*Dan POV*
'I'm afraid Mr Lesters condition is critical, and he won't make it through tonight. I'm very sorry Mr Howell. You can go in and say your goodbyes' I stand up, tears falling out of my eyes and onto the floor. I walk into the room and see Phil lying in the hospital bed, bruised and bleeding. The fight he'd gotten into with my brother was worse than bad. Adrian had hit him so hard on the side of his head that it dented his skull. It was the sensitive part of the skull that he hit.
'Phil? Oh Phil! This is all my fault! If I hadn't been such a 'faggot' like my brother said, this wouldn't have happened!' I cry into Phils chest. He strokes my back.
'None of this is your fault! I shouldn't have gotten into a fight in the first place. But he was going to hit you, and i didn't want that' I look up. His voice is weak, and his eyes lacked their usual natural spark.
'It should be me in this bed. Not you. I should be the one dying in hospital. It was my brother that did it, and it's my sexuality that drove my brother to do it, ergo it's my fault' he reaches his hand up and wipes a tear from my face. The he leans up and kisses me. Passionate and full of love, the kiss I've been waiting for my whole life. All of a sudden I'm in a fantasy world, full of unicorns and rainbows. I'm soon ripped away from this fantasy world by a beeping coming from Phils heart monitor.
'This is it' I think to myself.
'Dan! Before I go, I need to tell you. I love you' he says hoarsely before losing his breath. His eyes flutter shut. He looks so peaceful, so serene. As if he's just asleep. Doctors and Nurses run in, but it's too late. My sweet, beautiful Phil is gone. Heaven just gained another angel, oh and what and angel he was. Always happy, always smiling, always with a twinkle in those beautiful blue eyes of his.
'Im sorry, Mr Howell' the nurse says to me. A tear rolls down my face.
'I never got to tell him that, I love him too! I really do!' She pats my back awkwardly.
'Its okay, he's in a better place now' I fall to my knees and sob.
'I love you Phil' I sob into my hands. He's gone. I'm never going to see him again.
I wake up with a start. Wet patch on my pillow from crying, my body covered in sweat. This is the 5th time this month I've dreamt about Phil. Why? Why do I do this? Why am I dreaming about another boy in all these lovey dovey situations?
And that's when it hits me.
I'm in love with Phillip Lester.
*PJ POV*
It's been a month since me and Phil got together, and it's been the best month of my life. We're just like best friends-well we are really. We just laugh and chat and kiss and hug, it's just perfect. We are going into town in ten minutes, as its Dans birthday next week and we both need to get him something. It's great, Dan and Phil have built up this really close relationship in the past month, it's like they've been friends forever! They're just so close, and Dan isn't really a people person, so it's great to see him talk to someone that isn't me or Chris.
'Babe, you ready!' I hear Phil shout from the living room. I shout back a quick yes then pull my shoes on. I grab my keys and wallet and exit my bedroom.
'Christopher Kendall, we are just going out for a few hours!' I shout into Chris bedroom. He comes out with a five year old at his ankle.
'Goodbye PJ Liguori. Why are we using full names?' I look at the boy at his leg.
'I don't know, but since when did we have a child?' I hear Phil laugh.
'This is Oliver. Emma asked me to look after him. She dropped him off like an hour ago, but you two were too busy making out to notice' I feel my cheeks get hot.
'Oh alright, bye!' I wave at Chris and me and Phil leave the house.
After 2 hours of Phil and I going in and out of shops, deciding what to get Dan, I decide on a muse poster in a frame, and Phil gets him some American sweets. We start to walk home hand in hand when a girl comes up to us. I've never seen her before, but she obviously recognises Phil.
'Hi! You were the one I brought the pizza to! You know, I never got your name?' Phil smiles sweetly.
'Hi Jade! My names Phil' she looks down at our intertwined hands.
'Hey, what happened to that other guy you were with?' I look at her puzzlingly.
'Other guy?' I query.
'Yeah! Brown hair, quite tall, tanned. He was your boyfriend wasn't he?' Dan? I look over at Phil. His face is paler than usual.
'When was this?' She squints her eyes, trying to remember.
'About a month ago. The day after my birthday, so...May 2nd' the same day me and Phil became a couple. I look at Phil again, who is staring at me with sad eyes. I let go of his hand and walk away, quickly. Tears are pricking in my eyes. I feel like my heart has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. He was cheating on me? That's why Dan came over!
'PJ! I can explain!' I turn around, and he is running towards me, tears in his eyes.
