One week later.

She had wanted to wait another week but it was getting too hard. Was this a mistake?

FLASHBACK

She had seen her regular doctor initially and he had advised her that the best thing to do was to go home and discuss it with her partner, but the safest course of action was to...abort the baby. He gave her a referral to have the procedure; she took the document with shaking hands. She had gone back to work that day, thought it over and had been gathering up the courage to tell Castle that night. That was six weeks ago.

The boys had noticed her sombre mood that day. Lost in thought at her desk, distracted. Both Espo and Ryan had been concerned enough to comment. Espo had rung Castle and being like a brother had ribbed Castle over what he had done to make Beckett so sad. Castle was confused, she was quiet when she left the loft that morning but she had a late night up working on a case. She said she was going in to work and had a couple of appointments mid morning, which meant Castle didn't need to come in until after lunch. He told Esposito that he would grab Chinese for everyone and be at the precinct in half an hour.

Castle walked into the 12th made eye contact with the boys and slowly snuck up behind Kate at her desk. "Missing me detective?" he sing songed. "Oh hey Cas" Beckett sighed. "Boys say you've been unusually quiet? What's up?" Castle scooted his chair closer to hers. "Oh Chinese, I thought I smelt lunch!" Beckett perked up. "Oh yeah thought you could all do with some lunch, so about my question..." Castle asked as he sat the bags of Chinese on her desk, right under her nose...Beckett stood quickly... "I'll be right back...just ahh have to wash up" Beckett said a she walked briskly to the ladies room.

Once in there she pulled the cubicle door closed and turned to empty her stomach. Sobbing quietly. She was pregnant. Not for long, though right. The doctor said 7 weeks. The doctors were saying that the best thing to do was abort the baby and in the future do everything they could to prevent it occurring again. She was destined to be childless...they had Alexis...well Castle had Alexis...I guess she did to but she didn't get to watch her grow up...sleepless nights, changing nappies, first day of school. She had seen the photos, but she wasn't a part of it.

"Detective Beckett?!" Gates inquired through the main door to the ladies room. Kate had been in there quite a while. "Detective Beckett? Foods going cold...I was sent in by your 'partner' and two detectives to check whether you had fallen in..are you okay?" she asked. Kate emerged from the cubicle. Gates looked shocked. Kate was confused by her reaction. She looked up into one of the mirrors over the sink. Oh right...tear stained face. "Umm yes I'm okay just tired and frustrated over a case I'm getting nowhere with" Kate explained. "Well clean yourself up, get some food into you, explain that to the boys and get on with what you do best" Gates said as she put a comforting hand on her back. I'm not buying it, Gates thought to herself as she did so.

When Kate came out into the bullpen, all eyes landed on her. Concern written on all of their faces. Lucky for Kate she was saved by Jenny arriving with baby Lucas. Castle immediately jumping up and taking the baby from Jenny. Showing him around and playing with the elephants on Becketts desk. Food forgotten. Kate could only stare. Tomorrow she would get a second opinion.

Kate got that second opinion. The risks explained, but if she was determined they may have a good outcome.

END FLASHBACK

And so today Kate arrived home from work. Tired, aching and secretly 13 weeks pregnant. It was time to tell Castle the truth. She took off her shoes and coat. She knew he was home and searched for him. She found him in his study. A letter in his hand and his phone in the other. She walked a little closer and saw the letterhead. It was the referral. She gulped.

Castle turned to her, stood and gathered her in his arms. Not the reaction she expected."Kate you were pregnant? The secret appointments, I can't believe you handled this all by yourself. I wish I could have been there for you. That you would have told me. I can't believe I didn't notice. It's for the best you know, all that matters to me is that you're healthy" Castle said as he soothed her hair.

Kate sobbed against his shirt. "Kate I know you wanted kids, but it's just not meant to be" Castle continued. "Cas..Castle" Kate stuttered. "Shhhh Kate it'll be okay" he continued to rub circles on her back.

"Castle you don't understand" Kate sobbed. "What don't I understand honey? I rang your doctor he thought I knew. He told me you were 7 weeks. He told me the risks and that the procedure was the safest way to protect your health. Wished us the best and said you made the right decision. Kate it was the right decision" Castle explained not sure of what Kate was trying to say.

"I, I got the referral...but I" Kate started. Castle was listening intently.

"Castle, I'm still pregnant".