Disclaimer: The concept and the characters of Naruto don't belong to me.
Warnings: Swearing, shounen ai, angst.
Part 11: Crystalline Images Part II
After showering, Naruto dressed in a pair of baggy, army print cargoes which hung low on his hips, a long sleeved beige shirt and a close fitting grey vest. It was a slightly more dressed up look from his usual old outfits, and he told himself that he wasn't dressing up for Sasuke's sake, but even he doubted that.
The air outside was getting colder and the dark clouds hung low in the sky, threatening a heavy downpour soon.. As he left the quarters, he looked towards the jumping paddock expecting to see Sasuke and Taira still jumping the course. The paddock was empty though, so he headed towards the stable worriedly.
Sasuke had tied Taira up and had already unsaddled him. The youngest Uchiha was crouched down by the horses left foreleg, and he was sliding a hand down Taira's lower leg slowly.
"Sasuke?" Naruto asked hesitantly. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"
"I decided to finish early," Sasuke interrupted him quietly. "I think he's strained his foreleg on an awkward landing."
Naruto crouched down next to Sasuke and placed a hand on Taira's fetlock (1) feeling the unnatural warmth and a slight swelling beneath his palm.
"It's not too bad," Naruto said thoughtfully. "Would you like me to get Kakashi anyway? He knows more about this stuff than I do."
"It's okay. Let's leave it tonight and see how it is tomorrow morning," Sasuke decided after a moment of thinking.
Naruto nodded and stood up when Sasuke did, unsure of what to say next.
"Are you coming up to the mansion tonight?" Sasuke asked suddenly.
"Yeah, I'll be up there for dinner," Naruto answered slowly, feeling a sting of nervousness deep within his belly.
"Meet me in the entrance foyer before you go back down for the night, will you?"
"Why?" he asked without thinking once again.
But this time, Sasuke just smiled slightly, his eyes amused as Naruto mentally kicked himself for his mistake. This softer side of Sasuke had caught Naruto unawares, and it was affecting him in ways that he hadn't though possible. The hint of warmth in Sasuke's dark eyes changed his whole face, and Naruto loved being the one that warmth was directed at.
"I have something I want to show you. Returning a favour you could say. Will you meet with me?"
Naruot still hesitated, his emotions in turmoil as he tried to think clearly. Nervousness and fear warred with excitement and intense curiosity.
"Trust me, Naruto. I promise it will be worth it," Sasuke said patiently.
"Okay," Naruto agreed at last.
Sasuke reached up and brushed Naruto's chin with his knuckles, smiling when he jumped, wide-eyed at the unexpected contact.
"Thank you. Put Taira away and put his cotton on for me, would you please? I'll see you later."
Naruto leant against Taira as Sasuke left, his business like stride carrying him out of sight within moments. Naruto missed him already, and the sudden certainty he'd felt about his decision only moments ago left him, and he wondered if it was a good idea to meet Sasuke outside of work.
Taira craned his neck around and sniffed curiously at Naruto, before nudging him sharply.
"You're right. Let's get you to bed."
With hands that still shook slightly, he untied Taira and led him into his clean stall, bolting the stable door behind them before he took the halter off. Taira headed straight towards his feed bin, and Naruto laughed as he grabbed Taira's cotton stable rug and follow the horse. He threw the rug over the horses glossy body and fastened the chest and leg straps.
Running his fingers through the silky mane, Naruto sighed and scratched Taira's poll(2).
What was he going to do about Sasuke? On one hand he had Raidou telling him to be careful around Sasuke, but Naruto found it hard to believe that Sasuke was dangerous in any way, or deceptive or cruel. Secretive, yes, and mysterious definitely but those traits only made him more alluring, and they didn't mean that he was dangerous. He wasn't scared of Sasuke any more, nor was he wary of him. For some reason, on some level he trusted Sasuke and that in itself was confusing. No, what he was afraid of was what Sasuke made him feel, the emotions he felt whenever Sasuke was around, and the doubt that was left when he wasn't.
There was just something about Sasuke that attracted Naruto, and he found it hard to believe what everyone said about Sasuke.
"You still here?" Raidou said, making Naruto jump as he approached.
"I was just finishing," Naruto replied as his heart stopped racing, and he smiled at the scared man.
"You work too hard Naruto," Raidou smiled at him. "Come on. I'll walk with you up to the house. Everyone went up awhile ago."
All throughout dinner, Naruto's mind was on Sasuke, despite all the noise and conversation around him. Dinner was delicious, a huge feast of everyone's favourite dishes, but Naruto hardly paid any attention to the taste of the food in his mouth, because his mind was preoccupied with other things.
