Hi lovelies! This poor fic, updated every thousand years haha. I hope you guys are still there, still interested. This chapter was a lot of fun, I think it might be my best one yet.
I'll let your read it instead of my useless rant. Enjoy :)
In the morning, Blair finds Dan sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper. There is coffee, orange juice and pancakes. He is still in his pajamas, and smiles calmly when she appears, as if it was his place, as if he belonged there, with her.
"You're out of coffee" he tells her when she sits with him "There is actually a Mexican brand you should taste, so I'll run by Soho before my meeting with Vanessa"
Blair doesn't answer. She simply stares while drinking her coffee. He looks so at ease that it should probably bother her, but she only finds it soothing. All she's always known from living with a man is being a wife, and a childhood friend. She usually takes care of the grocery shopping and the menu, but Dan decided naturally that it was his duty, as long as he stayed with her. It's only disturbing in principle, but it works in action, naturally. Dan is so relaxed, and so free.
"What time will you be back?" she asks
"Around noon. Do you want to eat something in particular? I can make you the Cantonese rice you like"
Blair smiles, and nods quietly. She tries not to get used to him, and not to like having him there too much. But each time Dan talks, he makes the task difficult.
He glances at his watch when he is done eating, mutters something about not wanting to be late. While he puts his dirty dishes in the sink, Blair picks up the paper he left behind. She reads something about the Mayor being in Washington, and she thinks of Nate.
For the two days Dan has been there, they haven't mentioned Nate once. It's not because they are avoiding the subject, Nate is simply not in their minds. Blair wonders why is it that she doesn't feel like she is cheating. Where is the guilt that should come with breaking a vow? Especially when she can clearly remember the time she thought she was on the other side, and how much it hurt.
Her trail of thoughts breaks when Dan takes away the paper with a smile. Blair's eyes stretch a little when he takes her by the waist, and lifts her to the kitchen counter.
"You're going to be late" she whispers, breath taken away when his lips fall onto her neck.
Dan sucks earnestly behind her ear.
"This was already part of my schedule"
Blair leans back on her hands while he pushes her pajamas pants down, along with her underwear before standing back up to unbutton her top.
"I thought you didn't like kitchen sex" she says once she is completely naked.
Dan grins "And I thought you were willing to teach me how it's done"
He leans down to kiss her right breast, while his hand covers the other one. Blair starts feeling flush very quickly, Dan seems determined to make her melt. The marble of the counter beneath her thighs starts to feel cool and hot at the same time, sticking on her skin. Dan stars kissing lower and lower, until his lips reach the little triangle between her legs. His hands part her thighs softly and Blair looks at him as he kneels on the ground, and wets the tip of two fingers with his tongue before touching her. His fingers trace the shape of her three times before he dips them in, and Blair has a dragged moan, leaning back on the counter. So much for teaching him about kitchen sex.
Dan joins his mouth to the dance, relentlessly turning her moans into breathless pants. His fingers go in and out of her with a steady, purposeful rhythm while his tongue laps over her. Blair feels flush, hot, wet. She feels her breathing getting trapped. She feels all sorts of things she can't describe before she finally explodes. Dan guides her with his fingers, keeping her up in the stars as long as possible, until he gets his fingers out, and licks her clean with his tongue.
Then he leans back up, and presses a kiss on her breast before going to the bathroom.
Blair works in the study all morning. Still, it's not Monet or Méliès that take up over her mind; she can't stop thinking of Dan. She wonders what he is doing, and when he'll be back. She keeps glancing at her watch to check the time and when it strikes noon, she is trembling with anticipation and impatience.
She misses him. It's only been four hours since they've seen each other, and yet, she misses him.
When the doorbell rings, Blair practically runs to open it. She already has a smile on her face when her hand settles on the handle.
Serena smiles at her on the threshold "You have got to start picking up my calls"
She makes her way inside, and Blair stops breathing for a second, numb.
"What are you doing here?" she asks
"Checking in on you. Nate is in Washington, Chuck says he hasn't heard from you either, and the museum told me you took the week off. I was worried"
Serena sits on the couch, and invites Blair with a wave to do the same.
"We need to talk, B"
"I have to make a phone call"
Before Serena can protest, Blair runs back to her bedroom and picks up her cell with the intention of dialing Dan, and tell him not to come back yet. She finds a text from him.
Ran into Serena downstairs, so I pretended I was visiting my dad. Text me when she's gone.
