Disclaimer: The characters and concepts of Naruto belong to their rightful owner. This work of fiction is produced for no profit whatsoever.
Warnings: Scenes of a GRAPHIC NATURE. This means sex between two men (ie. SLASH). Please do not read is this kind of thing offends you. This chapter also contains some swearing and angst.
Authors Note: Hello loyal readers! I'm sorry this chapter is so long in the making. My excuses this time include events such as university exams, personal commitments to family (ie. house sitting for TWO houses at the same time!) fitting in part time work and preparing to be a maid of honour in two weeks. In short? My life sucks at the moment…however, I have missed writing this story, and hope this chapter satisfies. On a brighter note, Sasuke and Naruto share a rather intimate scene! Enjoy!
Chapter 33: No Promises
Car alarm won't let you get back to sleep
You're kept awake dreaming someone else's dream
Coffee is cold, but it'll get you through
Compromise, that's nothing new to you
Electrical Storm by U2
Naruto shovelled another load of snow and dirt into the wheel barrow. He had spent all day clearing paths and the arenas after refusing Kakashi's offer of time off. A lot of the stable hands would be leaving soon to spend the holiday with their families, but he had nothing better to do than work.
He was sweaty and dirty and tired and had been distracted all day. The sounds of normal life had drifted over the buildings to reach him, voices and the sounds of the horses sounding mellowed and muffled in the cold air. The sky above was a bright azure blue, as empty as he was feeling. Exhaustion had left him feeling hollowed out, confused and aching. Sleep had been elusive to him the previous night.
He paused in his work to lean against the shovel and rested his forehead against his arms. Now that he had paused to take a break, he didn't want to keep going. He wanted to go and drown himself in a steaming shower and never emerge. He wanted to burrow into his bed and block out the world for the next half a century. There was nothing like pure misery to put things in perspective.
He still hadn't cried. In the past, he used to cry all the time, at the smallest thing and the slightest provocation. It had been a weakness that had caused him to be at the mercy of bullies and he wondered what had changed in the past few months to make him stop crying. He thought that maybe he should have cried, as he was being faced with his lover leaving him for good and the fact that he was despairing of any kind of salvation should have had him crying bucketfuls. But the thought of that made him dread the fact that this was his reality now. He would have to learn to live without Sasuke, and he wasn't strong enough for that, and probably never would be.
Cold air on his sweaty neck made him shiver and he found himself unable to stop. Soon, Kakashi would be calling for all hands to start bringing in the horses for the evening. Soon, he would be avoiding eye contact with his friends and escaping into the lonely solitude of his room for another sleepless night.
"Kakashi wants you," a quiet voice spoke behind him.
He straightened to find Kiba standing there watching him. Kiba had been keeping his distance with him since the competition, being polite with none of their old friendship mixed in. It had hurt him deeply, but there was nothing he could do about it. Whether Kiba's behaviour was because of his sexuality or because he was with Sasuke, he had no idea. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to know anymore. There was too much pain surrounding the whole thing now that he had no idea how to fix any of it. He had lost friends because of his decisions, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he would never get them back.
Naruto straightened up and gathered the last bit of dirt on his shovel, before dumping it in the wheel barrow.
"Okay thanks," he replied quietly, surveying his work for a second before laying the shovel on top of the full barrow.
Kiba was standing behind him silently, watching him, and it was making him nervous.
"I'll take that," Kiba said eventually, stepping forward and taking the handles of the barrow. "You go and see what Kakashi wants."
Naruto hesitated, then nodded as he tucked his work gloves into the pocket of his jeans and turned towards the stable yard.
"Also I….I wanted to say that I'm sorry about Sasuke," Kiba mumbled. "I know it must have hurt you to find out about that."
Naruto kept his head lowered and closed his eyes against the sting of tears.
"Thank you," he murmured in response before hurrying away.
Kakashi was scowling as he watched Sakura and Ten Ten lead horses to their stables. Genma and Raidou were shifting the last of the hay bales that had been delivered that afternoon and Shikamaru was mixing feeds in preparation for the evening fee.