'Explain what exactly?! Because if your going to explain how or why you bothered to go out with me, save it! I knew you were only trying to make me feel better! I knew I should've known better! Just fuck off, you heartless PRICK!' I spit the last few words out. People are staring at us but I don't care. I turn around but he grabs my wrist.
'Don't you dare touch me!' I yell.
'Please?' He whispers, sobbing into his hands. This time I turn around and run. I run all the way home, and once I'm there I lock myself in my bedroom and cry. I cry and cry for hours. This was not how this was supposed to turn out.
*Dan POV*
I sit in my bedroom, mind spinning. I mean, I've known this guy, what? A month and a half? He took a punch for me, and I suddenly have all these feelings, feelings that I can't control. I stand up and wander into the bathroom. It's 1 o'clock and I haven't brushed my teeth.
I swill the mouthwash and spit it into the sink. I watch the liquid spiral down into the darkness of the plug hole. Just like my thoughts. Swirling in and out of a never ending black hole of emotions. Just dipping and diving throughout my mind. It's like me playing dodgeball at school, trying to dodge away, but getting hit by whatever's coming towards me. Like a mosh pit of emotions, squishing together to create one giant mess. I try and eat lunch, but I've lost my appetite. I try and play Skyrim, but nothing can bring my mind away. Someone knocks at the door. I groan and stand up.
'Please don't be Phil, please don't be Phil, please don't be...Phil!' I smile. I couldn't help it. He has that quality. I soon notice that he has tears streaming down his face.
'Phil what happened?! Come in!' I beckon him inside and he sits on the sofa, and I put the kettle on.
'J-jade the p-pizza delivery g-girl. She saw us I-in town and she asked a-about my other b-boyfriend. Sh-she meant you, and P-PJ was there. He dumped me, h-he though I w-was cheating on h-him' he manages to get out before sobbing into his hands.
'What? He thought you were cheating on him? Did he even hear your side of the story? I know what he's like, he sometimes doesn't listen to every detail' Phil shook his head.
'H-he ran away' I can't say I'm surprised.
'We've been b-best friends for twelve years, what if that's all g-gone?!' He raises his voice. Then he points at me.
'This is all YOUR fault! If you hadn't pretended to be my boyfriend none of this would have happened!' He shouts at me, voice full of spite.
'I was trying to help! You didn't want to say no!' I try and save myself, even though I know this is my fault.
'Whatever. I'm going Dan. Don't call or text, I don't want to speak to you' I grab his wrist.
'Get off me, you CUNT!' We both gasp. I've never heard Phil swear before, so to hear him call me a name like that he must be REALLY mad. I look at him. He even looks shocked at himself. He turns around and runs out of my apartment. I sigh and collapse into the sofa. What just happened? My mind is in an even worse state than before. I think I just lost a really close friend and someone I've developed very strong feelings for. I can't even cry, I'm just so shocked. I just keep playing that moment back in my head.
'You CUNT!' The look of disgust on his face. He must really hate me to call me that. I pick my phone up to text Chris, but he rings me first.
'PJ is a mess, any idea? Phil won't pick up his phone' I sigh again. I've been doing a lot of that recently.
'Come over, I'll explain' he agrees and hangs up. I go over the whole conversation in my head, over and over until Chris arrives.
*Chris POV*
I put my coat on, put Oliver's coat on him and we leave. I think about the conversation I had with Emma.
*Flashback*
'Hey Emma!' I say brightly as she opens the door.
'Uncle Chris!' Oliver shouts, running towards me. I pick him up and twirl him around.
'Your getting big now!' I laugh at him.
'Come on in Chris!' I wander inside. The apartment is full of toys, just scattered around. I sit on the sofa and kick my shoes off.
'You have a habit of making yourself at home. Tea or coffee?' I tell her that I want tea and pull my phone out. I sit, checking my Facebook, until she comes in with m tea.
'Oliver, uncle Chris and I are going to have a little talk. Go and play in your room please?' Oliver runs away and Emma sits beside me on the sofa.
'Whats on your mind?' I sigh.
'Well there's this boy, Dan. I am kinda in love with him. I told him and we kissed, but then he dumped me. And I still love him but me and my roommate almost kissed and my emotions are everywhere! I can barely eat!' I say in a rush.
'Well you've got yourself in a bit of a pickle. Do you love Dan?' I shrug my shoulders.
'If you don't know then you probably don't. Do you love PJ? He's your roommate right?' I shrug again.
'You're not being very helpful! Lets try this. Say Dan' strange.
'Dan' I say nonchalantly
'Now say PJ'
'PJ' my mouth curves up into a little smile as I think about my green eyed, curly haired roommate.