Blair sighs in a half-relief. They are just lucky that she lives in the same building as his father. Serena is still sitting on the couch when Blair comes back.
"Listen" Blair says, trying to look the most normal she can under the lingering adrenaline "I have a lot of work to do, the exhibit is launching next week"
"But I need to talk to you, Blair" Serena insists "What's going on, why don't we see each other anymore?"
"I'm busy, Serena!" Blair yells in spite of herself. She takes a calming breath "I am under a lot of pressure right now, so I'll see you when all of this is over"
Serena stares at her, somewhat angry. Then she takes her purse and stands up, walking to the front door. Blair walks with her and mumbles a mechanic apology.
"Don't bother" Serena says before making her way out.
The door closes, and Blair puts a hand flat on her stomach. She feels nauseous. In her plan of making Dan staying here with her, she wanted to live a simple dream and take a break from life the way he is ever the only one to allow her to. She never thought of reality knocking on the door in the form of her best friend.
Everything feels almost too dangerous, now. It's not what Blair wants with Dan. With him, she just wants to feel alive again, but not in extremes. She wants serenity. And she wants it with him, for at least a week, before Nate comes back. She wonders if she is even allowed to take a shot at that. There must be a place in hell, for people like her. Selfish, childish and careless.
When Dan shows up on the doorstep, he seems uneasy.
"Perhaps I should go back to Brooklyn" he says with a low voice.
"Don't" Blair shakes her head "We'll just have to be more careful, that's all"
"I don't know. Perhaps we got carried away. I want to be with you, but I don't want to…break your marriage or ruin your life or…"
Blair takes his head in her hands to pull him down into a kiss. She presses against him forcefully, until she feels him starting to respond.
"It's my choice to make, and I want you to stay. So stay"
Dan nods. Blair pulls him by the hand and makes him lay on the bed with her. They spend the whole afternoon this way, talking and laughing. Dan uses the tip of his fingers to retrace every outline of her facial traits, and uses his lips to cover the invisible trail.
In the evening, Blair texts Chuck that she is busy, but alright. Nate never calls.
The best part of having Dan with her is probably getting to watch him write. He wears glasses. Blair smiles the first time she sees him do so, after having spent seven consecutive hours in front of his computer screen. He explains to her that his eyes get tired, and his gets migraine easily, so he has to at one point wear glasses. Blair doesn't do anything that night, except sitting on the desk next to his computer with a plate of penne al pesto he taught her to prepare, and watching his little eyes squint behind the glasses. She makes him leave them on, when she drops on her knees and takes him in her mouth, the taste of him mingling with the basilisk, and her eyes never leaving his face.
The sex is probably the second best part.
They do it absolutely everywhere in the apartment. Blair is often the one to initiate, because she has needs, and he is often too lost in his mind. Sometimes, it takes her to be completely naked before him, dancing or touching herself for him to be lured out of his stories, and into her. She wonders if it's because of the art, or because of the penchant for men. She thinks of asking him about sex with men, how he did. She tries to imagine him doing to other men, the things she's done to him. She can't.
Because there are moments, like the fifth night, when it's all Dan.
They're sitting on the couch, watching Belle de Jour, which he picked and Blair has never seen. She isn't surprised to see a young Catherine Deneuve pop on the screen, and snorts at Dan's obsession with her. She gets annoyed by the way he shifts pleasantly on his spot when there is the flash of milky skin.
"Don't do this" she tells him.
Dan is barely distracted "Don't do what?"
"Don't be all in love with her while you're with me" Blair waves at the television.
"It's not love, it's lust"
"Well, that sure makes me feel better" Blair huffs, standing up.
Dan takes her by the wrist, and pulls her on his lap.
"Don't be jealous. You're the one I prefer to see naked"
"Prove it"
He does prove it. He gets Blair entirely naked, from head to toes and lays her on the carpet. Then he leaves her there, disappearing into the bedroom and comes back with a marker and a Polaroid. Blair watches him curiously take a picture of her.
"I've always wanted to do that, with you" he says.
It makes Blair smile, and she turns on her side, striking a pose. Dan grins and takes another picture. Blair just rolls around, smiling quietly, lets him do his thing.
"What's the marker for?" she asks.
