Disclaimer: The characters and concepts of Naruto belong to their rightful owners. I claim no ownership, nor make any profit from this fictional work.
Warnings: Sasuke and Naruto lovin'! A little bit graphic, but nothing major. Angst, some swearing, the usual!
A/N: And here we are! Another chapter, and i bet you're all shocked because I'm updating so quickly. Aren't you? Huh? Yes you are. Anyway, alot happens in this chapter. I'm very pleased with the way it turned out. Note the length! It's a long chapter! That should keep all you rabid fans satisfied for another week, eh? This is a two part chapter, cos i felt that this particular scene hasn't played out yet. I am also interested in looking for a beta for this story. If anyone thinks i need one, or would like to help me find one, let me know! It's not essential, but it would be nice!
Chapter Twenty, Part One: Dirty Little Secrets
Naruto lay in the fragrant hay in the food storage barn and stared up at the wooden rafters above him. He was worried, but not scared, and trying to comprehend what to do.
Ten-ten knew about his secret. While it was something of a relief to have someone to share it with, he wondered what would happen if she said something that would give them away. What would happen then? Would he be fired? Would Sakura hate him forever?
He had lied to her, it was true, and he felt rotten for doing so. The guilt of it was eating away at him, but what could he have done? Was it better to lie to prevent hurting her, or was it better to tell the truth and watch her heart break before his eyes?
If she found out that he had lied to her, maybe she would be too angry with him to realise that her heart was broken as well.
He was a bad person for doing such a thing to one of his closest friends for his own gain. But was it so bad to be greedy for a change? Greedy at the cost of someone else's happiness? He knew the answer to those last two questions, but he wasn't sure if it made a difference to what he had done.
He was so tired of being divided all the time. All he wanted was to find a place where he didn't need to be so conflicted when it came to what he needed and what he wanted. He knew what he wanted here, and that was Sasuke, but what cost did he need to pay in order to be with him? Did he lose all his friends in order to stay with the person he loved?
And the biggest question was, was it worth it? He wasn't even sure if Sasuke felt the same about him, but he knew that it didn't matter. Even if he didn't, as long as Sasuke wanted him around he would stay.
The late afternoon sunlight shone through the open doors of the barn, and Naruto listened to the sounds of the singing birds. The air was fresh and sweet, and he could feel the approaching chill of the evening.
Tomorrow Sora would be arriving. He had been told that she wasn't a good traveller, but that remained to be seen. He doubted anything that had come out of Kota's mouth. The man hadn't said very many nice things about Sora, and Naruto had seen the way he had spoken down to him. Sasuke had seen it to, and had bristled almost visibly, although he hadn't said anything.
"Naruto?"
It was Kiba, and Naruto sat up, brushing stray pieces of straw from his clothes and raking his hand through his unruly hair.
"Yeah?"
Kiba stuck his head into the barn.
"What're you doing in here? Do I even want to know?" Kiba asked playfully.
Naruto smiled at him and got to his feet.
"You wanted me?"
"No actually. Just wanted to let you know that we're heading up to dinner now. You coming along? I know Iruka would like to see you."
Naruto nodded then.
"I'll be up in a few."
Kiba nodded and disappeared as Naruto stretched his hands up towards the roof. He wondered what Sasuke was doing. Was he in his room again painting? Was he playing the piano, or hanging out with his friends? Visiting with his mother?
Sasuke was blessed with family and friends. While he might not be completely happy with the way things were within his personal life, at least he had people that cared about him. Naruto had friends that cared for him, and that he cared for. But there was nothing quite the same as family. And he would never have a family again.
With a sigh and a shake of his head, Naruto headed back towards his room so he could shower and get changed.
-
The shower was hot, and his clothes freshly cleaned. Naruto was warm and comfortable, his cheeks flushed with the heat from the shower, and his hair damp as he hurried out of his room. He stopped dead when he saw Sakura seated on the couch, her old guitar sitting on her lap. She was picking out a dreamy tune, obviously lost within her thoughts as she played.
Sakura was a gifted musician, and a beautiful singer. She would often bring out her guitar and sing for them when they had a gathering of some sort and Naruto had always loved to listen. She wrote a lot of her own songs, and the lyrics were astounding, truly able to touch a cord within anyone who listened.
She shook herself out of her revere when he entered and smiled at him.
"Nice shower?"
"Yeah," he smiled at her sheepishly, running a hand through his damp hair and trying very hard to ignore the way his gut tightened in anticipation. Guilt gripped his heart, and along with a pain so very real it smarted like a real wound.
