I never shared Rin's obsession with perfection. Not for externals, anyway.
Nevertheless, I'd verified my artifact's provenience, drawn the circle precisely, and spoken the words with the right intonation. I could only wait now.
Red light filled the room.
The basement smelled like mold. Tokiomi Tohsaka must have used it as a wine cellar once upon a time. Empty casks had been piled in a gigantic heap at the far end. (From what Rin had told me, I suspected that Tokiomi had been a bit of an alcoholic).
Artifacts from generations of Tohsakas lined shelves carved into the rock. Most held books. Jewels peered out from settings in their spines. Everywhere I looked, a gem winked back at me. The summoning circle's light gave the gramophone by the door a reddish sheen.
Light glared. I shut my eyes. When it began to shine through my closed eyelids, I held a hand in front of my face until it dimmed.
Finally, it did.
A girl stood before me. She was blond, with a short purple mantelet on her shoulders. A sort of steel tiara rested on her forehead, defying gravity in the process.
Her hair reminded me of straw. It was long, jagged, and stringy. A thick ponytail hung down her back, nearly reaching her kneecap. Like rope. Her face was stunning. Young, fine-featured, and blue-eyed.
"I am Servant Saber," she said. "And I ask of you: Are you my Master?"
"Either that, or I somehow killed your master, stole her command seals, and hijacked her summoning ceremony."
The Servant paused.
"…Did you?"
"No."
Her brow furrowed, eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly as the silence stretched. I noticed that her gauntlets had tightened around a rather sharp-looking sword. Finally, though-
"…Perhaps we should try this again," she said. "I am Joan of Arc, acting as Servant Saber. Who are you?"
I grinned and showed her the back of my hand. My Command Seals were flame-shaped swirls that looked a little like winged snakes.
"I'm Kirei Kotomine. Welcome to the War, Maid of Orleans."
"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Kirei. Though our introduction was a bit…unconventional."
My name rolled off her tongue with that guttural French 'r'. Her voice was softer than I'd expected. How she'd ever shouted orders on a battlefield was beyond me.
"Perhaps I could get you some different clothes?" I said.
Joan looked down.
While a segmented steel cuirass covered her torso, her legs were rather more prominently displayed. A slit ran down the hem of her skirt, revealing black stockings and uncovered thighs. They were rather shapely, as thighs go.
Still, it wouldn't have done to have people ogling the woman who'd massacred half the English in Champagne-Ardenne.
"I…ah…"
"My father always suspected that the Vessel was a bit of a pervert," I said. "Just be happy you didn't end up like Astolfo."
"Wasn't Astolfo a man?" she said.
"As I said, just be happy you—"
"Never mind."
An explosion interrupted us.
It was deafening. My ears rang. The building rumbled as if an earthquake had hit it. Dust drizzled from the ceiling. Candles flickered or went out entirely.
"Rin," I said.
"Who?"
If our will becomes more inclined to one person than to another (this cannot be helped, because it is natural – it often leads us to love the person who has the most faults if she is the most richly endowed by nature), we must exercise a firm restraint on ourselves and not allow ourselves to be conquered by our affection -
I was already running for the stairs.
"A friend," I said. "We were summoning Servants at the same time."
"At the same…what?"
Joan's greaves glittered as she raced up the steps alongside me. I pulled the door open. The hinges screeched.
I choked on a cloud of smoke. The dining room's air was practically opaque.
Had something gone wrong?
Better question: What had gone wrong?
Had it been a mistake in the summoning itself? Or had the King of Heroes proved less tractable than we'd expected? Would I find Rin dismembered by his noble phantasms?
Dismembered…and mutilated, perhaps? Phantasms are said to do terrible things to mortal flesh. Some of them rotted skin in an instant, leaving the nerve endings intact. Others boiled blood. Or manipulated consciousness. Eternities of pain could be compressed into a single dagger thrust. How long would it take for Rin to break under an assault like that? For her proud psyche to buckle and shatter…a metaphysical husk in a still-living body. How much—
Stop. Stop. Stop.
