Rayna opens her eyes slowly. She blinks a few times before glancing around the room. Her heart rate quickens as she takes in her surroundings. She sees the monitors, the bed that she is lying in, and the green curtains.
Why am I in the hospital?
Her gaze falls on Deacon. He is sleeping in a chair by the side of her bed. He looks peaceful, almost like a baby lying in his mother's arms. His presence calms Rayna momentarily until the memories start to flood back to her. She remembers fighting with Deacon, swerving, and screaming. She recalls how everything had gone black. She knows that the wreck was a direct result of Deacon's decision to start drinking again. Her heart breaks at the thought. She blames herself for hurting him but she blames him for turning to alcohol. Her fears have been confirmed. Even after being sober for 13 years, Deacon was still not ready for the news. His reaction only validates her decision to keep it from him.
When she had first found out she was pregnant, Rayna had dreaded the occurrence of something like this. She had been plagued with nightmares of Deacon drunkenly driving their daughter into a ditch. She had known that his alcoholism would always be a danger to their daughter. She had already chosen to leave Deacon but the fact that she was pregnant made her realize that she definitely had to leave him for the safety of their daughter. It was hard. It was excruciatingly painful to leave him behind but she knew that it was for the best. She wanted to raise Maddie with Deacon. She wanted to marry him and have a family with him. She had always dreamt of being with him forever but she could not be selfish, not when she was responsible for another life.
The same rule applies now. I can't be selfish anymore. I've been selfish this whole time by thinking that it would work and putting my desires ahead of my family.
It breaks her heart but she knows that she can't be with Deacon anymore. He is still an alcoholic. He doesn't need her to add drama to his life. He has done so well the past 13 years without her. She was fooling herself into thinking that they could be together.
She loves him so much but she feels like he is simply not strong enough to be a typical family man. If anything horrible happens, then he turns to alcohol and Rayna doesn't want either one of her daughters to witness that. They need a strong, steady man in their lives.
She sees Deacon stirring from his sleep and her heart beats faster. She can feel it pounding against her chest.
Deacon opens his eyes and glances at Rayna. He is shocked to see that she is awake.
"Ray?" he asks. "Are you really awake or am I dreaming?"
"I'm awake," she replies simply.
Rayna watches his face and notices his relief. She guesses that he has not left her side since the accident. It is just like Deacon to do something like that. He is so stubborn that she knows he has been neglecting his own wellbeing to stay with her.
"I'm so glad that you're okay. I'm sorry, Ray. I messed up. I was just caught off guard by everything. I promise I won't do it again," he says.
The words are like an echo from the past. Rayna has heard similar promises many times before.
"I know, Deacon. Why don't you go home and get some rest?" she suggests, trying to put off the inevitable conversation that she must have with him.
"No way," he says.
Deacon leans over and kisses her lips softly. Rayna savors the feeling for a moment but pulls away before it gets heated.
"What's wrong?" Deacon questions.
Rayna avoids his gaze.
"Nothing," she responds.
"I know you, Ray. I know that something isn't right," he says. "Are you feeling okay?"
"I feel as good as can be expected," she answers.
"Then what is it?" he asks in concern.
"We can't do this anymore," she says, pointing her finger between them.
"Do what, Ray?"
"This. Us. We can't be together. I'm not good for you and we can't afford for something like this to happen again. We can't be selfish. We have a daughter to look out for and our relationship is never going to be easy. It's always going to be hard and we've seen what happens when things get hard," she explains.
Deacon frowns at her.
"We've spent the past 14 years wishing that we could be together and now you're telling me that we need to break up?" he asks, his temper rising.
"Think about it, Deacon. Think about what happened. It isn't fair to either of us and it isn't fair to Maddie," she replies.
"You wanna talk about what's fair? How about we talk about the fact that you have been lying to me for 13 years, Ray? Is that fair?" he yells.
"Deacon, just be reasonable," she says.
"Okay, Ray," he says, getting up. "I'll be reasonable."
With that, he storms out of the room, leaving Rayna alone. She wishes things could be different between them but she knows that there are no other options. She has to protect Maddie. She has to protect Deacon. She has to protect herself.