Hi lovelies! Here is a new chapter, a bit longer than usual, but it's because lots of stuff had to happen in this one.
There is a funny uninanimous opinion about this fic, and it's that Dan is sexy in it. And everytime someone tells me that, it makes me laugh because I really don't know how I do it. But, you know, I'm gonna keep doing it, if you guys like him so much haha.
Enjoy the reading.
Blair stops for one moment in front of the window glass of the restaurant, and looks at Serena sitting at the bar. She is wearing a blue dress, and a pair of heels they bought together last summer. She looks young, and on top of the world. There is a cosmopolitan in front of her, and a martini for the empty spot next to her, waiting for Blair.
Blair still hasn't decided what she is going to say. She can't even picture herself saying something. It's all a mess of thoughts in her head, that are so loud that in the end it just translates in silence.
She thinks of going, leaving, not entering, but Serena turns around and spots her through the glass. She smiles and waves, so Blair enters.
"B!" Serena steps down from the bar stool to hug her "Do you know how long it's been since we've even seen each other?"
"How long?" Blair asks, genuine. Time seems to fly when one lives a lie.
"Four months. We didn't even do anything for your birthday"
Nate was away for business on Blair's birthday, and Humphrey baked her a cake.
Serena shows her to sit down and pushes the martini further to Blair's direction. Blair just stares at her.
"I've heard this place makes the best Carpaccio in the city"
"I know" Blair says "It opened the year Nate and I married. I never left, remember?"
Serena gives her one single nod, and a light smile. Blair makes a furtive mental note to bring Dan here when he's back from Chicago, and see if his Carpaccio compares.
Blair finishes her martini in a record time, and orders another one. When she's done with that one too, Serena is just starting on her second drink. Blair fiddles with the pick that used to bear the olive. Serena did most of the talking while they were drinking. She talked about finally doing something with her college degree, and looking for a job, and meeting a new man. Blair listens, because there is still something that pushes her toward Serena –probably the twenty one years they've known each other –but really what she wants to know is when Serena slept with her husband.
Once they move to the table, Serena still hasn't noticed Blair's distant attitude. Or perhaps she just ignores it. When the waiter leaves with their order, Serena rubs nervously her arm.
"What about you?" she asks "I haven't been shutting up about myself, as usual"
"There is nothing new" Blair shakes her head "Nate is good, job is good, parents are good, everything is good"
"It's a bit surprising. Blair Waldorf was never one to settle for just good"
"I realized that I can't have it all. I love my job, and I've recently made a great friend. It somehow makes up for an unfaithful husband"
Serena's smile disappears. She stares at Blair, looking so very sorry that it makes Blair sorry too.
"When?" Blair asks.
Serena shakes her head. She still doesn't talk but she still looks sorry. And she shakes her head again. Blair realizes that Serena doesn't look guilty. She is sorry.
"When?" Blair asks again.
"Blair, I didn't sleep with Nate. I am not that person anymore"
And then, she looks sincere. Blair swallows the lump in her throat. She is paranoid, it is that simple. Perhaps it was easier to focus on that rather than acknowledge that right around the time when Nate is passionate and thoughtful again, she feels further away from him than ever. It was certainly easier to think about a possible affair than about the fact that they had been trying to get pregnant for four months, and nothing had happened yet. But Blair didn't dream that phone call, she knew it.
"Then who?"
Serena reaches over the table to take Blair's hand in hers, and Blair lets her.
"Are you sure of what you're telling me?"
That is not what Blair wanted to hear. She takes her purse and stands up.
"I have to go. If you breathe one word of this to anyone, I'll make sure that you leave again, and never come back"
Outside, Blair hops in the first cab that comes across, and gives an address that she tries not to regret. She isn't surprised that Chuck is still at his office when normal people have already gone home after a long day.
He welcomes her, drops his jacket and undoes his tie, before offering her a drink. Blair refuses, because she had enough already with Serena; also because if she has to make a decision, she wants to be certain that it is what she wants, and not the devious effect of alcohol. Chuck pours himself a drink, leaning against his desk.
"Any news?" he asks.
