A/N: Hello again friends! For anyone who cares, haha, I totally aced my thesis defense and will be graduating with my master's degree (finally) in June. So I had myself a few dance parties over the past few days, I can tell you. I am excited for the finale episode! I had to work to pull Shane in this chapter, so I hope it works. I tried to make it a little longer to make up for last week. Feel free to let me know what you all think! Thank you for reading.
Shane was tired of working on patient files.
He knew preparing for the storm was important, but Bailey had stuck him on filing duty all day long. She'd stepped away for the moment and the work was that much more dull. It was so tedious and monotonous that Shane literally felt like he was losing his mind. And with it, his career in the medical field. He'd missed so many opportunities for surgery today, he could hardly stand it. He felt like he'd been blacklisted. He felt like he was getting rusty.
Freaking Heather got to open a skull, again. Leah told him there'd been a patient impaled on rebar in just a matter of hours ago, while she'd been on Dr. Kepner's though other attendings seemed less enthusiastic about teaching Shane since his awkward cessation of lessons from Dr. Shepherd, he should have been a shoe in to work on cool cases with his mentor. If nothing else, April would teach him.
Ever since he'd told her he was happy to learn on lump and bump day, she always had taken time to teach him.
But now Dr. Kepner had been mad at him for days. Ever since Shane had pushed her just a little too far in talking about her true feelings for the men in her life. Jackson Avery and Matthew Taylor. Despite his frustrations, it had been clear to Shane in the moment it happened that he'd gone too far. He'd never known April Kepner to be an angry sort of person, or one to hold a grudge, but he knew he'd been just a little too accurate in his assertions and just a little too familiar and unprofessional in his delivery.
Kepner had been rightfully pissed, and stayed pissed over the past week. And Shane felt the burn. He missed surgeries. He missed having an attending who had his back. Most of all, he missed her.
Over the course of his internship he'd found he enjoyed his mentor's friendship very much. Maybe relied upon it even. And that just made the whole situation sting even worse. Though Shane knew what he'd said to Dr. Kepner was right, she was afraid to admit to Avery and even herself her real feelings, he sort of wished he'd never said anything.
Leaning forward as a crowd of nurses, doctors, and paramedics filtered in from the gray weather outside. He realized he had been so wrapped up in his work that he'd missed the apparent exodus. Catching sight of his friends, Shane signaled Murphy and Edwards.
"Hey guys!" he asked curiously. "What's going on?"
Both Stephanie and Leah were walking along next to a paramedic, Sam or Scott or something, hunched over his cell phone with a matching pair of dreamy expressions. The group paused by Shane.
"Oh Shane, you missed it!" Stephanie laughed, pausing to lean against the his nurses station. "It was so romantic."
Shane blinked in confusion, "Missed what?"
"Dr. Kepner's boyfriend..." Leah gushed, faltering momentarily, snapping her fingers and flapping her hand in an effort to jog her memory. "That one guy, the giant. Uh...um..."
"Matthew," the paramedic supplied happily.
Leah nodded, "Yeah, Matthew. He proposed!"
'Scott' grinned, holding up his cell phone, "I've got it all on video."
"He what?" Shane's eyes widened. He'd had no idea that things had gotten so serious between his mentor and her paramedic. Sure they'd been nominally dating for about 6 months, but it had not all been smooth sailing. Last he'd seen they'd been basically broken up over Kepner lying about her virginity status.
"He proposed," Stephanie beamed. "In a flashmob! Jazz hands, heart shaped confetti, and all. To that one song..."
"Just tacky enough that it worked," Leah added.
Shane watched in horror as the three of them stuck bad 80s dance poses and started strutting around singing together, "When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be da man that's waking up next to you!"
He almost had to step back because Steph punctuated that last word with a delicate finger pointed directly at him. Shane gulped. He knew it didn't mean anything. Stephanie was still screwing Avery, after an apparent reconciliation that made Shane want to gag. The attending was treating her like crap. Shane knew that if he had Stephanie's (or anyone's) affection and attention, he'd never go so much as a day without calling her.
The trio of medical personal in front of him pivoted on their feet and spun around, still singing, "And I would walk 500 miles! And I would walk 500 more! Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door-"
Shane had to chuckle a little bit as 'Scott' the paramedic offered his phone over, and played the video of Matt's proposal.
It was cheesy, but there was no denying it was epic. No denying that the man wiggling his hips in the center of it all, really did adore April Kepner with everything that he had. And for her part, Shane had to smile at the shocked and happy expression on her face. He watched carefully as the video continued to Kepner saying yes. He'd never heard her laugh like that.
