Disclaimer: The concepts and characters of Naruto belong to their rightful owner.
Warnings: Yaoi, shounen ai, swearing, sensitive topics which may offend some readers.
AN: This chapter is a (very) belated birthday present to Precious (that's my nick name for her btw) who is a very close friend of mine. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 16: Heart Ache
When Naruto emerged from the darkened tack room it was to find Ten ten and Shikamaru loading up the Ute with wooden planks, tool boxes and enough supplies to fix the fence that Ani had broken.
Kiba and Sakura on the other hand, were preparing the quad and the dirt bike. Naruto frowned as he approached.
"What's going on?"
"There's been a change in plans,"mSaukra replied, not sounding too happy with it.
"Quit complaining, Sakura," Kiba chimed in cheerfully. "It'll be fun if you can manage not to be so uptight."
"Shut it Kiba."
"We've been asked..." Kiba continued.
"Ordered to more like," Sakura muttered.
"...to go and check out the boundary fences. Which includes the fields beyond the woods." Kiba replied grinning.
"I don't know why you're so happy about it," Sakura grumbled.
Naruto smiled at their arguing and glanced over his shoulder at Ten ten and Shikamaru, who were working side by side in silence. He frowned at the strange tenseness the surrounded the two and turned back towards Kiba.
"What's going on over there?"
Kiba looked where he had been and frowned as well.
"They had an argument," he replied in a quieter tone of voice. "I'll tell you about it later."
Naruto nodded.
"Now, are you going with me or Sakura.?"
Naruto looked over to where Sakura was gingerly starting up the quad bike. There was a small tray on the back used to carry a second rider or equipment. Knowing Sakura, who wasn't too fond of the quad or of high speeds unless it was on horse back, he knew that she would go at a snails pace and take twice as long to cover the ground she had to. His other option was riding on the back of the dirt bike with the daredevil Kiba who would no doubt go at break neck speed.
After a moments hesitation, he decided to take his chances with Kiba. After all, he needed to calm down after that close encounter of the intimate kind with Sasuke, one that had left his mind burning with turmoil.
"You," he murmured.
"Traitor," Sakura grimaced, then smiled at him to show that she wasn't really annoyed.
"Lets get going then shall we?" Kiba said brightly, his eyes alight with anticipation.
There were sullen mutters of agreement from Shikamaru and Tenten and another grumble from Sakura.
Kiba settled himself on the bike and revved the engine with a roar. Naruto suddenly doubted his decision as Kiba grinned wickedly at him, then resigned himself to his fate and climbed on behind him. As he wrapped his arms around Kiba's midriff, Raidou emerged from the feed shed.
"You guys be careful. Keep an eye on each other. If I find out that you've done anything stupid Kiba, by god I'll have your neck," Raidou threatened with a grin. "Iruka would murder me if anything happened to Naruto. And keep those helmets on you two."
Kiba waved jauntily at him before taking off with a swearing Sakura following.
Despite his doubts, riding behind Kiba on the dirt bike was nothing if not exhilarating. With the wind roaring through his hair and past his ears, and the feel of the roaring engine beneath him Naruto knew that it was just what he'd needed. Kiba was swerving to avoid pot holes in the path that led through the woods, and Naruto could occasionally feel the clumps of dirt splattering over his back, but he didn't mind in the slightest.
Behind him, he could hear the duller roar of the quad bike and he had no doubt that Sakura was cursing Kiba to the lowest depths of hell for making her go so fast to keep up.
The Uchiha property that Naruto called home was the largest in the area, stretching out for what seemed like forever. At first Naruto had no idea why the Uchiha's needed such a big property when not even close to a third of it was landscaped. Most of the land was unused, and consisted of a combination of woods and open fields. However, the back of the property stretched out over the foothills of one of the most beautiful ranges of hills Naruto knew of.
As it turned out, in the past the Uchiha's had been well known for their professional breeding and training programs, and most of the land had been used years and years ago. But that aspect of the Uchiha legacy had faded away and been replaced with more corporate paths of pursuit. The land itself was probably worth millions, but the Uchihas, who were well known for their pride and their stubbornness, refused to sell any of it despite the most generous of offers. The open fields that covered the foot hills were the best grazing ground around, but it was unused for the most part. To Naruto this was a great waste, as many of the horses that were nearing retirement could make great use of it. But there was nothing he could do to about it, so he was content just to admire the majestic beauty of the foot hills and the open pastures.
