coffee?" He asked.

"Help yourself," I said looking back at him. I stood up to walk into the kitchen but Kainan said.

"Sit, we've got much to talk about." I stared at him and sat back down on the couch. He started the coffee and walked back in the living room and sat next to me.

"Damian I asked Kainan to join us to offer a bit of psychiatric help, I feel maybe you've been analyzing the brains of so many that you should sit down and have yours examined instead." Rex thought for a moment before adding. "No offense."

"None taken," I said with a small chuckle.

"Okay," Kainan said. He stared into my eyes quietly and sat there. It was quiet, my only thoughts were wondering what he was going to say. It was only quiet, I stared into his gray eyes waiting for a reply. "Yep, I'm gonna need some coffee," he said, scaring the crap out of me and Rex. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee and added a bit of milk to it. He walked back in and sat down, taking a swig from his cup. "Alright, that's better."

Rex and I glared at him for scaring us. But he merely sighed and said. "Alright, I'm going to ask you some basic rudamentary questions that-"

"I know the game, Kainan," I said. "Let's just start playing."

"Fine," he said taking another drink. "What kind of coffee is this?"

"It's Sugai Kona," I said with a smile. "Good huh? It's really expensive but it lasts a long time and is too strong to drink fast like normal coffee."

"It's magnificent," he said, taking another drink and relashing each sip.

"Kainan!" Rex exclaimed.

"Oh yes, yes, sorry." He put down his cup and looked at me. "When did you start feeling these emotions, not only the feelings for Isley, but everything? All of these feelings of anger and self-uncertainty?" I sighed.

"If you want the short version," I began. "I'm falling in love with Poison Ivy, I want more than anything to befriend Killer Croc, and I'm absolutely terrified of Zsasz, and I don't know when all of these mixed emotions came to life inside my head. All I know is I came onto the job thinking that it would be the same as any other..." I paused and laughed. "I can't believe I said that, I'm dealing with homicidal maniacs psychopaths and I figured it'd be the same as my job at Gotham Library." I shook my head and sighed.

"Why Zsasz?" Rex asked. I looked up at him. "You've dealt with Croc, Ivy, and Quinn, why would be fine with them but terrified of Zsasz?" I sighed.

"Because I had a run-in with him seven to eight years ago," I replied. "I dealt with the bastard a long time ago, and it scarred me. I can't even look at him without freezing up and losing my cool." I bowed my head and wiped sweat from my brow.

"Let's start with that," Kainan said taking another sip from his coffee. "You say that you're terrified of Zsasz because of your previous encounter with him. Tell me what happened." I stood up quickly.

"No!" The sudden movement and reply made Rex jump but Kainan merely placed his coffee on the table and looked at me. "I won't go back there, I won't open my darkest door so you can examine the details and tell me I'm crazy."

"You're starting to sound like an inmate," Kainan said bluntly. I glared at him, here only stared back with an apathetic expression. "Am I wrong?" He asked calmly.

"Fine! You wanna know what happened I'll fucking tell you!" I said walking back over and sitting down on the couch. "About eight years ago I had finally gotten accepted to Gotham University in the central district and was going to major in Psychology of course..."

I walked nervously down the halls of the university, I held my stuff in a duffle bag and wandered through the corridors looking for my dorm room. When I found it I opened the door and stepped inside, my dormmate barely even touched the room but his stuff was there. A bed was neatly made for me and beside it was a desk with a computer. I placed my duffle bag down on the bed and sat next to it. I pulled out my cell phone to call Lilly...

"Let's skip to time where Zsasz comes in shall we?" Kainan interrupted taking another swig of his coffee. "There's no point in explaining every minor detail." I was a little irritated at first but smiled it off seeing it as Kainan's usual blunt attitude.

"Fine, then I'll start where I met her..." I said with a bit of a sorrowful tone.

One day wasn't like the others, wasn't like the same perfunctory days that I'd come to know. You see, I was lonely in college, my roommate was always spending his nights in his girlfriend's or best friend's dorm and I had my room to myself, I had barely said a sentence to the guy and it was nearly the second term. It was that day, however, when I met Carmen Cruiz, or C.C. as some called her. She was being transferred to the central university after a bit of trouble in the western district. She had all of her credits and blah blah blah...anyway, Carmen's seat just so happened to be right behind me, and when she sat down I took it upon myself to greet her to her new school.