Even with a wistful looking Jackson off to one side nearly hidden by the crowd, April still enjoyed the moment.
Whatever had gone down between Dr. Avery and Dr. Kepner, Shane could tell that they'd responded differently in their next relationships. With Steph, as far as Shane could tell, Jackson was all about sex; on his terms, and for his needs. No real feelings involved on his side, no matter how much his roommate might wish them there. It was another thing that frustrated him about Avery. The guy was so hard to understand. He was jerking around Shane's friend.
But April cared about her boyfriend, turned fiance. She might not love him, but she genuinely seemed to be making a go of things will Matt.
A loud clap interrupted the small viewing party, as Shane looked up to see Dr. Bailey swiftly approaching the nurses station, "Do we or do we not have a huge storm coming in to get ready for? What are you all standing around for? Disperse! Prepare! Earn your paychecks!"
Bailey had been in...well, what the interns not so affectionately called a murderous mood lately so Scott, Stephanie, and Leah didn't need to be told twice to make themselves scarce. Shane gulped and and ducked his head, getting back to work.
Bailey sat down next to him muttering angrily, "This place is supposed to be a hospital. Not some circus, or Glee episode! We have to get ready, this storm is going to bring in a lot of patients."
Before he could stop himself Shane blurted, "You watch Glee?"
"Ross! Get back to work!"
Realizing after an agonizingly uncomfortable silence that Bailey was watching him, Shane glanced up and nodded, "Um...yes, Ma'am."
Soon, they'd finished pulling and categorizing all of the printed patient files. Bailey next assigned Shane to help her distribute the files to the various floors of the hospital, insuring that the correct patient files would be on the correct floor in the even of a power outage, or electronic system shut down. The job was just as boring as organizing the damned files, but Shane figured he could at least be glad that he was able to walk around. It also gave him the chance to browse the files out of sight, and salivate over the amazing surgical cases he was missing.
As he placed a set of files down in the far end of the ER, Shane took a moment to glance through Murphy's shishka-Bob case. Damn it looked cool. Out of the corner of his eye Shane realized that Dr. Kepner was just down the hall from him, restocking a shelf with more spare supplies. He set the paperwork down and cautiously made his way over to her side.
"Uh, hey Dr. Kepner."
April's face remained unreadable, and she replied simply, without glancing his way, "Ross."
He winced at the cold tone of voice. So, she was definitely still mad at him. Probably with good reason. But Shane didn't want things to stay that way. The more gossip driven side of his personality also was desperate to find out what exactly was going to happen with his mentor's love life so he was a little desperate to regain his privileged observation position. And he missed his friend.
"Look, I'm...I'm sorry about last week, okay?" Shane apologized quietly. "I shouldn't have said that. It was unprofessional, and if there is one thing I'd like to think I've learned from you, it's how to see the boundaries between work talk and not work talk..."
"Okay."
She didn't seem convinced, but at least it was a response. Kepner pursed her lips and drummed her fingers against the edge of the shelf, making the light glint of the new ring she sported on her left finger.
Shane pointed to the band, "Can I see?"
Hesitantly, April extended her hand and he studied the object curiously. It was a simple band. Smooth with a diamond in the center. Nothing too big. Nothing too small. It was in fact, about the most ubiquitously ordinary engagement ring Shane could ever recall seeing. It was the very definition of ordinary. Much like he observed his mentor's relationship with Matthew to be.
Pleasant. Sweet. Functional. But special? Not so far as he'd seen.
All the same, for the sake of his friendship with Kepner, which he cared about most of all, Shane smiled, "It's very beautiful. Congratulations."
Dr. Kepner turned to look at him, eyes wide with uncertainty, "Really?"
"Of course! I just want you to be happy," Shane replied. "Honestly."
It was true. Sure, he kind of thought that April Kepner's chance at fullest happiness might actually be with Avery instead of the paramedic, but he supposed it wasn't exactly his business to tell her what to do.
April hung her head and looked at him sympathetically, "I'm sorry too, Ross. I shouldn't have overreacted that much. Shutting you out of my service is just as unprofessional as anything you said."
Shane nodded and held out his hand, "Friends again? You still willing to teach me a thing or two?"
"Oh!" Kepner shook his offered hand, obviously flustered. "I...I never meant for-I mean, I was just angry...and it was just a sensitive topic. Absolutely. Friends again. I am sure I have more than two things to teach you."
