AN: Yep! More Harry Potter. I had a Dream about Harry Potter…
Harry: No, that was me telling you to shut up
Meg: Oh
Ann: Shut up Harry
Luke: Yeah Harry :)
Meg: Sigh, you three are hopeless
Ann: Hey!
Luke: It's true
Harry: No Luke! Don't admit it!
Meg: Harry, admitting is the first step to recovering
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own Harry Potter, or a Very Potter Musical. I am just a big fan who has wanted to see something like this. But, since I don't I will write it myself.
Cast List For Scene:
Harry: Albus Potter
Ron: Hugo Weasley
Hermione: Rose Weasley
Draco: Scorp Malfoy
Ginny: Lily Potter
Dumbledore: Fred Jr.
Crabbe and Goyle will be played by whoever is available
Cedric: James
Snape: ME! Megan
Lavender: Alice
Cho: Roxanne
Quirrel: Victoire
(I know they are siblings, I may change some stuff later to make it work. Trust me; I know what I'm doing. There will be no Incest. I promise!)
Gosh, I love writing this. First of all, it's easy because I don't have to make up a whole new plotline, second I can start off with over 1000 words already (I can't imagine the reading the book ones) finally, it's so much fun getting in tune with the characters and their reactions.
Btw: Tell me if this is too confusing.
Erin walked out onto the stage. "I guess I can introduce the next section." She shrugs. "Well, this time-"
She was interrupted by a call from offstage. "Wait! Wait! Wait!" Megan ran up to her. "So, if I can't play Drakie, or Voldie, or Dumbles, or Harry, or Mione, or Black, or Lestrange… who can I play?"
"No one Megan. You simply can't-"
"I KNOW! Can I play Sev? PLEASE!" She gives Erin puppy dog eyes while the great hall laughs.
Severus's eyes widened. "No!" he yelled out without realizing it. No way would that dunderhead be playing him!
The Hall went quiet. Megan nodded. "I'll take that as a yes then." Snape let his head hit the table. In the distance you could hear her call out "Victoire, trade costumes with me!"
Erin just sighed. "On with the play" she said then walked off.
(The actors involved enter the scene and everybody sits down in their respective areas)
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Yes, yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome back to my favorite student, Mr. harry Potter
"So you are his favorite, eh Potter?" Draco yelled across the room.
Harry just ignored him, but Ron yelled back a foul word that got Molly yelling at him.
RON: Woo!
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby and he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.
The Gryffindors laughed at Harry's try to flatten his hair over his scar
And also another special welcome to the newest addition of Gryffindor! Mr. Ginny-
"WHAT! I am NOT a boy!" Ginny stood and yelled at a very red Headmaster.
Excuse Me, Ms Ginny Weasley.
Ginny sat back down. "Oh, well that's better then."
GINNY/LILY: Yeah, I'm a girl... But, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the uhh, Sorting hat?
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Yes, well a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of Magical enchanted clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference,
The Weasley twins laughed.
"We need-"
"-To get-"
"-one of those."
won't be back 'till next year. So basically, I've been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy in Slytherin and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want I really don't care.
The Gryffindors laughed, the Slytherins sneered, the Hufflepuffs pouted, and the Ravenclaws rolled their eyes.
CEDRIC/JAMES: Hufflepuffs, are particularly good finders!
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?
The Hufflepuffs laughed along with everyone else, not really caring that there house was always put down.
It meant they never got in trouble, even if it was their fault.
It meant no supervision because they were trusted, even though they shouldn't be.
It also meant partying whenever they wanted, which was good with them.
Anyway, it is now time for me to introduce to you my very good friend and our very own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.
RON/HUGO: Ugh man, I hope they fire that guy!
"10 points ."
"It wasn't me!"
GINNY/LILY: Why? What's wrong with Professor Snape?
RON/HUGO: Uh, Nothing he's just, uh, evil!
"20 points "
"It. Was. Not. Me!" but nobody listened.
(Enter Snape) who was really Megan in a black wig and cape. Snape banged his head on the table as everyone else, including Malfoy, laughed.
HARRY/ALBUS: Oh, come on he's really not that bad.
"Harry, how could you?" Ron looked scandalized.
Hermione rolled her eyes as Harry just sighed.