"You must be tired. I hear you've found yourself another difficult horse to train." She said. "I can't wait to see her."
"She's a real beauty." he agreed, his mind flickering briefly to the large bay mare waiting to see her new home. "What are you doing down here? Aren't you going up to dinner?"
"I was waiting for you. I thought we could walk up together. We haven't seen much of each other recently and I miss you," Sakura admitted, setting her guitar aside.
Naruto couldn't help the smile on his face. She really was a lovely person, who, despite her faults, cared deeply about her friends. His guilt and pain was forgotten at her unexpected answer.
"Of course we can. Are you ready?"
She nodded and stood up. Naruto took a moment to study one of his closest friends. Even dressed as she was in baggy cargo style pants, an old tattered Led Zeppelin shirt and scuffed sneakers, she was still very attractive and beautiful. She had her ears pierced twice, with another up the top of her right ear and a small nose stud. Her pink hair was pulled up into a messy pony tail high on her head, and her jade green eyes were as clear as a summers day.
She an extrovert, and confident in a way he was not. He wondered what she saw in him as a friend, and often counted himself to be blessed by having such a friend.
He got to his feet after a moment, and followed her out into the evening.
Dusk was falling, and the first stars appearing in the sky as they walked in comfortable silence up the road slowly. They were in no hurry, it seemed, despite Naruto's discomfort at being along with the very person he had secretly betrayed. Still, he tried his best to hide his internal dilemma from her, in case he somehow relayed his unease to unintentionally.
"So what's been bothering you lately, Naruto?" Sakura asked quietly.
He glanced at her. There was no judgement in her eyes, only soft concern and that made the situation more difficult. Here she was, worried about him and trying to help him, but the truth was the he didn't need help. This was a battle he had to fight by himself, and there was no honest way he could answer that question.
"Nothing much. I've just been really busy with this competition thing, you know?" he replied, tilting his head back to look up at the vivid hues in the sky. He felt Sakura slip her arm through his, and was oddly comforted by the contact.
"Oh yeah? Why? I thought Kakashi was organising most of it?" She asked, puzzled.
"He is," Naruto assured her quickly. "It's just..."
"What?"
"Sasuke asked me to ride this other horse for him in the competition."
"Oh." Sakura was quiet for a minute. "Well, he made the right choice. You're an excellent rider. I'm sure you'll do well."
Naruto looked at her out the corner of his eye. There was no jealousy or anger in her tone. She looked thoughtful, and calm so he was beginning to feel a little better about the situation.
"I'm not sure if i should," he admitted.
"Why not?"
"It's just..." Naruto chewed over the proper way to put it without giving too much away. "You know how Sasuke and I are...friends, right?"
"Yeah, you mentioned it. I don't see what the problem is. If you're worried about upsetting me by getting too close to him, then don't. Its not a problem."
It was all at once one of the generous and self-centred statements that he had come to expect from Sakura. How could someone be so giving and self-absorbed in the same heartbeat? He didn't think she was even aware of the underlying implications of a lot of what she said. She probably said the first thing that came to her mind the majority of the time.
He managed a strained smile for her benefit. Her answer had provided him with a certain amount of breathing space, though and for that he was grateful.
"Thanks," he told her, recognising the strain in his own voice. "I'm just not sure if it's a good idea or not. I don't want people to expect too much of me only to let them down."
"Naruto." She stopped walking and he turned to face her apprehensively.
"It's a great opportunity. You'll regret it for a long time if you don't take this chance. It could take you places you've never thought possible. You should take it while you can."
After a moment, he nodded.
"Thanks Sakura. Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, i would be spending a lot of time with him..." he trailed off.
Sakura smiled at him.
"Of course i am! It means you can spy on him for me and bring me back all the juicy bits of information!"
"What kind of information?" he asked warily as they started walking again.
"Oh, i don't know. What kind of food he likes, what he does in his spare time. What annoys him and the kind of girls he likes. Anything!"
"Oh. Right."
Naruto listened as she went on, rambling from one topic to another but always invariably going back to Sasuke. He knew one thing for sure, and that was that he wasn't going to do any spying of any sort. That kind of thing made him feel dirty, and he didn't need to feel that way any more than he already did.
--
Dinner as usual was a hearty affair, and Naruto spent some time talking to Iruka, who was especially pleased to see him. They hadn't spent much time together of late, and it was clear that Iruka was missing him.
They parted that evening with him promising to spend Friday evening watching movies and chatting. Naruto was looking forward to spending time in the presence of someone that he didn't have many secrets with. Of course, he didn't know about Sasuke and he probably never would. He could easily predict what his reaction would be to such a relationship, and it wasn't pretty.