Shane chuckled as he felt the stain in their relationship slowly fade away. He still felt like there was more going on with his mentor than she would admit to, but he couldn't exactly force Kepner to admit to any of it. Not at the expense of their friendship.
So, Shane tilted his head to one side and smirked, "So, a flashmob, huh? That's so 2009! That had to have been a surprise?"
The olive branch of a conversation starter was enough for April to start gushing about the whole thing, in the honest and unguarded way that had become a norm for the two of them. She talked about how Matthew thought of everything. About how he gathered together all his friends and a few of hers and gotten it all together. She talked about a rose and a table and being lifted in the air.
About how Matthew loved her. Wanted her. Knew all this from the moment he laid eyes on her.
As Dr. Kepner talked, she nervously spun her ring around her finger nonstop. It was loose and didn't quite fit.
Shane couldn't help but consider their previous heated conversation. He'd correctly accused her of being afraid. April was afraid to face the feelings she had for a certain plastic surgeon, and even more afraid to lay them out on the line for Avery and the world to see. Staying with Matthew was the most safe option possible for someone that terrified.
Her words, tone excited with an undercurrent of panic, made Shane realize that it was still the biggest issue for her. He still didn't know the details of what went down between the trauma surgeon and Jackson Avery, but he did know that, for whatever reason, April Kepner was still scared.
She might always be scared.
Shane knew enough of her background to know that confidence wasn't one of April's strong points. And life hadn't always been easy for her in many respects.
"I can be happy with him," Kepner concluded smiling perkily, and finishing stocking the last supply shelf, seemingly unaware of the small slip in her word choice.
I can be happy. Not will or am.
Shane didn't point it out and nodded casually. He figured she was actually partially correct. With Matthew, April could be content. And for her, maybe being content might be better than the prospect of being alone. Because as long as her fears continued to get the better of Kepner when it came to being honest with herself and with Dr. Avery, she would be alone, if not for Matthew.
Shane didn't really feel like he was in much of a place to judge April, given his own inability to be honest with Stephanie about his feelings, Heather about his possible feelings and his anger over her taking his spot, or himself about the magnitude of his disappointment over neuro. He liked to believe he was a straight forward and honest sort of person, but it was exceptionally hard to get down and real with yourself. Where was Big Mama Ross when you needed her?
Clearly both Shane and his mentor needed someone to knock some sense into their heads.
"Well, I better keep placing these files or Bailey will probably strangle me," Shane said after a comfortable silence.
April chuckled, "You're probably right. Plus, it really will help to have the hard copies in the event of an IT failure. It's really an important job."
"I guess so."
Turning to walk away, Shane rapped his fingers on the side of his thick stack of patient files. He'd honestly hoped to end up doing something a bot more interesting during the coming storm.
"Good luck."
"Thanks."
Sighing, Shane made his way back into the hospital's main foyer, wincing as the distant clapping of thunder reached his ears. He hadn't had a chance to step outside in 16 hours, but the ominous gray light streaming in from outside, told him that more clouds had certainly rolled in. The storm was a coming alright. Growing up in inner city LA, this was certainly not the kind of weather even Shane was accustomed to.
As he walked up to the nurses station, he passed by Dr. Avery as the older man worked furiously to reshuffle surgical assignments in advance of the storm. The job didn't seem like it needed quite that much gusto to complete, but Shane was positive that the extra firm and very tensely controlled movements from the plastic surgeon were motivated by more than wanting to be efficient during the storm.
But from Shane's vantage point, other than maybe punching his tablet a little too hard, Dr. Avery gave no outward sign of being affected at all by his former best friend turned lover's new almost marital status. His face seemed placid. There was small crease in his forehead and occasionally the guy paused to lick his lips. Other than that, nothing disturbed the nauseatingly perfect features on the plastic surgeons face.
Knowing all that Shane knew? Watching Jackson Avery behave seemingly unbothered by every thing was infuriating.
But he kept his head down and started sorting a another pile of paperwork. The men worked in silence side by side, and after a moment Stephanie walked past carrying a load of spare bed sheets for the cots that now lined every hallway.
Her gaze immediately focused on Dr. Avery almost to the exclusion of everything else. Shane couldn't have been standing more than two feet away from the other man, yet he was completely certain that Stephanie even registered his presence. She lifted her hand in an awkward wave, and cleared her throat before Avery looked up from his work, and gave the surgeon a toothy smile when he did.
