I was tempted to split this into two chapters, but decided against it since the break would be odd lol. I hope you enjoy it! ^^ Please R&R!

Chapter 5

About two more winters had come and gone and Cullen had tried to keep his distance from Solona as much as possible. She did pass him in the tower halls every now and then, but he never met her eyes as she passed. He watched her longingly from afar instead. Greagor's threat to send him away had set him straight. He knew where his duty laid, and he knew it was wrong for him to have any sort of feelings for a mage; but the way her hips swayed in those tight fitting robes…no. He could not let himself think of such things. Despite his attempts to push down his feelings for Solona, her face haunted his dreams time and time again. He couldn't help but wonder how she was doing.

One evening as Cullen was enraptured in another daydream about the raven haired mage, a rapping on his door called him back to reality. Cullen shook his head and crossed his small room to the door. When he opened it, the Knight-Commander was standing in the threshold with a somber look on his face.

"There is to be a harrowing tonight," Greagor informed him, "and you are to act as executioner."

"Who is the taking part in the harrowing?" Cullen inquired.

His superior ignored his question. "You have shown great potential in your past harrowing duties, and I believe you are up to the task. Arrive at the harrowing chamber at 11 p.m. sharp."

"Yes Knight-Commander." Cullen confirmed, clapping a fist to his chest.

Greagor nodded before turning on his heel, retreating down the corridor.

Cullen turned his gaze towards the window and the sun in the sky. It was beginning to sink, so he assumed it was near 5 o'clock. He undressed and got into bed. He figured he should take a small nap in preparations for tonight; he needed to be at full attention if the mage turned into an abomination. He would dream of her once again that evening.

"Good night Jowan!" Solona called to the bunk above her as she pulled back the covers of her own to crawl in for the night.
It had been a relatively peaceful day for Solona. She had finished her lessons early, so Senior Enchanter Torrin excused her for an early supper. She ended up staying in the grand hall late with some friends, but all the while she was searching for a particular blonde-haired Templar. Her good mood had dampened a little when she didn't spot him at all that night. Jowan finally convinced her to retire to their room when the Templars began to lock up the grand hall for the night.

When she was finally settled in her bunk, it wasn't long before she drifted off. It seemed that her eyes had only been shut a few seconds when she was jolted awake. She looked up through half-lids at two Templars standing above her, one near each end of her bunk. She gave a little shriek and one of the Templars put a finger to where his lips were behind his bulky helm. Solona fell silent, eyes still wide on the Templars. One of them motioned for her to get up, and she complied warily. Once she had slipped on her shoes, the other Templar took her by the elbow and began to lead her out of the room.

Solona was washed in confusion and horror. Part of her hoped it was time for her harrowing, but another part of her couldn't help but be reminded of the interrogations some mages were made to go through a couple of years back. Her stomach was in knots as they passed through the mages quarters and into the Templars'. Her fears subsided slightly when she was led up another staircase to the floor above. The tower seemed endless at this point. She had never ventured so high, even in her fourteen years in the tower. They rounded one more corridor and began the trek up a final flight of stairs. As they reached the large door, one Templar turned the handle and pushed the door open for her. They each took a side at the doorway and Solona was left standing alone in the doorway.

The door swung open to the harrowing chamber and Cullen stiffened in his stance. Soon he would see who he would have to execute should their harrowing go wrong. The mage entered slowly, and the dim lighting made it difficult to make out the face of the apprentice. As they stepped further into the light, Cullen's heart caught in his throat. It was Solona. He tried to swallow hard, but the lump in his throat wouldn't cease.

When Solona entered the room, she immediately saw Greagor and Irving standing in the center of the room before her. Greagor looked as rigid as ever, but Irving had a kind smile on his face which made Solona relax a little. She saw the pedestal with the blue glowing substance on it in the middle of the room, and Irving waved her closer. As she approached, her eyes fell on the Templars on the far side of the room. There, standing in the middle of them was Cullen. Solona gasped. She stopped mid-step to stare at him. He fidgeted slightly under her gaze. Having heard of plenty harrowings, she knew what role Cullen had in this. She looked at him with saddened eyes, drawing her lips into a thin smile. Cullen sighed deeply before returning to his stoic stance. As she walked closer to Irving, Cullen felt nervous for the first time in years. He ran a thumb over the small protrusion the ring on his index finger gave from under his glove and sent a silent prayer to the Maker that he wouldn't have to drop his blade on this mage.