Blair nods "I'm ready to take care of the matter. It's not Serena, I want you to find me who it is"
Chuck stares down at his drink for a moment "Are you certain? There's no going back after you find out"
"I know what I want"
"Then consider it done. Do you have a specific period you want us to look into?"
Blair thinks about it, more than she should because the answer is so obvious to her. She stands up and takes Chuck's glass to down it in one gulp.
"Around the time I got pregnant, three years ago" she answers.
Chuck simply nods. Blair hands him back his glass.
"Don't let me down"
He nods again, and calls her a cab.
When Blair gets home, Nate is sitting in front of a game with a beer. He is surprised to see her. He asks how the dinner went, and Blair lies, pretends that Serena couldn't make it in the end. She goes to change and comes back to sit next to him. He is focused on his game, and Blair just stares. The same way she did with Serena earlier that night, she stares at him.
She starts blaming herself. Nate is the most respectful person she knows. If he was once driven to unfaithfulness, it was probably her fault and no one else's.
Nate turns to her with a smile.
"Do you want to change the channel?" he asks.
Blair shakes her head "Do your thing"
"Are you alright?" he asks her, putting down his beer and focusing on her now.
It makes Blair's heart ache, how much he cares about her, and how much she can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice.
"I think I'm going to do a fertility test" she says.
Nate frowns, and turns off the television.
"Are you sure?" he asks, and when Blair nods, he says "Okay. I'll do one too"
"It's not necessary. It's happened before. What went wrong was me"
"Hey, Blair" he gets closer to take her in his arms and rub her back "There is nothing wrong with you"
She responds to his embrace and does her best to believe him.
The next few days are a pond of emotions. There is the disappointment mixed with relief when Chuck tells her that his P.I. hasn't found anything yet. There is the tingling melancholia of finding Serena sitting in front of her office, waiting to take her to lunch. Blair accepts with a smile, and spends a better day than she would have imagined. They go shoe shopping, and Serena doesn't mention Nate once. There is the joy and satisfaction of receiving a picture Dan sends her of himself in front of a Degas in the Art Institute of Chicago.
When she gets the test results, and finds out she only has a fifteen percent chance of carrying, Blair feels acceptance. She was not expecting good news anyway. She knew.
She contemplates taking the rest of the day off, and going home to sulk, or figure out how to tell Nate. In the end, like always when she is stressed out, she goes back to the Museum.
"Manet girl!" she hears someone call just as she is about to get into her office.
Blair turns and finds the manager of the Impressionism movement walking toward her. He is a middle aged man who always calls her "Manet girl".
"Hi, Carl" Blair tries to fake a smile.
"I completely see that you're not in the mood to talk, but I am about to make you very happy"
Blair leads him into her office. He stands in front of her Wharol before turning next to her with a smile.
"I've been offered a job at the Musée d'Orsay. 18th century manager"
"That's amazing!" Blair says, genuinely happy "Congratulations!"
"Thank you sweetie" he sits in front of her "And before I leave, I was given the right to choose my replacement here" He smiles wider and points at Blair "Are you ready to see so much Monet that you'll vomit at the sight of it in ten years?"
Blair puts a hand over her heart. Apparently, she can't have everything, but what she gets is still pretty good. She can't answer with proper words, so she just gets up and hugs Carl, thanking him as many times as she finds it necessary. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she thinks about how she can't wait to tell Humphrey, the only one who will really appreciate.
"Wait!" Blair pulls away "Wasn't Gaspard Levalois the 18th century manager at Orsay?"
Carl rolls his eyes in annoyance "That's the only blind spot in this whole affair. He was promoted"
"To which post?"
"The only one this pedant douchebag would have accepted that was recently left open"
Carl gives her a pointed look. Blair thinks, then bites her lip.
"Don't tell me he is the new director of MoMA"
Carl shrugs "You're going to see a lot more of him. Fortunately for me, I'll be across the ocean"
Blair tries to smile. She chats a little more with Carl, congratulates him once more before she gets a text from Dan. It's a picture of himself in his loft.
Without any second thought, Blair grabs her coat, and calls a car. She stops for a bottle of champagne on the way. She might as well get him drunk before breaking the news to him. Dan hugs her tight when he opens the door.
