Chapter Five

(Jade)

(7:09 am, 11th May 2011)

The next morning, Tori was up earlier than usual. Sleep didn't come that easy these days, but the night before had been exhausting. I would have been dead to the world until midday if Tori hadn't slipped on her blanket and accidentally kicked me in the head.

"Ow, Vega," I snapped, "I'm trying to sleep here. What's the rush?"

"Sorry, sorry. Just go back to sleep. Sorry." She replied hastily, grabbing her boots from against the wall.

It was still dark; the first signs of light barely filtering over the horizon. Not exactly prime venturing time.

"Vega, what are you doing? Where are you going?"

Tori shifted on her feet. "I'm, um...well...I, uh, need to find a drugstore."

"Why? Got a headache you can't get rid of? Cause I'm sure it's nothing a slap from me can't fix."

Tori's cheeks flushed; embarrassed. "No...I need some...uh, tampons. And I can't use anything here. We need it all."

I went to retort, taking pleasure in Tori's discomfort, but then a thought flashed through my mind.

"Oh."

"Oh...what?"

What day was it today? 12th May? 13th? No, that's wrong; it had to be earlier than that. "Uh, Vega, what's the date today?"

"May 11th. Why?"

"No, that can't be right."

"Uh, well, it is. We saw the date in the village yesterday, remember?"

Oh God. How did I not realise until now?

"Jade? What's wrong?"

My period was over two weeks late.

I repeated this stonily to Tori. She opened her mouth to say something, then second guessed herself, and closed it. But before I could speak again she decided she was going to say something and interrupted me.

"You and Beck...um I mean you could be...uh, when we were with the others, you and Beck..."

"How exactly are you going to be finishing that sentence?"

Tori took a deep breath. "When we were with the others, you and Beck had sex. You...you could be pregnant Jade."

"Uh, no, not possible. Beck had condoms in his wallet. We might have been scared and stressed and not thinking all that straight, but we're not stupid. We used them."

"But, uh," Tori paused when she caught my glare. "Condoms can break, can't they? They don't always work."

I dismissed her bluntly. "No. Not possible." I repeat. "It's probably just from the stress. That's all. Things like that can affect periods and stuff. That's all it is. It had to be."

I know I was being quite stubborn at that moment, and that pregnancy was a real possibility, but I thought hopefully that if I just focused on the stress theory, all would be okay.

Power of the mind.

Tori left without another word, and I spent the entire time she was gone banishing unwanted thoughts from creeping into my mind. Unfortunately, there wasn't much to do, since cleaning anything was a hopeless cause, and entertainment wasn't easily sourced. And it didn't help matters when the first thing Tori did when she returned, around an hour later, was to slide something across the bench in my direction.

Pregnancy tests.

I growled as I hurled them straight back at her, offended. She merely shrugged, said, "They're there if you want them," and went to the bathroom.

By midafternoon, the tests we're still laying on the floor, causing my heart to race every time I looked at them. I tried to tell myself that it was stupid. That I was worrying for nothing. But that worry was eating right through me. I had to know.

Tori was smart enough to stay silent as I snatched the boxes off the floor and marched towards the bathroom. My hands were already shaking as I closed the door best I could. That wasn't a good sign.

The instructions were in Yerbanian, but the tests looked pretty westernised, so I was sure it was the same concept. Pee on the stick and then wait for the results.

Holding the stupid thing steady was trickier than I had anticipated. I then set it down beside me, waiting for what had to be the longest minute of my life. My heart and my lungs refused to calm as I reached out again to see the outcome.

I didn't need to read the instructions to understand what the plus sign meant.

There was no way this could possibly be true. It was a Yerbanian pregnancy test after all. Surely there had to be a huge margin of error on these things.

Within the next two hours, I'd taken every fucking test in those boxes.

And all six of them presented a positive.

I screamed and threw them across the bathroom with such force the mirror splintered in the centre.

Tori appeared in the doorway. "Jade…" she said uncertainly.

"This can't be happening." I whispered, "Dear God this can't be real."

Her eyes flitted quickly to the used tests now scattered on the floor. Her face became emotionless once she saw the results, and she said the most unhelpful question I had ever heard. "What are you going to do?"

I stared at her for a full five seconds. It made her quite uncomfortable, and she realised maybe she shouldn't have spoken. But yet, she did again. "Obviously we're just going to have to think about this…"

I found my voice. And my retort was harsh. "No, there's absolutely nothing to think about. It has to go. A baby will slow us down. How are we supposed to sneak around while I'm pregnant, much less with a crying baby?"

"And so you'll do what Jade? Get an abortion; in a country with abysmal health care? You'd die. You know that. Our only option is to leave it on the side of the road, or on a doorstep."

"Our? Our!" I snarled "It's not your body Tori! You don't get a fucking say!"

"But you know I'm right! It's suicidal to think anything else will work."

I hated admitting she was right, but, unfortunately, she was. Any abortion clinic here would probably be some guy in his basement with a coat hanger. I couldn't risk it. But there had to be another way. Had to be.

"You shouldn't really be all this surprised, you know. I mean, it is technically…" Tori stopped suddenly, biting her lip. My eyes turned to slits.

"What, go on, finish what you were going to say? That this is my fault? And I need to just put up with the consequences? Well, just because I'm left with the aftermath doesn't mean that it didn't take…"

God.

Beck.

What would he say?

No, I wouldn't think about him. I couldn't. He wasn't here; I might never even see him again. He could be dead.

Tori spoke up again, quieter this time, "You're right Jade, I can't tell you want to do." She looked me steadily in the eye, as if reading my mind. "But, with your logic, doesn't Beck at least deserve to have a say?"

"Well Beck's not here, is he?" I reminded her coldly. "And I've made my decision."

He never had to know.

(Excerpt from Chapter Two of 'The War That Left Us Broken' 'Part II')