Solona nodded quietly as Irving explained the rules of the Harrowing to her.

"You are ready." Irving commented, a hint of pride in his voice as he motioned her to the pedestal.

She inhaled sharply before plunging her hand into the lyrium before her. It grew over her, and in an instant her mind was teleported to the fade. The onlookers watched as her body slumped to the ground, unconscious.
Cullen did his best to steady his breath as he clutched the hilt of his sword at the ready. The minutes that passed felt like hours and they took their toll on Cullen's body. He felt immensely heavy all of a sudden. The harrowing chamber was deathly quiet as they all awaited the verdict.

Finally Irving's voice broke the silence.

"It is done. She has succeeded." The First Enchanter informed them enthusiastically.

Cullen let go of the breath he had been holding, and let his arms slack, letting his sword fall.

"Cullen." Greagor addressed.

Cullen stood at attention.

"Take this mage back to the apprentice quarters until she wakes."

"But Commander-" Cullen started to protest.

"That is an order." Greagor told him firmly.

Cullen nodded curtly, bringing a fist to his chest.

Cullen felt as if all eyes were on him as he crossed the chamber to the sleeping mage in the center. He approached her slowly. He bent down on one knee with out-stretched arms to scoop Solona into his arms. No one said a word, but Cullen couldn't stop the flow of blood to his cheeks. His face burned as he brought himself back to his feet and turned to exit the room.

The two Templars standing guard at the door nodded to Cullen as he passed by.
As he walked down the stairs, he let his eyes fall on the sleeping Mage in his arms. He laughed despite himself at the irony of it all. How long ago was it that this same woman was sleeping in his arms as he brought her to her room after a long night in the library? His feet seemed to carry him there from memory as his attention was still transfixed on her soft features. She didn't make any noises this time, or nuzzle in closer to him. He was partly thankful for it, but the other part of him couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

He entered her room quietly, this time with the knowledge of knowing where her bed was. He crossed the room slowly, almost dreading the moment he would have to part from her. He set her down carefully, brushing away some loose strands of hair from her face. He ducked away from her bed and stood, gaze still on her.

"Did she pass?" a somewhat familiar voice asked from the darkness.

"One of the best harrowings I've ever seen." Cullen responded with a smile on his lips.

"Thank the Maker."

"Send her to Irving when she wakes?" Cullen asked the voice.

"Of course."

And with that Cullen left.

The next morning rose with a bright sun that filled the rooms in the apprentice quarters with a blinding light. Solona opened her eyes, and rubbed away the last remnants of sleep before sitting up.

"Good you're awake." Jowan called, pushing himself off the wall in front of her.

"Ugh. I feel like I was hit with a brick." Solona responded, rubbing her head.

"So how was it?" he asked her nervously.

"Exactly as it sounds," she laughed, "harrowing."
"What's wrong Jowan? You look like something is troubling you."

"It's nothing." He lied. "We'll talk later. Right now Irving wishes to speak with you."

"You're lying." Solona was genuinely concerned for her friend.

"Not here." He whispered. "Not now. Come find me after you talk to the First Enchanter."

Solona eyed him suspiciously. "Alright, if you say so."

Solona made herself presentable and prepared to head to the mage's quarters to see Irving. She overheard some of the other apprentice's gossiping further off in the room, but tried her best to ignore it. She was finally a full-fledged mage, so she hoped she wouldn't have to deal with them for a quite a while yet. There was a spring in her step as she exited the apprentice quarters and made her way to the stairs that led to her new quarters.

As she exited the stairwell and came into the mage's quarters she saw a familiar face, his back against the wall ahead of her. Solona took a deep breath. She remembered the look on his face when he saw her enter the harrowing chamber and felt her heart skip a little. She let go of her breath and sashayed her way over to Cullen, determined to get him to talk to her.

"Hello, Cullen." She announced playfully as she took a step beside him.

Cullen jolted slightly as he hadn't heard her approach. "Oh! H-hello S-Solona. I imagine congr-gratulations are in order." He told her, eyes straight ahead, fixed on the wall on the other side of the hall.

