I am back. I hope you guys like this chapter. I was gonna go for Soifon, but then I said, Nah… Not now at least.
The human brain truly is an evil thing. It acts nice and cool, making you feel like you're getting some neutral unrelated thoughts, while in fact it's slowly leading you towards an obsession.
"What obsession?" Rose questioned confusedly.
"I am sorry, did I say obsession?" The soft spoken man said in a smooth tenor, rubbing the back of his head. "I meant a fascination, a rather innocent and platonic fascination." He corrected.
"Platonic." She parroted, the disbelief evident in her voice.
"Hai, Hai." The easy going captain concurred. "A Completely platonic appreciation."
"The description I got was a little different," The woman said pushing her glasses further up her nose as she read off of her notebook, "People call it and I quote: "a severe inhuman capacity for perversion.""
"Nonsense." The squad 8 captain said with a pout. "Just because I appreciate the fine delicacy that is the female population of Seireitei doesn't mean that I am perverted."
"You were caught in women's changing rooms in almost every squad in Seireitei." She accused.
"They were all accidents." He declared pulling his straw hat to cover his face. "It's not my fault that the men and the women's locker rooms look alike." He countered. "You could blame the genius who designed this place for that."
"They found dressing room cams in the SWA's headquarters, and almost everyone agrees that this is your doing." She tried again.
At that he pouted once more.
"Why do you think I put them there? They use Kuchiki's household as headquarters, why doesn't anyone suspect him of being the pervert?"
Now Rose had to shake her head in disbelief.
*Yup, that's plausible.* She mocked mentally.
So she pushed on, "You held fake tryouts for women; claiming that you wanted a roommate."
"So?" He questioned challengingly.
"Your ad stated that only unmarried women, with a tendency to walk around the house naked, need apply." She said once again reading off of her notebook.
"I was being specific." He said simply.
"Your lieutenant informed me that you weren't even trying to get a roommate."
"I was scouring the market in case I need one in the future."
"You were caught staring at lieutenant Matsumoto's chest." She accused.
The man actually looked insulted for a second, "Those things were staring at me, not the other way around." The lecherous captain said in all honestly.
"Fair enough." She said, having felt the same way around the woman's assets before.
"You attempted to untie Unohana Taicho's braids while she slept."
"I was attempting to give her a makeover." He said nonchalantly. "I saw no reason for her to react the way she did. I mean, just because I snuck into her room doesn't give her a right to make such heinous threats." He said whistling inconspicuously, as he reflected on the 'sweet' captain of the 4th division who just refused to hear it, after she woke up to find him in her bed casually unraveling her braids.
He actually thought it distasteful of her to go as far as to threaten to castrate him.
"Geez, what has the world come down to if a man can't sneak into his fellow captain's bed to give her a good intentioned make over."He said tiredly.
The psychiatrist drew in a deep breath, as she pondered the man's unique brand of obliviousness.
She then decided to try again. After all, the man's list of offences could easily rival that of convicted felon.
"One time when you were drunk you offered Soifon Taicho a seat in your lap."
"She looked tired; I was just attempting to help." He said without missing a beat.
Sighing again, the woman looked back at him sternly, "You even asked me if I wanted to go back to your house the other day."She said, offering what she envisioned as her smoking gun.
"Well, in all fairness Rose-chan," He said in a husky tone, "You look absolutely breathtaking after that make over that Ayasegawa-san gave you." He commended with an easy wink.
"So you admit it." She said pointing an accusing finger at him; said finger was promptly swatted off as the man grinned.
"I was merely inviting you over for a drink and a round of soothing therapy, or maybe two rounds if you feel up to it." He said with a lecherous smile and yet another wink.
"You're doing it right now." She said shooting up from her chair.
At that, his face easily went back to an unbelievably innocent pout, "Doing what?" He questioned blankly.
The woman sat down, eyeing him in disbelief. She once again scanned through her list for a proper offence, one that he can never deny that his perverted nature was at the root of.
"AHA!" She said finally, as her finger started tapping the notebook appreciatively. "You stole your lieutenant's underwear from her locker." She said, before smiling in victory.
"I thought she wanted to have them washed."He said as if this was the most natural thing in the world.
"Congratulations I think you managed to find the world's thinnest argument." Came said lieutenant's voice as she stood in the door way, stiff posture, big book and all.
"Nanao-chan." The man greeted happily.
"Please join us." Rose offered.
"I am fine standing here." She declared in a formal tone. "I am just making sure he does not cause you any trouble."
"Oh, Nanao-chan, I'll never cause the lovely Rose-chan any such thing." He declared, causing his lieutenant to give him a cold glare.
"Shall we proceed then?" Rose said, as she rubbed her temples exhaustedly.
"You know, Kyoraku Taicho, the first step on the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem."The shrink said informatively.
"What problem?" He questioned obliviously. "And please call me Shunsui." He offered with a huge smile.
She paused for a second, "Umm, Shunsui Taicho, and You're a pervert." She said, for once opting to shoot from the hip.
