Yumichika fought back an uncharacteristically sadistic smile. It seemed as if the man's energy and obtrusive presence inspired violence and even sadism in everyone around him. And the naturally gorgeous fifth seat was no exception. Yumi shook his head pondering this thought; as he witnessed his captain embark on one of his patented destruction rampages.

The narcissistic beauty couldn't help but admit that his captain's violence had an inherently aesthetic beauty to it, a controlled chaos sort of thing that was in itself; really enthralling. Of course Yumichika would never admit to that and he'd forever let a scowl adorn his flawless features every time he looks upon such a scene.

The fifth seat almost flinched as he watched his captain effortlessly throw his best friend into the air. Ikkaku landed a few steps in front of Yumi. However, the pretty fifth seat completely ignored the man, as he stepped over him, making his way towards the enraged Taicho who was currently lashing out on anyone and anything that had the misfortune of crossing his path.

Yumichika involuntarily gulped as he marveled at what he was about to do. *My, My, as if he isn't angry enough as it is* Yumi pondered as he watched Yachiro cheering her beloved Kenny on, while the man uprooted a tree with extreme ease. The squad eleven captain then effortlessly flung the tree across the clearing at a few unfortunate seated officers, who happened to think that keeping their distance from the enraged man would keep them out of harm's way. Zaraki then emitted a raucous battle cry that radiated of barbaric mirth.

The smaller man came to a stop behind his hulking captain, who was gloatingly surveying his handy work.

"Good morning Taicho." Yumi almost sang.

Zaraki turned sharply, excited at the prospect of a new victim: a new, prissy, well dressed, perfectly groomed, completely poised, thoroughly feathered, utterly infuriating, victim.

"Ayasegawa." His captain greeted/threatened huskily. However, the self proclaimed "Most beautiful man in Seireitei" was unmoved. He beamed up at his captain, steeling himself for what he was about to say.

"What." Kenpachi growled, the bells in his hair chiming threateningly.

Yumi beamed at the taller man, before tilting his head to the side slightly and twitting, "my Taicho," he cooed and Zaraki had to physically restrain himself from wincing at the happy tone. "Renji dropped by and said that Kuchiki Taicho wanted you to have this." He stated in his happiest voice ever.

Almost immediately Zaraki's reiatsu flared as he regarded the deceptively innocent baby like doll that was still cradled in Yumi's arms.

"The hell? That noble idiot was supposed to keep it for the day." Zaraki hissed.

"Well, Renji said that his captain deemed it unworthy of his company." Yumi replied, trying his best not to snicker as he could easily imagine the Kuchiki heir uttering those words in all seriousness.

The visual image, however, wasn't very amusing to his captain who growled his disapproval for everyone to hear.

A Couple of Hours Later:

A few Shinigami fought valiantly to refrain from laughing as the manliest man in Seireitei breathed by them like a livid storm. He was carrying a small child, much much smaller than the one who normally clung to his back. The fragile little innocent baby came as somewhat of a hilarious contrast to the hulking form of the forever angry captain. The man was clearly on his way to the squad six barracks and from the feel of his reiatsu; he had destruction on his mind.

Renji abruptly got up to try and reason with the battle crazed captain. However, an angry glower was all it took to freeze him in place. The red head absently wondered at which man he feared more, this blood thirsty mad man, or his ice prince of a captain. He then figured that he was about to figure out just which of the two is more dangerous as Zaraki casually flung Kuchiki Taicho's door open and stepped inside.

The valiant captain closed the door behind him before turning to his nemesis. But before he could say a word he was flooded with an unmatched sense of irritation, the likes of which he only experienced in the presence of the stone cold man sitting so calmly in front of him. The Kuchiki heir barely looked up from his paper work at Zaraki's less than subtle entrance.

His face was as emotionless as ever, but his dark grey orbs held a less than subtle hint of disdain. This time Zaraki actually winced with fury, as he regarded the, *constipated looking, long haired, feminine, stick up his butt, noble brat.*

Yes, it was that bad. The two men usually managed to bring out the worst in each other without even saying a word. Byakuya's gaze made it clear to Zaraki that he saw him as nothing more than a mindless brash brute, all brawn and no brain kind of man. While Zaraki's gaze made it fairly clear that he would like nothing better than to use the nobleman for a punching bag.

"Yes." Byakuya said in his trademark bored tone, the calmness of which made Zaraki quite aware of just how infuriating he found this man.

"I just came by to see if you need any help pulling that mighty long stick out of your butt Kuchiki." Zaraki shot.

"Pardon." Byakuya said absently, returning his gaze back to his paper work.

And before he could actively ignore the man and continue reading the sentence he just started, a small baby was thrust forwards in front of him. Byakuya looked up impassively at the man who was now standing right above him.

"We agreed that it's yours for the day." Zaraki snarled. "The hell do you get off sending it over to me."

