An hour had passed since we'd been found and I was currently sitting on a bed in the medical cabin, a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. I was still shivering, though whether it was from still being cold or just my nerves manifesting themselves in the shakes, I wasn't sure.
The only thing I did know was that as soon as we'd gotten back there had been an ambulance waiting to take Ace to the hospital. Magnus had wanted me to go at first, but I'd insisted that I was okay enough, that all I needed was something to warm me up. But the moment I saw the ambulance pull away I felt like I'd made the wrong choice. Not because I felt bad enough to see a doctor, but because I wanted to be there to know how Ace was doing.
I was worried, and so very scared. I'd heard them mention hypothermia and that made sense right away, despite it being the middle of the summer. I'd told them that before I left him this morning, Ace had been shivering violently. Now he was unconscious and unmoving, which was a bad sign. Even though I knew that leaving had been the right decision (otherwise I never would have heard the Jeep, nor would I have made the arrow) I still felt like it had been a mistake because if I'd been there, I would have seen him getting worse and I could have done something.
So now his life rested with some backwoods doctor who didn't know anything about him and I had no idea what was going on. All I could do was sit on the bed and wait, feeling horrible. Eventually the nurse came in to see me, taking my temperature and telling me to finish my hot chocolate and then try to get some rest. I told her I couldn't rest until I knew if Ace would be okay. She just smiled at me and patted my knee, telling me that she was sure he would be fine, that the doctor would fix him up.
It made me angry. I wasn't some stupid little kid, who thought that adults could make everything okay. I knew how bad off Ace was, and I knew that he would be lucky to be okay. And I was still fixated on the fact that it was my fault. This whole thing was my fault. I don't care what anyone else said.
My fault.
Magnus came by to see me a little later, after making a report with the camp supervisor. He knocked on the door and came into the room, sitting down on the bed next to me. I was unsure of what to say to him. Now that we were back and Ace was at a hospital, I was sure he'd give me the lecture he'd probably wanted to give me back by the river.
"How are you feeling?"
I looked at him briefly before averting my gaze to the floor, where it belonged. "I'm sorry, I know I screwed up." I wanted to get through this without crying, but I think I was still too exhausted for that. I hoped he wouldn't think less of me for it.
"Lancer, stop apologizing. I already told you, you did everything you could do. Sometimes, shit just happens. It's how we react that determines our value."
I felt like laughing. "I thought you were trying to make me feel better," I managed to say, before finding a lump in my throat again.
Magnus sighed and laid a hand on my shoulder. "I am. You reacted well, even though you don't think you did."
"How can you say that?" I asked him, though I wasn't sure why. I just wanted him to either lecture me or go away. I didn't want his pity. I didn't deserve it.
"Tell me what happened, from the moment you saw him fall. Exactly what happened."
I took a deep breath, not wanting to relive everything, but knowing that he probably wouldn't leave me alone until I did. "Well, I saw him floating down the river, so I knew that I had to go in after him, even though the cliffs were too high on both sides for me to get him out. So instead I just let the current take us downstream until I found somewhere that it levelled out."
"You know, not everyone would have gone in after him," Magnus started, but I shook my head. That was a lie. Anyone would have done what I did.
"So then when I found the bank, I pulled him out of the water. I checked him to make sure he was breathing, and he was, because he hadn't swallowed any water. I checked to make sure he hadn't broken anything, but he seemed okay. I had to wait a while for him to wake up, though. When he finally did I knew something was wrong with him. He woke up a few times, but he couldn't ever remember what had happened. I left him alone after he seemed well enough to remember what was going on, and went back to get his pack, since I'd lost everything in mine. I wanted to get his flare. But a stupid raccoon took off with it," I said, torn between laughing about the absurdity of that and crying about how horrible I felt.
Magnus laughed. "A raccoon took the flare?"
I nodded, and felt a little bit better. "Yeah. I don't know why he didn't take the food instead." I calmed down a bit more and explained everything else to him, and he listened quietly.
"I know you think you were wrong, every time you let him get up and keep walking, but it's like I told you back at the river. If you had just left him, he very well may have gotten up and started walking on his own. Sometimes in these situations, people get overtaken by delirium, and do things they otherwise might not do. You recognized that if you'd left him earlier, he probably would have gotten up and walked away on his own. You did the right thing, Lancer. Just because walking made him worse, it doesn't mean that you're at fault. You stayed with him because you knew that leaving him would only result in more trouble."
