Disclaimer - nothing owned but the plot. Nothing made from this.
A/N: Still in the middle of finals, but I had this mostly written already. As always, thank you to those who favorite and follow! As far as my wonderful reviewers are concerned: viola1701e (see? you get it. Ron loves Mione, but the demon spawn? Not so much); SerpentofDarkness (That may be one of the nicest compliments I've ever received - thank you! Yeah, she kind of forgot her promise. Lucius was never in danger of being the sole donor- I love him too much. There's a reason why I chose George, and the other donors in particular. Might be the occasional tension, but I really want to get back to the humor now); Liz (Thanks! That scene was tough to write. I wanted to make it descriptive, but not go overboard); BigTimeGleekBTR (Thank you! I think now sounds good); dutch potterfan (thank you. I hate not knowing when I'm going to get an update out there); Slytheringurrl (thank you!); Trelawney (Thank you for your kind words. Honestly? I've wondered the same thing).
"A book, Father?" Draco sat on the end of the bed, looking perplexed.
"Yes. The idea came to me after the Fiend took us for a ride in that car." He turned to his daughter-in-law. "You've written so many instruction manuals, but you've never penned a guide to Muggles for the Pureblood/Half-blood communities. You do have some wizards and witches who, while they don't qualify as pure, have never set foot in the Muggle community."
Hermione hummed for a moment, an intrigued expression on her face. "Do you think there's really a market for this?"
"I do. Purebloods will buy it either to 'know their enemy,' or to gain a better understanding of Muggles since it is in vogue right now, or simply because a Malfoy co-wrote it."
"Not just any Malfoy, darling; you, specifically." Narcissa stroked her mate's arm. "You held onto blood superiority long after Draco and I stopped believing in it. I am sure that some wizards and witches would purchase it just to see how Lucius Malfoy could work willingly with Hermione Granger-Malfoy."
Draco broke in, "It might also be possible to talk Hogwarts into using the manual as a textbook for Muggle Study classes."
His wife brightened at the thought, then grew contemplative. "How would we do it, though? I can't leave my bed, and I feel uncomfortable sending Lucius into Muggle London by himself."
"Well, Harry Potter was raised as a Muggle for the first 11 years, and I've gotten fairly good with navigating." Draco reached for her hand. "I think the idea is absolutely brilliant, love. You can advise Father before he goes on these jaunts, and he gets the experience of visiting the Muggle world." His face darkened somewhat, "The only thing I'm concerned about is that I can get just so much time off of work at the Ministry, so we would really need to get Potter on board for this."
Lucius nudged his son with his foot, "There still could be a position at Malfoy Enterprises for you, you know. And you would be the second-in-command there. All you would need is permission from me, and you could help with this as much as necessary. We don't have to be there every day - that is why one hires managers." The elder Malfoy privately congratulated himself for finding a way to get Draco back into the family business.
Draco thought it over for quite some time. "Perhaps I could take a leave from the Ministry for the duration of the pregnancy, if they would let me return later." OK, so it wasn't immediate and total acceptance like Lucius wanted, but it was a start. He did his best not to pout in disappointment.
"You could give Hermione a memory of everything that happens in your travels. I am certain there will be some very humorous material which would make great anecdotes." Cissa's eyes twinkled merrily at her husband. As much as she loved the man, it never failed to be entertaining when he got taken down a peg.
Lucius glared at his lovely harpy. "I do not think it necessary to include my failures or embarrassments."
"No," Hermione piped up, "Narcissa has the right idea. Think about it Lucius: if you're willing to show your more vulnerable side, it would go far in helping your reputation. Plus, if the other Purebloods see you doing this, it will embolden them, and they will be more likely to learn and visit themselves. And I can talk to my dad about giving you driving lessons..." She gave him a coy look.
"Driving lessons," his grey eyes positively shone. "Tempting." There was no point in telling her he'd already secured them for himself.
"And you've seen the TV," Lucius shuddered almost imperceptibly. The Fiend continued, "Going to a movie would blow your mind. I'll call Dad tomorrow about the lessons. In the meantime, I have an idea of where to send you." The evil grin was back.
"W-where?" Lucius found himself tugging at his collar.
"Christmas shopping. Draco can take you to the Muggle shopping malls. He's been there many times."
The younger Malfoy glared at the minx. "A Muggle shopping mall just a few weeks before Christmas? That's it. You have officially lost the plot, woman."