"Hello," I greeted her as she took her seat. "My name's Damian Rykotsu, it's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Cruiz." I gave a soft but genuine smile, which was returned by one of her own, a beautiful smile it was. She had perfect skin and beautiful lips, and her eyes were something out of a movie, light brown, like milk chocolate floating in the perfect shade of white. I was lost in her eyes the moment I saw them, which aided an awkward moment for us indeed.

"Um...the teacher's talking to you," she whispered to me, my head turned so fast I nearly snapped my own neck...

"And this has to do with Zsasz how?" Kainan interrupted again.

"I'm getting to it!" I snapped with a glare.

Her first day there I asked to be her partner in a project we were to do in class, analyzing the mind of a fellow classmate. And I must say that her mind was one of the most intriguing minds I've ever had the pleasure of analyzing, aside from Croc's that is. Did you know...oh right...sorry...anyway...

So it turned out that the reason Carmen was transferred to central district is because of an abusive ex-boyfriend. "One mistake after another," she told me one day when she came over to work on our project together. "That's what my love life has been. I always date a mistake. And it's starting to look that way again." I looked at her with concern.

"You're dating someone already?" I asked jotting something down on my paper.

"Yeah, Jeff Newly, he's on the basketball team," she replied also writing something down. I knew Jeff all too well, one of the assholes that tormented me back at my high school, I had a scar with his name on it, both mental and physical. "He seemed so nice when we first met, but now..."

"You mean he was attractive?" I asked without looking up from my paper. My tone was growing harsher so I tried my best to tone it down.

"What?" She asked looking at me.

"We're studying psychology here," I told her showing her my paper. "And from what I can tell all of your boyfriends seem to have one thing in common, aside from them being assholes in the end of course, they're attractive." I glanced at her then back to my paper to pretend like I was writing something.

"Yeah I guess so," she admitted with almost a hurt look.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to say it like that, I apologize."

"Yeah, well it's none of your business anyway," she said calmly. "It's my business who I date, nobody else's, my mistakes are my own."

I almost couldn't stop myself. "Do you think that may come from your father being so abusive?" I couldn't believe what I just said I covered my mouth immediately. She glared at me with a tear streaming from her eye. Without a word she picked up her things and slammed the door behind her. I was alone again. I couldn't help myself, all of this study of psychology and I wanted to be anyone's psychiatrist, I was making top grades in my class, which, I was fairly certain, was the reason Carmen accepted me as her partner.

The next day in class I said nothing to her, as did she to me. I couldn't even look at her after what I said. When class ended I waited for her after class. "What you here to make fun of me some more?" She asked when she saw me.

"I think we should finish the projects seperately," I said ignoring her snappy comment. "We'll just make some shit up and turn it in." She stared at me without a word as I added. "Try to make it believable." I walked away after that. She said nothing as I did so, just as I expected. I called Lilly to ask for her help but I got the response I expected.

"Give it time," she told me. "She'll figure out she's crazy about you, she's just not aware of it yet." I sighed and thanked her for the advice and hung up. I could feel the tears coming as I hung up the phone, they were swelling up in my eyes and clouding my vision when suddenly there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find a mess of a girl, Carmen, she had a welt on her face and I knew where it came from, it was Newly, he had hit her. Only one question escaped my lips.

"Where is he?"

I found my way to the dorm with Carmen staying at mine. I practically beat down his door shouting his name, echoing through the hallways. A few kids opened their doors to see what was happening. Newly finally answered, he smelled of pot and sweat and I looked inside to see another girl naked on his bed. "Is this why you beat the hell out of her? Because you had another slut over and she didn't approve?" Jeff laughed and leaned against his doorway.

"Yeah? So?" I could tell he wasn't threatened by me, he just saw me as the kid he used to beat the crap out of in high school, and he knew Rex wasn't here to save me, otherwise he would've been shitting his pants. I didn't hesitate, I swallowed my fear and took a swing, I missed. I hit the frame of his door and nearly broke my hand. "Oh shit, so the fucker took a swing did he?" He said mockingly. "Alright then." He swung next, and landed a punch to the stomach. I could feel the wind leaving my lungs as I fell to the ground. I crumpled to the floor in a heap of tears, snot, and piss. But I got up.

"You don't scare me anymore Newly," I coughed, spit dribbling down my chin. "And I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to her." He laughed.