I kind of started to believe him in that maybe it wasn't all my fault, and that maybe I had made some proper choices. But the fact still remained that it was my fault that he'd fallen, and that he was near death at a hospital.
"I also forgot to mention before, but you're really good with your knots," Magnus said, squeezing my shoulder.
I smiled at the compliment. "Thanks, my dad sails a lot, so I know all about knots."
Magnus smiled back. "I'm grateful for that. All right, I'm beat and I need some rest, but I just wanted to stop by to make sure you weren't beating yourself up over this. You might have lost the map, Lancer, but you also saved his life. Don't forget that."
I was back to feeling like I was about to cry again, though this time I don't think it was because I felt worthless.
"And another thing," he told me, "I think it's about time you started trusting yourself more. You know a lot more than you give yourself credit for." He moved his hand from my shoulder to my head, ruffling my hair the way I always saw Leaf do to Ace.
"Magnus?" I looked up at him then, taking a deep breath to calm myself. "When are we going to hear about him?" Magnus shrugged.
"I made Leaf promise to call me when he heard anything, so whenever the doctor's done with him, I guess. I'll make sure you know, okay?"
I nodded, and then Magnus left me alone again. I did feel a little better. I was still worried but Magnus' comments were ringing in my head. He was right. I did need to trust myself more, because usually? Usually I ended up doing the right thing.
I'd somehow managed to fall asleep after Magnus left, and I didn't wake up until a few hours later when someone pounded on my door. I sat up quickly, groggily looking around until the door opened and Teddy ran in.
"Lancer!" He yelled, tackling me back onto the bed. I was torn between telling him to leave and let me go back to sleep and feeling happy that he was back. But then I remembered everything Ace had told me, and I felt bad.
"Magnus told me you guys were missing last night, and I got worried when no one found you guys! I totally wanted to go looking for you myself, but no one would let me. Can you believe that?" Teddy gave one of his fake laughs, and I couldn't help but smile. He'd totally been way more afraid than he was letting on.
"Yeah well, they found us," I tried to joke, but every time I looked at Teddy I thought about how he would have reacted if our positions had been reversed and it was Ace here instead of me. Would Teddy have tackled him onto the bed, or would he have casually strolled up to him, slapping him on the arm and telling him he'd never been worried? Would he have gotten Teddy's true reaction like I did, or his tough guy act?
"So, where's Ace? Is he okay?"
I wasn't sure what Teddy knew at that point. I had a bit of a guilty look on my face as I looked at him, wondering what I should tell him. "They had to take him to a hospital, Teddy."
Teddy's face fell. He obviously didn't know anything. "Is he okay?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. He fell off the side of the cliff over the river and hit his head on a tree. He was in pretty bad shape." I didn't bother mentioning the whole hypothermia thing, because Teddy wasn't the type to listen to long explanations.
"Oh," he said, clearly at a loss for words. "But he's going to be okay, right? I mean, he's got a doctor looking at him, right? He'll get better?"
I frowned, looking at Teddy and for once seeing just how different we were. I knew that sometimes doctors couldn't do anything for you, while Teddy had a more childish belief that doctors could fix anything. Teddy had a childish sense of optimism about him, while I was old enough to know that sometimes things just never get better. I didn't know what to tell him.
"I mean, maybe he'll have to stay at the hospital overnight or something, right? He'll be back here in no time, and then the three of us can hang out again, and you guys won't be mad at each other any more, right? Because you helped him?"
Teddy was killing me right now. How could I tell him what I needed to tell him? He wasn't mature enough to handle it, I don't think. Maybe I could ask Magnus to talk to him? Maybe if I just agreed with him for now, and pretended everything would be okay, it would be easier. Just for a little while.
Just then I heard footsteps in the hall, and in walked Magnus. "Oh good, you're back," he said, his eyes on Teddy. "I just heard from Leaf," he said, looking back at me.
I sat up straighter, anxious to hear the news, even though I was scared it would be bad. I nodded, ready to hear it.
Magnus came over to us, sitting down on the bed next to me. "He's still out, so they did an MRI on him, to make sure there's no brain damage. Came out clear, so that's good. Doctor said he'll still need a good deal of time to recover, though, so once he's cleared to leave the hospital he'll be going home."
"What do you mean?" Teddy asked, confused. "Why isn't he coming back? Camp is only half over!"
Magnus looked from me to Teddy, and he knew that I understood. "Teddy, Ace was in really rough shape when we found him. Concussions are a serious thing, and it takes time to get over them."