When Kiba broke out of the woods into the open land, he let out a whoop of joy and revved the engine, speeding up yet again. Unfortunately, as much as Naruto was enjoying the ride they had work to do. Holding on with one hand, he tapped Kiba on the shoulder and pointed towards the distant fence line that ran adjacent to them out of the woods and meandered its way up the steep foot hills.
He smiled when Kiba shook his head and slowed down before changing direction and heading straight for the fence.
A few moments later he killed the engine completely and took off his helmet.
"You're no fun Naruto," he scowled good naturedly.
"There'll be plenty of time for fun later. After we've done what we've come out here to do," Naruto replied calmly as they dismounted from the bike and leaned against it to wait for Sakura.
She had yet to emerge from the trees, so it looked like they'd need to wait for awhile.
"So what was going on with Ten ten and Shika?" he asked curiously. "Is everything okay?"
"Hard to tell really with those two. Ten ten got upset when she saw that Yamanaka chick and Shika talking. He's saying that she's over reacting and that they weren't even talking really, and she'd insisting that he's too lazy and stubborn to see what's right underneath his nose. It all kinda escalated from there." Kiba sighed and shook his head. "It wouldn't be so hard for them if they'd just admit they liked each other and moved on, but they're both too stubborn."
Naruto was slightly amused to hear wisdom from Kiba, but he hid his smile.
"I hope they'll patch it up soon," Kiba continued. "I'm sick of being the one to fill all those tense silences. Its killing me!"
Naruto did smile at him this time.
"Maybe there's something we could do to help."
"Noooo," Kiba said immediately. "Unless you want to end up on both of their bad sides I suggest you abandon that idea. And you know what Ten tens like when she's pissed!"
It was probably the best advice he'd ever heard out of Kiba's mouth and he had to agree the idea was stupid. Getting involved in other peoples problems only ended in more trouble and if there was one thing that Naruto attracted without fail it was trouble.
"You're probably right."
Kiba snorted. "Damn right I am."
Sakura appeared from the tree line and was making her way slowly towards them.
"Finally! Women, ey? Can't live with em, can't live without." he shook his head and turned to the bike. Naruto smiled slightly as he watched Sakura. She rode the quad so precisely that it reminded him of the way she approached life. She was a perfectionist by heart, strong willed and so certain of what she wanted in life. She loved fiercely and she was like a terrier in the way that she sunk her teeth into things and never let go until she was satisfied. How then, was he supposed to tell her of the goings on between himself and Sasuke? She would never give up without a fight and there was no way she'd let go of Sasuke. How did he decide between what he wanted and what she wanted? He had no wish to hurt Sakura, for he loved her like a sister. But there came a point when you had to decide what was best for someone you cared for and what was best for your own well being, and Naruto was having a hard time drawing the line between the two. As she joined them, he turned away, knowing that most of his emotions were probably written on his face. The one that would give his secret away to her though, was the guilt.
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When they returned late that afternoon, Kiba and Sakura were arguing about nothing and everything all at once, and Naruto was aching all over. Kiba, being his usual and reckless self had taken a small rise too quickly and they'd both been sent flying. Miraculously, neither of them had been hurt seriously, save for a nice array of bruises. He wasn't feeling all that bad though. The fresh air, and the sun which had shown itself through the clouds had lifted his spirits, and he knew he could relax in the knowledge that he'd put in a good day of hard work and gotten something done.
Kakashi and Raidou were talking quietly as they rationed out the afternoon feeds.
"What happened to you two?" Raidou asked as they joined them, eyeing Kiba and Naruto. They were both covered in dirt, and had a few tears in their clothing.
"We uh..."
"Kiba's what happened, Raidou," Sakura replied grumpily. "You should have known that as soon as you gave him permission to ride that damn bike that he'd do something stupid. You should have seen them go flying."
"I suppose I should have," Raidou agreed mildly. "Are you both okay?"
"Of course," Kiba snorted.
Naruto only nodded.
"Good. Then you can take the wheel barrow and take this lot of feeds out to the far paddocks," Kakashi said to Kiba.
Kiba groaned.
"And don't make those feral noises at me. I've told you again and again that that bike is not for playing. Now, be a good boy and off you go now," Kakashi said with a wicked smile.
Kiba muttered and did as he was told.
"You have ten minutes!" Kakashi called out to Kiba's retreating back. "Staff meeting at four!"
"Another one?" Raidou asked with raised eye brows. "What's up?"
"Another pain in the ass is what's up." Kakashi muttered under his breath as he tipped another scoop of grain into the next empty bucket. "Naruto, why don't you go and clean up a bit? Dinners not far off and Iruka won't be pleased if you turn up like that."
"Are you whipped, Kashi? I never took you for the type," Raidou grinned.
