A/N: So it's my longest chapter yet, and in my opinion, well worth the long-windedness. It was the message that I've always wanted to get across, so I hope my readers will enjoy it :)

More notes at the end - don't want to give any spoilers!

"Hey Seth, do you mind if I take the car? I was planning to taking Marissa to – woah." Ryan's voice trailed off when he realized he had caught Seth at a bad time. Seth was frantically closing all the windows on his desktop, but not before Ryan had caught the words "Xtreme XXX horny housewives" flashing across the screen. He turned around immediately, cursing at himself for the intrusion.

"Uh, well that was awkward. Maybe next time, you can try forming a fist with your hand and – " Seth mimed the action of a knock as Ryan turned around apologetically.

"Sorry." Ryan watched as Seth spun back on his chair to face the screen, and buried his head in his hands in frustration. "I would have knocked if I knew I'd be seeing – this," Ryan explained, nodding at the screen. "What are you doing watching this stuff anyway? I thought you weren't into any of that."

"Well, considering I'm a healthy boy who's gone through puberty, I should clarify that I am most definitely into…all of that. Just because I'm not ready yet to go all the way with Blair – who's very attractive, may I add – it doesn't mean that I'm not into sex," he spoke the word with great difficulty. "But anyway, that's not why I'm watching. I was thinking…maybe if I can consult some of these…experts, I may have a better chance of impressing her when we finally, you know."

Ryan shot him a look. "You know none of that stuff is realistic, right?"

"Well it's the best I've got. Plus, some of the moves are really impressive. Granted, they're probably all gymnasts with superhuman flexibility, but I figured if I could just get 20% of this stuff down, Blair would be a happy lady," Seth said, scrunching up his face thoughtfully.

Ryan paused for a moment before sprinting towards the screen. "Let me see that." The boys had just opened up all the windows and re-started the video when they were interrupted by the sound of someone else barging through the door. Seth and Ryan both turned around at once in utter astonishment.

"Oh, sweet Jesus! I am so sorry!" Sandy Cohen cried out as he realized what he had just walked into. He knew it was just a matter of time, raising two teenage boys, but the reality of it was a lot more traumatizing than he had imagined.

"God, doesn't anyone ever knock in this house?" Seth yelled as Ryan scrambled to close all the windows yet again.

"Uh – it's not what you think," Ryan jumped into explain. "We were…we were...uh – " he shot a desperate glance at Seth in hopes that he would help him out.

" – conducting some research, so to speak," Seth finished for him. Ryan nodded firmly and Sandy's eyes bore into theirs.

"Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of," Sandy responded, shrugging. "Look, I get it. It's perfectly healthy to be curious about this kind of stuff. Or, you know, want something to look at when you're bored. I just didn't expect to catch you two both, you know, well – together," he said, looking at them with a curious expression.

"Oh, NO! No, no. Dad, it's not like that. And uh – that's really gross you dirty old man," Seth wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Actually, we were kind of…using it as reference for, you know, when and if me and Blair…"

"Oh!" Sandy nodded in understanding. "Well, I guess it's time to give you the talk, then. Come sit down, kid." Sandy draped his arm around Seth's shoulders and guided him to sit on the bed.

"Um thanks, but no thanks. I know, Dad. Safe sex is good sex. Got it. I will be careful and be responsible. Can we not do this right now?" Seth whined, looking very uneasy.

"Believe me, you and Blair will both thank me in a few years for this talk. Sit," he commanded. "You too, Ryan." The two boys sat complacently at the edge of Seth's bed, looking very uncomfortable.

"I know you're at this age where sex is cool and edgy and spontaneous, but I want you to know that it's not. It's serious, and personal, and important – even more so for the girls. A girl doesn't sleep with you because she wants your body, or thinks you're hot. She gives you her body because she trusts you. It's a sign that she's giving up something really sacred for you. And you should respect that. Don't you lay a single finger on that girl unless you're damn sure that you're ready to commit," Sandy lectured, looking at them both sternly in the eye.