"Hello, Dr. Avery. Things going alright up here?"
"Hey," Jackson responded distractedly, looking back down at his tablet, and missing the way that Stephanie's face fell at the blank tone in his voice. "Everything is almost all set up."
"Need any extra help?"
"Nothing you can do," Avery replied shortly, still looking down. "It would be best in an emergency like this to stick with your assigned attending. Things have already gotten behind because of that whole dance thing. We have to stay organized."
"Oh," Stephanie looked pensive. "Of course. See you later?"
Jackson must have heard some of the disappointment in her voice then, because he looked up and met her gaze.
"Yes."
Shane wrinkled his nose as Stephanie lifted the same finger to point at Dr. Avery that she'd used earlier to point his way, "No messing around Dr. Avery."
"I know," Avery said evenly, licking his lips and looking Stephanie's body up and down. "I mean it."
It was all practically gag worthy. The obvious disinterest in everything but the physical was evident in Avery's face, as was the mixture of hurt and hope on Stephanie's. Frankly, it pissed Shane off.
Shane frowned as he watched his friend leave, and he felt the same boldness he had the previous week rise up within him. The whole mess of a situation between April and Jackson was getting ridiculous. And it was well on it's way to hurting two other innocent people. Shane knew that he understood April's side of everything a whole lot better than he understood Avery's, but he had no worries about preserving or caring about any sort of friendship with Dr. Avery.
In continuing to push April about this, Shane had something to lose. With Jackson however, he felt like there was nothing to worry about. He already didn't really like they guy, and it seemed the feeling was mutual from Avery's end. He still couldn't quite justify the interest and the pull he felt to get involved with the situation, aside from his dormant crush on Stephanie, but he was so fed up with watching all the time that he had to speak up to Avery as well.
"I have to say..." Shane remarked casually, catching Avery's attention with a tap on the table. Fishing around for a way into this conversation he commented, "That dance mob thing kinda ruined the song for me. You know?"
Jackson scowled and looked Shane's way, his expression screaming 'why are you even talking to me, you lowly intern underling'. Shane's resolve faltered slightly when it dawned on him that, in fact, he did have something to lose in this conversation after all. His job. How could he have forgotten that Avery was now a hospital board member? Still, Shane was curious and pissed enough to gather his courage and press on. He really had learned nothing from his last confrontation with his mentor it seemed.
"I mean, it's a quality song, but the association with jazz hands is something that can never be unseen."
Avery rolled his eyes, and shook his head skeptically, "It's just a song. Don't get all torn up."
Something in Shane's mind clicked. The opening was there. The part of him that adored wit would even say it was the perfect shape. So, taking a deep breath, he replied, "I'm surprised you are not more torn up."
"What?"
"Okay, maybe torn up isn't quite the right way to describe all this," Shane continued, trying to play it cool. "But...I'm surprised you're not more bothered by Dr. Kepner's engagement."
The plastic surgeon froze and gave an icy stare that made Shane gulp. Of course Avery wasn't going to open up to him. The other surgeon seemed to be watching him closely, trying to size him up.
"Why..." Dr. Avery averted his eyes and swallowed. "Why would I be bothered? She's my friend. I just want her to be happy."
Shane leaned forward, surprised to have gotten a response at all, "I don't pretend to know everything that's gone on-"
"You don't know anything," Jackson snapped going back to his work.
"Kepner talks to me," Shane shook his head. "So does Stephanie. You didn't call her for 11 days. Who does that? I assure you, I know enough, sir. And I watch. I've seen enough."
"And you wonder why Dr. Shepherd kicked you off his service," Avery snorted. "You've turned into a little stalker, Ross."
It was a low blow, but Shane had to wonder whether or not it was true. He'd been blacklisted from most attendings services. This was far from the first time somebody had accused him of being odd and creepy. The very fact that he cared enough about this whole thing between his mentor and the plastic surgeon at all seemed to indicate that Shane might indeed have a tendency to at least become overly involved in things.
Shane blinked and looked at his feet, "Like I said-I don't pretend to know everything that's gone on between you and Dr. Kepner..."
Avery's jaw tightened.
"But I do know a few things: I know she thinks about you, a lot, and whatever happened between you left her very very confused," Shane began counting down on his fingers. "I know that she cares a lot more about Mr. Paramedic than you seem to care about my friend, so I think you have more to lose if this doesn't go your way, and she actually does get married. I also know that you watch Kepner when you think no one else is watching you. And you are almost always in a better mood when you around her-"
"You are way out of line, Ross-"
Shane held up a finger and continued, "A fact, I might add, that has become more glaring obvious in the past few months as it seems you two have been actively avoiding each other, which, in turn, makes being on your service actual hell."