"Shut it you. I hired you and I can just as easily fire you," Kakashi grumbled with no real threat. "Get going, Naruto. You have ten."
Naruto beat it before he could be told twice.
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Once he'd shed his clothes and cleaned off all the dirt, Naruto took stock of his injuries. A large bruise stretched along his ribs and down towards his left hip. That was obviously where he'd landed. Other than that, he had a bruised and slightly swollen knee and a scrape on his cheek where he'd made contact with a rock. He moved his jaw and winced at the ache it caused. In a way he felt sorry for Kiba, because he knew that Kakashi would be hard on him, if not for the next few hours then for the next day or so. Naruto bore no grudge though. He'd had fun. And he'd had worse falls and certainly more injuries. Like that time he's been bucked off and had dislocated his shoulder. Or cracked his head open on that fence. Or when that bay had kicked him in the chest, breaking his collar bone.
Yes, he certainly felt better, despite the worries weighing on his mind. If he could just stop thinking for awhile, and just go by what he was feeling instead, things would be infinitely more better. He wished he was more intuitive, and better looking, and not such a bad person. Then things would be better. And he'd feel worthy of Sasukes attentions.
As it was, he wasn't. He could do nothing less than put up with his faults and get on with his life.
He grimaced at his reflection then grinned slightly. If he looked at all the things he did have, instead of everything he didn't, he would be more happy. Naruto worked with good people, probably the best anyone could find. They cared for him like the family that had been taken away from him had. He worked with some of the most beautiful horses that he had ever seen, and it was his privilege to teach them, and let them teach him. He worked on a breath taking property, and he had his own space, somewhere he could call his own.
He could be content with that.
He was one of the first to arrive at the usual meeting place. The large oak tree near the wash bays behind the second stables had two tables and numerous chairs that were set up beneath them for lunch times and meetings. The only time they weren't used was during the wet season. But on the rare occasion when the weather was pleasant, it was the usual gathering place. Naruto sat himself down in one of the chairs and rested his chin in his hand as he stared across the outdoor arena towards the Uchiha mansion which was hidden from view by a strand of trees. What was Sasuke doing? Probably getting ready to go out with his friends. Or having dinner with his mother and Itachi.
What would it be like, he wondered, to live a life of such privilege? To live in a world where you could do anything, and have anything you wanted. He wondered if Sasuke ever got bored of having people do everything for him. If it were him, he knew he'd want his independence.
But if you grew up not knowing anything else, would you want that?
Maybe it was just another question he needed to answer if he wanted to get to know Sasuke better. But he was still unsure if wanted to. Maybe it would create more problems than answers.
"Hey you."
He jumped as Sakura plonked herself down beside him, and managed to smile at her all the while feeling guilty.
"What're you thinking about? You look so...gloomy."
"Oh...nothing really. Nothing important anyway." he lied.
"Kiba really did a number on your face didn't he?" Sakura asked critically. She grasped his chin and brushed gentle fingers over the graze on his cheek. "Did you clean it? It'll get infected if you don't."
"I already did." he answered as he carefully moved his face away from her touch. If she noticed, she said nothing about it. Having her touch him only made him feel that much more guilty about his deceit. "But thanks. For caring, I mean."
"Of course I do, silly," she smiled at him. "What's been bothering you Naruto? You've been...spaced out lately. As if you're lost up here." She tapped his forehead gently.
He shifted uncomfortably in his plastic chair and tried to come up with a satisfactory answer. Annoyingly, he came up blank.
"Well, when your ready to talk, you know where to find me." She yawned and rested her head against his shoulder companionably. "Man, I'm beat. What a day, huh?"
"Yeah. It's been a good one," he murmured distractedly.
There had been a time when he'd gone to Sakura and they'd talk about things for hours on end. He'd never really told her about what had happened to him before, but he'd talked about the small day to day problems that plagued him. In all honestly, he'd been lying to her from day one. He'd been lying to all his friends from the day he'd set foot on the property. A smile here, a small white lie there to cover up what was really wrong with him and no one was the wiser. Except Iruka who had become his secret confidant, and Kakashi who he was sure had a glimmering of the horrors of his past.
And that made him feel all the worse. He was getting tired of lying to the people he loved. It was tearing him up inside, but he was too afraid to do anything about it. The worst thing was that he wasn't sure that he could cover it all up for much longer. Days, weeks or months, he had no doubt that it would all come out sooner or later.
"Aww, how sweet. Should i get a camera?" Kiba laughed as he threw himself down in a chair opposite them.
"Shut the hell up Kiba," Sakura said with her eyes still closed. "I still haven't forgiven you."