Everyone else had already disappeared for the night with Kakashi disappearing in the direction of Iruka's rooms when Naruto hugged him goodbye.
"Don't forget Friday!" Iruka called after him as he went into the hall way. Naruto acknowledged him with a wave of his hand and continued on, wondering what to do with himself for the rest of the evening. He wasn't feeling very tired, and he knew he should find something to occupy himself or he'd end up losing himself in his thoughts and that was never a good thing.
He found that he didn't need to worry about that though. He was heading for the back door when a hand touched his arm.
Surprised, he turned to see Sasuke behind him. He hadn't seen him ghost up behind him, and he marvelled at his ability to remain completely silent.
"Have you got some time?" Sasuke asked him quietly before he could say anything.
"Y-yeah."
"Come on then."
Naruto followed Sasuke up the small set of servants stairs that led to the upper stories.
"Sasuke?" he ventured as they were making their way up the the third story. "Is everything okay?"
"Of course," Sasuke replied, glancing at him over his shoulder. "I just though you might like to spend some time together this evening when there's no one around."
"Oh. Okay."
It did sound like a good idea. They would hardly ever get a chance to steal away together unnoticed, so he supposed they needed to grab any and every chance they got. Besides, Sasuke seemed to be in a distant, solemn mood and Naruto knew that even he needed company to take his mind off things. So if Sasuke wanted to spend that time with him, then he was more than happy to oblige.
Sasuke's rooms were just as impressive as the first time he had seen them, even if they were a little more dishevelled then they had been. Sasuke bypassed the formal foyer and waiting room without a second glance, and Naruto followed wordlessly behind.
His main sitting room, however, was a different matter. Naruto suspected that this was where Sasuke spent most of his time when he was in his rooms. The book cases were just as he remembered them, towering and crammed full of books in an orderly fashion. But the rest of the room was unmistakably Sasukes.
His easel was propped up in its usual corner, and judging by the tubes of open paint, the paint brushes, rags and sketch pads lying haphazardly around the area, Sasuke had been working there not too long ago. The stereo system was surround by CD cases, some open and empty. A rock band that Naruto didn't recognise was blaring from the speakers. Magazines, books and the occasional school book were scattered across the large room. Sheets and books of piano music dominated Sasuke's piano, covering almost every available surface of it. Clothes and towels were also scattered around. The door to Sasuke's bedroom stood open, but Naruto couldn't see into the darkness beyond.
The doors to his balcony stood open, letting in the cool night breeze and making the gauze curtains billow lazily.
"Make yourself at home," Sasuke told him, waving a hand towards the couches as he tilted his head and studied the canvas standing on the easel. It was different from the ones that had been there before, but Naruto couldn't made out anything in particular. He watched for a moment as Sasuke picked up a paintbrush and immersed himself once more in his painting before he smiled and wandered over to the book case to browse over the wide variety of titles there.
He soon picked one out that caught his fancy, about foals and training and carefully pushed aside a shirt and a couple of magazines before seating himself on the couch.
The TV was switched on but muted, and Naruto paid it little heed as he turned his attention to the book in his lap.
Time passed peacefully for awhile, with the rock on the stereo providing a comfortable background noise. Naruto had curled up on the couch and was immersed in the text, paying no mind to Sasuke's quiet movements.
It wasn't until Sasuke collapsed on the couch next to him that he broke out of his own private little realm and looked up. Sasuke had stretched his arms out along the back of the couch and had tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, exposing the pale smooth expanse of his neck. His hair had come loose from it's usual pony tail and fell messily about his face. He was dressed in black cotton sleeping pants and a white shirt with something scrawled messily across the front amidst some indecipherable drawing. His feet were bare, and his arms exposed. Naruto wondered how he wasn't cold.
Looking at him all sprawled out, lean and long like that, Naruto swallowed and slowly closed his book before looking over at the painting he had been working on. It had disappeared, only to be replaced by an enchanting charcoal drawing of a city street.
"How's it going?" he asked quietly, turning his attention back to Sasuke, who hadn't moved.
"It's go better if i had some idea of what I'm doing," Sasuke replied, a weary note in his voice that tugged at Naruto's heart strings. It was the first time he had seen Sasuke so restless and unable to settle on something he wanted to do. He hoped that his presence had helped even a little to dispel Sasuke's distress.
"You're a wonderful drawer," he told him. "What are you doing all this for?"
"Art major," was the flat reply. "I have my major project due in when i return to university, and it's no where near even started. Half my mark depends on this."