"Naruto, there you are. Did you clear all the paths?" Kakashi asked, distractedly.
Naruto nodded in response and wiped his sweaty forehead on his shirt sleeve.
"Good good. Come with me."
Naruto followed the tall man back towards his office and watched as Kakashi shifted various items off the chairs there; a broken halter, several lead ropes, a jumper and a stack of files were dumped unceremoniously onto the couch before Kakashi waved him to a chair and then took his own on the other side of the desk.
Kakashi scrubbed a hand through his unruly hair and flopped backwards in his chair.
"What a day," he groaned. "Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. One of those days, eh?"
Naruto managed a weak smile for the man who had become his unofficial guardian for the duration of his stay.
"And to make it worse there is still a lot of work that needs to be done and everyone is taking their holiday leave tonight," Kakashi grumbled, half to himself as he rummaged around in his desk draws and came up with a glass and a small bottle of whiskey. He knew better than to ask Naruto of he wanted any.
"Am I being fired?" Naruto blurted, unable to contain his trepidation any longer.
"What?" Kakashi looked up from pouring a glass, startled.
"Am I being fired?"
"No, of course not. What makes you think that?" Kakashi was frowning as he set down the bottle, his drink ignored.
"You never call me in to the office to talk. The only possible thing is…."
Kakashi leaned back in his chair and regarded him thoughtfully.
"I can see why you would think that. But no, I'm not firing you. I do want to talk to you about a few things though."
Naruto waited patiently while Kakashi picked up his drink at last and took a slow sip. Kakashi would not be hurried in anything and it was one of the first lessons he had learned when he had first arrived.
It had been so long ago now that it seemed like a dream. He had arrived at the Uchiha Estate a bruised and lonely soul, who had no friends, no family, no money and a past that dogged his every move.
After his father had died he had been moved first to a temporary home with six other children. He had only been a young teen then, still reeling from the sudden death of his father. From there he had been moved into a group home to await for a placement with a family. He had waited in vain, for the placement had never come. The people who ran the group home hadn't been overtly cruel, but there had been a distance there, a lack of caring that all of the forty eight boys and girls housed there had felt.
It had resulted in the children forming groups, like gangs, that looked after their own. Naruto had not belonged to any such group. He had stood out like a sore thumb, a lone island in the sea of lost souls that was the foster system. And he had paid for that dearly. He had never been good at making friends, and the other children had picked up on that. He had been harassed and bullied daily and it had stressed him out so badly that he hardly ate or slept. The teasing and name calling had escalated over time to pushing and shoving and then to beatings.
Naruto had become used to the pain. It reflected how he was suffering on the inside. That was how he had come to start hurting himself. It was something that was commonplace in that group home, and it had seemed to him like a relief at the time.
When at last the beatings and the harassment had become too much for him, he had given up hope and had tried to kill himself. He had tried, and failed every time, to kill himself six more times after that.
And after a particularly horrible beating, he had almost succeeded on the seventh try. Fortunately for him, some passers-by had found him and taken him to hospital. From there he had been placed in emergency care until a social worker had found him a live in job placement at the Uchiha Estate. He had never looked back since, and it seemed as though that his time at the Estate was drawing to a close.
"Naruto?" Kakashi said curiously. "You zoned out there. You okay?"
Naruto dragged himself away from that particular dark place and refocused his attention on Kakashi.
"Anyway, I was wondering how you've been coping. Have you talked to Sasuke at all?"
Naruto looked down at his dirty hands lying in his lap. The nails had dirt under them, and were cracked and torn. Hard calluses decorated the palms of his hands and the skin was dry and cracked. How different they were to Sasukes, his golden skin against Sasukes pale, flawless skin had seemed so unreal sometimes.
"We've talked," he said softly. "But we haven't…haven't been able to solve anything yet."
Kakashi exhaled quietly as he nursed his glass. They sat in silence for several moments, Naruto feeling Kakashi's contemplative gaze and avoiding eye contact.
"You should know that Sakura has been making noise about leaving," the gray haired man spoke up. "Something about wanting to follow her dreams and advance her career in the entertainment business."