And to his utter amusement, Byakuya's eyes actually showed some emotion for a change. For a second Zaraki couldn't place it; but he soon discovered that his sworn enemy was in fact confused. Byakuya seemed to be struggling with something for a few seconds, before he inhaled deeply and inclined himself back in his chair, his hands folded neatly in his lap, his eyes shot up to meet Zaraki's evenly, as if he has finally decided on how to word a particularly agonizing sentence.

"It emits a sound." Byakuya said calmly, but his tone was rather strained.

Zaraki couldn't help but stare unblinkingly back at the raven haired, seemingly tortured man.

"So?"

"It was a sharp and continuous noise." Byakuya said simply, as if that explained everything.

"And?"

If he was a lesser man Byakuya would've actually rolled his eyes, however, he steeled himself and pushed on.

"It emitted an undignified loud noise."

"That's what children do, you dipshit" Zaraki said, sounding every bit as exasperated as he felt. *Just how clueless could that man be.*

"Kuchiki-s do not emit such noise." Byakuya said rather haughtily. "Nothing that behaves thusly should be allowed in my presence." The Kuchiki heir said with finality, his eyes scanning quickly over the offending doll. "Unacceptable." He added disgustedly.

For once Zaraki was actually speechless. He really wanted to bash the man's head in, or to mess his beautifully groomed hair up, or just do anything that would equate to knocking his royal highness off of his metaphoric high horse.

"Kuchiki-hime," he started crossly. "Are you actually saying that you can't handle a small child?" Zaraki concluded.

"I said…."

"Ya ya, I'm not buying this bullshit. You sent it over because you couldn't handle it." Zaraki said victoriously. And once again he was astounded by Byakuya's reaction. The man stared back for a second seemingly unable to respond. However, the silence didn't last long as Zaraki broke out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Byakuya twitched. "I assure you that I am fully capable of handling….."

"No, you can't." Zaraki managed to say, before continuing on with his laughing fit, which Byakuya now deemed as more infuriating than the baby's insufferable cries. "Just admit it. I'm better than you."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed minutely, "your allegations are false Zaraki; there is nothing that you can do better than I can."

"This small doll begs to differ." Zaraki said, his voice now a sardonic tenor.

"I can make it stop anytime…."

"I'm a better father than you are." Zaraki teased.

Byakuya twitched once again, "You are not this doll's father." He said monotonously. "In fact I assure you that; I would make a much better father than yourself."

Zaraki actually scowled at the challenge, "Oh, is that so?"

"That is so." Came a monotone.

"Well then…" Zaraki said taking the doll off the desk and smacking it across the back causing it to scream bloody murder. The two men instantaneously winced at the ensuing sound; however, they steeled themselves and looked each other square in the eye, a silent challenge passing between them.

Zaraki went first; his hands cradling the child in what could only be described as a death choke. He started roughly rocking it back and forth. Byakuya watched the sight in front of him, and it was only by virtue of years upon years of keeping his stoic façade that he didn't break into a fit of laughter at the comic sight of the hulking man desperately trying to rock the child into its own untimely death.

In fact Zaraki couldn't help but notice the corner of Byakuya's mouth twitch slightly. "Waaah, you think you can do better Kuchiki-hime." He said irately, "Well have at it." He said crossly, literally throwing the baby at the Kuchiki heir.

Byakuya took the challenge and encircled the child in his arms. He almost winced as a loud scream escaped the child's throat. The fact that said child was currently in his arms managed to somehow exacerbate the already insufferable screech. If it wasn't for the fact that Zaraki was gloatingly regarding him as he rocked the child; Byakuya would've flung the thing out of the window. However, he wasn't about to give his nemesis the satisfaction of watching him lose to a small doll. No, *not in his life time.* he was Kuchiki Byakuya damn it and his pride mandated that he never shows any traces of weakness, NEVER.

And that's why Byakuya continued to rock the child. For his part Zaraki was now certain that Byakuya was made entirely of ice. He was moving the child in small measurable inches in both directions. His eyes were frozen on it in a cold glare and his long fingers were firmly and almost excruciatingly pressed to the plastic infant's body. "Oh dear God you really are a robot aren't you?" Zaraki said unable to contain his mirth.

This earned him a glower from the already irate Byakuya. "Here" Byakuaya said flinging the baby at Zaraki.

"Giving up already Kuchiki-hime, you're such a bad mother." Zaraki said teasingly.

Byakuya shot Zaraki a dirty look, before opting to ignore his infuriating words. After all, Zaraki was about to eat said words given that he has just discovered a solid proof way of shutting this insufferable mass of wires up.

Zaraki couldn't help but gulp as Byakuya suddenly took his Haiori off. "What the….." before he could continue the Kuchiki heir proceeded to take the rest of his clothing off and in a second he was standing in nothing but his standard shinigami pants.

"Da-Fuck are you doing? Have you lost your mind…."

"Spare me Zaraki. This is a tried method for soothing children." Byakuya said, extending his hands to Zaraki, so as to give him the baby.

