"It's freezing out." Sam complained, hands stuffed into his coat pockets.
"It is not, it's 35 degrees Fahrenheit. That's above freezing." Loki trotted after Max as the dog was bounding about the park, sniffing every new shrub and tree.
"Close enough." Sam sighed and saw his breath. It was early and a week after Loki had banned all alcohol from Sam's apartment. Even beer Sam brought home turned into root beer and Loki drank it readily when it happened. Loki had also never returned his notes. So Sam was stuck with day time television and what ever distraction Loki had for him that day. Sam really couldn't bring himself to scream about the alcohol issue. Not after he was going a bit crazy wondering if Loki had actually left for good and realized Loki was right, he was messed up and getting worse.
It was cloudy but Sam still found the sky to be too bright for his liking. He guessed he'd been inside for too long. The park still smelled like winter, even though it was supposed to be spring. Loki was in his jacket and didn't seemed phased by the weather.
"You're not even bothered about how cold it is, are you?" Sam asked and Loki manifested a tennis ball in his hand and whistled for Max's attention.
"Nope!" Loki threw the ball halfway across the park, "Go get it, Max!" Max started barking sporadically and dashed after the fuzzy yellow ball. Loki grinned, "Oh yeah, he needed a walk." Loki turned back to Sam, a cheerful smile on is face. "Look at you, out and about." Sam shrugged.
"It's not a big deal." Sam muttered.
"Please, you've been hauled up for 3 weeks. This is amazing." Loki looked back to the park, where Max was jogging back with the ball in his mouth. Loki patted his legs as Max got closer and he wrestled the ball out of Max's mouth, "Atta'boy, Max. Wanna get it again, huh?" he waved around the ball in the air and Max panted, nose following the yellow orb.
Sam watched, a small smile grew on his face. It was kind of nice. This was semi-normal. Except that Loki was a god and they had this strange, silent arrangement of living together. And Sam was a mentally laid up hunter who hadn't looked at the paper in almost a month. Saving people. Hunting things. Sam watched Max running off for another long pass. Did he... want to start hunting again? He hadn't found a way to save Dean, nor had he heard any leads on Lilith. It drove him crazy at first, but with Loki's constant annoyance over the week he wasn't allowed to dwell on it. He should have been buried in books, or calling people. He should have been looking for omens or something. In stead, he was standing in the park with Loki and watching him play fetch with Max.
And Sam found it peaceful. Standing in the slightly windy chill that blew his hair about.
But he should have been anything but peaceful. He should have been scouring the bottom of Hell for Dean, because Dean was his anchor. Dean was sanity in this crazy world. Loki was fun, laughter, and carelessness. Loki was like the wind, wild and free. Loki swept him away from his responsibilities and left him spinning as though a gale had swept him around as if he was expected to find his way back home when he was lost. And Loki kept coming back. Everything Sam did to pull away was going no where. He'd once had a grip on finding Lilith and avenging Dean. But now it was just Loki who had swept all of his progress out from under Sam's finger tips. Chasing it was more exhausting then letting Loki pull him along.
It was strange, being swept up so high. It was like... he could let go and Loki would catch him. Like he could say good-bye to his brother and maybe be happy. Not right away, but, it was like there was a path besides the one he'd been following. The path that Loki had been prompting, letting Dean go. And then the path he always found down stream, the one that flowed red and promised revenge and anger. The red path was loosing momentum with no way to pursue it.
Max flopped onto the grass in front of Loki's feet on his side; huffing and panting. Loki held up the ball, blinking down at Max, "Tired already?" he patted Max's belly, which had grown in the last two weeks, "You're getting fat, Max." Sam looked away, somewhat guilty for that.
"It's also cold out." Sam said and Loki rolled his eyes.
"You've said that ten times already. If it bothers you that much we'll go back inside." Loki stood and Max rolled onto his paws, but still panted in the chilled air, "It's supposed to be spring already."
"Yeah, I know." Sam looked at Loki, wondering when he'd been first swept up. "Supposed to get warmer later in the week."
"Good, I can get you out more." Loki looked up at him, "Get you away from Illinois. Somewhere warmer. Miami? Santiago? Ah, Las Vegas." Loki grinned at Sam and Sam slowly returned the smile. Sam's hand reached out before Sam really even knew what he was reaching for. He took a hold of Loki's hand, squeezing it.
