Chapter 4: Moments
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When you love someone, you can't really ever stop thinking about them. So no matter how I try to distract myself, I just can't get Rachel out of my mind. Especially after she left me in the parking lot after school. After that, I drove home troubled, and I flopped down on my bed. And here I still am, hours later, lying down and looking up at the ceiling. I've just been reminiscing. But it really hasn't helped my cause. After the first hour, I put on music so I wouldn't have to think in complete silence. The sad music has just made me feel worse and has almost brought me to tears several times. Actually, it was the music and thinking about Rachel that has almost made me cry. Right now, listening to The Script, my eyes are tearing up. Ok, enough of that. I propped myself up on my elbow and reached over to get my phone. I pressed the messages icon and slid down 'till I found Rachel's name. I quickly typed out the message and sent it.
Hey, Rach, you wanna hang out tomorrow? -Q
I didn't have to wait long for her answer. I was glad; even if it had been awkward today in the parking lot, she was still willing to talk to me.
Yeah. It sounds great. See you then. -R
Ok. Cool. So I'll meet you in the auditorium? -Q
Yes. -R
Ok. -Q
Ok. If that's all, I have to go get my beauty rest. -R
But you don't need it. -Q
Oh crap, I actually sent that. As I awaited her response, I felt so nervous. What if she called me a weirdo or something?
Thanks. But I have to get up early to work out and take a shower before school. -R
Well, thank you Rachel for bringing those pictures of yourself into my mind. God, I'm perverted. Or I just have a really sexy imagination, as Santana would say.
Ok. Bye. Goodnight. See you tomorrow. ;) -Q
I felt much braver texting. I wonder what she thought of my winking face.
Bye. Goodnight Quinn. ;) -R
Oh my gosh, she sent me a winking face! But, does it mean anything? Damn, flirting with guys is so much easier. No wonder guys always complain about girls being so complicated. You can't really ever assume anything.
I laid back down for a while, then I got up, changed into my pajamas, and went to the bathroom to start my own night routine. Afterwards (my ritual didn't take nearly as long as Rachel's), I laid back down and pulled the covers over me. I wonder what Rachel wears to sleep...
As I searched my closet for an amazing outfit, I was feeling exasperated. I needed to not only look beautiful, but I had to impress Rachel. I finally settled on a white lace dress that ended before my knees, a thin brown belt over the dress, and a red cardigan, which I left unbuttoned. I finished the look with white flats. My short hair was down, bangs curled and light makeup done. I checked how I looked in my full length mirror, and I have to admit, I did look pretty. I left and drove to school, only stopping at Starbucks to get a coffee. How can I deal with all the craziness that is high school without my daily cup of Joe? I arrived at school pretty early, so I walked to the auditorium. I had a bit over 10 minutes, so I decided I could use it to sing.
When I entered the auditorium, I made sure that it was empty, surprised that Rachel wasn't here. I hurried over to the stage, climbing up and seeing the spotlight trained on me. I thought about what I should sing. It should be a song that expressed my feelings. I suddenly remembered the song I had heard yesterday morning and how I had thought it perfectly expressed my feelings. It was a song I knew well, so I opened my mouth and began singing, letting all my emotion seep into the lyrics and escape from inside me.
I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
You put your arms around me and I'm home
Throughout the entire song, I thought of Rachel. But I realized, as my barely restrained tears kept fighting to fall, that Rachel had only hugged me a couple of times. And it was so amazing feeling her arms around me. It was heaven, complete bliss. I sat down on the piano bench, resolved to let the tears escape since I was alone, but I heard her voice.
"Quinn, are you all right?" Her voice was so concerned, I couldn't help but wonder if she was ever that concerned about Santana. That thought only made me feel worse. The dam holding my tears back was about to break, but I couldn't cry in front of Rachel. I nodded in response to her question, even though I was the complete opposite of all right. She made her way over, and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head against her shoulder. The close contact only made me feel worse, because it made me realize that Rachel is comforting me because we are friends. I finally couldn't take it any longer. I pulled away, and began sobbing. I covered my face so she wouldn't see me crying, but that just made things worse. She pulled me back into her warm embrace, and I surrendered, just thinking that I should enjoy the contact, because that's as far as it'll go. She rubbed small circles on my back, and I sighed, letting the tears fall silently.