"Chicago was horrible. Every time I thought I could enjoy something, some Midwest stereotype was coming to slap me in the face."
"Chicago isn't very far behind Brooklyn"
Dan lets her go "You know that what I just said was actually intended to be an opening for you to bash Brooklyn. You're welcome"
Blair laughs. She missed him.
She has spent so much time at the loft that she doesn't even hesitate before going to take to flutes. She puts them on the bar while Dan watches her, amused.
"Are we celebrating something?"
"I have news. Lots of them. Some are worth celebrating, and some necessitate alcohol to take in"
"Okay"
He laughs when Blair gets the bottle of champagne out of her purse. While he takes care of serving them, Blair sits down and tells him about her dinner with Serena. She hesitates before telling him in a low voice that she sought Chuck's help to unravel the mystery.
Dan sighs.
"Blair, I don't mean to be…are you sure Nate cheated on you?"
"I know what I heard" Blair nods, trying not to get vexed.
Dan hands her a full flute "And what did you hear? You never told me about how you found out"
Blair lives it in a kind of flash back. She tells Dan about waking up, and hearing Nate talk in the bathroom.
"I can't deal with this right now" she repeats Nate's words just as she remembers them "What happened was a mistake. I am with Blair now, and we are going to try for a baby. I'm sorry"
Dan frowns, and nods.
"Was that all he said?" he asks.
Blair shrugs "That's all I heard. But it's enough, don't you think?"
"I'm sorry" Dan says.
Blair shakes her head, and tells him not to be. She knows it was probably her fault, and she is ready to fix it and make sure it never happens again. Besides, she can't have him be sorry for her before dropping the bomb she is holding in on him.
"I've been promoted. Impressionism" she says with a light smile.
Dan grins at her, before clicking their glasses.
"Congratulations" he kisses her on the forehead "You deserve it"
"Thank you" Blair breathes out, flattered. She thinks she is blushing a little in front of his smile.
"You're probably the youngest most successful person in the Art managing in the city"
Blair swallows "It depends how old Gaspard Levalois is"
Dan's smile fades slowly "What do you mean?"
"He is kind of the main reason why I was promoted. He was just named director of MoMA"
Dan nods slowly, then shrugs.
"Good for him" he says, finishing his glass.
Blair puts down hers, and gets down from her seat. She stands in front of Dan, and takes his hands in hers.
"Talk to me" she says "Are you mad?"
Dan's hands leave hers "I'm not. Why should I be? He is entitled to his life"
"What happened?" Blair asks, trying to catch his eyes
Dan turns away "Drop it, Blair"
"Why won't you tell me about it?" Blair goes to stand in front of it, inevitable "You always act so casual, but there is something that you refuse to let out. You can tell me about your stupid ex-wife, but you won't tell me about one ex?"
"How about you stop trying to play the therapist only to distract yourself from the mess in your life?" Dan's voice rises and it startles Blair a little "If you want, I can tell you all night about how Gaspard broke my heart. About how I gave it to him, and how he took advantage of it, of the fact that I was far from my friends and family and everything I knew, and tried to turn me into something I wasn't. I can tell about the things I would have done for him, to feel worthy of him, but it wouldn't change the fact that at the end of the day, when you go to bed, the only thing you think about is whether Nate cheated on you or not"
Dan walks to open the door of the loft and stands next to it.
"I'm done being your project, your distraction or whatever you want to make of me to not consider that perhaps you're just paranoid, that perhaps you're trying to find a flaw in your perfect marriage because you're simply not happy"
Blair stands tetanized. She doesn't think she has ever felt this hurt, this quickly in her life. She wants to tell him that he is wrong, and that she was genuinely worried about him. She doesn't tell him, because she can see that Dan somehow still thinks of her as the girl he knew in high school, the one who wouldn't do anything for him if there wasn't anything in it for herself.
So she takes her coat, takes her purse, and she goes. She doesn't want to cry, but when she leaves his building and sees that it started snowing, she does, a little.