He still managed to hold a decent conversation with Tenten, even if he couldn't remember most of what they talked about and he ate as much as his appetite would allow, for he didn't eat much during the daytime. Naruto knew all of the household hands, but he didn't know all of them well so he tended to keep company with those he was closest too. And there was always Iruka to fall back on when he needed help of any kind, and it felt good to have that kind of security. Just the knowledge of knowing that someone was there for him kept him on track and gave him peace of mind to a certain extent. For some reason, Iruka had always been protective of Naruto, and while he liked feeling secure there were times when he longed to be just a little more independent of everyone else.
He needed to learn to stand on his own two feet, and somewhere inside, he had a feeling that Sasuke would be the one to help him gain that independence that he needed.
As everyone got up to start cleaning up the remains of their feast, Naruto slipped out unnoticed and made his way down the softly lit corridor, and emerged from the well concealed door which led to the kitchen and the rooms of the servants. Through a shadowed alcove , he came out in the shadow of the grand staircase, which swept up to the second story.
Before the staircase was the immense entrance foyer, made entirely of majestic white and grey marble, with four huge pillars. It had the appearance of a rich hotel foyer. On the left of this foyer was a sitting room, where visitors stayed while the waited to be received by whichever Uchiha had invited them. On the right was another such sitting room, which led into a ballroom, and the main dining and entertaining areas.
Sasuke was standing in the right sitting room, looking out the huge glass windows into the landscaped gardens, which were lit by small garden lights. He'd changed into a pair of black dress pants and a long sleeved dark blue evening shirt which shimmered in the light. His dark hair was tied back as usual, but even his bangs had been pushed back off of his face. The outfit made him look even more aristocratic than he usually did, very official looking, and to Naruto, intimidating.
He felt the bite of nervousness as he approached. Sasuke turned to face him before he could say anything.
"I'm glad you could meet me," he said gravely with no smile on his face and no warmth in his eyes.
Naruto began to wonder if he'd made a mistake.
"I hope you weren't busy," he said timidly.
"You mean this?" Sasuke plucked at a sleeve distastefully, and Naruto nodded.
"No, my father insists that we all dress nicely when we're to be seen by others. Something about 'maintaining our image'." Sasuke gave a humourless laugh.
"Oh. Well, what about Hyuuga-sama, and Yamanaka-sama? Surely they…"
"They're busy getting ready. We're going out tonight," Sasuke interrupted. "Come on."
Naruto followed Sasuke back out into the foyer and up the main staircase. He'd never been in these parts of the mansion before, so he tried to keep pace with Sasuke, who seemed to sense his curiosity and slowed down a little so that Naruto could look and take in his surroundings.
"This is the floor where father has his study and the libraries. There's another sitting room where father entertains his male guests, and mother's parlour and her own day rooms," Sasuek explained when they'd reached the second floor.
"Oh. It all seems so…" Naruto said in awe, as he looked at the paintings they passed.
"Big? I know."
"I can't imagine living here," Naruto offered shyly.
Sasuke turned his head to look at Naruto, and he smiled with warmth this time.
"It takes some getting used to. I've lived here since I was a child, so it doesn't really bother me, but I can understand how daunting it can be to those who aren't used to it."
Once they'd reached the top of the main stairs, Sasuke turned right and led him down the hallway. Taking another right turn, they were faced with another staircase, a miniature version of the one in the foyer. As they ascended the stairs, Sasuke turned his head so Naruto could hear what he was saying.
"On this third floor, all the guest rooms are in the west wing. Our rooms are on the south wing. The fourth floor is all storage space."
It seemed that Sasuke was taking Naruto to the south wing. Once they'd reached the third floor there was a large wide hall way, with three different directions to go in- one straight ahead, one to the right and another to the left. Sasuke headed down the left, and Naruto hurried to catch up, not wanting to be left behind in a place where he probably shouldn't be in the first place.
Down the end of the left hallway was a set of large double doors. Sasuke opened them and beckoned for Naruto to enter.
"These are my rooms," he siad casually as he sauntered in, with a wide eyed Naruto behind him.
There was a small marble entrance behind the door, which led into a wonderfully furnished sitting room, with large and plush couches and armchairs, a large fireplace and a set of glass doors which led onto a balcony.
"This way."
Naruto followed Sasuke through a single door at the back of the room, and he found himself in another, larger room.