SNAPE/MEGAN: Harry Potter! (In a deep voice, dragging out each word) Detention!
HARRY/ALBUS: What?
SNAPE/MEGAN: For talking out of turn!
Those who weren't laughing at the absurdity of Megan's voice imitation, laughed at how true this part of the conversation was.
Now before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very very first, Pop-Quiz. (Students groan except Hermione) Can anybody tell me what a portkey is?
Everyone laughed as Rose made a show of holding up her hand and waving it all around.
Oh Yes Miss Granger?
HERMIONE/ROSE: A portkey is a magically enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.
"I do not talk like that!"
"Uhh, Mione?
"Yes Ronald" she growled.
"Um, never mind?"
SNAPE/MEGAN: Oh Very good. Now can anybody tell me what foreshadowing is?
Oh yes Miss Granger?
HERMIONE/ROSE: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.
SNAPE/MEGAN: Perfect!
RON/HUGO: What was a portkey again I missed that one.
Hermione started to repeat what Rose had said out of habit, but as soon as she realized what she was doing, she huffed and crossed her arms, much to everyone's amusement.
HERMIONE/ROSE: Oh, A portkey (RON: not you, oh my god) is an enchanted object that when touched will transport you anywhere in the globe.
SNAPE/MEGAN: and remember a portkey can be any harmless object, like a football. Or a dolphin.
"A dolphin?"
"Yes, Mr. Potter. Apparently a dolphin can be a portkey."
The room went silent.
"What"
"You just said something to Harry…without taking away points."
"Oh, well… 5 points Mr. Potter. For interrupting the play."
"Thanks Ron." The Gryffindors said annoyed.
LAVENDER/ALICE: Professor? Can like a person be a portkey?
SNAPE/MEGAN: No that's absurd! Because if a person were to touch themselves (looks pointedly at Ron)
Most laughed as Ron yelled out "W-why are you looking at me?"
they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux.
Dumbledore and Snape stole a glance at each other as their eyes widened.
"What a Horcrux?" Harry asked.
HARRY/ALBUS: What's a, what's a Horcrux?
Laughs were heard as Albus repeated what Harry had said, but Harry still wanted to know what it was.
SNAPE/MEGAN: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.
HERMIONE/ROSE: Professor what is the point of this quiz?
SNAPE/MEGAN: Oh no no no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses. Gryffindor (Woo!),
The Gryffindors cheered.
Ravenclaw (OW!)
As did the Ravenclaws.
Hufflepuff (CEDRIC/JAMES: Find-) What?
The Hufflepuffs were too confused by the Find jokes to cheer.
And Slytherin. (Yesssssss)
Crickets. Then, a brave sixth year stood up and chanted "Sly-ther-in. Slyth-er-in." Before he was pulled down by one of his friends.
Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example! Ten Points from Gryffindor!
GRYFFINDORS: What?
SNAPE/MEGAN: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.
Hermione gasped. "I do not have baby fat!"
RON+HARRY/HUGO+ALBUS: Thanks Hermione.
SNAPE/MEGAN: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup! However this year we are doing things a bit differently. And here to introduce it, is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrel! (Enter Quirrel)
Everyone laughed as Victoire waddled onto the stage, dressed as a guy in a large turban.
Only a few understood why there was someone following her.
"Wait, so is this first year?" Neville asked.
"I'm not sure." Harry replied. "Ginny's here, but so is Quirrel."
HARRY/ALBUS: Ow! OW! Ow!
HERMIONE/ROSE: Harry, what's wrong?
HARRY/ALBUS: Ow! Ow!
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: The House Cup. A time honored tradition. For centuries-
DRACO/SCORP: Go home terrorist! *Acts innocent*
Most purebloods and some half bloods looked confused as the rest laughed.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: For centuries the four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of House Champion. But where does this tradition come from, and what are the . . . roots of the competition?
HERMIONE/ROSE: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: That was a rhetorical question.
Hermione scowled as her friends just laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Granger quit interrupting, twenty points from Gryffindor.
RON/HUGO: Thanks Hermione.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: As I was saying, when the competition first originated it was that of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks and challenges. The winner would not only win the cup (pause for dramatic effect for 2 seconds) but they would also win eternal glory.
"Isn't that the Triwizard Tournament?" Hermione asked.