Sasuke was frowning up at the ceiling, and Naruto chewed his lip, unsure how to offer any comfort to this drastically different version of Sasuke. He wondered if the day would ever come when he knew every single side of Sasuke and how to address each one. In many ways, Sasuke was like a many faceted diamond, with too many different side to keep track of. It was one of this things about him that fascinated Naruto.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked tentatively.
Sasuke sat up and rested his elbows on his knees as he looked over towards him with an indistinguishable expression on his face.
"No, I don't think there is at the moment."
Naruto nodded, and looked down at the cover of the book he had been reading, uncomfortable with this subtle shifting of atmospheres.
"Well...do you want me to go? I don't want to hold you back..."
"No. Stay."
Naruto nodded, unsure what to do next. Sasuke, seeming to sense his indecisiveness, patted the couch next to him in invitation. Naruto looked at him uncertainly for a moment before he carefully set his book aside and moved closer until he was sitting beside him. Sasuke wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer until he was pressed against his side.
Unsure what to do, it took awhile for him to relax against him. Sasuke had picked up the remote control and switched the TV off mute before he turned up the volume.
Naruto paid the TV no heed as he soaked up Sasuke's warmth. He rested his head against the strong shoulder before his and let himself feel the rhythm of Sasuke's slow breathing. As he curled his fingers in the white t-shirt beneath his fingers, Sasuke began to rub his arm absentmindedly and Naruto resisted the urge to sigh. He felt better than he could ever remember within Sasuke's arms. None of the things that had been plaguing his mind seemed to matter much when compared to the feel of Sasuke holding him.
Naruto turned his head slightly and breathed in the delicious scent of Sasuke. He smelt of paint and charcoal, the sharp scent of the cool nighttime air and some underlying scent that was distinctly Sasuke that he couldn't quite place a name to. He closed his eyes, finally feeling tired as they events of the day took their toll on him. He felt when Sasuke lent his cheek against his head, and he tentatively slid his arm around Sasuke's hard stomach, loving the way the washboard thin muscles felt beneath his arm.
He couldn't quite believe that it was happening. He was in Sasuke's rooms, and Sasuke was cradling him against his body as if he meant something. It was all so surreal that he wondered if he was actually dreaming.
But the warmth of Sasuke disproved that thought almost immediately, as did the rise and fall of his chest beneath Naruto's cheek.
Sleepily he raised his head once more to drink in the sight of the man he knew he loved with all of his heart. Sasuke looked down at him for a long moment before raising his hand and brushing his fingers over Naruto's cheek softly.
"You have the most beautiful eyes of anyone I've ever known," Sasuke murmured.
Naruto flushed but didn't say that he thought the same of Sasuke. He anticipated the kiss before it came, but not the way in which it did.
Soft, full lips skimmed slowly over the skin of his cheek, pausing briefly at his jawline before hovering over his lips. Naruto felt a hand tangle in his hair and his eyes drifted half closed, still unable to fully take his eyes off of him.
Sasuke's lips ghosted over his own, before pressing down a little more firmly. Naruto surrendered almost immediately, opening up for more and welcoming the slow, sensual invasion of Sasuke's tongue.
He felt himself being pulled more tightly against the hard lines of Sasukes chest, but felt strangely unbothered and comfortable. A hand skimmed down his back, pulling up his sweater and t-shirt to gain access to the skin of his back. Naruto shivered and whimpered unintentionally at the feel of those warm fingers caressing him so. All the while Sasuke was working his magic with his mouth, and Naruto began to suspect that Sasuke had more practise at this sort of thing than he had let on.
Sasuke pulled away slowly, dragging Naruto's lower lip through his teeth as he did so. Naruto was panting softly, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Sasuke wasn't finished yet. His mouth trailed back along Naruto's jaw to his sensitive ears, making him gasp. Teeth tugged gently at the tender lobe, and he convulsively slid his arms around Sasuke's shoulders and clutched him closer.
Never had he imagined that this sort of thing could feel so exquisite, so unbelievably intimate and the heat that was flooding his body was unlike anything he had felt before. This was desire, pure and simple, and Naruto had never felt anything so real or so pure in his entire lifetime.
He could barely breathe, the heat was getting so intense, but still, Sasuke didn't let up his assault. He jumped when he felt the wet swathe of a warm tongue swipe along his neck then melted all over again as Sasuke's lips, tongue and teeth got to work on the most sensitive places along his neck. He sucked gently at Naruto's pounding pulse, scraped his teeth over his collarbones and licked slowly into the hollows and dips. Naruto buried his face in Sasuke's soft hair, and his hands gently freed Sasuke's locks from their binding, loving the way they fell silky smooth against his hands. He didn't ever want these feelings to fade, and he didn't want Sasuke to stop. Not when the heat he felt was so delicious, or when this wonderful, mysterious man obviously wanted him just as much.