Solona chuckled lightly. "Are you alright Cullen?" she asked sweetly as she placed a hand on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen under her touch.

"Of c-course. Why do you a-ask?" Cullen's eyes began to flit back and forth, a red tinge beginning to rise in his cheeks.

Solona shrugged innocently.

"S-so they picked m-me to strike the killing blow if you-if you became an abomination." He blurted out. "I'm glad that it went well."

She smiled coyly and looked up at Cullen with large eyes. "Would you have really struck me down?" she asked as she lazily traced a finger up and down the arm of his armor.

Cullen's eyes began following her finger. "I-I would have felt terrible about it…but…but I have a duty to the Chantry," he cleared his throat, "and to the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded."

Solona's arm fell to her side and her face took on a look of dejection.

Cullen's heart sank. He never wanted to see her disappointed, especially by something he had said or done. He found a sliver of boldness as he hooked a finger under her chin, raising her eyes to his face.

"You understand that though, don't you?" he asked her softly.

Solona raised her eyes to meet his, and her breath caught as he stared into her with those breath-taking hazel eyes of his.

"C-Cullen?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes?"

"A-are you busy right now?" an idea sprang to her mind.

Cullen's hand fell from her chin, and he looked side to side.

"I-I'm on watch. Did-did you need something?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Could you….Could we speak in private for a moment?" her grey eyes grew large again as she stared up at him.

Cullen's mouth opened and closed, looking for a response. He stepped aside, motioning to the room behind him that was conveniently empty.

Solona walked in first, Cullen close on her heels. Once inside, Cullen closed the door silently behind him and turned to see Solona staring into the fireplace. She looked at him, doubt flashing across her features for a split second. Cullen drew his brows in confusion as she approached him.

"Cullen…I-I see the way you look at me…" she confessed as she drew closer.

Cullen gulped loudly.

"Have you noticed? That I…I look at you the same?" she was standing directly in front of him, her toes meeting his.

His mouth fell agape, stunned. He didn't know how to respond. He could hardly believe this was actually happening.

Not waiting for a response, Solona lifted herself up on her tip-toes, leaning into Cullen. Her heart beat loud in her ears as she slowly brought her lips to his. Cullen's body stiffened in response. He froze for a moment, so many doubts rushing through his mind, all screaming that this was wrong; but one voice inside him began to whisper that this was right, then the whisper turned into a scream, and soon he softened and closed his lips around hers.

Solona let the smell of him engulf her. He smelt of metal and musk, and she reveled in it. Cullen's hands fell upon her body; they began to snake up her back, one finding its rest there in the small of her back as the other took to her hair, his fingers entwining in it, pulling her in deeper. She parted her lips, opening his in the process. Solona slid the tip on her tongue along the bottom of Cullen's, asking for admittance. He hungrily accepted her offer with his own tongue, dancing it around hers. Solona cursed the heavy armor of the Templars in the back of her head. What she wouldn't give to feel the warmth of his chest against her. Subconsciously her hands found the folds of his robes around his waist. She began to tug on the rich fabric, never breaking away from the sweet taste of his tongue on hers. When Cullen realized her intent, he pulled away slightly, hands grasping hers.

"What are you doing?" he breathed frantically.

"Cullen, I have wanted this for so long." She drawled between breaths.

"No. We cannot do this." He told her matter-of-factly as he began walking backwards towards the door.

"Wha-what do you mean?" she cried after him.

"I'm…I'm sorry." Was the only answer he gave her as he turned on his heel and rushed out the door.

Solona was left standing there alone, hurt and confused. She had been sure he wanted her as much as she did him. Why was he fighting this so much? She suddenly felt dirty, disgusted with her own actions. Solona folded her arms across her chest as if it would hide her shame. She remained in that empty room for a few minutes, trying to regain her composure. When she felt she could speak again, she stepped out of the room and scanned the corridor. Cullen was nowhere to be found. She was slightly relieved to not have to face him at that moment. Solona tried to put the matter behind her as she made her way to Irving's office.

When Solona approached the First Enchanter's office, she saw that he was not alone. Along with Irving, there was Greagor, and a man she had never seen before. She walked across the floor to meet them.