Dan drops the camera, and takes the marker. He writes on her skin. Original quotes, or borrowed ones; Baudelaire is on her arm, Neruda curls under her breast, Tostloy around her ankle, Humphrey on her inner thigh. He takes another picture of her this way, but Blair doesn't pose. She is distracted by the prominent bulge that appeared in his pants in the process. Dan isn't unaware of it either, because as soon as the picture dried off, he throws the camera on the floor and unbuckles his pants.
Blair opens herself, welcoming him, having gotten wet from the moment the tip of the marker lead by his hands touched her skin. Dan barely gets his pants mid-thighs before plunging inside of her, rock hard. His hands find her breasts, and he makes her come twice just by moving inside of her. There is French coming out of the television. There are moments, like this night, when it's all Dan.
Afterward, he leaves Blair panting, sweating on the carpet to go grab the comforter sheet from the bed, wine from the kitchen and bring them back with him. Blair buries inside the comforter, and drinks faster than she intends to. She watches Dan and wonders how can someone who knows so well how to please her, could please another man? She thinks she has a part of the answer. When Dan makes love to her, or fucks her; when Dan is inside of her, it feels like he is inside of her mind. Perhaps he has a gift. Perhaps he can read people so well, that they have no other choice than offering themselves to him. It's an odd theory, but Blair thinks she is onto something. The only way to be sure, though, is to ask.
"Can you tell me what happened with Nate, exactly?"
Dan nods slowly, finishing his glass.
"I figured you would want to know, eventually"
"Do you mind me asking?"
Blair sort of hopes he'll say yes. Once she's asked it, she is not sure she actually wants to know.
"I think you have every right to" Dan sits up and pours more wine in both of their glasses. He settles against the couch, but he still looks uncomfortable when he stops moving. He doesn't look her in the eyes.
"It was at the end of freshman year. He had broken up with Serena, I had broken up with Vanessa and I was all packed to leave to London."
Blair props herself up, attentive, trying to put herself back into the context. At that time, she was still mourning her failed relationship with Chuck. It occurs to her how much they've all lived with and around each other, and how it seems they can never get away from one another.
"We had been drinking, popping a few pills" Dan continues "We were having a little going away party for me, but just the two of us. To be honest, I don't even remember how we got to the point of our shoulders touching on the couch. But there I was, desperate to forget Vanessa and how dating her might have ended our friendship forever, and here Nate was, feeling the exact same thing"
"So the writer in you thought it was perhaps a sign that the two of you were perfect for each other?" Blair asks, half teasing, half dubious.
Then Dan does look up at her.
"I didn't think anything" he says "Nate is the one who kissed me first"
Blair didn't expect that, but it only serves her theory about his gift right. She doesn't know what to answer, so she chugs her glass of wine, her eyes still anchored in his.
"What are you saying?" she asks, when the glass is empty "Did my husband turn you?"
Dan shakes his head, and he has a little smile.
"No, it didn't happen like that. We were talking about things we still had to discover, experiences we still had to live. I told him about drunkenly kissing a guy once, at NYU. He asked if it was something I had been thinking about doing, being with a guy, and I didn't know the answer. And then, rather out of nowhere, he kissed me"
Blair nods slowly, trying to stop herself from picturing it. She wouldn't know how to, anyway. She knows Nate's mouth, and she knows Dan's now. She knows how they move against her lips, but she wouldn't be able to imagine them moving against each other.
"Was there only one kiss?" she asks in a little voice.
Dan shrugs "I have no idea. I guess not, because I remember us kissing for a while."
Blair nods "And did you only kiss?"
She loses focus on her breathing when Dan looks her dead in the eyes.
"We stopped it before it could go further" he answers "It was weird afterwards, as one should expect. He told me he was going to bed, that I could crash on the couch, but I went home. I called him the morning after, but he didn't answer. I kept trying. When he answered, it was to tell me it wasn't his thing, that it wasn't him. I realized that all this time, rather than being worried about how what happened could affect our friendship, he was busy worrying about how it would affect him. It made it seem like I had stopped belonging in New York, and I left without looking back"
"That's a little drastic" Blair snorts, trying to lighten the mood "You do know there are nine millions people in this city, right?"
Dan doesn't answer but keeps looking at her, mysterious.
"How does it make you feel to know, now?" he asks.
The answer is that it makes her feel like no one belongs to New York anymore, they all ruined everything, and now they are trapped, trying to put back together the pieces. But she doesn't say that.
"It makes me jealous" she says instead.
Because there is a bit of truth in that too.
"Jealous of me?" Dan asks, confused.