"That's what this is about? Not the years of horrors I put you through in high school? What she say she was gonna give you a piece if you beat the hell outta me? I believe it, just remember I taught that little slut all she knows." He swung again and landed a blow to my cheek, I could feel a tooth chip, I swallowed the debris by accident as he landed another blow to my other cheek. This time blood cascaded from my mouth as one of my canines burried itself in my tongue. But I stood back up and charged him. We fell to the ground kicking and biting and gouging. I landed a few good hits but he landed more, I could feel my insides turning to mush as I fell over, he got on top and began wailing on any part of me he could get his fists on. I shoved him away but he was too strong. I could feel myself blacking out when finally someone came to help, I couldn't tell who it was, but they pulled Newly off of me and I was sent to the emergency room soon after.

When I woke up I was wired to a machine that was measuring my heart rate. I looked around and saw an IV in my hand and a breathing tube in my nose. Then I saw Carmen, she was asleep with her head in her arms, leaning against my bed. I tried to smile but it hurt to move anything and everything. I lifted my hand and felt a burning sensation, gritting my teeth I placed my hand on her head and began to caress her hair. She awoke with a start and slammed her head against the palm of my hand, it hurt...alot...

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" Carmen shouted grabbing my hand, only hurting it more. I didn't let it show, however, I was just glad to see our roles weren't reversed. I was glad to be in the hospital bed instead of her. My joy took a nose dive when I saw her face, such a pretty visage was corrupted by bruises and welts. "It's fine," she noted softly seeing my disdain.

"You never told me about that..." Rex interrupted with his hands balled into pulsing fists. I smiled and said.

"You didn't need to know, I'm all better now. And don't worry, I'll get him back eventually..." my tone turned somber. "For the both of us."

"Please continue, passed this part if you would," Kainan added bluntly. "I haven't the time to sit here and reminsce."

"Right," I said rather sullenly. "Um..."

We both recovered soon after and she was through with dating assholes. She, instead, asked me out on a date a week after we both reached full recovery, of course I accepted. Carmen and I were happy after that, we worked on homework together, discussed ideas and opinions, got to know each other much better, and even went on more than a few dates every week. It was a happy moment of my life, I was with a girl I'd come to love dearly.

If I was in trouble with a bully or authority figure, she'd be right beside me to help. If I was down about family or friends or grades she was there to cheer me up with a kiss and a smile. It wasn't long after...we made love...for the first time. It was a night of ecstacy and passion, one I'll never forget...our bodies interwoven in a dance of pure passion and emotion...romance...love...it was truly a night to remember. After we had finished, both of us to the point passed pleasure, I kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her without even thinking about it first. I thought about it after and considered apologizing for being so forward, but before I could she kissed my lips and told me she loved me as well.

I was so caught up in my happiness that it didn't even come upon me to call my family or my friends to tell them about Carmen, about how happy she made me, about how I was more than content with my life. Now that she was in it. I was just glad she was there to help me along. I wouldn't be anything without her.

There was one day when we were on one of our dates, there was a show playing at the Gotham Theatre. It was one she and I were very excited about, Phantom of the Opera, a spectacular performance. We watched the play very thoroughly, sharing comments and opinions during. When it was over and we were walking through main street we both decided we were hungry and wanted to hit a diner on the other side of town. We had walked to the theatre so we would have to to the diner as well.

Our mistake was taking the alley.

We wanted to get there fast so we took the alley. I should've said no, I shouldn't have let her go down the fucking alley...

I had stopped a moment to recollect myself, feeling the tears coming. "It's alright," Kainan said softly. "Keep going."

We were about halfway out when we were attacked. I was knocked on the head first, hard, I hit the ground. She was knocked out next and picked up. I couldn't make out our assailant, it was dark and the moon light was shaded by the tall buildings that made up the alley. I struggled to get to my feet, the ground was slippery from a previous storm, my brain was throbbing in my skull, and there was a ringing in my ears. I could feel a welt forming on the back of my head and the blood that made my hair sticky to the touch. But I got to my feet and followed them down another alley. I had to get her back. I had to save her. I couldn't see them, I couldn't find them. I was torn between a fork in the alleyway. I chose a direction and followed it. It was a dead end. I had to turn and go the other way, it was wasting time I didn't have.

I finally found my way to an old abandoned warehouse. The windows were boarded up and the door had long been torn off of its hendges. I ran as fast as I could through the door but saw nothing, it was dark, too dark to see. I called her name, I screamed her name til I was hoarse. I felt around for something, anything to tell me I wasn't alone, that I hadn't went the wrong way. I got that something, a laughter, wicked, evil laughter.

I felt a hot searing pain on the back of my arm, it was warm and I realized I had been cut, just now. I felt a pain in the back of my knee, fell to the ground again, it hurt to move. Suddenly something grabbed me by the hair and I could feel his breath on my ear.

