Sam woke up with a pounding headache. He pressed his head into the pillow and groaned. Why was his window open? Oh, why did it smell like pancakes? Sam slowly turned his head where there was less light on his bed and opened his eyes.

"You get to keep the hangover for trying to kill me." Loki's voice came from behind him and Sam turned to look quickly. His head spun and he hissed from being blinded by the sun. Sam's hand slipped off the bed and he nearly fell with it and Loki sighed, his fingers snapping. Sam heard the shades get yanked down and shadows swallowed the room. Sam blinked his eyes open, seeing Loki's outline at the small table and Loki was sitting in a wooden chair. Sam sat up, leaning his elbows heavily on his knees as he dipped his head down and gathered his senses.

Sam didn't want to deal with this. He thought he made it clear he never wanted to see Loki again. Loki made everything so complicated, "Go away." Sam rubbed his hands over his sore eyes and through his hair, "Ugh, and take the pancakes with you." He felt nauseous and starving at the same time.

"Nope, you're stuck with me, Kiddo." Loki took a bite of strawberry syrup covered confection and Sam forced out a deep breath.

"You here to rub it in?" Sam asked, lifting his eyes enough to look at Loki. The small clanks could be heard as the fork moved through the pancakes to the plate.

"No, I'm not." Loki sounded serious for once, voice soft but firm. Sam's eyes narrowed at the trickster.

"Do you know of any way to bring him back?" Sam was still going to ask anyone he could. He'd already killed a demon at the crossroad that wouldn't bring back dean, why not just put the question out there.

"I can not bring him back." Loki stuck the mouth full of pancakes in his mouth, chewing slowly.

"I hate you." Sam said into the echoing quiet in the room. Maybe the more he said it, the more he would feel it was real. He wanted to hate Loki. For all Loki had done. For making him curious about his sexuality. For seducing him. For lying about being Lee; a normal human being. For killing Dean. For making him feel so deeply about someone like he had Jess.

A small, bitter smirk creased on Loki's lips and he nodded, "That's fine."

The argument was slow and Sam covered his eyes. He didn't want to be here with Loki eating pancakes. He didn't want to be there in the apartment. He wanted to be back on the road hunting monsters and saving people. He needed Dean. He didn't want Loki.

"How about some breakfast, mm?" Loki leaned back against the chair in a way that the back legs were supporting his whole weight, only the lip of Loki's shoe was keeping him balanced, "Eggs are good for hangovers, right?" Sam watched eggs appear on the other side of the table and Sam rocked back and forth on the bed. He thought about picking the stake up and ramming it into Loki's head, because that's what he should be doing to the asshole that killed Dean so many times and already filled him with 4 months of a torturous life without Dean. Sam couldn't do it alone again. He couldn't do it. Not again. He couldn't go his whole life like those 4 months... "Sam." Loki spoke his name in an odd, tender way, "Come and eat something." Sam's eyes flickered to the plate on the table, and then to Loki and then he slowly forced himself onto his feet. He sat in the other chair and avoided looking at the deity. Scrambled eggs, much like his head and life. Sam swallowed what nausea he had with the eggs.

"Coffee?" Sam mumbled, eyes on the plate and halfway through the meal. Loki waved his hand and a ceramic mug appeared beside Sam's plate. It was hot and smooth and Sam willed it to help his head after a few strained gulps.

It was felt like forced domesticity and Sam hated the silence that ate away at the room. Loki's apartment was always alive with color, noise, smells, something. But Sam's cheap one room was dull and tasteless compared to the trickster's. Even Loki was less animated and more quiet than usual. Loki's plate was emptied before Sam's and Loki watched him quietly.

"Why are you here?" Sam asked, head feeling more coherent even though his words were tired.

"I'm here for you." Loki said simply, eying Sam with those old gold eyes, "I can't bring Dean back, but I don't want you to be alone." Sam scoffed.

"You left me alone in your time loop." Sam said, holding tight to the bitterness.

"You were trying to kill me 24/7." Loki protested and Sam narrowed his eyes. Loki rolled his eyes and his chair landed on all four legs, "I was trying to tell you, Sam. You chose not to listen." Loki folded both arms on the table and leaned in, "You didn't listen to me then. So don't you think you want to start listening to me now?" Sam stared for the longest moment and Loki stared right back.

"Apologize." Sam decided and Loki leaned back, giving him a startled look.

"Apologize?"

"I want you to apologize for killing Dean." Sam stared intently. He couldn't just forgive Loki for it just because Loki wanted to force himself back into his life. He wanted to know Loki wasn't so up high on his pedestal. He wanted to know if Loki had the capacity to feel guilty about something; anything. He wanted to know that Loki could feel regret, or at least pretend to.

Loki's mouth worked silently for a moment and his eyes considered Sam seriously. Loki pursed his lips and folded his arms. He opened his mouth and slowly spoke, "Fine. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Sam wanted the whole sentence in one piece and he stared at Loki hard for it. Loki's arms unfolded and he stood up, looking frustrated. It had to be frustrating, Sam mused. Sam took pleasure in Loki's discomfort. Because Loki was a god. Gods didn't just apologize to a human. Loki was a hedonistic prick who always got what he wanted.

Finally, Loki turned to Sam, arms open, speaking again with that odd softness that he'd beckoned Sam to the table with, "I'm sorry for hurting you. If there's anything I regretted about those Tuesdays it was when it started ripping you apart and you became a Sam I never wanted to meet, okay? I'm sorry I couldn't help you, and I'm sorry I had to hurt you." Loki stood there, looking at Sam.

Sam swallowed, it wasn't the apology he expected or wanted. He wanted Loki to feel bad about killing Dean. He didn't want Loki to say those words. It made it sound like he actually cared. Loki stepped up to him and Sam jumped when Loki bent down on one knee and rested his hands on Sam's knee. Loki stared up at him a serious expression that Sam never knew Loki even possessed

"And if anything, I want to make it up to you now." Loki said firmly, "I want to be here with you, Sam. I want you to let me help you one day at a time. I want you to be happy and I want you to make the right choices." Sam's eyes watered and he he looked to the table instead of Loki's convincing eyes, "But you have to let me and you have to trust me." Sam felt Loki's fingers on his jaw and he forced Sam to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry I hurt you." Sam took a deep, shaky breath. What was Loki doing to him?

"Okay... Okay." Sam pulled his face from Loki's touch, "I didn't ask you to apologize for that."

"It wasn't what I was sorry for." Loki stood and his fingers pet softly through Sam's hair. Sam batted Loki's hand away and Loki backed off, hands lifting, "Alright, fine. No touchy-touchy. I get it." Loki stepped away and gestured towards the fridge, "By the way, you had next to nothing in your fridge so I did a bit of shopping." Sam lifted his head.

"Please tell me it's not all sugar." Sam grumbled. It was all he ever saw Loki eat.

"No, no, your 'health food' is in there too." Loki waved his hands about, "I want you up and about, not sick in bed." Sam sat back in his chair and he rubbed his hand down his face. This wasn't going to help his search to find Dean.

But... maybe the company would be nice.