Disclaimer: The characters and concepts of Naruto belong to their rightful owner. I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, Sasuke x Naruto (Male x Male), dark themes including mentions of attempted suicide etc. Don't like, Don't read!

Author's Note: I know this is a shorter chapter, but it's necessary for the story line. Hope you all enjoy, and thank you for all your wonderful feedback!

Chapter 35: Nothing In This World

Goodbye
Tomorrow's another day
You know time it only moves one way
Away from yesterday
Oh, but memories never fade

Fast by Jason Aldean

Sunlight filtered in through the leaves of the tree outside making wonderfully complex patterns sway back and forth over the blanket of his hospital bed.

He wasn't feeling sick anymore, and his head wasn't pounding. His throat wasn't sore from where they'd forced him to throw up with the vile charcoal concoction they had forced into his body. He had been in hospital for a day, and he felt nothing but sad and ashamed with himself.

Kakashi hadn't known what to say to him, Genma had been worried sick, and Iruka just seemed lost. He hadn't intended to hurt himself, he had told them over and over. It had been a stupid, drunken mistake, brought on by exhaustion. He didn't want to die, he was pretty sure of that.

But there was still that old familiar voice in the back of his mind whispering to him that perhaps it would be better if he did just slip away. After all, there wasn't much left for him in this life, and he was tired of the constant struggle to get through each day. Naruto was trying his best to ignore that niggling voice. It had brought him nothing but trouble in the past, and he had no intention of revisiting those dark days of self-destruction.

The door opened quietly, and he looked up in surprise to see Lady Mikoto slipping into the room. She closed the door behind herself, and smiled demurely at him as she moved to his bed.

"Naruto," she said warmly, taking his hand. "I hope you are feeling better."

For a moment, Naruto was frozen with surprise, so it took a couple of swallows before his voice started working.

"I..yes, ma'am. I'm feeling well, thank you," he managed, relieved when he didn't stammer. He was terrified that she was here to fire him, to reprimand him for his involvement in Sasuke's abrupt departure, or at the worst, to fire him.

"I am pleased to hear that," she smiled as she watched his face. "I was very distressed to hear of your ordeal, and insisted that you were taken to this private hospital, instead of the public one."

That explained the private room then, and the top notch facilities he supposed. He had been wondering, but that was nothing in comparison to the embarrassment he felt of the Uchiha matron knowing of his horrible mistake.

"T-thank you, ma'am. I appreciate everything you've done for me," he replied slowly, not exactly sure what the proper etiquette was in such a situation.

"It was nothing, Naruto, especially considering how much you mean to my son. It's the least I could do," she murmured.

Naruto felt lightheaded suddenly, her words striking fear into his very heart. He hadn't thought anyone in Sasuke's family knew, and he prayed to every god that he could think of that Sasuke's father didn't know.

"I came here for several reasons, Naruto," Lady Mikoto continued, seemingly oblivious to his silent panic attack.

"First of all I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about the events surrounding the ending of your relationship with my son. I can't tell you…" she began, her voice quavering slightly.

She looked down for a moment, seemingly to compose herself.

"My son has been unreachable to me for many years, Naruto, and a few months with you by his side changed that completely. I am very grateful to you for bringing him back to me. You've made him happier than I can remember seeing him for a long time, and I am indebted to you for that."

Naruto stared down at his hands in his lap, the heavy knot in his chest tightening and making it hard to breathe. He felt worse and worse at her obvious gratitude because he certainly didn't deserve it after what he had done to Sasuke.

"Ma'am…" he began.

"Mikoto," she interrupted firmly.

"Lady Mikoto, I…I don't….I hurt Sasuke terribly and I don't think…" he stammered, frustrated at his inability to find the right words.

"No, Naruto. You had very difficult circumstances to deal with, and Sasuke's father is responsible for this mess, not you. Your hand was forced. I am here to tell you to give it time. Things will sort themselves out. I am certain of this," she said calmly. "Sasuke and his father just need some time to sort themselves out. You and I need to give them that time to realise what the reality of this situation is."

Naruto felt in his heart that she was wrong about this, but was helpless to disagree with her, knowing it would be impossible to change her mind. She was, after all, a Uchiha, and they were the most stubborn people that he had ever come across in his entire life. Arguing with them was like trying to move a mountain; in the end you've hurt your back and wasted your energy in a pointless endeavour.

"I also wanted to offer you my help," she continued quietly. "I know that you have had a hard life, and I don't even pretend to understand what you've been through."

Both of them looked down in unison at his scarred wrists, and he tried to hide them self-consciously.

She offered him a sad smile.

"You may know that I am heavily involved with many charities across the country, and in doing so I have contacts with some successful rehabilitation and thearapy centres. I know of a good one that could help you, should you wish it."

She handed him a brochure and he took it slowly.

"I have spoken to the director, and there is a place available should you wish to accept it. There is no obligation of course, and it is your choice. But the option is there if you feel you need it. I will always be available if you should need me for any reason, Naruto," Mikoto said as she stood. "And you will always have a job at the Uchiha stables, you have my word on that."

Naruto managed a weak smile for her. She reached out, and squeezed his hand softly.

"I hope you start to feel better soon, my friend. "

She closed the door quietly behind herself, and Naruto lay his head back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling.

Naruto sat cross legged on his bed in the stable hand quarters, staring out the window into the evening light. It was two days past New Year's Eve, and he had been released from hospital a little more than a week ago. He had made things much worse with his stupid mistake at the Christmas Eve party.