'There's your answer!' I think about what she could mean, then come to the realisation. I only smiled when I said PJ.
'Thats genius! Thank you so much Emma!'
*End flashback*
I smile, remembering that day well, even though it was a month ago now. It's strange, that one intimate moment in a hospital toilet can change your whole outlook about something. But now The problem is, I have to get over PJ and move onto someone else just like I did with Dan. My life is great.
I knock on Dans door.
'Hey Chris. Did you and PJ have a secret baby or something' he laughs, looking down at Oliver.
'Haha funny. Can we come in? This is Oliver, my nephew' I budge inside.
'So what's up with PJ then?' I ask.
'Well, the day they got together was the day me and Phil spent the ay together. We ordered a pizza, and the pizza girl was hitting on Phil, so to get her to go away I pretended to be Phils boyfriend. He was grateful at the time, but when PJ and Phil were in town, apparently she asked about me, and PJ ran off. Phil said he tried to explain but He was having None of it. And it's all my fault' he cries, sobbing lightly into his hands. I hand Oliver his backpack that apparently I picked up but don't remember picking up and lead him into the spare room.
'Play in here for a bit Olly' I smile and he happily skips into the spare room. I close the door and hug Dan.
'Why on earth would you think it was your fault?' He looks up at me, his eyes sadder than I'd even seen them.
'He told me. he hates me now!'I pat him on the back'
'He's just a little upset, he'll be fine tomorrow!'
'He called me a cunt, Chris!' I gasp. Phil has never said anything so foul.
'I don't believe you. Phil would never say that!'
'He did! I swear!' No, i don't believe this.
'He would never say something so foul! Stop lying to make yourself seem in the right!' I step away from him and he sobs harder into his hands.
'He did! Why won't you believe me!' He pleads, and I almost believe him.
'No, I won't stand for this. This is pathetic. Lying to turn me against my best friend!' i rush into the spare room.
'Oliver, we're leaving' I shout.
*Dan POV*
This is what it feels like isn't it? To feel not good enough? Chris hates me. Phil hates me so much that he swore at me, which we both know that he never does. There's no point phoning PJ, he will exile me. I realise I'm just stood in the living room. I look around, not really knowing what to do. I can't play games when I'm feeling like this, there's only one thing for it. I head for the kitchen and grab the key from under the toaster. I unlock the cupboard that I haven't seen in over a year. I pull out the bottle of brown liquid. I unscrew the cap and take a swig. It's been a while since I've tasted it. I retch and pull away from the top. It feels good. I take another swig. And another.
Before I know what if done I've drank the whole bottle and was opening another one. I haven't drank in over a year, and I haven't drank this much in nearly 3. I open the second and begin to sip. The sharp liquid glides down my throat, burning a bit. The second bottle soon finds itself empty. I stumble to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My vision might be impaired by the insane amount of alcohol I just ingested, but all I see there is ugly. Just a lanky, ugly, good-for-nothing dick who isn't worth anyone's time. I'm beginning to understand why everyone hates me, because now I hate me too. I raise my fist in the air and punch the mirror. My knuckles begin to bleed but I ignore it. I shout to nobody in particular then grab the alcohol wipes from the first aid box and dab at my knuckles. My head is pounding, my knees are weak and my knuckles are throbbing. I look at my watch. I can just about make out 3:46pm on the small circle on my wrist. Too early to sleep. I take a couple of paracetamol and pour myself a glass of coke and vodka. I take large gulps, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. It's the best way to get rid of unwanted thoughts.
3 coke and vodkas later I'm completely and utterly wankered. I hear a knock at my door, and I stumble weakly to the door.
'Phiiiily' my words are slurred, and I can just about make out the black haired figure clad in Skinny jeans and a black coat.
'You're drunk' he says simply.
'Noooo I'm not!' I giggle. I motion him over. 'Can I tell you a secret?' He stares at me. 'Im drunk'
'Well observed captain obvious. I was going to apologise but ill wait until tomorrow when you're sober' suddenly the room starts to spin. My stomach churns and I feel like somebody is playing jump rope with my intestines. Everything spins.
'Excuse me' I say weakly, before running into the bathroom and puking.
The last words I hear are 'this is what happens when you drink too much'
Then everything went black.
not mchapter but oh wl, IM TIRED! This author note is probably going to bfull off really bad spelling mistakes but I'm super stired IADR a music video, my YouTube Chanel is I'm a rainbow llama. R&R to make me less tire nod be able toapell ^_^ plus thanks for the 50 recurs 33 means sooooi much!^_^