For a second, the laid back captain looked shocked, as if this was a thought that has never ever crossed his mind, and a word that he has never in his lifetime heard or even understood the meaning of. He once again pouted looking thoroughly affronted at the mere thought of being called such a thing. And Rose had to sternly remind herself that she was right, otherwise she would've faltered under the man's childlike gaze.
"Me?" He said in disbelief.
The woman face palmed.
"I think you should put him in a straight jacket."Nanao suggested from her perch by the doorway.
However, the psychiatrist then opted for a change of tactics, having figured out that getting him to admit to being a pervert was a task bordering on the impossible.
"My sources state that you have never been in a committed relationship before." She declared.
Grinning mischievously, the eighth squad captain replied, "my, my, is that what you're looking for Rose-chan." He cooed, before continuing in a smooth tenor, "in that case, I am willing to make an exception for your beautiful self."
Rose gawked, and then shook her head, once again adjusting her glasses.
"That is not what I was suggesting." She said in a professional tone. "I was merely inquiring as to why that is?" She questioned. "Why have you never established a long term relationship with someone?"
"Oh." He said understandingly. "That's merely because I have never found the right woman." He said.
And before the woman could inform him that this is like the oldest line in the book, he flashed her, a 1000 mega watt, earth shattering and completely disarming smile.
She blinked.
"W-why?" She questioned absently, having gotten a brief preview of just why this man is popular with women. In the beginning you'd think he's an annoying slob. But in a while, it becomes clear that he has something completely different about him. Maybe it's that smile of his, or even his complete obliviousness and tendency to fake innocence and maybe it's the fact that even with all of his flaws, he somehow manages to come across as a rather dependable man. And he wasn't bad looking either, tall, nice hair, and rugged features. At that the psychiatrist caught herself in the middle of particularly dangerous train of thought.
"Well, my love, that is because I haven't met you till now." He said, practically glowing with manly charm.
"I, I…." the woman stuttered, completely entranced for a second, before she was snapped out courtesy of the daggers the man's lieutenant was glaring at her at the moment. "That's like the oldest line in the book." She said, regaining her bearings.
"What book?" He questioned confusedly.
"This one." His steely eyed lieutenant growled, as the giant book in her hand made contact with the back of his head.
"Ouch." He said rubbing his head sheepishly. "Nanao-chan, that hurt." He complained, childishly as his lieutenant threatened to smack him again with it just for good measures.
"Why haven't you tried to date any of your fellow captains?" Rose suggested, attempting to avoid carnage. "I mean, how about Soifon Taicho?"
At that he just looked at her as if she just grew another head.
He then leaned forwards as if to confide a secret in her.
"They say," he whispered. "That her last boyfriend died in a tragic pillow fighting accident." He declared.
"Huh?" Was the therapist's eloquent reply. "How can someone die in a pillow fighting accident?"
"Well he was fighting with Soifon Taicho." He said matter of factly. "Poor thing wanted to prove that he was man enough to beat her at sparing, but knew that using swords would be the end of him; so he challenged her to a pillow fight. Little did he know that in those tiny hands of hers even a pillow could give you a deadly concussion." He said wisely.
"Oh." Was all she managed. "H-How about ex-captain Shihouin?" She suggested figuring that the woman was pretty popular with the men.
"Now her last boyfriend died in a tragic Soifon induced accident." The laid back captain declared.
"What?"
"Soifon Taicho killed him." Nanao explained. "Or so goes the rumor."
"Ah." Rose said, eyes going wide, as she pondered her upcoming session with said murderous little captain. "Well, Shunsui-taicho, I understand that you can't find a suitable partner, however, you need to find a way to refrain from harassing the female residents of Seireitei." She advised.
"I don't…" He started.
"Yes you do." His lieutenant countered.
He pouted, before his eyes lit up at a new prospect.
He then leaned forwards towards the psychiatrist sitting across from him.
And much to the two women's surprise he took her hand.
"Rose-chan," he said in a smooth and deliberately husky tenor. "I will refrain from harassing everyone if you accept to make an honest man out of me. If the beautiful Rose-chan goes out with me," he started. "I will be the happiest man alive, and I promise to make my beautiful Rose the happiest flower alive." He said in a devastatingly charming manner.
The woman blushed, not knowing what to say.
However, luckily, she didn't have to say anything, as a second later the man fell unconscious to the floor. And standing above him, brandishing her incredibly heavy book, lieutenant Nanao Ise stood, a picture of pure malice.
"When he wakes up, send him back to our offices." Came the lieutenant's no nonsense tone, and Rose couldn't help but recognize the venomous way she was regarding her, before turning around and leaving.
"At least she didn't use her Zanpakuto." Rose declared, trying to look at the bright side.
"My Nanao-chan loves me." The lecherous captain mumbled in his sleep.
Let me know what you think. Next one will be all action not a session. But still action with Shunsui, for some reason I just love the man!