He had avoided everyone once the holidays were over. The other stable hands had returned from their holidays, and he knew that they had heard what had happened by the way they looked at him.

Naruto also knew that he couldn't move on and live his life with the shame and the pain of everything that had happened hovering over him and pushing him down. He had had a lot of time alone to think, and he was tired of being so stationary and static in his life. He was tired of letting every little thing get him down, and he knew that the way he lived his life was far from how his father would have wanted him to live.

With that in mind, he had carefully packed up all of his belongings into boxes, and packed some bags with his clothes. He took down all of his pictures and wrapped up his photographs in towels to keep them safe. His books he would have to leave. Someone else could enjoy them.

He pulled on his boots slowly, and patted Chance on the head before pointing him to his bed in the corner, and went to find Kakashi.

Eventually, he approached the office after searching all of the man's usual hide outs. The light was on, and he wasn't alone. He caught a flash of pink hair, and hesitated outside the door.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can stay, Kakashi," Sakura was saying. "All of this…it's too much. I can't face Naruto, after everything that has happened."

"I really don't think running away will help anything, Sakura," Kakashi was saying when Naruto knocked on the door and pushed it open a little.

"She doesn't have to," he said quietly. They both looked up at him in surprise.

"You don't have to go because of me, Sakura," he told her. "I think it's best for everyone that I leave."

"Leave?" Kakashi stood up in his chair, looking alarmed for the first time since Naruto had met him. "Naruto, I don't think…."

He managed a smile, touched at the older man's concern. "It's okay, Kakashi. I've found a place that will take me." Naruto glanced at Sakura's face. "It's a retreat. For people who need…. They have all kinds of programs there that I think will…."

Naruto broke off, and looked down at the keys in his hand.

"I think it will be good for me," he managed a weak smile for their benefit. "I think I need some time to-to get my head straight."

There was silence in the small office.

"I'm glad that you're going to get help, Naruto," Kakashi said slowly. "But we're going to miss you around here. And I hope you know that there will always be a place for you here, no matter how long you are away."

"Thank you. I'm not sure how long I'll be there, or if I can ever…." He swiped quickly at a stray tear that had escaped. "They allow visitors," he offered. "If you can see yourself able to get away for a while…"

Kakashi smiled and came towards him, enveloping him in an uncharacteristic hug.

"We'll miss you. I'll miss you," the man murmured in his ear. "But for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing."

He released Naruto and stepped back, but left his hands on Naruto's shoulders.

"When do you leave?" he asked.

"Now," Naruto replied, strengthening his resolve when he saw the surprise on Kakashi's face. "I've already said my goodbyes, in my own way. But if it's okay, I hope that you won't mind explaining where I'm going."

"Of course. Let me help you with your things." Kakashi led him to the door, but Naruto afforded one last glance over at Sakura, who was watching with troubled eyes. She hadn't said a word.

It was a subdued Genma and a quiet Kakashi that helped him to load his truck. Chance was already sitting on the passenger seat, panting in excitement. Naruto shoved the last box in and helped Genma to secure it in place.

Funny how his life could fit so easily and neatly into the back of a truck. He took one last look around the quiet stable yard that had been his life for a long time. The sky was darkening, and the lights were slowly coming on. The horses were quiet, and the snow on the ground made the evening glow with a magical light.

He could feel the tears threatening as he absorbed the sights and smells. This was the place he had really grown up and learned about himself. He had started to heal here, and he would miss it fiercely. But he needed something more now; something that he couldn't find hiding safely behind the walls of the Uchiha estate, and he wouldn't be back until he found what he was looking for. If he found what he was looking for.

Naruto looked back to see Kakashi watching him, and he stepped forward to embrace his mentor wordlessly, burying his face in the man's chest and inhaling his familiar scent. There really wasn't anything else he could say to him that he didn't already know. Kakashi hugged him back tightly for a few long moments before stepping back.

"Drive safe," he said roughly. "Call me to let me know you've arrived safely."

Naruto nodded, and watched the man walk away quickly.

"He'll miss you more than he lets on," Genma said quietly. "You're like a son to him. He only wants the best for you though, so he can't say so."

"I know."

He looked at his friend, and took in his beloved face. Genma was special to him, and Naruto knew that Genma cared for him deeply.

"I'm going to miss you too," Genma said, his voice sounding tight as he pulled Naruto into his arms. "Who am I going to tease now?"

"There's always kiba," Naruto managed, closing his eyes into the embrace.

Genma buried a hand in his hair and rested his check against Naruto's head as he sighed.

"I really hope you find what you're looking for, kitten, so you can come back to us as soon as possible. It won't be the same without you around here."

Naruto smiled before stepping back.

"I'll try my best. You'll write me, right? And visit? It would be nice to…" he broke off, and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stared at the ground.

Warm fingers lifted his chin, and he looked up into Genma's smiling face.

"You couldn't stop me, even if you tried. Go on now. You've got a long drive ahead of you."

Naruto smiled at him and clasped his hand once more before climbing into the truck and starting the engine. He revved it for a moment before pulling slowly out of the yard. He avoided looking in the rear-view, knowing his resolve would weaken if he did.

This was the right thing to do, he told himself, even as the tears started to flow. The end of the estates long drive came too quickly and he turned onto the road slowly, burying his fingers in Chance's warm fur.

It was time to move on with his life.

TBC