"You mean I have to ask her to marry me? Dad, what century are you from? Besides, I'm pretty sure that's not the problem with Blair. She's so eager to 'give herself up' that it's kind of freaking me out, so you don't have to worry about me exploiting her or anything," Seth waved his hand dismissively at his father.

Sandy relaxed from his position and sat back in Seth's chair. "I don't care how many boys she's been with. Blair's a nice girl, and she deserves your respect. Plus, if she's as eager as you say she is, there are probably some deeper issues there that needs to be worked out before you jump into things with her." Seth and Ryan looked down at the floor to digest what Seth's father had said. After a moment of silence, Sandy rose from the chair. "You boys think about it. I'm gonna go and check on your mother." He patted Seth softly on the shoulder then walked out of the room, leaving the boys alone.

"He does have a point, you know," Ryan said quietly, watching Seth's thoughtful expression. "Maybe you need to figure out what's going on in her head."

"Ryan, you didn't see her face when I showed up in her room with a cake. She was mortified. She couldn't even look at me. What my dad said might have been right when he was a teen like, a million years ago, but girls like Blair – they have sex for breakfast. I'm just gonna have to go with it and hope for the best," Seth said, rising from his seat. "You have any last minute bro tips for me before I head out?"

"Uh…yea. Next time you look at reference materials, don't look under housewives. Blair may be experienced, but I don't think she's that experienced," Ryan commented, throwing another look at the monitor.

"Uh yea, point taken. Wish me luck," Seth said, giving Ryan a brotherly hug before grabbing his hoodie and heading out the door.

"Be careful!" Ryan yelled out after him as he sat back down to think over Sandy's lecture.

Seth wrapped his arms around himself impatiently as he waited. He was covered from head to toe, wearing a black hoodie and his dad's Berkeley baseball cap to help conceal his face from the public. This must be how it feels to be a celebrity, Seth thought to himself as he looked around nervously to make sure no one recognized him. Just moments later, he caught sight of a petite brunette, turning her side from one side to another in search of something. He reached out and grabbed her to his side, dragging her back to his hiding spot.

"Ow! Let go of me! I've got pepper spray in my purse and I'm not afraid to use it!" Seth relaxed his grip as soon as Summer spun around threateningly. "Oh. What the hell do you think you're doing, Cohen? And why are you dressed like that?" She reached out in attempt to remove his hood but he stepped back in protest.

"This isn't a game, Summer! I called you here on a very important mission! In fact, I suggest you disguise yourself as well or you will put us both in danger of being discovered," Seth urged, covering her face with his hands and looking around in fear.

"Get your hands off me! What do you want, Seth? I thought you had something serious to talk to me about," Summer whined, pushing Seth's hands away from her so she could straighten out her hair. "If you don't tell me now I'm gonna go. You made me cancel my appointment at the spa to meet up with you!"

"Everything else can wait. Trust me, Summer. This is a matter of life and death with Blair and me, and it is not a joking matter. You could be the one that saves us. Please – just hear me out, okay?" Seth pleaded, putting both hands together.

"You and Blair? Dude, I'm not selling out my friend. Blair and I made a bro pact. My lips are sealed. I'm not going to tell you anything that she said to me about your sex life," she said indignantly, crossing her arms.

Seth leaned towards her eagerly. "So that means she did talk to you about our sex life. I knew it. Please, Summer, I have to know. We had a date last night and it was a total disaster. I think she's going to break up with me, and I can't. I can't lose her, Summer. She means – everything to me," Seth said to Summer earnestly.

Summer's expression softened at Seth's genuine confession. "So I guess you guys didn't do it last night?"

Seth shook his head sadly. "I messed up big time. What am I going to do, Summer? Should I just wait for her to dump me? She's going to dump me, isn't she? You can tell me the truth, Summer. I can take it." He closed his eyes in anticipation of the news.

"Quit whining like a little wuss, Cohen! If you really like her, you have to fight for her! Besides, what's your deal? Are you having like, technical difficulties or anything? Why won't you just do it with her, already? Wait –are you waiting for marriage?!" Summer raised her voice in surprise as Seth rushed to silence her.