"You're naughty, naughty for coming early here darling. You should've staid where you were, I would've come for you baby oh yes." I grunted as he pressed the blade of his knife against my throat. "Oh shh, shh, shh, it's okay, it's gonna be all okay, yes it is." He licked my ear, his thick saliva was hot and trickled down my neck, but all I could think about was Carmen.

"Where is she? What did you do to her you bastard!" I swung at him but missed as he through my head into the dirt. I could taste the dust as I enhaled it. I busted a tooth when I hit the ground so blood was filling my mouth. I spat and coughed as he laughed. "Where is she?" I screamed in a hoarse voice.

"She is a beautiful one yes she is, music to my eyes, oh yes. She was a perfect sculpture, oh yes, oh yes, she was a beautiful one indeed." I heard him scuttle away. I heard his footsteps until they stopped and he laughed loudly. "You want to see? You do don't you, oh shh, but don't tell anyone, not til its done, yes? Come now, let's see!" I heard a click and a single light flashed, temporarily blinding me. I covered my eyes with a hand but lowered it when a fuzzy shadow came into view.

"Who are you? What do you want? Give her back to me!" I screamed as hard as I could through the dust that blocked my voice. "Give her back to me!"

"She is mine now! See? See! This is what I have, oh yes, so far my darling, look, look, look at it!" The voice demanded. I coughed once more and looked up to see what it was he wanted me took look at. My stomach dropped and my heart sank as I saw her, his sculpture. I saw Carmen, she was posed in a chair. Her legs were crossed with her hands in her lap. She looked like she was posing for her big introduction, then I looked upon her head. A tear fell from my eye as I witnessed her expression, one of fear and pain. Her mouth was opened and her eyes were frozen in a wide terrified expression. I screamed. That's all I could do, I screamed and cried. I pounded my fists against the dusty ground. My screams were mixed with his howls of laughter.

He danced around her with his knife swinging through the air. He giggled and chortled and kissed her cheek. It was sick, I couldn't watch, I wanted to get to my feet, I wanted to throw myself on him, I wanted him dead. Zsasz, Victor Zsasz, I wanted to kill the bastard for what he did to her, for what he did to me. But I couldn't move, I only put my forehead to the dusty floor and wept for her, for me, for what I wanted to do to him.

It was then that a shadow broke through the ceiling. It fell upon Zsasz and put him on the ground, for a moment I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was seeing myself, killing him, beating him to the ground, but it wasn't me. It was him, the Batman. He was fighting Zsasz...then I blacked out...

I was quiet for a moment then looked up at Kainan. Rex had sat down on one of my recliners and wiped sweat from his forehead. "Wait," Rex said. "What happened next?"

"I woke up in a hospital bed again, I recovered physically, was admitted into therapy, finished college, and got a job here," I said bluntly. "End of fucking story." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "There, that's the story." I sighed and got to my feet. I poured me a cup of coffee and drowned it with milk and sugar til it was too sweet for most to handle.

"And Batman saved you?" Kainan asked. "Did you ever see him afterwards?" I glared at my cup of coffee.

"No," I said simply.

"And how do you feel about the Caped Crusader, exactly?" He asked me.

"If I ever see that bastard..." I didn't finish the sentence. What was I gonna do? Kill him? I couldn't even match Zsasz and the Batman took him down with barely a fight.

"Why?" Rex asked with shock on his face. "Why do you hate Batman? He saved you!"

"Did he save her?" I snapped at him with venom in my words. "Did he happen to find us in enough fucking time to save her from that fucking monster? No! He failed, clear as day! He saved me! Who gives a shit? I don't deserve to be fucking saved! I was the one that should've fucking died!"

"Damian," Kainan began.

"No! Get the fuck out! I told you the goddamn story now get the fuck out! Please!" Kainan nodded and set his cup on the table and practically dragged Rex out by his arm. The door was shut and I was alone again. I walked into the living room and picked up Kainan's cup. I sighed and spun it in my hand. I cocked an eyebrow when I glanced at something scribbled on the white coffee mug. I turned it over and read: "Love will always be stronger than grief. -Kainan" I smiled and chuckled then put the cup in the sink. I checked my watch and saw it was passed buisness hours. I thought for a moment then poured the rest of my coffee in the sink, grabbed a jacket and nearly ran out my door.

I had to talk to someone who understood my pain better, I had to talk to Jones...