"The hell do you…"

"Children need contact with human skin, its warmth soothes them." Byakuya rationed. Byakuya then pushed forwards knowing full well that Zaraki was about to make a joke about how in touch Byakuya was with his feminine side, "I know this because; I once heard Unohana Taicho say it to a woman in her clinic. And unlike you, some people manage to pay attention to what happens around them." Byakuya shot, "Now hand me over the infant."

"No" Zaraki said childishly.

"I'm not about to let you win this." He explained as he held the child up above his head.

Byakuya's eyes narrowed as he watched Zaraki rip his shirt using only one hand (quite an impressive skill if we were to be honest). "I'll do it." He declared.

But before he knew it Byakuya flashed over to him and grabbed the child. Zaraki followed suit, stopping Byakuya just before he attempted to hold the child.

The two sinfully shirtless men then engaged in a less than dignified tug-of –war over the small baby like doll, whose cries were now threatening to deafen everyone within a 100 mile radius.

Flash stepping all over the place and using their ungodly powers to tug at the doll, the two men kept their shirtless squabble up for a while. Both equally stubborn and unrelenting and completely refusing to even consider anything other than their unwillingness to let the other man win.

It wasn't till they heard a loud gasp, that they suddenly stopped their ministrations. Zaraki came to a stop, however, Byakuya who has turned around to look at the source of the noise bumped right into the bigger man. And at the speed at which they were going the two men were sent tumbling down to the floor, in the process knocking down the remaining portion of Byakuya's office.

When Byakuya recovered, he found himself looking up at his lieutenant standing alongside, Zaraki's infuriating fifth seat. The two were unabashedly snickering back at the dignified heir, what was more unsettling was that right behind those two, stood two of the eldest captains of Seireitei, Kyoraku Shunsui and the angelic looking Juushiro Ukitake, who was currently stroking his white locks nervously.

"Ukitake Senpai….." Byakuya started.

"We're here for our meeting Kuchiki Taicho." Kyoraku started.

"We'll come back later Byakuya." Ukitake said nervously and for some reason the other three men smirked in unison.

"Pardon….." Byakuya started, but his attention was drawn to the fact that he was sitting rather comfortably on the floor. He looked down cautiously, only to see his arch nemesis sprawled on the floor beneath him.

"We didn't mean to interrupt….ummm." Renji started but faltered at the end.

"I came to check on my Taicho, and when we heard noises we thought you two were fighting. We really didn't think that you would be….. ummm… never mind, that's just too beautiful." Yumichika chimed in, his eyes watering at the sheer beauty of the situation. At his words Renji and Ukitaki actually blushed, while Kyoraku smirked his amusement. For their part, both Byakuya and Zaraki blinked in confusion. Well yes, they were both sprawled on the floor on top of each other and yes they were both shirtless, but for the life of them none of them had a clue as to what the other four men were thinking.

The door clicked as the men retreated, Yumichika physically dragged out by a still flustered Renji. While Ukitake shook his head in disbelief as he stalked out. "Have a good day gentlemen, and try to keep it down." Kyoraku said playfully, as he gave the two men a wink before closing the door.

For a few seconds the two men remained frozen, unable to fathom what just happened.

"Did they just….." Zaraki started.

"Did they assume that….." Byakuya questioned equally confused.

They exchanged a quick mortified look before they both got to their feet as if they were just electrocuted. They stood at opposite ends of the now destroyed room.

"Hell no!" Zaraki growled.

Byakuya actually nodded his approval, for once unable to disagree with the man before him.

However Byakuya soon smirked.

"The hell, are you smiling about?" Zaraki growled.

"I won." Byakuya said simply.

"What…."

Before he could continue Byakuya produced the doll, which he apparently had in his hand all along. The doll was now silent. Byakuya then looked victoriously back at the livid man who was now eyeing him with killer intent.

"You didn't shut it up; it got crushed between us when we fell." He voiced his protest.

"The fact remains that it is silent and I'm holding it."

"Well, you won't be holding it for long." Zaraki declared as he rushed at the Kuchiki heir.

Deep inside one of the 12th division labs our beloved psychiatrist was frantically scribbling in her notebook. Unable to fathom the extent of those two men's stubbornness, she would occasionally look at the monitors in front of her, and thank God that she could watch the two men from a safe distance this time. *Maybe the doll thing wasn't a good idea afterall.* she pondered, before she winced, *So-Taicho's gonna kill me!*

So very deep in thought about her impending doom was she: that she missed the fact that for a second the two men actually stopped trying to kill each other and looked rather somber.

"If he was here; things wouldn't have been that way." Zaraki said sounding upset.

"I agree." Byakuya said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "He always used to drag you away before I attempt to kill you."

"That idiotic fox faced bastard."

The first time I saw Zaraki was when he was teasing Byakuya about letting Rukia get executed and then before the two could fight; Gin dragged Zaraki away. He literally trapped him in a net and dragged him away. Yes, Gin is that cool ;)

Let me know what you think.