Disclaimer: Characters belong to JKR. Plot and the Ohm-My-Goodness spell are mine.

A/N: Don't get too irritated, but I want to hurry things along a little bit, before I'm back in school again next week. :) This may feel a little choppy to some of you, but I need to make mention of a few things in order to get this moving. I've been fighting writer's block and impatience to get to a particular theme. We will continue to intermittently have Life Lessons with Lucy, I promise.

A/N II - thanks as always to the follows, favorites, and reviews! stronghermione (I think they'd have to be on their respective deathbeds before they give up irritating each other); viola1701e (thinking up punishments for Lucy is sometimes the best part of writing this); SerpentofDarkness (glad you enjoyed - Mione kind of likes the blond bastard when he's sweet, too); persevera (yes, Ohm-My-Goodness is mine, as well as Nothing But Tea Truth, seen in Intervention. I'm trying to find a way to explore a relationship between Draco & Ron. It was kind of fun in Heaven Sent); Trelawney (your guess is as good as mine, though one of your ideas is in this chapter); Angel Girl5 (I have thought of that, but that entails MY watching them, since I never saw/read Wicked, and it's been eons since I watched WofOz); btvs22 (thanks - hopefully this is up to snuff. I'm on the fence about it); Ashevdufhej LOVE (thanks and glad you enjoyed it - I hate one-dimensional characters. Though I must admit it'd be a real challenge to humanize MoldyShorts); Sapphire1031 (read on. LOL); Fool's Tutor (unfortunately I kind of bypassed the tv specials, but I'll see if I can't work some snowplay in there); jellybean1990 (thank you!); bluestriker666 (poor Lucy, nothing - he INVITES this!); Liz (thanks again!); LadyKahlan (I feel like such an idiot - and I lived in Europe for two years. Oops. However, y'all still have private clinics, right?); K. Ly (yes).

A/N III- Thanks to Fool's Tutor, Trelawney & BigTimeGleekBTR for the ideas! If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry!

Lucius snapped like a twig under the influence of Hermione's latest creation. Narcissa hid her grin as she wondered how many things she could have made her husband do over the years if she'd had the younger Mrs. Malfoy's mind at her disposal.

Not that she'd done poorly on her own, of course, but it was fun to ponder. Lucius was adorable when flustered. Cissa had to write her husband's response, as he could not lift a pen without yelping. Sadly, the spell didn't affect his mouth, so he could dictate and complain to his heart's content. If she hadn't been so accomplished at tuning him out, it could have proved irritating.

You sick, twisted, devious, cruel example of a witch:

Fine. Scorpius may enjoy his potions kit, broom AND drum set with karaoke machine (Narcissa says to mention the mobile drum too) here anytime he wishes. It's so sad; supposed brightest witch of your age and you can't remember a simple Muffliato charm. Hopefully your mind will return once your parasite escapes captivity.

So glad you had a Happy Christmas,

Lucius & Narcissa

Draco laughed to himself as he delivered his father's latest shot at Hermione. She smirked and gleefully penned the following:

You sorry, out-manipulated, feeble excuse for a wizard:

Well, what did you expect, trying to purchase gifts to drive me insane? In case you've forgotten, I married your son. Both my capacity for retaliation and tolerance for obnoxiousness are abnormally high. Though the git can be rather sweet these days; I think I'll keep him. He's at least 80% trained, anyway. Oh quit glaring, Draco! That's what you get for reading over my shoulder.

There. He's left to sulk. Thankfully, he's almost as easy to handle as you are. I'll flutter my lashes helplessly and blame the hormones and he'll forget he was ever upset. Tell me, Lucy: does 'Malfoy' translate to 'simple creature' from your native French?

By the way, have you forgotten the Healer said I was to have complete rest? Peace and quiet - perhaps you're familiar with them? If I put a Muffliato charm on Scorp and his toys, I might not be able to hear him if he needed help, or if he desired some ever-so-important bonding time with his Mummy, as I've had to neglect my poor firstborn in an attempt to bring Mireille into this world. And don't think I won't be telling my darling daughter when she's older that her beloved grandfather Malfoy referred to her as a parasite. Just imagine those large grey or brown eyes filling with tears as her precious lower lip wibbles.

Feeling guilty yet? Good.

Additionally, there's the principle of the matter to consider. You went to all of that trouble to be annoying, and now you'll be the one to suffer from your evil intentions (sorry about that again, Narcissa, but I figure you must have developed a fairly high tolerance for irritating numpties yourself. Either way, you're welcome to visit/escape over here anytime).

Seriously, Happy Christmas to the two of you, as well. Thank you again for making sure my family and I did not miss out on a celebration. Today was wonderful.

