Everything looks blurry. Everything hurts. 'Where am I? I miss her. So small, so- no. No. I'm in Sickbay. I'm –'
"Kathryn"
'That voice. I know that voice. I love that voice. It's the same voice that sings tender words to love to her as he cradles her small form. It's the same voice that whispers hot words of passion, love, lust – No. No. It's not. She's not real. I'm in Sickbay…'
Tears begin to roll down her cheeks. Tenderly, he wipes them away. Tom and the Doctor stand on the other side of, monitoring but also watching.
"Kathryn" he whispers again, "do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?"
"I.."
'My throat hurts. I want to speak. I want to say "yes!" but words don't come. I want to get up, but my legs won't move. I want to take his hand but my arms feel leaden. More frustration. More tears. He wipes them away. Why does he do that? Why does he stay when I push him? I want to say "Go Chakotay, go and find someone else. Go be happy!" But I want him to stay. I need him to stay. I need him to fight back and be contrary and obstinate. If he doesn't, who will?'
He looks up at the Doctor, "why can't she speak?"
The Doctor looks down at me and speaks patronizingly slowly, "Captain, I know you must be scared right now. You've just suffered through a very serious illness. We've never encountered what you've experienced and so I have to say that I don't have a lot of answers for you right now. The virus attacked a lot of your peripheral nerves; this is why you are having trouble moving and speaking. I want to assure you, though, that all of these functions will come back. You have to give it time. Everything will come back, you just have to be patient."
I blink. I'm going to try it again, "I..Ok"
'It's hard and more tears come. My greatest fear has been realized. I'm not in control. This damn body that I have trained into submission with careful control and restraint is failing me. I'm trapped. What am I going to do?! I can't live like this! Wait, Kathryn, calm down, the Doctor said it would come back. There he is again, wiping away my tears. Those beautiful hands with their long fingers are caressing my sadness. Stop crying, Kathryn! What if I'm like this forever? I'll never tell him. He'll never know. Were you going to tell him, anyway? Yes. No. I don't know. If I were it was going to be my decision and now the Universe once again plays a joke on me and takes it all away. Goddammit! His big bronze hands linger a moment over my cheek and he holds my face in his hands. Don't do it, Chakotay! Don't cross the barriers I've se up. Don't make this harder for me, please I beg you. My eyes feel heavy again. I want to sleep. Yes. Now I want to sleep. I want to go back and see her. See him. At least there I can tell him. I can move my arms, my legs, I can hold him, touch him, love him. Here I'm broken, useless, frustrated.'
He leans in close, "Sleep, Kathryn."