Naruto nodded. He had expected something like that. She had been as distant as ever, never speaking to him directly and avoiding him whenever possible. Since the Christmas ball though, he had felt her calculating gaze on him several times and it had made him horribly uncomfortable.
"I wouldn't blame you if you fired me," Naruto told him tiredly. "I've caused a lot of problems recently that I'm sure you don't need and I never wanted to hurt anyone. I guess I just didn't think…"
"Let's be honest here, Naruto," Kakashi interrupted. "The one who's been hurt the most is you. Frankly I'm not concerned about anyone else. They can deal with their own hang-ups on their own. I'm concerned about you, and how you're dealing with this, which is by ignoring it. You need to sort this out, Naruto. Don't worry about Sasuke, worry about what's best for you right now and in the future."
Kakashi stood up and walked over the book case. He picked up a framed picture and stared at it.
"You're…You're telling me to break up with Sasuke?" Naruto whispered. "I don't think I can do that. I'm not…I can't…"
"I'm not saying that at all," Kakashi carried the picture back with him, and perched on the edge of the desk in front of Naruto. "I'm saying that you need to make a decision based on your best interests. We've all made mistakes, Naruto. Hell, I've made more than my own fair share. I've hurt people, hurt myself and lost things that I've loved."
Kakashi paused, his eyes falling back to the picture.
"I've lost people that I love. But what it all comes down to is being able to live with your decisions for the rest of your life. Because they will stick with you and nag at you and wake you up in the middle of the night for as long as you live, so they had damn well better be the right ones if you ever have a hope of finding some peace of mind."
Kakashi stood up and placed the picture frame on the table where he had been sitting before patting him gently on the shoulder and leaving the office. Naruto sat there quietly for a moment before reaching forward slowly and picking up the picture.
A young Kakashi stood there, grinning with his arm slung around the shoulder of an equally happy dark haired boy. They were both covered in dirt and grinning as if they had conquered the world together. It was a window into another life, one that Naruto had no knowledge of, but even he could see the happiness that radiated from two carefree young boys.
Naruto was suffused with heat, his skin flushed from the long hot shower he had finally indulged in. He had bade farewell to those of his friends who were still speaking to him as they had left for the Christmas break, and then had escaped into the bathroom and sat under the steaming shower for nearly 45 minutes.
Genma, Raidou, Kakashi and himself were the only ones who were staying over the Christmas break, so the place was rather quiet. But that was okay, because that meant that Naruto didn't have to face anyone if he didn't want to.
He had pulled on warm flannelette pajama pants, and sat shirtless on his bed, toying with his phone for a few long minutes indecisively before finally flipping it open and dialling a number he knew off by heart.
Sasuke picked up after the first ring, sounding weary and hoarse. If Sasuke was feeling anything like he was, then he probably hadn't slept much over the last couple of days. That lack of sleep wore a person down, making every tiny detail in their life seem a thousand times heavier.
"Can you come over?" Naruto asked, his voice almost a whisper. "I need to see you."
"I'll be there in ten," was the immediate response.
Naruto closed his phone with a soft snap, and looked around his small room. The normally tidy haven had become his place of nightmare and heartache. He had been too disheartened and tired to try and clean the place up, and the fact that he didn't care whether or not Sasuke saw it looking so bad spoke volumes for his state of mind.
Naruto knew what he had do next. He knew what the next logical step was, but convincing his heart that it was the right thing to do was another matter entirely.
A few minutes later there was a quiet knock before the door opened and Sasuke slipped in, closing and locking the door behind himself.
They stared at each other for a long, silent moment before Sauske picked his way across the cluttered floor and stood over him. Naruto looked up at him for a moment, before leaning forward and resting his forehead against Sasuke's stomach.
Those slender hands buried themselves in his hair and he heard Sasuke exhaled slowly.
"Naruto…"
"Please," he begged in a whisper. "I don't want to talk right now. I just need to feel you."
"Okay," Sasuke agreed softly. "Okay."
Naruto reached up and ran his hands down Sasuke's chest before carefully undoing his jeans. Sasuke slipped his hands under Naruto's elbows and drew him to his feet so they were standing chest to chest, staring at each other for a long moment before Sasuke claimed his mouth in a hot, desperate kiss.
