A/N: So I know that I haven't posted in a really long time, but I got a lovely anonymous review requesting more, so I felt compelled to give in. I hope you all enjoy. Please, comment it you wish!
Disclaimer:I don't own Glee.
Disappointment. Untrustworthy. Hopeless. Reckless. Failure. These were the only words that Blaine Anderson used to describe himself anymore. These were the words Blaine's cruel mind cast upon his reflection every time he passed a mirror. Knowing what he did, knowing how he hurt Kurt… his mind just wouldn't let him forget nor would it even pretend to try to ease the guilt. Not that he deserved it.
Blaine looked over at Kurt from behind Burt in admiration. Here was a boy, no a man, who had had nothing but challenge after grueling challenge hurled at him with Titan force. Beginning with the death of his mother stretching all the way through Karofsky's innumerable unrelenting assaults and now Burt's cancer Kurt had been able to take everything in stride. Blaine had always admired that about his boy… erm ex-boyfriend.
The self-loathing senior sunk farther back into the sofa cushion he was sitting on desperately wishing it might somehow swallow him. After all, Kurt was going through a much more trying time than Blaine yet Blaine had to be the idiot to make everything even more difficult by cheating on the single most wonderful, (most perfect) man he could ever even hope to meet. Really the more Blaine thought about it, the more he realized just how much more complicated he seemed to make Kurt's life just by virtue of being involved in it. How could he be so stupid? How could he be so heartless?
The Anderson boy was completely unaware of how much time had passed – it could have been seconds, it could have been decades. He was completely unaware that the movie the awkward trio had been watching had ended. He was completely unaware of what movie he had supposedly just watched. Heck, Blaine was completely unaware that they had even just watched a movie at all! He was, however, suddenly very aware of the fact that Kurt was looking at him. No… no looking wasn't anywhere near the right word to describe what Kurt was doing. Kurt was studying Blaine.
So many questions mixed with insurmountable levels and layers of grief and sorrow swirled in Kurt's perfect, shimmering eyes.
"Well," Burt broke the silence hesitantly, "I think I'm going to step out quickly. I have to stretch my legs a bit… Alone."
No sooner had Burt left than Kurt put on the mask of bravery that Blaine had painstakingly watched Kurt dawn so many times before… each time for a bully.
"So, Blaine, did you and my dad have a nice flight? Sometimes they can be just horribly long and dull –" Kurt began but was quickly cut off by his guilt-ridden ex.
"Kurt, I'm so sorry! Wait, no. Sorry isn't a strong enough word – There is no word to describe how horrible I feel. I hate myself for what I did! Not a morning goes by that I don't feel thoroughly disgusted with myself…"
"Blaine!" Kurt interrupted, fumbling for any words he could cling onto, "I know. I do forgive you. You are one of the most important people in my life."
"Which is exactly why cheating is an even worse offense! Here I am, supposed to be able to comfort you, to help you through all of your hardships. But no! What do I do instead? I become one of the problems you need comfort for! I hate myself for what I did and I would give anything to go back and change –"
"But you can't," Kurt stated. It wasn't an accusation. It wasn't dripping with resentment and it most certainly wasn't a judgment. It was just a fact. It was a simple fact. "Blaine, we've all done things we're not proud of. I've done more things I'm ashamed of than I could ever list. And yes, your mistake hurt, but that's all it was – a mistake.
"Now, I'm not saying that I'm ready to jump back into a relationship with you. At least not yet," Kurt's eyes glinted mischievously, "but I am absolutely positive that I am ready to move on from this and be best friends. It will be just like those first days when you were still at Dalton before I ever transferred. But we've been through too much to let a mistake keep us apart forever."
"But – " Blaine began but was cut off once again.
"Uh-uh. I'm not done yet." The lilted voice suddenly became gravely serious. "I never want to hear you say that you hate yourself for any reason. Ever! Even if you accidently caused me to fall to my death on disgusting New York subway tracks. Even if you accidentally lit my entire collection of prized designer sweaters on fire. I love you and all of your mistakes. I'm not even willing to say that we will never be a couple again because I do love you. I never stopped. But I can't stand the thought of you, or anyone else, hating anything about you. Understand?"
Blaine stood motionless, completely dumbstruck. How could he possibly have asked for a better friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, whatever, to come into his life? Before either boy knew what was happening, the two were holding each other in an embrace, clinging on to one another for dear life. It wasn't sexual and it wasn't tense – it was much better, much deeper. This was full of love. True love. Deep love. This was caring. This was forgiveness.