Hermione, Scorpius and Draco (whether he likes it or not)

Shortly after the New Year, Draco set up some time with Ron to drop in and visit Hermione, hopefully keeping her occupied for a few hours. Even with the book collaboration, his Muggle-born wife was losing her patience with being bedridden. Malfoy smirked to himself at how irritable she'd been of late. After all, if she was losing her patience anyway, who better to put her with than Weasley? A pissed-off Mione was status quo for Ron. After his visit with Hermione, Weasley surprised Draco by sitting down and sharing a beer while he provided his impressions of the visit.

Ron said that the time passed more pleasantly than expected when Granger-Malfoy pulled out her notes and shared some of her father-in-law's more memorable forays into the Muggle world. Both members of the former Golden Trio laughed uproariously when she described Draco's taking his father to a health club, then having to beat a hasty retreat after Lucius loudly denounced the afternoon Zumba class for being a bunch of shameless strumpets ('Did you SEE what they were wearing? It was positively indecent the way they flaunted themselves. And really - as lowbrow as it is for an attractive woman to wear such attire, I couldn't tell if some of what was in there were women or small continents!') Draco really had to haul arse when Lucius openly enquired exactly why his son would take him to a brothel, and a classless one, at that.

Sadly, several of those insulted had excellent aim, and a full water bottle to the side of the head stung, damn it. His darling Muggleborn tormentor's laughter hadn't helped the situation, either.

A donation large enough to build another facility had been required for the younger Malfoys to ever show their faces at the gym again. Draco apologetically explained that he'd signed his father out of the institution on a day pass. He promised to refrain from repeating that mistake in the future.

Their trip across the pond in mid-February to see an authentic hockey game was more successful. Jim, an American Auror in an exchange program with Harry's office, got four tickets to a Detroit Red Wings/Chicago Blackhawks matchup on the Blackhawks' turf. While it was no replacement for Quidditch, both Malfoys enjoyed the brawls that broke out spontaneously on the ice. After the second fistfight, Jim quit trying to get Lucius to root for a particular team. It was clear the nuances of hockey were beyond him. For his part, Lucius had two suggestions to improve the game: a) add a Muggle version of bludgers, or at least more than one puck at a time on the ice, and b) do away with the penalty boxes altogether. Afterward, the four men went for Chicago deep-dish style pizza, and Lucius had another item to add to his Muggle foods list.

Smaller forays like grocery shopping were comparatively successful, and Lucius had shown so much enthusiasm after some trips that Narcissa was considering joining him. It was a harsh winter, so driving lessons and a trip to the amusement park had to be put on hold. Hermione was looking into parks around the world to determine which would provide the most excitement. In a show of consideration, Lucius suggested waiting on that trip until Mireille was born so they could set up a family vacation. Draco and Hermione agreed, and in the meantime, the elder Malfoy devoured the brochures his daughter-in-law procured for research. When Lucius wasn't working on the upcoming book with Granger-Malfoy, he was at Malfoy Industries, teaching Draco the ins and outs of the family business. The younger man had taken well to the change in routine, immediately designing processes to assist the company in running more efficiently.

All of the daily trivia was forgotten at the beginning of March when Hermione and Draco had their first magical scan scheduled. Previous appointments showed the baby was progressing at a decent rate, and the risk to mother and infant had been downgraded somewhat by late January. Healer Randolf had allowed Mione to leave her bed for short periods of time though she was still on what she considered house arrest.

The beginning of the scan appointment was routine as Randolf took the bi-weekly measurements.

"Now then, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, are you ready to see your daughter?" The Healer allowed himself a small smile. He loved watching parents smile the first time they saw their offspring. Following the proper wand movements, a highly detailed image of Mireille appeared above Hermione's abdomen. The baby was slightly on the small side, with delicate features and an abundance of pale, softly curling hair. Her eyes tipped up at the corners. Her chin was defined without being pointed, and her nose turned up a tad at the tip, leading Draco to believe his daughter would take after her mother. This was a good thing, as the Malfoy features could be a bit much for a girl. Pansy forced him to wear a dress once to play Tea Party, and it wasn't pretty.

Hermione gently squeezed her husband's hand, "Isn't she precious, Draco? Look at her little ears, they...um," her smile abruptly dropped. "Healer Randolf, just what are my daughter's ears doing?"

Randolf moved his attention from the happy parents back to the scan. Sure enough, Mireille's ears appeared to be changing, moving more toward the top of her head as they gained points at their tips.

Malfoy moved in for a closer look. "Merlin! Is that a, a tail?" Tell me that isn't a bloody tail! Randolf, what the hell is happening?"

The esteemed healer was as flummoxed as his clients. "Er, congratulations. It's a kitten."

Draco fainted.