Loki popped back into his apartment, his face expressionless for a moment. Max started barking at him, asking where Sam was; wondering what happened. Loki waved his hand, sending the dog away. He locked Max in his room. Loki needed the quiet, feeling it all sink in.
The spaghetti he'd made was still on the table; still hot. The rooms that were next to each other faded away and his bedroom door slid back into its original position. The food disappeared, the couch slid itself soundlessly back against the wall. The apartment rearranged itself back into it's original 2 room bachelor pad. Max started barking and scratching at the door and Loki made a waving motion to the door, Max's vocal cords were silenced and he was only left with the scratching at the door. Only an hour ago he'd been contemplating life living with a human. What had he been thinking?
A cruel smile worked its way onto Loki's face. What HAD he been thinking?
What right did he think that he could change fate? What ever made him think that he could alter what had been laid out before the dawn of time. Sam was Lucifer's vessel. It was woven into Sam bones. Loki, you stupid idiot, Gabriel boomed in his brain, what had you been thinking? Sam was was always going to end up right here, choosing anger and revenge. It was always going to wind up like this. It was always going to come down to Michael and Lucifer duking it out in Sam and Dean's bodies.
What had he been thinking?
He'd been thinking he could change Sam's path. He's thought he could get close to him without crossing the line into attachment. He thought he couldn't possibly love Lucifer's vessel because Lucy was a dick and Sam would be too.
But Sam wasn't. He was kind and concerned himself with helping people. He was temperamental and hot headed, but no one was perfect; it only made him more interesting. Sam smiled and laughed. Sam was passionate in all the right and wrong ways. Sam was special and Loki had gotten too close. He thought maybe humans had something that angels didn't. He thought for a time that humans had free will, the damn power to not be chained to something as archaic as fate or destiny.
Michael was right. Michael was always right. There was no free will. There was no changing what would happen. There was no love between him and Sam. Loki had just chosen wrong again.
Water dribbled down Loki's face and he covered his eyes with his hands, but tears still escaped his eyes.
What had he been thinking? Something stupid like Sam letting Dean go. Something stupid and naïve as Sam possibly being happy and love with him in return.
How dare he, an archangel, a trickster, think that he could stop Sam from making the choices destiny had laid out for him.
A not quite sane laugh left his mouth, then another, tears running down his face. It turned hysterical. And Max's scratching stopped.
"Why was I fighting this so hard?" Loki asked, feeling delirious. "It's so simple. It's going to happen. I'm not missing out on anything. The world's going to end soon anyway." A few chuckles wracked his body but the tears didn't stop. He didn't even try to wipe them away anymore, "Fuck you Sam Winchester, you made your choice. Do it. End it all. I don't care anymore." He took in a shuttering breath, looking to the ceiling. For some reason he never stopped doing that when ever he thought of his father, "Fuck you, Old Man. What was the point of it all? A bunch of pain before it all goes boom? What the fuck is so fucking glorious about it ending like this?"
Max started scratching at the door again and Loki took shaky breaths. He felt an emptiness no sweets could fill. He felt no urge to do anything. Not even exist. His body went lax, shoulders slumping, tears slowing. He was an idiot for even thinking now that God would answer him. After a lifetime of God being gone, why would he pop up now?
Loki took a resigning breath and stood straight, like an old soldier, "Fine. Let it end. Let it all be over."