HERMIONE/ROSE: Kind of like a House Cup- or no like a Triwizard tournament.
"Oh shut up." She said over the continued laughter.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: Yes, sort of like a Triwizard tournament- except, no not like that at all. There are four houses, how can it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?
HERMIONE/ROSE: Well, err; Professor if I remember correctly, the House Cup tournament was disbanded after one semester, when one of the students was killed during the first task.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: Yes. It is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
HERMIONE/ROSE: I don't think you heard me. I just said somebody died!
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Hermione Granger shut your ungodly lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting! Twenty more points!
Hermione growled at Dumbledore.
"I am sorry Ms. Granger, but it is not me who is saying this."
HARRY/ALBUS: Thanks Hermione.
(Pause)
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: God! For the smartest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes! (Students laugh) Ten points to Dumbledore!
Hermione stormed up to the Staff table, but Ron stopped her just in time.
"Shh… calm down." He stroked her hair as she tried to control her anger.
"Thanks Ron." She forced a smile on her face. He just nodded and sat them back down in their seats, ignoring the "Kiss her. Kiss her." Chants from his friends. 'What were they, a couple?" he thought.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that a practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-
(Sneeze from turban) AH CHOO!
Harry just started laughing, unable to be stopped for a full minute.
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Did your turban just sneeze?
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: WH-what? No.
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving.
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: No, Sorry that was simply a fart, excuse me. (Starts to leave)
Harry and Ron started laughing. Hermione rolled her eyes at the two while everyone else, except the staff, remained confused.
(Turban) AH CHOO! (Bumps into harry)
HARRY/ALBUS: OW OW Ahh (turban: AH CHOO!)
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: I simply farted once more, excuse me.
This led to ten whole minutes of laughter from the two Gryffindors. They didn't stop until Hermione cast a few calming spells on them.
(Turban) AH CHOO!
QUIRREL/VICTOIRE: I must be going.
Harry and Ron just giggled like schoolgirls.
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: in Order of the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So Snape, will you do the honors?
SNAPE/MEGAN: (Carrying cup) Yes Headmaster. (Dramatically pulls out a slip of paper) First from the Ravenclaw House; a Miss Cho Chang!
CHO/ROXANNE: Oh, My god I won, I can't believe it ya'll I won!
Cho sneered at her character again. She was going to have to do something to fix this.
SNAPE/MEGAN: A next from Hufflepuff (pulls paper out) Mr. Cedric Diggory.
CEDRIC/JAMES: Well, I don't FIND this surprising at all.
CHO/ROXANNE: I find it perfect 'cause now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.
CEDRIC/JAMES: I am glad as well my darling.
Everyone was again silent in remembrance of Cedric.
SNAPE/MEGAN: A next, from the Slytherin house, (pulls slip out) A Draco Malfoy!
DRACO/SCORP: Oh! Ho! I finally beat you didn't I Potter. What do you think of that huh? (Goes over to Harry and starts rolling all over him.) I'm the champion this time! (Rolls onto floor)
Harry and Draco shared a disgusted glance.
DUMBLEDORE/FRED JR: Draco sit down you little shit, champions just a title.
SNAPE/MEGAN: And finally from the Gryffindor House (pulls slip) Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a very well known grudge against, is suddenly in a tournament where he very may well, lose his life.
NEVILLE/FRANK: If-If it's me, I'll just apologies to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing.
SNAPE/MEGAN: Sit down, you inarticulate bumble.
Neville was all the sudden bombarding with positive comments, making him forget everything that was just said.
He loved his friends.
It's Harry Potter!
RON/HUGO: WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!
"Thanks for showing me support this time, Ron."
Ron blushed red "sorry Harry."
HARRY/ALBUS: All right!
DUMBELDORE/FRED JR: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions, and I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months, and it could be anything. So let's get to it! Ha-ha!
STUDENTS: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!
Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Hey!
"Ha! Malfoy!" Many laughed at Scorpius' attempts to cheer for himself as the scene ended.
Megan walked out again. "Intermission time! Feel free to talk amongst your selves. We will be performing again in a few minutes." She walked off as Harry and his friends started talking to each other as everyone else either talked or used the bathroom or ate a few of the snacks provided for them.
AN: Review. The next chapter will include conversations and the performing of another popular Harry Potter Video. Can you guess which one?