Disclaimer: JKR owns the characters. Plot on this one is mine. Nothing is made from this story.
A/N: Thanks again to all those who took the time to follow or favorite, and to my awesome reviewers: viola1701e (I really like the Lion King idea); BigTimeGleekBTR (Thanks! I think I'm going to have to do the drag queen bar as a present to myself. Still deciding on what sport); Angel Girl5 (amusement park is definitely on, just gotta move to a warmer season. Bumper cars rock!); SlytherinGurrl (Thanks- I'm going to kill Lucius in "Imitation" soon. Will that do for the angst quota?); SerpentofDarkness (Gotta have them stalked again. They're too damned hot to ignore. The auras may come into play later. I'm glad about Draco/Lucius too. This chapter's largely them); btvs22 (given what you said about your schedule, I really appreciate your taking the time to review! I'll have to check that fic out); Trelawney (Thank you. I definitely need some humor right now, so it's likely to remain silly for a while. Got your PM's. I love how you think!); Fool's Tutor (Thank you! And you're sooo right about Narcissa); HarryPGinnyW4eva (Thank you for reading! I have to remind myself sometimes to throw the other characters in. :) )
A/N II: Thanks to Fool's Tutor for the idea for this chapter's excursion!
Narcissa had stopped over the following day, and she and Hermione had chuckled at Lucius' reaction to opera. The women then laughed themselves sick at what Hermione dubbed the "I Love Lucy" fan club. Once she explained the play on words to her mother-in-law, it was roundly appreciated.
Correction: almost roundly appreciated. Lucius was not amused. In fact, he was terrified Hermione was going to work his unwelcome nickname into the book somehow. While he had grown accustomed to hearing it from the Fiend, he decidedly did not relish the thought of having it bandied about the next time he went amongst society.
If she was going to do something embarrassing and underhanded anyway (and he was sure she was - the girl took to being a Malfoy like a swan to water), he might as well get a good strike in. Lucius waited until he got his son alone.
"Draco, with everything that's been going on with the pregnancy, have you managed to prepare for Santa to visit your house for Christmas?"
The younger Malfoy looked up tiredly from his desk. "Afraid I haven't, Father. I really need to get that taken care of quickly. I can't let Scorp down for Christmas."
"I know I can get some items from Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley, but what about a Muggle toy shop? That could be our next outing."
Draco's eyes bulged. "Father, with all due respect, have you gone mad? Christmas shopping in Muggle London is dangerous! And Mione would insist we leave our wands here."
Lucius shook his head sadly. "And to think, all these years I believed I was raising a wizard. Boy, at what age did you start learning wandless magic?"
"Four."
"And were you, or were you not in Slytherin House?" Malfoy Sr. arched a sardonic brow.
"Father, do you not remember that Mione and Mother will be reviewing your memories?" And after this stunt, probably mine.
"It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission. We can get lunch while we're out, too." Lucius arose from his seat and headed upstairs to see Granger-Malfoy, his son tagging resignedly along behind him.
The women were still whispering and cackling to each other. He gulped and knocked on the half-open door.
"Fiend? Are you decent?"
"Come in. What's going on?" Hermione appeared curious. After having spent years with Lucius, Narcissa knew his "I'm up to something" look, but she chose to let it slide. Whatever resulted was likely to make a good story.
"Draco and I have decided on our next destination in the Muggle world. Per our agreement, here are our wands." He set his on the bed then nudged Draco to comply. It took three nudges and an elbow to the ribs to finally make it happen, with the junior Malfoy rubbing his side, muttering and glaring darkly at the old man. Narcissa smothered a giggle.
"Oh. Um, okay. Where are you going, so I can check it off of our list?"
"Sorry, that's a surprise. You'll see soon enough. Come, son." And Lucy swept out of the room, Draco trailing in his wake. The whispers began before they were five feet from the door. Draco laughed quietly.
"What?"
"The way you left the room. It looked exactly like Severus used to. Just struck me funny."
The Malfoy men shared a bittersweet smile as they remembered Lucius' friend and Draco's mentor. Whatever would he have made of the current situation?