Sasuke had pressed his gently back against the arm rest, and Naruto leaned his head back, baring his neck to Sasuke's administrations.
He started slightly when a hand slid from around his back and over his stomach, sucking his breath in with surprise. Sasuke didn't venture down any future which was probably a good thing, seeing as the thought of that made his feel a little scared and uncertain. Instead, Sasuke's hand ventured up over his chest, tracing lazy patterns. When his pinkie brush over one of his nipples, Naruto moaned unexpectedly at the spike of heated pleasure that shot straight down the the depths of his stomach. He felt Sasuke smile against his neck, as he continued to suck lazily at his pulse.
Beginning to feel a bit bolder and more confident, Naruto slowly slid his hands over Sasuke's shoulders and down the expanse of his long back, tracing the outline of each muscle beneath his shirt. Sasuke was lying half on top of his chest now, and Naruto was beginning to feel strung out and like it was all too much. Overwhelmed by the onslaught of such intensity, he gripped Sasuke's shirt and lifted his head slightly.
Sasuke seemed to understand, and his hands retreated until he was simply holding Naruto once more. He lifted his head and with one hand smoothed back Naruto's hair as he looked down at him with black eyes that seemed to burn.
Naruto returned the gaze with half lidded eyes, Sasuke lowered his head once more and they exchanged several kisses, some chaste, others not so.
Naruto was drowning, and he knew he was lost forever.
- - - -
Sasuke had walked him back down to where they had met and kissed him gently goodbye. Naruto's legs were still shaky, his lips felt swollen and his cheeks flushed. He wondered if anyone would realise that something was up if they saw him then, and thought to himself that it would probably be a good idea not to run in to anyone if he could avoid it. Just the memory of having Sasuke's warm mouth on his skin, and the way his hands felt against his body was enough to make him flush anew with want. He felt as if the need for Sasuke was deeply rooted within his being, so deep that he wondered if he would ever get enough of him.
The odds of that were very slim with the way things were going. He felt as if the world had taken on some magical quality that he hadn't been aware of before. Everything just seemed...better, brighter in a way that it hadn't for a long time, and he realised that he had once felt the same. For the first time in years, Naruto felt the first stirrings of hope and possibility.
-------
The night air was cool against a much younger Naruto's skin, and he smiled up at the big old moon shining away in the midnight sky. He wasn't supposed to be out of his bed, but the night was just too beautiful to stay cooped up in a stuffy old bedroom. His father was relaxing in the lunch room with the other stable hands, playing cards and drinking some vile drink that Naruto couldn't remember the name of. He knew it was vile and that it burned the throat, because he had once sneaked a sip himself to satisfy his curiosity.. He also remembered that his father had caught him, and instead of getting angry at him for touching the stuff, he had laughed loudly as Naruto had spluttered and choked.
Naruto stifled his giggles with much difficulty, and crept past the golden light the spilled out from the room. The stable cat, Rover and the old sheep dog was resting quietly just within the embrace of the warm light, and they both got up and followed him as he crept past.
Once he was out of hearing range of the men, Naruto broke into a gleeful rum and raced out past the yards and into the green fields. Yuki was waiting for him at the border fence, and they were going to play hunters in the forest. It was perfectly safe, Naruto knew. They played there all the time during the day, and knew every inch of the small strand of trees. When their parents looked for them, they'd know where to go. Naruto and Yuki were inseparable. Yuki was his bestest, and there was nothing in the world that would change that.
But as he ran, a feeling of fear and horror over came him. He was running towards a barn now, an old, rickety barn that was falling to pieces. The light was falling on something lying in the doorway, a shape he couldn't quite make out. All he knew was that he had to get there, to see...
And he staggered on something invisible in the grass as he approached the barn, and fell to his knees before the crumpled and bloody body of his fathers.
His blue eyes stared unseeingly up into the night sky, a hollow expression of blank sadness that tore at the very heart of him. Naruto had fallen into a pool of his fathers blood, he realised. It soaked into the fabric of his jeans. His hands were coated in blood...
Naruto jerked awake, his heart pounding in his chest and gasping for breath as he always did after his nightmares. He hadn't dreamed so vividly about his father for years, and now this...
With a sickened heart, he threw back the covers and got up, realising that he had over slept by quite a bit.