"Sure." Sam agreed, "Somewhere warmer." Loki looked at their connected hands and the smile returned to his mouth full force and he lifted Sam's hand, kissing the back of it. Sam flushed when Loki's lips warmed his cold fingers. "We're outside you know."
"So?" Loki shrugged, as if it never mattered who saw the affection, "No one's around. Just you and me." Sam looked around cautiously and he nodded slowly, squeezing Loki's hand back.
"Yeah." Sam smiled, "You and me." It felt good to say it.
Sam shed his coat inside the apartment and Max shook out his cold fur as he trotted in with Loki. It was getting dark and Loki immediately went to the refrigerator, looking for the milk, "I'm thinking hot chocolate for a cold day. What do you think?"
"I guess." Sam sat on the bed, "I'm not really hungry though."
"You trying to starve yourself on me again?" Loki raised a brow at Sam and Sam shrugged, stripping his shirt over his head since it was much warmer in the apartment. Loki's eyes betrayed him and took in Sam's body. Sam was eating better, even willingly the last few days.
"No." Sam rubbed his hands together, observing where Loki's eyes were. Loki still hadn't propositioned Sam at all. They never talked about any boundaries. They seemed to be beyond just sex buddies and yet... they hadn't done anything for months. Sam wet his lips, "Do you want to..."
"I could pop up some chicken soup." Loki swooped in, continuing the current conversation, "Or tomato. I have had a very good sweet potato soup you might like." Sam sighed and stood up, going over to Loki in the kitchenette.
"I'm not hungry." Sam repeated and took Loki's face in his hands, kissing him. Loki's body was warm and Sam felt as though he'd been cold for a long time, "I want you to warm me up." Loki seemed cautious, hands resting over Sam's.
"Sam, I'm not here for that." Loki said gently and Sam felt a swell of hurt.
"What, because you're living with me means we can't have sex?" Sam stood straighter, frowning.
"I'm not here just for sex." Loki nudged the fridge door shut.
"I know." Sam's hands fell to Loki's shoulders and neck. He felt his chest tighten, "I just..." Sam took a deep breath. What was he doing? Going through the motions again? Was it really that? It was the first time in weeks that he wanted anything physical and Loki wasn't exactly responding how he'd hoped. It never took much prompting before to get into bed with the trickster. He missed it. He missed the simplicity of feeling good and then laughing after wards. It seemed so far away. Sam swallowed, his throat dry, "I miss you." Loki smiled a little, squeezing Sam's hand.
"I'm right here, Kiddo. Nothing to miss." Loki shrugged and Sam shook his head.
"No, it's not..." Sam took a deep breath, it was so frustrating to find words that wouldn't bare too much and embarrass him later, "I miss going to your apartment and lying in bed with you when you told me stories. I miss being able to go to you after a bad day of hunting and you kissing it away." He scoffed, looking down as Loki was staring at him, confused, "I miss Max jumping around like an angry Spanish man and just..." Sam took a deep breath, "I don't really feel whole." Loki eyed him for a long moment, seeming to grasp some of the depth. Sam thought back over his words, face feeling hot. It all just sounded like a jumbled mess. He pulled back, "Never mind. Forget I said anything."
Sam sat on the cot and Loki stood still as Sam did his best to bury that embarrassment in the back of his memory. He felt empty for a while now. The sort of lacking that ate him up from the inside. He felt it gnawing at him after the Mystery Spot and it wasn't something he could ignore after Dean died. He was just swallowed up with loneliness and that was the closest word he could put to the torrent of the past few months.
Loki soon joined him, standing by the bed and he leaned over Sam, his fingers cupping Sam's face. Sam looked up at him. Loki wasn't grinning; wasn't smirking. He looked rarely genuine, "I want to make you whole, Sam." Loki warmed Sam's lips with his own in a kiss. Loki was liquid heat against his skin and Sam hugged him tight, the kiss drawn out fluidly. It was like breathing, easy and natural. Sam realized how much he missed that. Sam ran his fingers through Loki's hair, drawing Loki in deeper. Loki leaned into him, warm and solid.
Loki's fingers lingered on his jaw and cheeks, tracing soothing circles across Sam's face and into his hair. Sam pressed in deeper to the kiss, feeling the tension lighten. Sam's fingers started to unbutton Loki's shirt and slid up the warm skin before sliding Loki's shirt off his shoulders.
"Let's take our time," Loki murmured against Sam's lips, eyes half closed, "You don't have to be anywhere afterwards."