This one was obviously where Sasuke spent most of his time when he was alone. In one corner, a glossy black mini grand piano sat, with sheets of music spread over the top and on the chair. In the centre of the room was another set of couches and armchairs. Another set of doors led onto the same long balcony which was accessible from the sitting room as well. The entire side wall was covered in three large bookshelves crammed with books. Easels stood off to one side, and in the corner to the right of the door they'd just entered through was a home office, complete with computer, printers, and a stereo systems.
At the opposite side of the room was another set of double doors, although they were significantly smaller than the ones they'd entered Sasuke's apartments by.
"That's my bedroom through there, but I wanted you to have a look at my collection of books. I thought that there would be some that you'd be interested in, judging from what I saw of your own collection of books the other night." Sasuke said lightly. "Feel free to browse. I won't be long."
Sasuke disappeared into his bedroom, and feeling a little stunned, Naruto took another uncertain look around the room. His eyes were automatically draw to the half finished canvases which stood in the corner of the room.
There were three easels, and one was a serene landscape picture, painted in water colours, and perfect down to the tiniest detail. Naruto could have sworn that he was looking at a photograph, if it wasn't for the fact that there were blank places in areas spread over the canvas that hadn't been filled in.
The other two were simply stunning, even unfinished. Darkly seductive, they were portraits of a barechested, androgenous looking adolescent, done in balck and white and playing with shadow and light. The first one was curled into a protective ball, with one eye visible through a curtain of luscious hair. The other was a charcoal drawing of the long slender back, with the youth looking forlornly over his shoulder at the viewer, and Naruto was transfixed by the haunted look in the models eyes. Had Sasuke drawn these from memory? Or had he actually drawn them from someone? A lover? Or a friend?
They were simply amazing, and Naruto thought they reflected Sasuke's character perfectly; dark, seductive in a predatory way, with hidden depths and many, many secrets.
Reluctantly, he tore his gaze away and turned to the bookshelves. It didn't take him long to find the section on horses, and he was soon immersed in several which he pulled from the shelf. He didn't hear Sasuke re-enter until he heard something being dropped on the low coffee table, and he jumped in surprise.
"Borrow as many as you like. I'm sure you've found some you're interested in?" Sasuke glanced up at Naruto as he rifled through a bag.
"I uh…..thank you. I haven't read a lot of these," he replied, blushing as he set all but two back on the shelves. Sasuke hummed but didn't reply, so he wandered over to the piano and brushed his fingers over the keys reverently.
"I didn't know you played," he murmured.
"My mother taught me. I've been playing since a was a child."
"My father used to play," Naruto said suddenly, surprising himself. "We moved around a lot, but whenever there was a piano available, he would always sit and play to me. I could listen to him for hours on end and I would never grow bored of listening."
He flushed when he realized what he'd said and he looked at Sasuke, wondering how he'd react. Sasuke was fastening a bracelet around his wrist, and not looking at Naruto.
"Your father sounds like he was a talented man."
"He was."
Naruto's eyes lingered on the sheets of music scattered around for a moment before he turned. His flush returned full force when he realized that Sasuke was unbuttoning his dress shirt. Embarrassed, he kept his gaze averted and walked over to take another look at Sasuke's artworks.
"Your paintings are amazing," he murmured to himself, but Sasuke had obviously heard him for he uttered a noncommittal noise.
"One of the subjects I study at University is art. I'm rather lacking in inspiration at the moment. I'm struggling to finish my major assignment for the semester." Sasuke said as he came to stand behind him. Naruto reached out a finger and lightly touched the rough canvas, running a finger over the curve of a shoulder.
"He looks so sad."
"Hmm. I'm doing my major on human emotion."
Naruto felt edgy with Sasuke standing behind him, so he turned to face him, averting his eyes shyly when he noted that Sasuke was wearing a plain white Singlet and a pair of baggy jeans, and not much else. He started when Sasuke reached out and ran a finger over the spine of one of the books that he'd picked out.
"This one's a good one," he murmured thoughtfully. "You're welcome to come back any time to change them."
Naruto knew that there was no chance in hell that he'd ever invite himself into Sasuke rooms, but he nodded anyway, touched by the generous offer.
"Thanks. I-I mean, thanks for this. You didn't have to do repay me or anything." Naruto said, feeling uncomfortably awkward and flushed.
Sasuke smiled at him. "That's okay. I wanted to."
Naruto held his gaze for the briefest of seconds before he looked down at his watch nervously, and tried to calm his leaping stomach. He was jittery with nerves and unidentifiable emotions, and he could hardly stand the way that Sasuke seemed to probe him with his eyes. It felt as if Sasuke only had to look at him to know everything about Naruto, and it scared and intrigued him at the same time.
"I'd better get going before they start wondering where I am."