"Jealous of him"
Blair stands up, and the sheet around her falls on the ground. She stands naked in front of him, holding out her hand.
"Jealous that he got to discover you, before I did"
"I told you, nothing happened" Dan whispers, but takes her hand.
Blair shakes her head "That's not what I mean. You two were friends. I wish we had been friends, back then. It would have made things much less complicated for me. It would have opened my eyes about the world, the way they are now with you. Perhaps you wouldn't have even wanted to leave New York. Perhaps you would have felt like you do belong. Perhaps we would have fallen in love."
She doesn't expect it when Dan pulls her in, making her fall onto his lap, kissing her feverishly. Blair straddles him on the floor, moaning when she feels him hard.
He looks her in the eyes, when he slides inside of her.
"I feel like I belong, now" he says, hands on her hips, making her move with him.
Blair throws her head back, holding onto his hair tight and feeling him lean over her breasts to kiss them.
That time, with him, Blair is more aware of her own body that she has ever been during sex; and it's because she realizes how aware he is of it. Blair feels it in the way his hands touch her curves –grabbing then caressing her bum, tongue flicking around the peak of her breasts slowly and mouth pressing quietly on the swells of them, hands resting religiously on her hips like he can't get enough of feeling them. It makes Blair's skin burn, it makes her alive. She feels like every part of her body he touches grows, swells up, and blooms out with a vivid heat.
She feels herself sweaty against him, wet around him and breathing in his kisses, taking in and out the same thick surrounding air. She feels the way he reacts to the noises she makes, biting on her shoulder and groaning from the back of his throat.
By feeling him, she feels herself, entranced.
The night before Nate is supposed to come back, they don't talk much. Everything that needs to be said is told through hands pressing on each other, arms around waists, and kisses on shoulders. They go to bed quietly, Blair settles against his side. Nothing feels bittersweet, or sad. Blair is just conscious of what is going to happen next. Tomorrow morning, she'll wake up and she knows the dream will be over. It's the way they set it out to be from the beginning.
Before dawn even comes, Blair feels Dan kissing her on the cheek and his hand stroking her hair. When he stops and she feels him move away, Blair forces herself to go back to sleep, to keep the feeling of the dream.
When her alarm awakes her three hours later, Dan is gone, entirely, if only for the whim of his cologne he left behind.
Since she canceled on the cleaning lady for the week, Blair takes care of everything. She replaces the wine they've been drinking, cleans the dishes they've been using and changes the sheets. She takes a long bath, and thinks of Dan. She thinks of the first night they spent together, when he opened her door to her when she thought she had no one else. She thinks of the second night, after the jazz bar, of the way they touched each other, pleasing and teasing without going all the way.
It's with this very memory in mind that she touches herself in her bath, remembering how it was the first time she had ever felt so mentally turned on, freely, without any fears, without any pressure, like there was nothing at stake.
She goes back to the Museum to work that day, willing herself to take back her territory, her real life.
Blair waits for Nate at the airport. He smiles at her, looking relieved. They go out to eat, and the whole time, Blair barely listens to him. She focuses on his face instead, the one she wished and vowed to wake up to every morning for the rest of her life. He hasn't changed a bit, she notices. And she couldn't feel more different herself.
As she gets ready to go to bed, in their bathroom, Blair looks at herself in the mirror. Is she to go lie next to him, pretending that she missed him, that she was alone all this time? Is she to live a lie, like her mother did before her, with the exception of being the one starting it?
"What do you want, Blair?" she asks out loud.
Her reflection stares back, blank and silent.
Blair goes back to the bedroom, finding Nate already in bed reading some official papers. He turns off his lamp when she lies next to him. In the darkness, he rolls on his side, and presses his front flush with her back. Blair welcomes him, because she should have no reason not to. She puts her hand over his on her stomach, and his wedding band feels cold under her palm.
"I love you, Blair" he whispers.
Blair stares at the wall. She can still smell Dan on the bed, in the room, on herself.
"I love you too" she answers softly.
Which is true. She loves him, always have, always will. But in the midst of loving him, then hating him only to love him again, Blair doesn't even know how, doesn't even know when, she also fell in love with Dan Humphrey.
Hope you liked it, tell me in any case. I'm really excited about the next one, because there are quite a few revelations. I think you're going to like it too, if you've liked what I've done so far.
Anyway, see you guys soon I hope, and love you! 3