Carl throws a party for his departure, and her promotion. Blair isn't in the mood, but Nate convinces they should go. Ever since she told him about the test results, he is bending over backwards to try to cheer her up. Blair appreciates, even though he is trying to fix the wrong problem.
She keeps waiting for Humphrey to call her, and apologize. She keeps wanting to call him and demand an apology she knows he would give her, and make everything better. Blair thinks it is just some sort of karma.
She found Humphrey when she thought she had lost Serena. Now that Serena was back in her life, and that she was becoming more and more successful, perhaps Humphrey wasn't necessary anymore.
She tries to convince herself of it, after a week or so without talking to him. She ignores how much it stings not to be able to tell him about her latest acquirement, and how lonely a Sunday visit at the Morgan feels without him.
The night of the party, Nate stands next to her, looking so very handsome and so very proud. Serena is there too, and brought Chuck as her date. The four of them spend time together, and it feels like freshman year of high school, except they don't have to sneak behind their parents to drink, or smoke a cigar.
Blair doesn't think of Dan until she sees Gaspard Levalois coming in her direction. She has only met him in flesh twice before, they have more of a business emails relationship. But she recognizes his brown hair, sharp jaw and piercing green eyes right away. He is wearing a tuxedo, and looks a little bit like James Bond, Blair can't help thinking.
"Blair" he greets her with a kiss on each cheek "Félicitations"
"Merci" she forces herself to smile "You too"
He nods simply, like she doesn't need to congratulate him, like it's by divine right that he got the job. Blair restrains to shake her head. She introduces him quickly to Nate, Chuck and Serena. Gaspard kisses Serena's hand, his eyes never leaving her face.
"Serena Van der Woodsen. Daniel Humphrey's step sister, if I am correct" he says.
Something shifts inside Blair. She just hopes no one notices the way her hand tightened around her glass. Serena's smile freezes.
"We try not to think of them this way" Nate tells Gaspard, exchanging an amused look with Chuck.
"Of course" Gaspard says.
Everyone is a bit surprised by his reaction. Chuck looks at him with interest.
"How do you know him?" he asks.
Gaspard shrugs "We met briefly in London a few years ago. I hear he has become quite the people's author"
Blair gets somehow enraged by his pretending Dan was a simple acquaintance, and a one hit author.
"He is a brilliant author" Blair says "I hear from a good source that his second novel is a masterpiece. And he is only on page forty."
Gaspard, Serena and Chuck turn curiously toward her. Nate clears his throat.
"Dan and Blair are best friends now, didn't I tell you?" he tells them "Apparently, none of us appreciated Manet 'the right way', quote"
"Well, speak of the devil" Chuck says, pointing behind Blair. "Although using the expression 'devil' for him…"
Blair turns swiftly around. Dan is indeed coming their way, wearing a suit. Blair feels the urge to warn him that Gaspard is there, but Dan can probably see it anyway. However, Blair wonders if he does, because he only looks at her. It's only when he arrives next to them that his eyes break away from her. He kisses Serena on the cheek, shakes Nate and Chuck's hands. Then he looks at Gaspard.
"Levalois"
"Humphrey" Gaspard answers, with a petty smile "It's been too long"
"Not nearly enough" Dan replies.
All the others seem to sense tension, because Serena says she has to get another drink and forces Chuck to come with her. Nate spots one of his colleague and starts pulling Blair with him. Blair doesn't want to go, and leave Dan alone with Gaspard, but she follows Nate anyway.
The whole time, she looks over at the two of them. Dan has his hands stuffed in his pockets, and Gaspard still has that smile on his lips. When they finally separate, Dan turns toward Blair and shows her the exit with a tilt of his head.
Blair turns to Nate "I'm going to go home. I feel rather tired"
Nate is instantly worried "Let's get our coats then"
Blair shakes her head "No, no, stay. You deserve a night out. These days, if you're not at the office, you're home with me. In fact, why don't you go get a drink with Tom here?"
She has to confirm three more times that she is sure before he lets her go. She gets her coat, and Humphrey is waiting for her outside, leaning against a street lamp.
"Blair"
She really doesn't know what pushes her to do so, but she wraps her arms around him and holds him tight before he can say anything else. It takes him a few seconds to respond.