Sasuke nodded, and grabbed a jacket. "I'll walk you out the back way then."
Once Sasuke had walked him down to the first level and past the kitchen, Naruto opened the door, and turned to smile hesitantly at Sasuke.
"Well….goodnight, Sasuke."
"Wait a moment," Sasuke put a hand on his arm, and Naruto turned to look at him once more, trying desperately to ignore the jolt in his stomach at the unexpected contact.
"Tomorrow you'll be working Ani again, right?"
Suddenly unsure again, Naruto nodded. "Would you like me to saddle Taira first?"
Sasuke shook his head, some of his black bangs falling into his face, and he pushed them away with an impatient hand.
"No that won't be necessary. I'll meet you there at seven."
"You want to watch again?" A surprised Naruto asked.
"If you're okay with that, then yeah, I would."
The concept of Sasuke asking him permission for anything seemed rather funny, and he struggled to contain his smile as he looked up at Sasuke once more.
"It's not a problem."
"I'll see you then." Sasuke nodded, and he squeezed Naruto's arm before he turned and walked away, disappearing around and corner.
The night air was frigid, and Naruto shivered and wrapped his arms around his body to try and preserve some warmth. The mansion was kept at a constant temperature, and it had been pleasantly warm. He found himself missing the warmth as he trudged down the road towards the bright lights of the stables.
The only sound was the crunching of the gravel beneath his shoes, and the strange, silence that usually preceded a storm. The air smelt strongly of rain, and Naruto turned his face up to study the low hanging clouds. There were no stars, only the darkness of looming clouds. Was that some sort of warning to him? He'd never believed in superstition, or mysticism of any kind. Fate, and Destiny were things that he had stopped believing in when he'd lost his father
Naruto refused to believe that Uzamaki Arashi had been destined to die that day, because it wasn't fate that had decided that. It had been him. His own foolish, selfish actions, not fate had sentenced his father to death. He couldn't believe that anything so terribly painful was meant to happen.
Naruto was quick to try and push those depressing thoughts aside. He wouldn't ruin tonight by having people worry about him. His depression was an on going problem which he did his best to hide from everyone, and so far he'd managed to keep it mostly to himself, and that was okay with him. He had no desire to relieve his burden on anyone, mainly because he didn't want them all to scorn him for what had happened but also because he didn't deserve the relief it would bring.
He could still remember almost everything about that day as if it had happened yesterday. He relieved it almost every day in his mind, and he didn't care how he punished himself because of what had happened because it was his fault, and his fault alone.
He remembered everything…
That morning, before his dad had left to go to the stables, he'd had a fight with his father, which was something that only happened once in a blue moon, and the fact that it had happened at all should have forewarned him of what was to come somehow.
Naruto could remember his father getting angry- the clenching of his jaw, and the steely blue of his eyes- but he hadn't backed down. Eventually, his father had left, with a calm which was very clearly forced. His father never yelled, which had often served to anger Naruto even more, but there had been no avoiding that argument.
They were currently staying at a big commercial breeding farm, which raised purebred thoroughbreds. Many of the horses were temperamental and unpredictable, and Arashi had firmly ordered Naruto to stay away from them unless he was around, or someone he trusted was accompanying him. Naruto, resentful that his father was still trying to protect him despite him being twelve years old, had grudgingly agreed.
However, there was one horse that Naruto was drawn to. A huge, bay stallion, with a fierce disposition and a restless spirit. Arashi had strictly forbidden Naruto to go near that particular stallion, stating that he was dangerous and had a mean streak. Naruto hadn't believed him, or liked that one bit.
That morning Arashi had found out from a co-worker that Naruto had been around the horse yesterday afternoon, and he had been furious with Naruto.
Naruto hated making his father angry or upset with him but that morning he had been unusually surly and irritable, and he refused to acknowledge his mistake.
After his father had left, Naruto had gone off to sulk somewhere alone, although he couldn't remember where he'd gone or what he'd done with the morning when he thought back. That morning had passed uneventfully after that fight.
But he did remember that at lunch time, Arashi had found him sitting on the fence of an empty round yard. His father had hoisted himself up onto the fence beside him, his long form settling on the narrow perch with ease. Naruto had refused to acknowledge his presence at first, looking away with the grumpy demeanour that prepubescent children often had about them.
"I'm sorry for getting upset with you this morning Naruto. But ti's important that you realize why." Arashi began. "Will you look at me please?"
Naruto had glanced sideways at his father for a brief moment before he'd looked away again, still grumpy and refusing to say anything. Arashi had sighed.