Within moments, all their troubles slipped from his mind, leaving nothing but what they shared; the desperate embraces and the love that burned so brightly in his heart for this man that had captured his very soul.
Sasuke tipped them gently onto Naruto's unmade bed, and attacked his neck with his hot mouth. He moaned in response as Sasuke settled between his legs, and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's broad, muscled back. He loved everything about this man, from his pale, flawless skin right down to his long, crooked toes.
Naruto was being carried along as a helpless prisoner on the tidal waves of emotion Sasuke was inflicting upon him with his talented hands and mouth. He was vaguely aware of the desperate, keening noises escaping him as he was driven higher and higher on this roller coaster of desire. So he was surprised when Sasuke rolled onto his back and carried Naruto with him so he was sprawled on his chest. But he wasn't given time to adjust, because Sasuke took possession of his mouth again, and was gripping his ass tightly with both hands as he guided Naruto into a delicious rocking motion, grinding their hips and cocks together in a motion that had Naruto tearing his mouth away with a choked off moan and burying his face in Sasuke's sweaty neck.
He had to swallow a cry when Sasuke brushed a finger over his hole in time to their motions. He was so incredibly turned on, and desperate and stupidly in love with Sasuke. There was a tightness in his chest that was waiting to explode, and he knew that it would as soon as Sasuke was inside of him.
As it was, when Sasuke slipped a long finger inside of him, he cried out again as white hot pleasure seared through his veins, making his muscles spasm and his eyes roll back in his head. His orgasm shook his entire body as he spilled his seed all over Sasuke's abdomen. He was sobbing for air as he collapsed once more over Sasuke.
Sasuke pressed a kiss to his ear and ran a soothing hand down his spine. There was still no need for words as he rolled them over once more, and Sasuke kissed him slowly and thoroughly. Naruto shivered as Sasuke one-handedly grabbed a bottle of lube from beside the bed, opened it and squeezed some onto his fingers.
When Sasuke pressed them into him, he moaned again and spread his legs wider for his lover. Sasuke in turn pressed wet kisses to his neck down to his chest and began to lick and suck at his nipples.
It was too long before Sasuke was ever so slowly pushing inside of him, and burying himself deep. It was a sweet, sweet ache that Naruto loved, that he craved and that only Sasuke could fulfil. He lay prone on the bed, with his arms flung above his head in reckless abandon, and his legs wrapped high around Sasuke's waist.
Sasuke slid his hands up Naruto's arms until their hands were clasped tightly as he began to move, long, smooth strokes that were slowly picking up pace as their desperation grew. Naruto was already hard again between them, and their bodies pressed tightly was providing a delicious friction that had his throwing his head back on the pillow and squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He gripped Sasuke's hands bruisingly tight as he was pushed ever faster towards the edge again.
They were sweaty and breathing hard when Sasuke buried his face in Naruto's neck.
"F-fuck," he panted in Naruto's ear. "I love you. I love you so fucking much."
Moments later, he was coming inside Naruto, pushing deep and staying there as he shuddered. Naruto followed seconds later, almost sobbing as he clutched Sasuke tightly.
They stayed like that, clutching one another for a long time. The sweat cooled on their naked bodies. Sasuke pressed lazy kisses to his shoulder and neck and Naruto was drifting pleasantly on that sweet line between wakefulness and sleep.
Eventually though, Sasuke had to pull out, making Naruto ache. Sasuke said nothing as he scooped up a towel from his floor and cleaned them up quickly before re-joining him on the messy bed. They lay on their sides, pressed chest to chest wrapped around one another, neither one of them willing to let the other go.
Naruto breathed deeply and easily, the tightness in his chest residing a little, for a while at least. His mind and body were at peace for the first time in days, and the very thought of Sasuke and him having to part ways was killing him piece by piece.
He knew what he needed to do. But how was he going to do it? Never had he thought that he would be the one to break Sasuke's heart, and that was another burden of guilt that Naruto knew he would have to learn how to carry.
TBC