I hissed as my palm tightened on the Azoth blade. And I counted: ten, nine, eight, seven…
One of Rin's gifts, ironically. The Azoth Dagger had also been useful during the summoning ritual. It stored prana extremely well.
Joan's eyes widened.
"What are you—"
"Administering a lesson," I said.
I waved my hand at the cloudy air. The dust had cleared enough to reveal another flight of stairs. I headed for them.
"Some people never learn," I added.
I brushed past Joan, ignoring the rather puzzled expression on my Servant's face. It's a pity that people don't appreciate my sense of humor.
Blood dripped on the steps. I'd let it sting a while longer. Spare the rod and all that…
We happened upon an interesting scene. I say "we" because Joan jumped in front of me as soon as she sensed the other Servant.
The King of Heroes lived up to his reputation. He wore golden plate armor from head to toe, along with golden earrings, a gold-and-red sword, and an assortment of other golden accessories. His light blond hair matched the rest of his costume. The follicles stuck straight up, as if he'd slathered them in hair gel.
Rin had crumpled into a heap over a broken table, covered in soot. A dull, cracked gem lay beside her.
While her predicament didn't satisfy my wildest imaginings, it had a certain understated charm. Rin gulped air convulsively. She clutched her stomach as she gasped, massaging what must have been a bruised solar plexus. A tear or two may have even been forming. All that it lacked was a cut lip and a few more welts.
I swallowed and forced myself to turn away. A shudder ran down my spine.
Rin's new Servant snorted.
"Well…more women and children, eh? So the mongrel has associates. Perhaps she's useful for something besides blowing herself up."
Dap.
Dap.
Dap.
The King of Heroes looked at the rapidly forming puddle on the floor, and raised an eyebrow.
Oh, right. The wound on my hand. I muttered a healing Aria.
His red eyes alighted on Joan.
"Ho-oh…and what's this delicacy, boy?" he said. "A present for your King?"
Joan raised her sword. The Golden King's smile only grew. The air shimmered behind him, rippling like water disturbed by a pebble. He pulled out a sword, hilt-first. His eyes traced up Joan's stockings.
Chains clinked behind the veil of light. I summoned Black Keys between my fingers, although I doubted that they'd do much good.
"Rin?" I said. "If you're okay now, you'd better get up. Your Servant's getting frisky."
Rin staggered to her feet. The King of Heroes kept his eyes on Joan.
"Impressive Noble Phantasm," Rin said. "The Gate of Babylon, isn't it?"
His smile dimmed slightly. He waved his hand.
"Yes, it is. Though I don't recall giving you permission to address me, girl."
Rin rolled up her sleeve.
"I have the Command Seals."
He flicked the tip of Joan's sword with his finger. The ting echoed through the attic.
"Pfft. As if I care. Use them without my permission and you die. Now then…where were we?"
He resumed leering at my Servant.
"I figured you'd say that," Rin said.
Rin Tohsaka had not been idle in the years after her father's death. Tokiomi had left volumes of notes in the attic. The man had kept writing throughout the Fourth War.
Rin's forearm glowed, casting shadows under her eyes. Her black hair fluttered.
"By my Command Seal," she said, "I order you: bind yourself to my service. Use any magical contracts or artifacts from the Gate of Babylon. And I'm guessing you have lots of those."
The Golden King froze.
His hand shook, probably halfway between opening the treasure vault and lunging for the sword hilt that still hung in the air.
"Wh-WHAT!" he said. "You impertinent little bitch. You dare to—"
"…By my second Command Seal, I repeat my first order."
A golden key shimmered into existence in his hand. The treasure vault unlatched with a rattling sound that resembled a safe being opened.
"I'll flay you alive for this," he said.
Rin smiled.
"Good luck with that."