"This isn't law school, and arguing doesn't get you brownie points. I am an attending Dr. Ross, and I deserve respect when being spoken to by an intern!"
Ignoring Dr. Avery again, as a clap of thunder could be heard outside, Shane pressed forward. He figured if his career was going to go down in flames over this, at least he'd say his whole piece. He'd observed enough in the past few months to know what he was talking about.
"I know that there's probably hurt on both sides, and talking about feelings and everything is just...you know, hard, but come on!"
It was getting hard to keep his voice even and casual. Exasperation is a difficult emotion to mask. If it was this aggravating and painful to watch from the sidelines, Shane really had no idea at all how Jackson and April could continue to ignore their emotional elephants in the room.
"Something has to give here. You and Dr. Kepner can't go on like this, can you? Are you even friends anymore? If you guys care about each other, then this is the time to do something about it, man. Time is running out. One of you has to say something, or else you both have to move on. Really move on. Not just games with interns who actually care about you a lot more than 'attending respect' dictates. One way or another, I don't think this can continue. I see that it hurts both of you."
Shane bit his lip, pausing momentarily to consider his next choice of words. He'd already been walking a dangerously close line in terms of revealing things Dr. Kepner had told him in confidence, but he couldn't stop himself from concluding, "I can tell April does care about you, but...I don't know if she's ever going to be brave enough to say it first...and I get her insecurity. But I am not sure I understand yours. If you care man...if there is anything there, you gotta say it. You have to say it."
An unreadable spark flared in Avery's angry gaze at the last phrase. Shane at least felt vindicated in sparking an emotional reaction from someone he found incredibly hard to read. The surgeon's lip curled, "Are you done?"
Shane's shoulders slumped. Yep. There goes your career. He supposed it was fun while it lasted, "Yes..."
"If you ever speak like that to any attending ever again..." Leaning down ominously, Jackson held up one hand, and Shane was certain he was about to get fired when the sound of another voice drew their attention away from the heated exchange.
"Dr. Ross! Where is the next batch of patient files?" Dr. Bailey demanded sternly as she bustled over.
For a moment he was too stunned to respond. Never, in the whole history of his internship at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, had Shane ever been happier to see the small but mighty attending.
"Uh," he fumbled, holding up the stack. "Here?"
But Bailey had already focused her angry attention on Dr. Avery, "I know you don't pay this boy's pay check just to stand around and chit chat. We've got work to do."
Shane could tell that something about Bailey's words pissed Avery off just that much more, because the man squared his shoulders and retorted, "I'm pretty sure earning your paycheck involves actually conducting surgery."
Everyone knew the small general surgeon was still very sensitive about the whole CDC, staff infection issue. Shane knew he'd pissed Avery off if the other doctor was really going there. Bailey took a deep shaky breath, and grabbed the patient files out of Shane's shaking hands, glaring indiscriminately at both men.
Without saying another word, the small woman turned on a dime and began walking away. Shane's panicked gaze darted between her retreating back and Dr. Avery's furious glare. His rescuer was walking away. Maybe he was still screwed...
Over her shoulder, Bailey called out, "I'm walking, Ross! When I walk, you walk."
Shane gasped and followed at break neck speeds. He figured it was only delaying the inevitable, but at least by sticking around Dr. Bailey he could escape the Dr. Avery's wrath at his insubordination. Fancifully, Shane wondered whether it was too much to hope that either he or Jackson might get struck by lightning during the coming storm, so that he could somehow escape the disciplinary action and confrontation he felt sure was coming. He had no idea what had happened to him over the past few months.
Pushing April about her position last week had been one thing (one that hadn't worked out well for him it as it turned out), but nearly yelling about Dr. Avery about his personal life was something else. Lately, Shane felt as stormy as the weather outside, and he wasn't sure how to hold his frustration back. He felt certain that he was right, but he didn't know that he was right to say anything. He followed Bailey around cautiously, keeping a careful eye on Jackson across the room. He couldn't help but mentally note (with interest) that Matthew Jazzhands himself had made his way inside the building and seemed to be talking to Avery. Oh what he'd give to hear that conversation. Maybe Jackson would say something to the guy.
Shane chuckled and shook his head. He really couldn't help himself. He really had gone from suck up to stalker.