Naruto hurried into his clothes, cursing himself for his tardiness and trying to banish the sadness and pain that loomed in his chest. He cursed himself again when he realised that just when everything was starting to go well for him, the nightmares came back in full force. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right. If he thought that there was some kind of medication for it, then he would have taken it within a heartbeat. Anything was better than having to relive the horror of his father's death. Even if it hadn't happened in that way, he was still dead. He had still knelt there while his father lay dying and that feeling of complete uselessness would never leave him.
Naruto sighed as he rushed outside and into the bustling activity of the stable yard.
Everyone was up already and the morning feed was well underway. Kiba catcalled to Tenten as she laboured past him carrying four buckets, then swore as the horse he was leading stepped on his foot. Shikamaru was leading in one of the mares who had stayed in the field overnight, while the others were all dishing out feeds into buckets and lugging them away to their rightful horses.
Naruto was annoyed at himself for oversleeping, but quickly got stuck into the work with a vigour, trying to forget the nightmare that plagued him.
"You're just in time, Naruto," Kakashi told him, as he was writing on the whiteboard. "The transport company called not long ago. Sora is on her way now."
Kakashi paused in his work and glanced over at him.
"Another one of those nights, huh?" he asked softly.
Naruto lowered his head and didn't reply.
A warm hand descended on his shoulder and squeezed briefly.
"Just take it easy, hmmm? Why don't you leave the feeding up to the rest of us and go get something to eat? I'll send someone to get you when Sora arrives."
"But I'm not..." he began, but Kakashi levelled a steady eye at him.
"I wasn't making a suggestion."
Glumly, Naruto nodded his head and turned to do as he was told.
"Iruka would like to see you, I'm sure!" Kakashi called after him as he retreated. Naruto made no reply as he escaped the pandemonium that was the stable yard. He was grateful and put out at the same time. Things were easier to live with if you kept busy, he had found, and being excused from his duties to take it easy wasn't something that sat well with him.
Still, he did as he was told and walked up the road towards the mansion. It was a beautiful morning, and looked like it was promising to be an uncommonly warm autumn day. The sky was already a fierce blue, and the sun was warm on his skin. The air was still, with no breeze to speak of, and Naruto willed himself to settle down into the routine of the day. He recalled with a warm flush the feelings of last night, when he had been with Sasuke and wondered how far things would go between them. While Naruto had understood most of what Iruka had told him about same sex relations, he imagined it to be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. Mechanical almost, and he had no idea how such things could be considered passionate. But when he thought about how Sasuke had made him feel last night, he thought that maybe things wouldn't be like that if it were with Sasuke.
Suddenly mortified and embarrassed about the turn his thoughts had taken, Naruto quickly resolved to think about something else. Like Sora's arrival. He wondered how she'd settle down in her new home. He'd do all in his power to make her comfortable and happy, but there was only so much they could do. He was eager to get started on her training. If they were going to enter her in the show, then they'd need to come up with a structured and organised training plan. Sasuke wanted to sit down and discuss exactly how they were going to prepare her, and had mentioned something about spending the afternoon doing so when he had seen him last night.
And Genma was arriving home that evening. Depending on how things had gone for him, he'd probably be an exhausted wreck. At least with so many things going on, he was likely to forget all about his disturbing nights sleep in no time.
He shivered when he left the warmth of the early morning sun and entered the mansion via the back door. The place was quiet, as it was still early, but no doubt Iruka had all the house hold hands working away busily somewhere. Naruto located Iruka in the kitchen, wiping down the stainless steel bench tops with a cleaning spray and clean rags and he knocked on the door tentatively.
Iruka looked up and smiled when he saw Naruto standing in the doorway.
"Naruto! What are you doing up here at this time in the morning. I usually never see you before lunch."
Naruto smiled in greeting and slid onto a kitchen stool.
"Kakashi booted me out of the stables to come and eat something," he admitted. "He wants me to keep you company until Sora arrives."
"I see. Well, I can't let you starve now, can I? Sit tight and I'll fix you something to eat. How's pancakes sound to you?"
Naruto smiled at him in gratitude, then set his chin in the palm of one hand and watched Iruka bustle about the kitchen making fresh pot of coffee and whipping up pancake batter.
"You look like you didn't sleep very well," Iruka observed, eyeing him critically. "You having nightmares again?"
Naruto sighed inwardly, wondering if he was actually that see through. There was no hiding anything from Iruka. He could see through almost anyone as if they were made of glass. Even Kiba watched his step around Iruka, remaining on his best behaviour lest he incur his fearsome temper.
