"Chakotay, I can't handle any more surprises! Just tell me!"

"Last one, I promise!"

"Sure 'last one' for the day." I retort sarcastically.

"Humour me, Kathryn"

So I do. I'd do anything for him. I close my eyes as I stand in front of my cabin door. Our cabin door. That reminds me: I have to put in that order.

I hear the doors hiss open and I start to walk through.

"Eh!" He scolds, "not so fast!"

And then like the sentimental big bear that he is, I feel his swift movement as he gathers me up into his arms. My eyes are still closed but I'm laughing, "carrying the bride across the threshold?"

I hear the delight in his voice, "open".

Truthfully, at this point I'm a little unnerved – but delightfully so. He must have been thinking about it all along. We've talked about it, but I didn't think he'd remember. The bulkhead separating our quarters – it's gone. The living area and dining area are still the same, but he's rearranged the rest of the floor plan. Now, we have three bedrooms. It's perfect. The décor is a perfect amalgam of the two of us: his sand paintings and tribal carvings sit fitting alongside my sculptures and amateur watercolour canvasses.

I bring my hand to my mouth. I'm still shocked. He puts me down slowly and holds me up while I gain my footing.

"It's perfect. It's us."

/

I thought it would be easier. I thought it would happen sooner. I have this image in my mind that she's waiting in some other worldly waiting room, just fidgeting and chomping at the bit to meet us.

It's been 7 months since we got married and in spite of our vigorous lovemaking we're still not pregnant. I'm not complaining, per se. I love it being just the two of us. I love days off spent in bed. I love late night dinners. I love impromptu late night chats with the crew in the messhall. That's another thing that Chakotay changed about me. Before we were together, I felt that I needed to be set apart from my crew. I felt that in order to maintain a command structure, a Captain needed to be above her crew. I thought that keeping myself isolated would make it easier to command them. I thought if I didn't know them personally or invest in them, it would make it easier to send them into dangerous situations. When I look back on it, I'm ashamed at how cold and ice-like that mentality. But, that's what Starfleet always taught us. That's what I was trained to think. But now, 50,000 light years from the Alpha Quadrant and what we all used to think of as home, I've been able to reevaluate those precepts and principles. Yes, I used to throw around the word "family" a lot. But in truth, I had no idea what it meant. Now, I do. Now I know my crew. Now I see them as people.

Now I'm not surprised when Harry Kim and Tal Celes come to me asking me to perform a wedding ceremony. And what a sweet couple they are! A year ago, Tal Celes was just a name on a manifest. I knew little about her. Yes, I knew she was Bajoran. But I didn't know she was unhappy with her job and position on the ship. I didn't know that her parents pushed her into the academy when all along she wanted to be a teacher. I didn't know that her true passion is for instructing and nurturing children. I didn't know that she spends her free time reading Vulcan poetry or that she, untrue to her Bajoran heritage, hates spicy Hasperat. And Harry! My dear, sweet Harry Kim. I thought I had scared him away from romance forever when I chastised him for getting involved with the young Varo woman. But when I see them now, I see how perfect they are for one another. They are both kind and nurturing young people and one day they'll make wonderful parents.

The Doctor has informed me that we have eight pregnancies on board. Eight! I'm happy for all of them: Joe and Sam, Mort and Angie, Peter and Meghan, all of them! But, to be honest, I wish that I were one of them. I know that Chakotay and I aren't exactly young anymore, but still I thought it would be easier. I had this notion that the boosters would be suppressed, we'd have sex a few times, and I'd get pregnant. But that was wishful thinking at best. It's starting to gnaw at me and Chakotay can tell.

"Kathryn, we just have to give it time. You know what the Doctor said – he said we're perfectly able to. We just have to wait it out. And in the meantime…" there's that suggestive eyebrow wag.

He's always able to rouse me out of a sour mood. My Chakotay –unquenchable.

I smile crookedly and look up at him, "Hey we're an old married couple now – aren't we supposed to be as chaste as virgins at this stage?"

"Kathryn, even when we're over 100 and all saggy and wrinkly, I think that I'll still want you all day, every day, in every conceivable position, and on every surface and wall of the house."

I laugh at the image. Any other man would have said it just to say it – to be flattering. But, Chakotay really means it.

"Well," I run my finger down the front of his uniform, stopping just above his trousers. I smile. Let's have a little fun. He knows I'm teasing him and he can't take anymore.

"Ah!" I shriek as I break into laugh.

He's pulled me up and draped me over his shoulder and he's hauling me to the bedroom. We might not be pregnant yet, but we're having one 'helluva fun time trying.