"Ah, there you are." Irving said with a smile, waving her over. "There is someone I would like you to meet."

Solona took a spot next to Irving.

"Allow me to introduce Duncan. He is the head of the Grey Wardens here in Ferelden." The First Enchanter continued.

"Irving has told me a great deal about you. I hear you had one of the quickest Harrowings Irving has ever seen." Duncan commented.

"You flatter me." Solona said sheepishly.

"And modest too." Duncan smiled.

"Duncan is here on behalf of our King. They are going to be fighting a horde of darkspawn at Ostagar, and are in need of some mages." The First Enchanter added.

"I'm also looking for potential new Grey Wardens." The elder Warden directed to Solona. "And I have only heard great things about you."

"It's bad enough that most of our Senior Enchanters have already been called off to battle!" Greagor interrupted. "Haven't you asked enough of us already?"

"It is their right Greagor." Irving attempted to cool the Knight-Commander.

"Is this why you summoned me, First Enchanter?" Solona questioned aloud.

"I had hoped you could get more acquainted with our guest, as well as show him to the guest quarters on this floor." Irving beamed.

"It would be my honor." Solona bowed slightly. "If you'll follow me, ser."

As Solona and Duncan exited the room, she could hear Irving and Greagor starting to argue behind them. Solona laughed under her breath. She couldn't even count on her fingers and toes how many times she has heard them arguing since she's been in the tower.

They walked in mostly silence as Solona lead the Warden Commander to the guest room near the end of the floor. He gave his thanks when they arrived and she nodded to him politely. When she exited the room, Jowan was standing in the hallway waiting for her.

"Have you finished talking with Irving?" he questioned.

"For now." She replied.

"Can I talk to you then?"

Solona nodded and proceeded to follow her friend back down the hall to the chapel. Jowan led her to the far west side of the chapel where a young initiate stood.

"Solona, meet Lily. This is the girl I told you about." Jowan motioned to the young lady beside him.

"An initiate?" she asked, shocked. "Isn't that forbidden?"

"What? And a mage with a Templar isn't?" he countered.

"Touché." Solona cocked an eyebrow towards her friend.

Jowan and Lily proceeded to inform Solona of the note Lily had seen, stating that Jowan was to be made tranquil since he was suspected of blood magic. Upon questioning, Jowan had denied having ever dabbled in the forbidden art. Solona reluctantly agreed to help the two with their plan of destroying Jowan's phylactery. They told her she needed a rod of fire, so off she went to the storage room. Once there she was told that she would need a signature from a senior enchanter. Solona worried that some of the enchanters would question her intent. A pit in her stomach grew. She knew that she shouldn't help Jowan do this. She cared deeply for her friend, but if they were caught all of them would be severely punished. She had just become a full-fledged mage, and didn't want to tarnish that already. She decided to go back to Irving.

Irving remained silent, stroking his beard as he listened to Solona reveal the plan. He instructed her to go ahead with the plan to have them catch Jowan and Lily in the act. Irving found the idea of bringing the initiates involvement to light almost too alluring. He signed the permission slip for the rod of fire, and told Solona to act as if Irving was still ignorant of their scheme. Part of Solona regretted betraying her friend like this, but it had to be done. It was her "duty", as Cullen might say.

Lily and Jowan were pleasantly surprised at the quickness that Solona had accomplished her task. Soon the three of them were off to the basement to carry out their plan. After some difficulties with opening the doors, Solona suggested a second route, which Irving had told her about. The other two hastily agreed. Their path was strewn with guards that had fallen at their hands, and the pit in Solona's stomach grew larger. Finally they reached the phylactery room through a hole they made in the wall and found Jowan's phylactery. As soon as the deed was complete, the three of them quickly headed back up stairs.

"Here are the culprits, Greagor." Irving stated as the three exited the stairs, stopping in their tracks.

"I scarcely wanted to believe that an initiate was involved, but I see you were correct." The Knight-Commander responded.

Jowan turned to his friend. "You told them?" he questioned, "How could you?! I thought we were friends!"

"You didn't leave me any choice, Jowan." Solona responded, tears threatening to fall.

Greagor instructed the other Templars to restrain Lily and have her taken to Aeonar.