The elder man clapped the younger on the shoulder lightly. "Now - let's have some fun. I have all sorts of ideas to irritate your wife."
"You can't go into Muggle London in robes, you need a suit."
Lucius shrugged and transfigured his garment into a passable three-piece. "Where are we going?"
"It's a Muggle toy store named Hamleys. Five minutes of this, and you'll likely miss the battlefield. Just remember, nothing obvious or permanently harmful, okay?"
"Yes, yes. Whatever." Lucius waved an impatient hand.
Draco sighed, "This is not going to end well, is it?" And away they went.
The Malfoys landed in a back alley on Regent Street, and Draco led the way to Hamleys. Lucius registered lights, shiny ornaments, music and Muggles everywhere. And they all knocked one aside like a Slytherin with, well, anyone not a Slytherin, he supposed. The younger Malfoy looked back to check on his father, expecting a basket case.
Lucius was entranced.
"That's Hamleys over there, Father. The store covers multiple floors. Ready?"
"Oh, yes," the Malfoy patriarch breathed.
It was too bad Scorpius couldn't be there with them to go shopping, but there would be other times. Still, Draco would have loved for his son to see the enraptured look on Grandfather Malfoy's face the first time he set foot in the establishment.
As expected, it was difficult to move around, and Muggles were fighting over gifts, pulling packages back and forth in the time-honored holiday tug-of-war fought by desperate parents everywhere. Verbal abuse was frequent in these skirmishes, and Mr. Malfoy picked up a new expletive or two. Muggles were more creative than he'd thought.
Lucius leaned toward Draco, "I think we'll need to keep this part out of the book. This scene doesn't exactly help the 'Muggles are not savages' argument. Now, how are we supposed to lug everything we choose around the store? They don't have places set aside as holding spots for orders, and I'm going to bet that you'll say we can't shrink anything."
"I agree. Give me a moment, and I think I can fix that." Lucius stood fast as his son disappeared round the corner. He returned a few moments later with a hand truck.
"Wherever did you find that?"
"Transfigured it from a handbasket."
"Well done, boy. I think I'm impressed."
"I also used a Touch-Me-Not charm to include anything we place on the cart. Would-be thieves will be zapped."
"Definitely impressed," he grinned and patted his son on the back. "Shall we start at the top level and work our way down?"
"By all means. We'll take the lift."
The Malfoy men used their magic subtly and sparingly, confining it mostly to Confunding Muggles into deciding they wanted a different toy than what the Malfoys were after, or that they had somewhere else to be instead of before the wizards in the check-out line. They also used the charm once or twice to send overly friendly/attracted Muggles in other directions. Draco suspected Lucius employed it once to spark a spectacular row between two elderly society ladies, inciting them to battle over a yo-yo, of all things.
"Father..."
"What? I was bored. This bloody line was taking forever."
Draco's brows drew together. "Mione's going to kill us. You know that, right?"
"Nonsense. Just emphasize to her that this way the whole Santa thing is covered, and she'll forgive our transgressions. I'll bet you a Galleon."
"Father, she might be willing to overlook a little magic, but when she sees what you bought for Scorpius, you're a dead man."
Lucius smirked as he reviewed his purchases: the Nerf Vortrex Nitron; the Nerf N-Strike Elite Rampage Blaster (it looked cool); a Gyromax Remote Control Helicopter (Draco said it would be fun, and he'd explain helicopters later); a Turbo Twister; a Ferrari California Electric Ride-on Toy; a VTech children's camera; a Playmobil Hospital set (he planned to enchant it); a wigwam, a Bontempi Children's Marching Drum (enabling Scorpius to be annoying and mobile), and his personal favorite: a Hamleys Full Drum Kit with microphone and a karaoke machine. He also intended to get a beginner's potions kit from Diagon Alley.
Hm. Come to think of it, the boy was right. He was a dead man. Now if only he could bring himself to care. Draco and he dragged their purchases to an empty men's room and shrank them for easy transport.
Thinking of Hermione's face in just a few days, Lucius loosed a rich laugh. "So, son - care for a last meal?"