"Yeah." Sam agreed, absorbed with Loki's closeness, "I don't want to be anywhere else." A warm smile spread across Loki's lips.
"Took the words right out of my mouth." Loki pressed another kiss to Sam's lips, easing Sam onto the creaky mattress. Loki's hands were slow and deliberate; cupping Sam's neck and sliding through his hair. Sam's arms wrapped around Loki's ribs and gently raked his finger tips down Loki's back. Loki laid over him, his weight warm and solid. It wasn't the usual explosive heat that left Sam's nerves tingling and his mind lost. Loki's hands and lips gave him a stable foundation, somewhere to be tethered to as the heat crackled warmly against his skin as Loki slowly worked his hands downwards.
Loki snapped his fingers and Sam felt the air suddenly around his legs and hips. Skin was against skin. Loki smiled down at him, having whisked away the rest of their clothing and Sam's smiled a little, "Lazy."
"What, just because I have powers and I use them?" Loki's hand squeezed Sam's thigh and Sam's thighs curled around Loki's hips, breathing out a content sigh.
"Yes." Sam said and Loki laughed softly.
"Fine, I'm lazy." He pressed butter fly kisses to Sam's neck and chest, "As long as that means I get more of you, I'm fine with it." Sam felt tingles over his skin and he stretched his neck back, his arms stretching up until they hit the metal bars on the cot. It wasn't a very big bed. The bed rattled with the contact of Sam's knuckles and Loki paused in his kisses. He raised his brow and shook his head, "This won't do." he waved his hand and the bed got larger under them. The metal became solid wood and it widened into a king or queen sized mattress, along with luxury sheets. Sam's fingers gratefully tangled in the sheets above him and his whole body, "Still want to call me lazy?" Loki waggled his brows and Sam rolled his eyes, lips pursing into a smile.
"I didn't mean it in a bad way." Sam ran his knee up Loki's hip, reveling in the warmth of skin, "I'm not taking it back though."
"Course not." Loki continued his kisses down Sam's body and Sam sighed happily as Loki kissed the valley of Sam's hip bones. Sam breathed out, legs sliding apart naturally. Sam hear the click-snap of a bottle and knew Loki had manifested a bottle of lube.
Sam heard some heavy panting and he turned his head, knowing it wasn't him or Loki doing it. He saw Max at the side of the bed and he laughed quietly, he force of it wracking his body, gaining Loki's attention. Max's paws were leaning on the side of the bed and he was staring at the both. He pulled his tongue back into his mouth and leaned his head on the bed, giving them a look as though they'd turned off his favorite movie.
"Your dog is a voyeur." Sam informed him. The door had always been closed at Loki's place, but Sam's entire living space was in one room.
"Go back to the apartment, Max." Loki pointed with the bottle to the door and Max's ears lowered, eyes growing bigger in that puppy-eyed way, "Oh, come on... This is a private moment."
Sam touched Loki's arm, "It's fine. As long as he doesn't start humping something it won't be too distracting." Loki let out a sigh and waved his hand for Max to lay down. Max took the cue and he trotted back, sitting on his haunches to watch, "So, distract me." Sam smiled, legs squeezing Loki's hips again with his knees and Loki's smile grew again. He slid back and his fingers ghosted over Sam's thigh and Sam took a deep breath, relaxing his body.
He couldn't remember the last time he felt so at ease. Even when they were just having casual sex. Sam was always on edge. Always some sort of worry going through his head. Always having some suspicion about Loki's motives. But now Sam was in a haze of pleasure he hadn't known for a long time. Or maybe he'd never known what this felt like. It was hard to tell.
Loki's fingers opened Sam up and Sam's fingers dug in the sheets, breath heavy. Loki continued to pamper Sam's skin with affectionate touches and warm kisses. Kisses caressed his abs and Sam had a hand full of Loki's hair between his fingers as Loki left teasing kisses along his cock.
"Oh..." Sam's head pressed into the sheets, his body squeezing around the fingers and Loki's eyes were hungrily taking Sam in, "I'm more than ready." Sam breathed and Loki's fingers curled and Sam closed his eyes. Tidal waves of heat made him shutter.
"I know." Loki slid closer to Sam, his knees sliding under Sam's thighs, "I can never get enough. Seeing your belly contract and your toes curl. Your skin flush. Your moans." Sam's face burned with the compliments and Loki sat up, slowly drew out his fingers. "You're beautiful." Sam moaned involuntarily with the loss of fingers.