"What's to forgive toots? I think its about time you loosened up a bit and removed that ten foot pole from your ass." Kiba grinned at her.
She sat up and glared at him. After that, Naruto managed to block out their noisy bickering quite easily. It wasn't long before they were joined before everyone else, bar Genma. Ten ten and Shikamaru sat apart from each other, Shikamaru staring up lazily at the cloud scudded sky and Ten ten pointedly joining in the argument between Sakura and Kiba. Raidou sat minding his own business and reading a magazine off to one side, content to just keep to himself. Naruto discreetly left Sakura's side and went to sit beside the scarred man. Raidou looked up and smiled at him.
"How're the rest of your injuries? Nothing too bad I hope."
"Nothing I can't handle," he replied quietly. He'd had worse in his time. Much worse.
Kakashi eventually showed up, whacking Kiba upside the head and telling him to put a lid on it before he did. Sakura stuck her tongue out at him behind Kakashi's back as the pale man hoisted himself up on one of the sturdy tables where he could see them all.
"Kiba, for the last time shut your mouth. And stop provoking Sakura or you'll be doing all of Genma's work as well yours," Kakashi said lazily. "Now, I've been talking to Sasuke-sama as well as Itachi-sama and they've informed me that they've decided to enter into the Southern Showmanship Competition this year. As some of you know, this is one of the most prestigious competitions in the country. A lot of the top most names in the horse world will either be riding or be represented in this competition. Sasuke and his friends will be riding this year, and Itachi wishes that some horses be entered on behalf of the Uchiha's this year."
A collective groan sounded from most but Naruto. They all knew what his meant. More work, longer hours and all the trouble that was involved with registering for the competition. And special training for the horses involved.
"That's enough of that. There will be compensation for extra hours worked, so don't act like you're so hard done by," Kakasho told them, crossing his arms.
"Well that's something at least," Kiba grumbled.
"I'll know within the next few days how many horses will be entered and which ones. I'll also need volunteers to be the ones riding in the competition. Don't rush into the decision, you have a few days to make up your minds. If we don't get enough volunteers we can always hire some riders. Now, we'd best get moving up to the house for supper before Iruka has our guts for garters."
Naruto stood slowly as they all began to leave. Kakashi turned to face him.
"You're okay, Naruto? Do you need Iruka to look at those injuries for you?" he asked, his visible eye sharp and penetrating.
"No, I'm really alright. I've just got to do something, and then I'll be right up."
"Don't be too long."
"I won't."
He might not be able to figure out what was going on in his life, but he did know that he needed some space to figure things out. And he could do that when Sasuke was around. He needed space and time to get his head around things, before he could even begin to start making decisions about what to do with Sasuke. And he also knew that despite everything, he needed to see Sasuke, and try to explain. The only way he could do that tonight was if he took those books that Sasuke had loaned to him, and pray that he hadn't gone out for the night. His mind made up, he ran back to his room.
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Somehow he managed to find his way to Sasuke's rooms. Nervously clutching the small pile of books to his chest, he rubbed his hair before knocking timidly on the impressive doors. How he'd managed to get here without being caught was beyond him. He was just relieved that he'd not gotten lost. His stomach was twisting itself into knots so badly that he felt almost nauseous, and he wanted so badly to run but it was too late now. In his mind he was cursing and calling himself a hundred kinds of fool, and just as he was about to leave, he heard a door open and footsteps approach. Gulping down his nervousness, he straightened in anticipation.
The door was yanked open, and he found himself facing not Sasuke but a blank faced Neji, who looked his up and down sharply.
"Yes?" he asked curtly.
"I...I was wondering if..." he began softly, lowering his eyes automatically.
"Who is it, Neji?" Sasuke called as he entered the small sitting room dressed in low riding jeans and a plain white singlet. "Naruto."
"Hi, Sasuke." he greeted timidly. "I just wondered if I could have a word. It won't take long."
"Let him in Neji. I'll only be a moment, Naruto."
Neji seemed reluctant to do so but he stepped back without a word, and Naruto slipped past him.
"You may as well follow me," Neji told him curtly, turning his back.
Naruto followed him at a safe distance into the room he had been enthralled with before; the one with all the books, Sasuke's artwork and the piano. Ino was lounging on one of the couches, he legs stretched out as she smoked and flipped through a magazine looking bored. She was dressed in a mini skirt and a top that showed a good portion of midriff, cleavage and back. Naruto averted his eyes, and regarded Neji out of the corner of his eye. The long haired man had collapsed on the couch opposite Ino and was flipping through the TV channels with the remote. Both looked ready to go out, and Naruto felt extremely uncomfortable and out of place as he stood quietly by the door, ready to flee if he needed to. He shouldn't have come, he knew that now. He definitely wouldn't have had he known that Ino and Neji would be present.