"No…I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's not that I have an issue with sex before marriage, or an issue with her. I just…I don't know how," Seth explained in a loud whisper.

Summer looked at her surroundings, then looked back at him in alarm. "Don't tell me you want to practice with ME!? No way, Cohen! Not even in your dreams! EW!" Summer punched him hard on his arm, then continued to slap him in various places all over his body.

"Ow! NO! God, Summer." Seth lowered his head shyly. "I was wondering if you could come with me to…you know, look at the equipment," he explained, throwing his head in the direction of the adult store that was across the street.

"Oooh…kinky," Summer commented, eying Seth over. "Didn't know you were into that kind of thing, Cohen. That's kind of hot."

"Well, I'm not," he confessed. "But I'm guessing Blair is, since she surprised me in a Catwoman getup last night…when I surprised her with a homemade cake and a trusty ol' CPK."

Summer's eyes widened in understanding. "Oh. You poor lost, confused puppy. Let's see what we can do to help you out. I've always wanted an excuse to visit the place to see what they had in there, anyway," she said, leading the way into the store. She stopped and frowned when she saw the 18+ only sign on the door. "You're lucky I'm always prepared," she told him, digging up two fake IDs from her purse and handing on over to him.

"Keith Sanchez…nice," Seth commented, even though the man in the picture looked nothing like him. It didn't seem to matter though, since everyone who worked there looked extremely shady anyway. They made their way to the toy section, where Seth cringed at the sight of all the strange-looking apparatus surrounding them. He held up something that looked like an elaborate animal trap. "I'm pretty sure I saw this in my history textbook as a 16th century torture device," he told Summer, who looked at it in horror.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you," Summer responded. "Can't really be sure where it's been." Seth flung it away from him violently as soon as the words left Summer's mouth. Summer walked around casually until she saw a g-string in the form of an elephant dangling from a hanger. "This is cute! Maybe Blair likes animals?"

Seth groaned. "Please, get that away from me!" They continued to rummage through the hundreds of props and costumes that filled the shop.

Meanwhile, Blair was also covered from head to toe, her head wrapped in a vintage Hermès scarf and large Chanel sunglasses covering up the other half of her face. She had on her Burberry trench coat that she wore specially for sleuthing, and a pair of Tory Burch flats for an easy getaway. This would be so much easier if Newport had its own Gossip Girl, Blair thought in frustration, as she peered through her binoculars to get a better look of what Seth and Summer were doing in the sex store. Normally, she would be relieved to see that Seth seemed finally ready to explore his sexual limits, but one can never be too careful – especially when he was in there with his lifelong crush. Blair felt a slight twinge of jealousy as she wondered why Seth hadn't asked her instead.

"Blair? What are you doing here – and with those binoculars?" a familiar voice snapped Blair back into reality.

She glanced up and realized that it was Luke Ward, looking as handsome as ever, who was now observing her with an expression of concern. "Luke." Blair greeted him as calmly as possible. "How did you recognize me?"

Luke snorted. "Please, Blair. Who else in the O.C. would be wearing a Burberry trench in May?" Luke walked up to her as she wrinkled her nose in disappointment. "Is everything going alright with Seth?" he asked.

Darn. Why hadn't he been this intelligent when they were still dating? she wondered. Blair cleared her throat. "We're fine, Luke. It's just a little game we like to play. You know, spicing things up a little bit. Nothing that concerns you," she said to him in a dismissive tone.

Luke appeared a little hurt at her response. "You know, Blair, just because we broke up, it doesn't mean we can't be friends."

Blair sighed in defeat, realizing that she had come off a little mean towards Luke. "I would love to stay and chat, Luke. But I'm kind of in the middle of something, and you happen to be standing in my way, so I'll talk to you at school, hmm?" she offered, flashing him a plastic smile.