"I'm only worried about your safety Naruto. Horses are big animals, and there is always a risk that you could be injured, especially with the stallions here. Many of them don't have nice character's, and are too headstrong for you to handle. I'm only worried about your safety. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Naruto had shook his head.
"You just don't want me to work with you. I can look after myself."
"I know you can Naruto. I just…I don't want to see you hurt that's all. So for now, can you just do as I ask and be careful?"
"Fine," Naruto had said snappily.
"One day you'll see what I mean Naruto," Arashi had said softly. "I know that you're mad at me, but can you at least try to see it from my point of view?"
Naruto had remained silent, and after a moment, Arashi had slid off the railing.
"Okay. Come and talk to me when you're ready, okay?" he'd said, before kissing Naruto's forehead and leaving him alone.
He'd never gotten to sort things out with his father. He'd been too stubborn and too selfish to see past his own feelings, to try and understand his father. Arashi had been trying to treat him as a mature adult, and he had thrown that back in his face with a childish temper tantrum.
Two hours later, his father had died saving his life….
Naruto's throat was tight, and his eyes were prickling with suppressed tears. He had so many regrets, so many things he would have done differently if he could have. He'd loved his father more than anyone. Uzamaki Arashi was the only family that he'd ever had, and he'd been taught by him that family was important. Family had to stick together, no matter what obstacles lay in the way, and no matter what life threw at them. Family is everything.
Naruto had no family left. He was the last of the Uzamaki's and that was his fault. He was the cause, and he would never forgive himself for what he'd done. He'd never forgive himself for the way in which his father had lived the last few hours of his life.
He walked into the stable yard, and stood for a minute, letting the familiar sights and smells was over him. So many things had changed, and he wondered if he deserved all that he'd been given .
Instead of heading towards the loud noises emanating from the living quarters, Naruto made his way to Ani's stable. The young horse was docile and calm, no doubt because he was resting, but he got up to greet Naruto when he appeared at the stable door.
Naruto wrapped his arms around Ani's neck and breathed in the horse's familiar scent as he closed his eyes and remembered his fathers bright smile, his loud and infectious laugh and the way he'd prided himself on having Naruto as his son.
A few stray tears ran down his face and soaked into Ani's silky neck. That day had been followed by a series of tragedies which had slowly worn Naruto down, and changed him into the person that he was, and the person that he hated the most.
Ani nuzzled him, distressed as Naruto trembled against him.
He fought to compose himself, and he released Ani's neck and stood back as he wiped the tears away.
"This is stupid, isn't it Ani? I should just move on and forget," Naruto whispered before he shook his head.
"Maybe forgetting isn't the answer." a soft voice said from behind him.
Naruto whirled around, frightened, to face the figure who stood, half in shadow behind him.
"Whatever it is that's upsetting you, you shouldn't forget about it. It's a part of who you are, and you can't deny it. You should never deny who you are. You should face it, and accept it. Make peace with yourself," Raidou said quietly, raising a hand to touch his scarred cheek briefly. "I did. I had to. And one day soon you will have to too."
Naruto swallowed and looked down at his feet. "It's not that easy."
"It never is. But it has to be done, or you'll never be at peace with yourself." Raidou smiled after a minute. "Come on. They're wondering where you are. Best not to keep them waiting."
Naruto gave Ani one last pat goodnight before he joined Raidou, who wrapped an arm securely around his shoulders.
"Such a sad face Naruto. What will Genma say if he sees you like this? You know he'll fuss like a mother hen," Raidou teased gently, and Naruto managed a small smile for his friend.
Raidou's words rang clearly in his mind as his friend led him into the warmth of the sitting room. The warmth and the greetings that met him were enough to take his mind off the pain for awhile. A brief anaesthetic for the barely healed wounds that existed deep within a quiet place of himself.
1) The fetlock is the joint directly above a horses hoof (I think...I'm pretty sure, anyway!)
2) The poll or crest as it is known is the section of neck behind and between the ears. I hope that made some sort of weird sense because I'm too lazy to explain it any further.
3) There was originally more to this chapter, which explained exactly how Naruto's father died, but I decided to cut it out and save it for later. Sorry to those of you who wanted to know! You'll have to wait a bit longer I'm afraid!
PHEW! Another chapter done folks, and one that's been eagerly awaited by the lot of you, I'm sure! (Go one, admit it! You love me!)
Moving on, I'm sorry for the long wait. I have no excuse really, except that I'm lazy. I'M SORRY! But the next update will be soon, I promise! Thanks for reading and for being so patient with me guys! Appreciate it!
Leave a review on your way out!
Ja Ne!