When all the waterworks stopped, I stayed in Rachel's arms, hiccuping slightly, but grateful that I'd put on water-resistant mascara. Just thinking how I'd look if my makeup wasn't tear-resistant made me shudder. Rachel, noticing my shudder, began rubbing my arms. I felt content to just stay there forever. Rachel must've noticed that I had stopped crying because she broke the silence. "Quinn, what happened?" I shook my head, not wanting to answer and not trusting my voice. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I'll be here for you." Yeah, as a friend, I thought bitterly. Or maybe something else... "Forever and always?" I quietly asked, hearing my voice break near the end. "Forever and always," she agreed. Her slender fingers reached over to lift and turn my head, so I was looking into her big, chocolate eyes. My heart melted; my face and hers were so close, only inches apart, my cold emerald eyes staring into her warm chocolate ones. "So what was it that made you so sad?" She whispered. Umm.. "Life," I whispered back. "How are things with your mom?" Actually pretty good. After I moved back in with her, she tried to be in my life and support me. We're getting along great. "Great." She nodded. "Are you going to tell me?" I shook my head quickly. "Not yet. But I will tell you. I'm not ready yet." But I have to hurry, or Satan will beat me to it. "Ok." She nodded once again, then dropped the subject. She searched my eyes, while I searched hers. Hers were full of so much emotion, care and love. Mine were probably the same, except with sadness. She dropped her hand, and I leaned my head against her shoulder. We sat there hugging, and I did feel like I was home.
I snuggled closer into her. Of course, in that moment, the piercing and annoying sound of the bell could be heard. Really? Really? I didn't want to move, and to my surprise, Rachel made no effort to move either. Besides, we still had a few minutes before school officially began. A few minutes later, I felt Rachel shift her arms before she slowly pulled away. I sat up, watching her as she straightened out her pink dress. Then she held out her hand, and I took it with no hesitation. She lifted me up, but my legs were wobbly, so I almost fell forward. I closed my eyes, awaiting the moment I'd fall flat on my face. But I felt strong, warm, arms wrap around my waist, steadying me. I opened my eyes, only to find Rachel's face inches away from mine. All I wanted to do was lean in, and kiss her. It took all my willpower to not do that. Rachel looked conflicted too. Was it that she wanted to kiss me as much as I did her? But the horribly timed bell rang once more, causing both of us to jump. Rachel was the first to pull away, saying, "Come on, Quinn. We can't be late." I followed her out the auditorium and through the halls until we had to part ways to our separate classes.
It wasn't until glee, third period, that I'd realized that I hadn't been paying attention in English Lit and calculus. I really needed to focus; I couldn't afford to let my grades drop. As I entered the choir room, I sat down by Brittany in the front. We were the only two there, but I knew it wouldn't take long for the others to appear. "Hey Britt." She smiled, wrapping me in a tight hug. "Hi Q." We sat there in comfortable silence until I remembered something. "Hey Britt, why did you break up with Santana last year?" She had briefly dated Artie afterwards, but now she was single. And still friends with Santana as far as I knew. "I don't remember." Brittany had a confused look on her face, so I moved on. "Well, why haven't you two gotten back together?" She shrugged. "Well, I asked her and San said she liked Rachy. But I thought you liked Rachy." Her forehead creased in concentration and confusion while my mouth dropped in shock. "How did you know that B?"
"Oh, I heard it from Lord Tubbington who said he heard it from a little birdie. He told me that so I wouldn't make him quit playing poker. But now I still have to find a way to make him quit." What? "Umm... ok. How about this: I'll help you if you help me." She smiled, gladly accepting my offer. "What do you need help with?" I glanced toward the door, making sure no one was coming. "Well, I do like Rachel..." Brittany's face lit up. "I knew it!" Yeah, but how I don't know. "But like you said, Santana likes her too. Wouldn't you want to get back together with San?" I watched her reaction, but she just nodded eagerly. "Yes!" Ok, good. "Well you should do that. That way, you're with Santana and I'm with Rachel. We could help each other."
"Ok. Its a good idea, Quinn!" I nodded. "But remember, you can't tell anyone." She responded by nodding. "But can you still help me with Lord Tubbington's gambling addiction?"
As people started walking in, I promised Brittany I would. Everyone took their seats, Rachel beside me and Santana behind her. (Wow, creepy much?) Mr. Schue came in, announcing that Mercedes and Sam were going to sing. I paid attention in the beginning, enough to realize that they were singing Human Nature and that they looked so in love. Good for them. But after the first verse, I looked over at Rachel and tried to make my staring not too obvious, as I watched her from the corner of my eyes. Before I knew it, the song was over and everyone was applauding. I hurriedly joined in, stopping when Mercedes announced above the applause that she and Sam were going out. Of course, the applause became much louder and there were several cheers. I walked up to the two and congratulated them. "I'm so glad you two are together. I wish you guys the best." They smiled at me, a smile I returned, and thanked me. I pulled them into a big hug, then returned to my seat. As I sat down, I turned to Rachel. "I'm so happy for them. They look so in love." She saw the happy look on my face and returned it with a happy look of her own. "I'm glad. Most girls wouldn't like their ex going out with one of their close friends. But you're not most girls." My smile grew, hearing the compliment. Our little moment was interrupted by Mr. Schue who said that Puck and Mike were going to sing too. As they began singing Only The Good Die Young (a song I knew had been picked by Puck), I felt Rachel's small hand reach out and grab ahold of mine. I just smiled, enjoying the moment before it would be over.