Luke glanced in the direction of her binoculars, just as Seth and Summer's heads peeked out on top of the dark blinds that covered the shop windows. "Hey is that…Seth? With…Summer? Are they –"

Blair cut him off before he could continue. "Don't make assumptions!" she snapped at him. She paused, looking at the two of them inside the store, and began to doubt her own confidence. "Though I should ask, for curiosity's sake, what does it look like to an outsider like yourself?"

"I could just go in and find out, you know. Would save you a lot of time and trouble," Luke told her.

Blair's face lit up immediately. "You could?" she shrieked, then regained her composure. "Well, not that it's really necessary, but you know, it can't hurt." She hoped he would get the hint, and Luke didn't disappoint.

"Gotcha. Will let you know once I hear…or see anything. No worries, okay, Blair Bear?" Luke waved at her and headed to the store, while Blair gave him another encouraging smile. The smile vanished right away as soon as Luke disappeared into the shop. Seeing Luke of all people complicated things even further. She briefly wondered why sex had never been an issue between the two of them, despite his intellect, or lack thereof. Heck, it wasn't even a problem with Chuck or Nate. What if this is a punishment from God, she thought with dread. What if I'm destined to choose between having a horrible boyfriend with great sex or a perfect boyfriend but no sex? Blair literally felt sick to her stomach as she contemplated the situation she was in. Just then, her phone beeped, and she opened a message from Luke, with a picture attached.

Blair gasped. In the picture was Seth, who was holding up what appeared to be a gay porn magazine featuring a hot, muscular male model wearing nothing but a bowtie. Blair read the message attached frantically:

Saw homeboy touching the mag, heard him say "Dis is what I need." Feel free 2 inteprete.

Blair frowned deeply. So Luke's spelling hasn't improved. But it seemed that Blair's worst nightmare had come true – she always knew there was something about Seth that made him special…different. He was sensitive, needy, indecisive – all suspiciously effeminate qualities. This fact, coupled with his liking of men in tight spandex and his unwillingness to have sex with her brought her no choice up to come to one single conclusions. It all made sense now: Seth Cohen is gay, and Blair was his cover girlfriend.

Blair sat at her vanity table quietly, brushing through her long, silky hair, and deliberating on what to do about Seth. Should she expose him? But that would be embarrassing for the both of them, nevermind downright mortifying for Blair once everyone finds out. Should she just wait for him to come out of the closet himself? But she didn't know how long she could keep up this charade for. Frankly, it didn't seem all that uncommon now that she thought about it, considering Serena had told her just about a week ago that the same thing happened to Jenny Humphrey with her new high society boyfriend. But that's Little J! she protested in her head. I'm me! Blair Cornelia Waldorf! How dare he play me for a fool?

As if on cue, the sound of Seth's voice broke through Blair's thoughts as he appeared in her bedroom. She turned around to see him, still covered from head to toe in his disguise. With a heavy heart, she forced herself to give him a smile to greet him. "Suffering from a case of measles? Smallpox?" she asked cheerfully, trying to distract herself from her sour mood.

"Um, not quite. Listen, Blair, I know I've been sending you a lot of mixed signals lately," Seth paused as Blair nodded along suspiciously, "but I wanted to make it up to you. So I present you – " Seth raced back to peep through her bedroom door to check that Dorota wasn't nearby, then closed the door tightly behind him. He unzipped his hoodie and removed it, along with his pants, in one quick motion, revealing his Batman costume. " – this."

Blair let out a shrill scream as her hands flew to her mouth in surprise. "Ahhh!"

"Miss Blair?" Dorota called out from downstairs, "Everything okay?"

"It's okay, Dorota! Just ignore everything you hear in the next…two hours or so!" Seth called out to reassure her. He took a few steps towards Blair, arms outreached. "Okay, I know I hardly have the abs or the shoulders to pull it off, but you have to admit, it's pretty awesome, right?" He turned around to show off his butt, wrapped tightly by the black spandex, and flexed it slowly, causing Blair to scream for a second time.