He nodded his reply, deeming it unnecessary to divulge all the details. He didn't need to know that, he figured. At least he hadn't sussed out Naruto's secret about Sasuke yet. He dreaded the day that happened.
Iruka set the first batch of pancakes cooking, and turned to face him, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms.
"Me and Kakashi have been talking," he began.
Uh oh, Naruto thought to himself. That wasn't a good sign. Whatever it was, he figured he wasn't going to like it one bit. Iruka always talked steadily like that when he was broaching a subject he knew Naruto wouldn't like. Naruto found he couldn't muster up the energy to feel wary for once. In fact he was feeling particularly lethargic and slow and wanted nothing more than to lie back down and go to sleep again. He probably would have too, if he wasn't so afraid of his dreams. That and the fact that so much was going to happen during the day that there wouldn't be any room for laziness.
"And?" he prompted tiredly.
"And we were wondering if you'd consider going to some kind of therapy course." Iruka had flipped the pancakes while he was thinking, and had turned back to face him.
Naruto inhaled the wonderful smells wafting about the kitchen and realised that he was actually hungry for once. Iruka placed a cup of hot coffee before him, and he took a careful sip, ingesting the much needed caffeine gratefully.
"Therapy?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "I'm not insane, Ruka."
Iruka scowled at him. "I know that! You don't have to be insane to visit a therapist. They're there to help people deal with their personal issues. We thought that f you were willing to give it a go, it might help you sleep better. If you dealt with your past, then I know you'd be a lot happier than you are now."
"I'm happy, Iruka..." Naruto protested as he watched him slid two perfectly golden brown pancakes onto a plate and push them towards him.
"I don't think you even know what happiness is, Naruto. You've been disappearing a lot lately, you're distracted and you're obviously not sleeping well. I've been trying to get you to eat properly for years because if you weren't reminded then you'd probably die of malnutrition..."
"Iruka, you're not listening to me," Naruto said as he drizzled syrup on his pancakes and began to eat them. "I am happy. I'm very grateful for everything I have here. I have friends that care for me, I'm doing something I love and for once I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I am happy."
He didn't need to say anything about Sasuke. Sasuke was fast becoming a large part of him that he hadn't known existed. Sasuke made him feel happy and like he wasn't worthless and tainted.
"But Naruto..." Iruka sighed, frustrated. "I get that you're content with what you have, and that's great. I am happy that you've found somewhere you can fit in. But if you sort through all that stuff that happened to you, then maybe you can finally be at peace with yourself as well."
Naruto pushed away his finished plate and drank some more of his coffee.
"No, Iruka. No therapists. I'm fine the way I am," he murmured into his cup.
"Naruto please..."
"This is who I am, Iruka. I can't change that and I don't want to. If I did, then everything I went through would mean nothing," he insisted stubbornly. "No therapy."
"Thinking you can't change is part of the reason why you can't," Iruka told him calmly, as he set another plateful in front of Naruto.
He picked at them, feeling full and unhappy about this turn in conversation. Lately it seemed as though everyone was trying to fix him, like he was something that needed mending. Iruka, in particular, seemed less than satisfied with the way he was dealing with things, and while he appreciated the concern, he didn't need people telling him how to live his life. He'd had enough of that already, and he didn't need to feel as if he had no control.
"Will you at least consider it? Please?"
Naruto sighed.
"Fine. But I'm not making any promises."
They were interrupted by Kiba's shaggy head poked around the door.
"Do I smell pancakes?"
"Yes you do."
"How come we didn't get pancakes for breakfast?" he complained.
Iruka shook his head. "You should be grateful that you get fed at all with your manners, you wretch."
"Well...can I have some now?"
"You can have these," Naruto told him, sliding off his stool and pushing the plate towards his friends. "I've got work to do."
-------
Naruto had known that Sora had a problem when it came to transportation, but he hadn't known she was that bad. When he arrived back at the stable yard, it was more chaotic than it had been when he had left. This was probably due to the fact the Sora was rearing and fighting the grip Kakashi and Raidou had on her lead ropes. Despite their best efforts to soothe her fears and calm her down, they were having little success. The situation probably wasn't helped by the fact that all the other stable hands were watching silently from the sidelines. Even Sasuke was there but he had his hands full with an excited Taira.
Taira himself was an excitable horse, and just bearing witness to the spectacle in the stable yard had him tossing his head and dancing restlessly. Sasuke had a good grip on the cheek strap of his bridle and was talking to him with a scowl on his face.