"No!" Jowan screamed. "I won't let you touch her!" he then produced a small dagger from his robes, and proceeded to dig it into the palm of his hand. Blood sprang forth and he used it as a powerful force to knock back the Templars and the First Enchanter.

Lily screamed. She was hurt that Jowan had lied to her, and disgusted at the fact that he did indeed dabble in blood magic. Jowan tried to explain himself, but Lily didn't want to hear it. She told him that she never wanted to see him again and that she would accept her fate in Aeonar. Jowan fell silent. He didn't want to leave Lily, but now that he had marked himself as a blood mage, he wasn't left with much of a choice.

"You betrayed me." He directed to Solona. "I trusted you; now look what you've done!" he told her with hurt in his voice before he ran from the tower.

When Jowan had left, Lily was still frozen in place. Solona crossed the floor and began trying to help Irving and the Templars up. Once on their feet Greagor began to blame Solona for what had transpired and threatened to send her off to Aeonar as well. Irving stood in and told him that he had told Solona to act accordingly, but Greagor claimed that did not excuse her.

The commotion had alerted other members of the tower, causing other Templars to flood the hall, Cullen among them, and Duncan at their heels. Duncan pushed his way passed the other Templars and towards the center of argument. He caught bits and pieces of what was happening before making an announcement.

"This woman has done a service for her tower, and remained loyal to the First Enchanter, even against the behest of her friend. If you insist on punishment, I hereby invoke the right of inscription for this mage." He motioned to Solona.

"No! I will not allow it! She does not deserve to be awarded for these actions!" Greagor protested.

"It would be an honor, ser." Solona spoke up, bowing slightly to Duncan.

Greagor continued to attempt to argue, but he got nowhere.

"Duncan," Irving started, "could you please accompany Solona back to the guest quarters to have her pack her things. You should leave by morning."

Duncan nodded, motioning for Solona to follow him.

Solona followed the Warden quietly. When they passed by the gaggle of Templars in the hall, Solona met eyes with Cullen. His eyes were full of shock and, was that, grief? He said nothing as she passed, just continued to watch her as she retreated. When they reached the guest room, Duncan instructed her to collect only what she would need to leave the tower, as they would be leaving as soon as first light. She complied, gathering only a few small things in preparation for her very last night as a tower mage.

Late that night, after lights out and everyone had gone to sleep, aside from the very few Templars that had night duty; Solona lay awake in her bed. Her mind wouldn't let her rest. She was worried about tomorrow's journey, but more than that, her mind kept drifting back to Cullen. She was to be a Warden; she would probably never see him again. After about an hour of this, she couldn't take it anymore, she had to see him. She shot up from her bed, as quietly as she could, trying not to wake Duncan. She then slipped on her shoes and tip-toed out the door.

Solona silently made her way down the corridor, thankful that the Templar's quarters was only one floor up. She dipped into a doorway as a Templar approached, cloaking herself in shadow. Once she was sure he was gone, she continued on her path. She made her way up the stairs and paused for a moment in the archway trying to remember where Cullen's room had been. After a second, she finally recalled where it was and hastily made her way there.

Cullen had not been able to get a very good night's sleep either, dread rising in him, knowing that the one person he had come to care for over the years was to leave forever. He was awoken from his light sleep with a gentle knock on his door. He hesitantly pulled the covers off of himself and adorned the tight fitting leather breeches that lay on the floor by his bed. Cullen made his way to the door, placing an ear on the wood and asked who it was.

"Cullen?" he heard a small whisper from the other side of the door. The familiar voice made his heart jump. He fumbled with the old handle of the door, cracking it open. Her face appeared from behind the door, eyes pleading for him to let her in. He opened the door wide enough for her to slip in. Once she stepped inside, Cullen closed the door tight behind her. No sooner had he turned to face her than she had rushed to him, her arms flying around his waist as she buried her head in his chest.

"Cullen!" she choked, swallowing back tears. He was so warm. She felt that she could stay against him like this forever. Solona was starting to doubt her choice of leaving with Duncan.

Cullen was shocked. He stood there with her around him, his arms out in the air. He looked down at the figure holding onto him and the sight pulled on his heart strings. He enveloped her in his arms, holding her tight, resting his chin on the top of her head. They stayed like that for a good minute before Solona spoke up.