"Seth Cohen! I've had it with you! I thought I could try to outlast you, but this is simply unacceptable! If you didn't want to have sex with me, you could have just told me openly instead of doing…whatever it is you're doing. Are you mocking me?" she asked in disbelief and she threw his clothes at him.

"Mocking you? What do you mean? I do want to have sex with you! Why else would I be dressed like this in the middle of your room if I didn't? Does this really strike you as casual attire, Blair?" he asked sarcastically, motioning at himself.

Blair refused to be consoled and paced around her room in frustration. "I can't believe you. What kind of teenage boy would dress up as Batman if he really wanted to have sex with his girlfriend?"

"Um, excuuuse me," Seth responded, dipping his head back defensively, "but I don't make the rules. You showed up last night as Catwoman, and I thought I'd just play along. It's not my fault you're into that kind of thing. I did all those just so I could please you! I thought you'd be happy."

"Happy?" Blair exclaimed. "You thought I'd be happy? You thought I'd be happy learning that my boyfriend is secretly gay and confided in one of my only real friends in Newport instead of myself, and uses lame excuses to dodge having sex with me? Please, I know I have been blind, but now I see. Save the act, Cohen. And here I thought you were different from the boys back home. But you turned out to be such a disappointment, and complete scum, just like them!" Her voice rose as she tried to control her temper.

"Blair, you think I'm gay?!" Seth stared at her in shock, then began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he fell onto his knees, holding his stomach. He knew that Blair was seething, but the idea was so ridiculous to him that he couldn't contain himself.

"What part of this is funny to you, you freak!?" she reached out and grabbed a handful of his hair, threatening him. "I'm warning you, if any word of this gets out, I swear to you – "

"Oh, Blair," Seth breathed out suddenly, wrapping her tightly in his arms. "You silly little goose."

"What are you doing? What – off – of – me!" Blair struggled and tried to bat him away with all her might, but to no avail. Seth's death-grip was simply too strong. "Get your dirty hands away from me, you classless cling-on!" she resorted to yelling.

Seth waited for a good five minutes for Blair's energy to wear off before letting go of her. She collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, while Seth's forehead dripped with sweat from the brawl, still in his Batman costume. They both sat back on the floor, panting breathlessly. "So, this is kind of hot," he said to her finally, examining Blair's cheeks that were flushed from the action.

"Why, do I look like a man right now?" Blair snapped back at him.

Seth laughed again, but Blair's glare prompted him to mute it right away. "Blair, I'm not gay," he said to her gently.

"Oh yeah? Prove it," she challenged him.

That was all the invitation he needed. He pounced on her eagerly, attacking her lips as if they contained her deepest, darkest secrets, unraveling them with each flick of his tongue. He allowed his tongue to explore every crook and curve of the insides of her mouth, as if trying to note down its contents. Blair kissed back, hungry and desperate for more of what she had been wanting for so long now. Seth's lips continued to flutter across her face, to her ears and then down to the nape of her neck. She moaned deliciously in response, as she felt the wetness of his tongue trace circles down the length of her neck, travelling to her ear, then back. Seth stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and Blair took the opportunity to hold him so she could study his face.

"You're not gay," she confirmed, gasping.

Seth flashed a cocky smile then continued where he left off, as Blair grabbed at his tight, elastic one-piece eagerly. She struggled to wriggle him out of the costume, but to no avail – this getup was definitely not bedroom-friendly. She had no idea what business they had selling such things in a sex store, of all places. "Seth – undress," she barked at him. He scrambled to peel away the costume as quickly as possible, but his sweat from their previous scuffle made the fabric adhere to every inch of his skin.

"I can't," he answered finally, lying flat on his back in defeat. He was exhausted from the previous adrenaline rush and his attempts at unwrapping himself.

"Arghhh!" Blair cried in irritation, lying next to him on the floor. "It's like we're jinxed. I must have pissed off the sex god or something. We're just never going to be able to have sex like a normal, healthy couple!"