Naruto could see what the problem was immediately. Sora had gotten upset because of people getting too close to her face and he kicked himself for not having told anyone about that particular problem earlier. He hurried forward immediately to try and rectify the situation.
"Hey, do you mind if I have a go?" he asked Raidou. He moved quickly out of the way as Raidou was yanked forward when Sora attempted to rear.
"She's too strong for you Naruto," Raidou managed, tightening his grip on his rope further.
"I know how to calm her down," Naruto replied. "I'll be fine."
He glanced at Kakashi for confirmation, giving in at Kakashi's tight nod.
"Take the rope on the count of three," Raidou gritted. "One...two..."
Naruto placed his hands above Raidou, tightening his grip as Raidou backed off. As soon as the older man had retreated, Naruto was forced to dig his heels in as Sora shied once more.
"Hey there, girl. Remember me?" He said, accidentally bumping into Kakashi.
Sora was losing steam now and tiring, though her eyes were still rolling in fear. Her legs and neck were dark with sweat, and the cotton rug she was wearing had been thrown askew when she had lost it. She must have realised that they weren't going to release her because she eventually came to a stand still. Both Kakashi and himself stayed well back, giving her time to settle down. Her sides were heaving with exertion and she hung her head low, the picture of exhaustion.
"Well, you sure know how to pick them, Naruto," Kakashi told him, wiping his forehead on his arm.
"She doesn't like people to touch around her face," he replied, watching Sora closely. "It upsets her."
"Still, she is a beautiful creature," Raidou said as he studied her. "She'd make an excellent brood mare with that conformation."
"We'll put her in the round yard, I think," Kakashi decided after a moment. "Naruto, think you can handle it? You seem to know what you're doing around her."
He nodded his agreement and accepted the second lead rope from him. He blocked out the sound of the others talking, and the noise Taira was making, and trying to ignore that voice that told him Sasuke was around. He focused all his attention on the mare before him.
She raised her head slightly as he approached, watching him intently, and waiting for another reason to explode.
"It's just me," he murmured. "You remember me, don't you? You know I'm not going to hurt you, so take it easy girl."
He succeeded in his approach, and lay a hand on her damp neck.
"See? Nothing to worry about," he told her.
Her ears flickered as she listened and she relaxed further. Carefully reaching out he unclipped one of the lead ropes, moving rapidly out of the way when she threw her head up on alarm.
She was only warning him though, and made no move to take it any futher so he relaxed and tossed the rope behind him, not bothering to look at where it landed. Having done that, he set about straightening her cotton rug the best he could. Sora was a completely different horse now, calm and relaxed and seemingly unbothered by anything around her. Naruto marvelled at the inexplicable change in her. Shaking his head he began to lead her towards the round yard.
"You're a real piece of work, you know that?"
Now acutely aware that people were watching, he hurried around the side of the building out of sight. She shook her head as she walked eagerly beside him.
"You too, huh? Well, there's another thing we have in common."
The round yard was located beside the outdoor arena but behind the stables, out of sight of the stable yard. It was surrounded by the large tree they often gathered under and the outdoor washing bays. It was usually used to work horses on the lunging rein so it was fairly large, around twenty five meters in diameter if he had to guess and was surrounded by high metal fences. The ground was covered in soft sand, which was held in by a black skirting of hard PVC.
It was quiet and out of the way, the perfect place for Sora to settle down and acquaint herself with the new smells and surroundings of her new home. He'd leave her there for a couple of hours before introducing her to her new stable.
The gate stood open and ready for them, so he led her straight in, turning her around so he could close the gate behind them. Before he took off her halter, he striped her of the cotton rug she wore, undoing the chest and leg straps before pulling it off her. He draped it over the fence so it could the sweat could dry in the warm sun. There was no point in keeping it on, because she'd only roll in the warm sand when he released her. Then came the tricky part.
He moved his hands slowly up her neck, and moving very deliberately and carefully, he undid the halter and slipped it off, making sure not to touch her face at all. Her ears were pinned back and she shifted uneasily but didn't pull away. It was a good sign. It showed that she was beginning to trust him. With a lot of patience and a bit of work, he would soon sure her of that uneasiness. The halter fell away and he gathered it up.
Sora dashed away from him, tossing her head and breaking into a canter as he climbed the fence. He watched for a moment as she cantered around the yard, obviously glad to be free.
After a few moments, she slowed to a trot then halted in the middle of the ring, looking around momentarily before dropping to her knees and lying down. Sand flew up in the air as she rolled on her back.
Naruto smiled at her, glad that he had the chance to train her. She would present a new challenge for him to solve, and he only hoped he was worthy enough to do so.
TBC