"I'm not a girl." Sam managed, catching his breath.
"Doesn't change anything." Loki leaned forward and kissed lips warmly, "Can't change the fact that you're gorgeous. Inside and out." Sam's fingers dug into Loki's hair, returning the kiss. Sam's belly and chest were tight. Loki was a charmer, there was no changing him; and honestly Sam didn't want him to.
Loki slid into him, hot and tight. Sam groaned, fingers gripped tight on Loki. It had been a long while but Sam relaxed into it and he curled forward, locking lips with his trickster again. Loki rocked into him, slowly following a harmonious momentum.
"Been a while, Sam." Loki murmured near Sam's ear.
"Yeah. A long while." Sam took deep breaths, closing his eyes, just feeling Loki again. He did miss it. He missed this a lot. Loki rocked forward, kissed Sam's chest and they moved together; a nice, leisurely pace that sent ripples of pleasure in Sam. Sam's hand slid down Loki's arm, breathing heavily and his moans escalated the longer the pressure built. Loki never moved far away always within reach for a kiss. Every so often they would catch each other's eyes which only made Sam want to make it last rather than race to the finish.
Sam's hand slid down and reached Loki's, which pressed into the mattress for balance. Loki's hand seemed to realize Sam's was there and it lifted, lacing their fingers together. Sam gripped Loki's hand as it was pressed into the sheets above Sam's head and Loki leaned down for a sweet, lip tingling kiss. Sam briefly wondered if this was perfection.
It couldn't last forever though. Sam's body reached it's limit and he clenched around Loki, body quaking, "Oh, Loki! Loki... Oh..." Sam groaned loudly, body curling and Loki groaned into Sam's neck. Sam shuttered, rocked with the waves of orgasm. Liquid heat rushed through Sam, making him boneless and he laid out limp on the sheets, panting heavily. Loki laid atop Sam's body and he leaned his head against Sam's, hot and sweaty. Loki's hand cupped Sam's cheek and his thumb traced Sam's lips. Sam's eyes closed, tired arms curling around Loki as the heat cooled and they arranged themselves comfortably on the bed.
"Better?" Loki traced Sam's collar bone with his finger, still laying atop Sam, keeping him nice and toasty still. Sam smiled, mind still somewhat hazy.
"Much." Sam sighed and rolled onto his side, tired of holding up Loki's weight, he needed to breathe. Loki went with it. He was smiling and running his hand through Sam's hair, giving the most affectionate smile as he looked at Sam. Sam felt butterflies in his stomach. "This... This isn't what we had before." Sam mused softly. Because those waves of motion weren't really sex. They melded together and made love.
"Doesn't look like it." Loki agreed and then slowly rose his brows curiously, "That a problem?"
"No. I kind of like this." Sam pursed his lips, nervous. Loki smiled and nodded.
"This a thing now or what?" Loki unraveled a few of Sam's hair curls with his finger, "Because... I care about you, I hope you know." Sam swallowed. He cared too, but it wasn't an easy thing to say.
"I was thinking..." Sam waved his hand thoughtfully, "Maybe I could... start hunting again." Loki raised his brows and Sam rolled his eyes, "Not Lilith, okay. But... you know I wouldn't mind if you tagged along. I should do something besides stay around here."
"Just you, me, and Max, huh?" A golden smile slowly spread out on Loki's face; hopeful and happy. As though he'd been waiting for that to pop out. Loki always complained about Sam's cheap apartment and about staying in Pontiac, Illinois. Where Dean's body was.
"Yeah." Sam agreed with a nod.
"You know..." Loki's fingers walked across Sam's collar bone, "My apartment travels from place to place. I could help you out with a place to stay." Sam stared at Loki for a moment.
"Are you asking me to move in with you?" Sam asked slowly.
"Mmmaybe." Loki offered, looking tentative and Max jumped up on the bed with them, barking and wagging his tail, startling them both, "Alright, fine, yes. Sam, do you want to move in with me? Mi casa e su casa." Sam smiled and he reached over a hand, rubbing Max's head. He did. He wanted to stay.
"I'd like that." Sam said, "I'd like that a lot." Max started bounding about the room and barking happily and both Sam and Loki laughed. Loki's fingers filled the spaces between Sam's as Loki linked their hands together and Sam smiled easily. He didn't feel lost while he was there. He felt whole.