Careful not to look at them, he turned his gaze to the two sets of doors that led to the balcony. They stood open, letting the cool breeze in and making the white gauze curtains billow gently. He watched them mesmerized. This was definitely a place where he did not fit, where he could never fit. Even if he and Sasuke did make something of whatever it was they had, could he truly be content with a life like this? And it was clear that Sasuke had kept what was happening between them a secret. To not tell his two best friends about this illicite affair was confusing. Naruto wasn't about to make himself a target; he didn't want to be hurt if and when Sasuke got tired of him and threw him away.
Too late, a voice in his mind whispered. You're too late.
And he was; if Sasuke did toss him aside, then he would be heartbroken. He cared too much about Sasuke to walk away unscathed. So now it was only a matter of damage control. If he couldn't get away pain free, then he could at least end it before it went any further. It was so clear to him as he stood there, so very alone, that he and Sasuke had no future. There was no way either of them could take it any further. And Naruto didn't want to live a life of lies and deceit any more. He didn't want to be running around behind everyone's back just to be with Sasuke, keeping secrets and covering it all up. He owed it to himself, as well as everyone else to try and be honest. So there was nothing more he could do but try to end things quietly.
Never had he felt more like crying.
Sasuke emerged and glanced at Ino and Neji before locking eyes with him as he approached. Before he could say anything though, Ino tossed her magazine down onto the coffee table.
"Can we go yet? I'm bored of hanging around here," she complained, watching Sasuke.
"In a minute Ino," Sasuke replied, with a bite of impatience in his voice.
"Whatever the servant has to say, it can't be all that important," she sneered as she looked at Naruto. "I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow right?"
And there it was. Yet another reason why it was impossible to be with Sasuke. He was a mere servant, and Sasuke was aristocracy. Sasuke had a big future waiting for him. Who was he to ruin that for him? Naruto looked down at the books in his arms, too ashamed to meet Sasuke's dark eyes.
"Ino. I said in a minute." Sasuke said sharply.
Ino pouted. Sasuke stopped in front of him and looked down at him, unsmiling.
"I...I just came to give you these back. I didn't mean to intrude." Naruto said in a low voice that only Sasuke would be able to hear.
The Uchiha took the books slowly.
"Thank you, Naruto."
"I should go. Thank you for lending them to me," Naruto stammered out, almost choking on suppressed tears. "...and I'm sorry...to interrupt."
With that, he bowed slightly, and backed out of the room. Once out of eye sight, he turned and walked as quickly as possible towards the exit. He heard someone following him and a door close and quickened his pace.
"Naruto."
Sasuke's voice was sharp, commanding. He stopped with his hand on the door handle and lowered his head as he sought control. Slowly he turned around, but he refused to raise his eyes.
Sasuke came to stand a few feet away.
"Naruto look at me," he commanded.
Naruto had no choice but to obey; he raise his head and met those dark eyes, preying that his pain and his tears weren't visible. Sasuke was scrutinizing him closely, his dark eyes unreadable.
"You shouldn't take any notice of them." he said quietly, his voice coloured with something he didn't recognise.
Naruto smiled, even though it killed him. "But she's right. You're a Uchiha. And I'm nothing but a stable hand."
There was a flash of anger in his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come.
"I'm sorry Sasuke..." Naruto whispered as the first tears began to fall. "...I can't do this. It's not...fair. And it's not right. I'm sorry."
Having said that, he pulled the door open and fled as fast as his feet could take him. All the way down the staircases, down to the first floor, hardly taking any notice of where he was going. Tears blurred his vision, so much so that when he cleared the last few steps to the first floor, he crashed into some one. He staggered slightly, but kept running.
Before he knew it, he had thrown himself face down on his bed, and was muffling his sobs into his pillow. Eventually, he ran out of tears, and energy, and he fell into sleep without realizing it.
He may have run out of tears, but his heart still cried its own silent tears, trying to scream its way out of his chest.
The Southern Showmanship Competition (how crap is that name!) is a competition which I thought up off the top of my head. If there is a competition so named out there, then this is a freaky coincidence!
Next few chapters contain a fight between Sasuke and Naruto, a discovery, and the introduction of a few new horses.
Finally!! This story is moving somewhere. We're approaching halfway point, folks, and I'd appreciated any feedback you can give me! I live off your praise!!!!
Thanks for reading, and I hope it lived up to your expectations!