"Um, I hate to break it to you Blair, but normal healthy couples usually don't try to have sex in superhero costumes after thinking the other person is gay," he joked, wiping off his sweat with the back of his hand.

"I don't get how you could still be joking after all of this!" Blair exclaimed. "Doesn't it bother you that we literally have no sex life? A relationship without sex is doomed to fail."

Seth chewed on his lip thoughtfully and allowed her words to sink in. He remembered his dad's lecture from this morning, and thought carefully as he spoke. "You really think that, Blair? That our relationship sucks without sex?"

Blair hesitated, caught off-guard by his question. "Well, no," she admitted slowly. "I don't think our relationship sucks. I just feel like…like I'm not attractive to you or something. Like you don't really want me," she said in a small voice.

Seth turned his head slightly to face her, but Blair looked away. "Is that really what you think, Blair? You think I don't like you because I don't want to have sex?" he asked in surprise.

"Well, yeah, what other explanation can there by?" Blair wondered aloud, her eyes welling up with tears again. "I mean, what guy wouldn't want to have sex with his girlfriend – especially when she basically serves it up to him on a platter? The only conclusion I could come up with is that you just don't find me all that attractive," she finally professed.

Seth sat up from his position and grabbed Blair by the shoulders. "You must be crazy if you think I don't think you're attractive." Blair turned around to look at him. "You are the most beautiful, appealing, stunning girl – woman – I have ever met. Sometimes, I can't even get it through my head that someone like you would go for a nobody like me. I'd be blind if I said I wasn't turned on by you," he told her earnestly.

Blair couldn't contain her tears any longer, and allowed them now to flow openly down her cheeks. "Well then, what is it? Is it because I scare you? Is it because you think I'm too open – too casual with sex?" She felt ashamed as the words left her mouth, and more vulnerable than ever about her dark past.

Seth shook his head firmly. "Of course not. I would never judge you in that way. I'm just worried I won't…live up to your expectations, that's all. I mean, I've never asked you about any of that, because I want to respect you, and I know everyone has a past. But I can imagine that you and I are on a different…level." Seth paused to take a deep breath. "Besides, I come from a family that believes that sex is really important, and I want to make sure that we're on the same page with each other before we get into that," he finished.

Blair stayed silent for a moment, thinking about what he had just said. "Why couldn't you have just told me that?"

Seth sighed. "Well, you know, it's not exactly cool to admit that you want to wait, and it seemed that you really wanted it. I just didn't know how to explain without sounding like…well, gay." They both kept silent, until Blair suddenly giggled. Seth shoved her playfully and then started to laugh as well. Blair laughed between her tears, sobbing and giggling as if she were a crazy person. Seth reached over to give her another warm hug.

"You know, we don't need to have sex to be happy together," he said to her, hoping she'd understand.

"Well I don't want to pressure you into anything you're not ready for," she said to him, even though she felt slightly disappointed.

"Blair Waldorf, I know that you may see sex as a way to cement a relationship, and as a sort of sign that it's real, but it's not like that with me, okay? I don't see you as someone just to mess around with. I see you as you – intelligent, funny, beautiful as hell, and more determined and special than anyone I've ever met. I don't need your body to be into you," he said to her, his eyes piercing deep into her soul.

Blair swallowed the lump that had gathered at her throat. "Well, Seth Cohen, that just may be the single sweetest, most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." She leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the lips. "Let's take it slow, okay?"

Seth nodded, placing his lips against her forehead as she curled her head to fit snugly on his shoulder.

"Let's."

A/N: So I took my loyal reader Rf's ideas and worked it into my original plan. Thanks for the input! I've actually been following up on all the other input as well, and will try my best to incorporate some of your ideas. They're great so far! It's really cool that I have so many reviews now that give me such useful feedback. Keep them coming! Again, I hope I didn't want to disappoint to many of you by holding them back from finally doing it. Like Seth, I just want the moment to be special, and I want Blair to feel respected and open about it, for once. Some things need to be worked out first before we get into that.

Thanks for the continued support! Another fun, new chapter coming real soon! :)