"I'm sorry." She whispered against his muscled chest.

Cullen drew his brows together. "For what?" he questioned, not moving from her.

"For…earlier…" she responded shyly. "I shouldn't have…have tried to-" she was having a hard time finding the right words.

Cullen pulled away slightly, still holding her in his arms, but enough to look into her face.

"I'm the one that should apologize." He stated quietly as he cupped one of her cheeks in his hand.

Solona nuzzled into his palm, remembering the day by the lake. "I just felt like such a fool." She confessed.

He lifted her face to his, meeting her gaze. "Never feel like a fool for going for what you want." A serious note hung in his tone. "I'm the fool for leaving you like that. I'm just…I'm just a coward." This time it was Cullen who dropped his gaze.

Solona leaned up and planted a small peck on his lips. "We have some horrid timing, don't we?" she gave a weak chuckle.

A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do now?" she asked impishly.

Cullen chocked on his saliva. Even in the darkness, Solona could make out the blush that burned his face; she couldn't help but fully laugh now. He tried to compose his face in a serious manner.

"Solona…I respect you far too much to bed you and possibly never see you again." He told her as he rested his forehead against hers.

"But what if that was my last request?" she asked, disappointed.

Cullen stared down at her luscious pouting lip; it took all of his reserve to not take it between his teeth and suckle on it. He closed his eyes, inhaling sharply.

"As much as I would love nothing more than to fulfill your wish, I just…can't." he breathed.

"Your vows." She stated dully.

"In part." Cullen grimaced. "But it's mostly because I…I think-I think I've falle-"

Solona shook her head vigorously against him, stopping him mid-word. "Don't say it." She begged. "If you do, I don't think I could bring myself to leave." Tears burned hot against her lids. She tried to blink them away, but a single tear slipped through, trailing down her cheek.

Cullen ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek, wiping the tear away as he tried to stifle a sniffle himself. She remained in his embrace for a stretch of time, but ended up pulling away reluctantly.

"I should go." She stated, voice low. She began to turn away when he grabbed her by the wrist.

"Wait." He called after her. "I never repaid you for your gift." His eyes fell to the ring on his hand.

"It's fine." She dismissed with a sad smile. "I didn't give it to you to get anything in return."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't want to show you my thanks. Here. Take this." He told her as he slipped a chain from around his neck, handing it to her. He placed the trinket in her palm, enclosing her fingers around it.

"Cullen….I-"

"I've had it since I can remember," he told her, voice trailing off, "I want you to have it. It has protected me all these years, and I hope it will do the same for you. You know…protect you…in my absence."

Solona looked down at the amulet in her hand. It was exquisitely crafted. It was made of silver and also bore the symbol of Andraste engraved on it. "I'll cherish it forever." She told him enthusiastically as she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep, farewell kiss.

Cullen pulled her close to his body, losing himself in her lips. She left him with one last light kiss as they parted.

"I'll miss you." her voice barely above a whisper.

"And I, you." he assured, still holding her.

She gave him the biggest smile that she could muster, breaking away from him. Cullen held onto her hand for as long as possible as she trailed off toward the door, letting it fall as she exited. Solona did her best to not look back as she passed through the door; it was hard enough leaving him as it was. Tears streamed down her face as she hurried back to the guest room.

Cullen stood still in the same spot she had left him. He felt uncomfortably cold without the heat of her body against him. His mind felt numb; as if all of his senses had fled the moment she left the room. He wouldn't sleep that night. Visions of their few encounters flashing in his mind's eye every moment. Cullen would give himself this one thing this night; for once she was gone, he would banish these thoughts from his head.

Solona was dead quiet the next morning. She and Duncan gathered their things as soon as the first rays of the sun shone into the window of the guest room. All who were awake that morning nodded respectfully as they passed on their way to the tower's entrance. Irving was waiting for them in the foyer, and on the far wall, there stood Cullen. Solona could only focus on him as Irving congratulated her and talked with Duncan. They held each other's longing stares, but soon she was gone; on her way to Ostagar to join the Grey Wardens, and more than likely, never to see the tower, or Cullen, again.