"What? It will give him a good chance to see passive and aggressive Muggles. And as a precaution, you would have to leave your wands here. We wouldn't want you getting impatient and doing Merlin knows what to get your way."
"I have never done any such thing," he huffed.
"Oh, really? Need I remind you of the incident two years ago? You made the Muggle ahead of us in line vanish!"
Draco colored and suddenly found his feet to be subjects worthy of intense inspection. "I really think Christmas shopping is a bit too much for a first outing, love."
"Oh, all right," she grumbled. She never expected them to do Christmas shopping easily. "How about taking him to see a movie?"
"That could be acceptable. We just need to find out which movie to grace with our presence." Cissa rolled her eyes and looked to Hermione for elaboration.
"Lucy, the genres in film are basically romance, comedy, romantic comedy, action movies, science fiction and horror. They also have art films, but no one ever really gets them anyway."
Lucius pondered his choices. "I'm not much for romance," his wife snorted, and he glared at her, continuing, "And I believe I've seen enough horror for one lifetime. What is an 'action movie?'"
The Fiend grinned. "They're usually quite loud with car chases, car crashes, gunfire and explosions."
"In other words, Father, as long as we can prevent you from hexing the screen the first time you're startled, I think you would truly enjoy an action movie. It's a guy thing."
The elder Malfoy considered his choices. "You won't forget to call Richard about the driving?"
"I promise not to forget. The only thing that could keep driving instruction from happening now is if the area gets a lot of snow or ice. That's too dangerous for a novice driver." She received a nod of acknowledgement.
"Or if you want to start smaller, Draco, you could take your father grocery shopping."
"Fiend, how would shopping in Diagon Alley help this project?"
"I don't shop at Diagon Alley. Naturally grown food tastes better than the Wizarding version, so I always get my groceries from Tesco."
"Indeed? That doesn't sound so bad. Let's try that first."
Hermione turned to Draco with an unsettling grin. "And take him to McDonald's for lunch; I can't wait to see his memory of his first experience."
The younger Malfoy smirked at his spouse. "You're going to keep things...interesting even though you can't move from that bed, aren't you?"
"Would you expect anything less?"
"No. I would be dreadfully bored. At least when you're evil or annoying, you remain entertaining. Mother, do you wish to accompany us? I'm sorry I didn't think to ask sooner."
Narcissa turned a wary eye to her daughter-in-law. "I don't think I need to go just yet. I'm sure your father's reactions will provide more than enough fodder for the book. I may visit here sometimes and keep Hermione company. Besides, Scorpius might need someone to play with since his mum is on bed rest."
No one could fault her judgment, though Lucius was positive she'd had a smug countenance for a second.
The in-laws left shortly thereafter, surmising correctly that the Junior Malfoys were exhausted. Draco made sure to feed his son and get him ready for bed. As soon as Draco could, he stripped down and climbed into bed, not even wanting to bother with pajamas. Gently, he reached across the bed and took his wife in his arms.
"Scorp's asking what's wrong with Mummy. We really should explain soon."
She agreed, running a finger over his pecs. "I so hope that he'll be okay through all of this. I'd hate to bring Mireille home and have him resent her."
"Mireille? What the hell? That's a bloody awful name! Don't I get a say in this?"
"Draco, I dreamed of my Nana standing in the wind at the top of a mountain. She made me promise that I wouldn't fight anyone on the unorthodox gift they would give me," he snorted at this, "And she told me that Mireille would be perfect and beautiful, and a handful. The dream was so real, darling. I woke up still shivering from the cold, and I could feel her lips on my cheek. So I researched the name she had used. It turns out that 'Mireille' is a very old French name meaning 'miracle.' Plus, the Malfoys are of French descent, so it is fitting. Besides, I let you name our first-born Scorpius."
He snuggled his face in her hair. "Okay, I see I'm not going to win this one. But I'll have you know, I'll be calling her Mira from the start."
"Call her anything you want; let's just concentrate on getting her here." He murmured an assent into her hair, and they laid quietly for a while.
"How badly are you going to torture my father with this new project?"
"Since he came up with it at least partially to keep me sane, I guess not too badly. We should make up a list of places to send him."
"Tomorrow, love. Let's get some sleep."
She stretched, situating herself more comfortably in his embrace. "Goodnight, Draco."
"Goodnight, Hermione...Goodnight, Mira."
A/N II: OK, I'll welcome suggestions of places to send dear old Lucy. Let me know where you would like to see him go!