"I'm sorry" he whispers "I shouldn't have released my frustration over you"
"I shouldn't have pressured you" she answers.
They pull apart, and Dan reaches inside his coat pocket, taking out a piece of paper.
"This fell from your bag, the other day" Dan hands it to her.
Blair takes it. It's a duplicate of the test results.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Because you didn't leave me enough time.
Blair shakes her head, and smiles.
"Take me somewhere else" she says.
Dan looks at her, then nods. He hails for a cab and takes them to a jazz club in the Lower West Side, where they won't meet anyone either of them knows. The light inside is dim, and intimate. She sits at a table while Dan orders them drinks.
When he sits next to her on the booth, the singer is starting on Cry me a river and Blair moves closer to him.
"What did he tell you?" she asks.
Dan sighs "Loads of bullshit. I see you've managed without me, didn't think you had it in you"
"What an ass" Blair shakes her head.
"Yeah" Dan laughs
They both start to drink silently. They clap with the other costumers when the song ends and listen with attention the other starting. Blair mostly waits for Dan to speak again.
"He told me he still thinks of me, sometimes" Dan whispers, eventually.
There is only the bassist playing in the background to answer him, for Blair doesn't know what to. Her silence probably allows him to listen to the lyrics being sung, because he pauses, then shakes his head with another bitter laugh.
"Whatever" he shrugs.
"He doesn't deserve you" Blair says "You are kind, and so free. He hates that you are a better person without him"
Dan turns to look down to her with a smile.
"You know it's me you're talking about, right?"
He chuckles, and Blair knows it's meant to be a joke, but she doesn't laugh with him. Because in the tiniest eventuality that it isn't, she wants him to be sure.
"I know" she says.
Dan stops smiling, and she sees him swallow. Blair doesn't feel quite like herself. Probably because she's never set foot in a jazz club before, but mostly because she doesn't think Blair Archibald née Waldorf would ever want to kiss Dan Humphrey. And yet, there she is, leaning up, enjoying the way his breath itches at her movement.
When their lips are just one blink away from each other, she pauses, to wonder if she is sure. He doesn't move either. Blair is half aware of the sax solo in the background when she finally kisses him.
It's shy, at first, almost a tentative. Then Blair gets used way too quickly to how his lips feel against hers. So she grabs his hair, and pulls him harder against her, making them lean back slightly on the booth, deepening the kiss. She thinks she hears him groan when their tongues touch, but she can only focus on his hand going from her knee to her to her hip, roaming over her thigh on the way.
When he pulls away, Blair feels like she is on fire. She hasn't felt this way in ages. Young, and wild and full of confidence.
"I can't do this, Blair" Dan shakes his head and moves slightly away from her.
Blair sits up.
"I should be the one saying that" she murmurs.
Dan turns to her.
"Why aren't I saying that?" she asks him.
He stares at her a little more, before downing his drink. He takes her hand and drags her with him.
"Come on, I'll take you home" he says.
Blair follows him in silence. She doesn't want to go home, but it's probably best this way. Outside, Dan lifts his arm for a cab, and Blair stands next to him, looking down to her feet.
When a taxi pulls in front of them, Dan opens her the door. Before getting in, Blair turns to him.
"Don't make me go home" she whispers "Please"
Dan shakes his head "Don't do this, Blair. I'm begging you"
She wraps her arms around his neck to pull him down, satisfied to find he doesn't put much of a fight. She kisses him, long and slow, like she forgot she could kiss, and he kisses back. He presses her against him and sighs into her mouth.
The driver honking the horn breaks them apart.
"Get in" Dan whispers.
Blair does, abandoning all fight. Dan hops next to her.
"Where to?" the driver asks.
Blair turns to Dan. He is looking straight in front of him. He clears his throat.
"455, Water Street, Williamsburg" he says.
The car starts. Blair takes a deep breath, and weaves their fingers together. She doesn't feel quite like herself, tonight. She thinks she likes it.
So. This happened. And so many crazy things still have to happen...this fic is going to get wild, you guys.
Anyway, hope you'll still be with me for the next chapter.
Love, xo.