"Well, he can have time here!" Teddy protested.
Magnus shook his head. "No, he needs quiet, Teddy. He won't get that here, he needs to go home so his parents can look after him."
"But his parents don't care about him!" Teddy yelled, which shocked me. What was he talking about? Ace's parents spoiled him! "They only sent him here to get him out of their way for the summer! They won't want him back yet!"
Magnus sighed and shrugged. "Well, he can't stay here, so they don't really have a choice. Besides, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
Teddy just shook his head. "It is! They're in the middle of getting a divorce, he told me himself! That's why they wanted him to go away all summer!"
My mind was reeling from the shock. Ace's parents were a bit like my parents in that they worked a lot, but I thought they were happy. Ace never acted like there was anything wrong. But then suddenly his comments last night came back to me, about how he treated Melody, and how he'd only started doing it recently. Of course, it made sense. His parents were fighting, and now he didn't trust her, because he saw the most important relationship in his life falling apart in front of him. It all made sense.
"Teddy, calm down. Whatever his parents are going through, they need to be there for him right now, and I'm sure they will be. Sometimes parents might hate each other, but they tend to come together when their kids are hurt. He'll be fine; you'll see him in a month when you go home."
Teddy shook his head, muttering to himself that Magnus was wrong. I was still shocked over the news. I wondered if Melody knew. Maybe that's why she was always forgiving him?
"Listen guys, what's done is done. We've all had a rough weekend, so let's go back to the cabin and clean up before grabbing something to eat, okay?" Magnus stood up and walked to the door, looking back at us.
I suddenly spoke up. "Can we meet you there in a few minutes?" I asked, staring hard at Magnus to make him understand that I wanted to talk to Teddy alone. He seemed to get it, because he nodded and closed the door behind him. Now it was just the two of us.
"I didn't know his parents were getting a divorce," I said, still shocked about it.
Teddy walked over to stand by the window, not looking at me. "He doesn't really have it all that easy, you know."
"What do you mean?" I asked, curious about his comment.
"His parents, they were never really that cool. I don't think they ever really cared about him, or at least he doesn't think they did. You know what the worst part is, Lance?" I waited for him to go on, wondering what Ace had told him. In fact I was surprised that Ace had told Teddy about his parents. But then I realized that maybe Ace had confided in Teddy in order to try and make him see that he didn't need to be afraid of him, that Ace had his own problems and that he should trust him more. It was kind of sad.
"He said that the real reason why they wanted to send him away is so they could argue over who would have to take him, because neither of them want him. He overheard them talking about it the night before he left. Could you imagine hearing that?" He was silent again, still staring out the window. "I mean, I don't always get along with my mom, and my step dad can be a jerk sometimes, but they still tell me that they love me. I don't think his parents ever tell him that."
I couldn't think of anything to say. What were you supposed to say after hearing that? Here I'd been all along, wondering why someone I used to be friends with had suddenly changed, and it had never occurred to me to ask him why he had changed. Not that Ace ever been the friendliest person to begin with, but I should have realized something was up this past year. It was too drastic of a change.
And now he was worried that Teddy, who was probably the only person he felt comfortable confiding anything to, didn't trust him enough to really be friends with him. It made me feel so horrible I felt like throwing up.
Having parents like that explained everything about Ace. Everything.
"Lance?" Suddenly Teddy had turned around to look at me, and I was surprised at how much older he seemed. "I know he's a jerk to you sometimes, but I don't think he really means it."
And then I was on my feet, walking over to him. "I know, Teddy, we talked, out in the woods. He, well he told me that he didn't really mean to be so mean to me. But I didn't know about his parents."
Teddy suddenly looked guilty, turning to stare out the window again. "Yeah well, he made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone. But still, I thought that maybe you should know." Teddy fidgeted, looking highly uncomfortable. "Just don't tell him I told you."
I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "I promise I won't. Maybe he'll tell me himself when we get back after the summer."
"Yeah I mean, you did save his life, right?" Teddy turned to face me, a little smile on his face. "That's pretty cool."
I smiled back and nodded again. "Yeah, I guess I did."
We left the medical cabin then, heading back to our place. I didn't know if I'd be able to see Ace again before he left to go home, but that was okay. I had a feeling that after the summer was over, he'd probably be looking for friends instead of pushing them away, and I knew that I wanted to be there to help him.
Teddy wouldn't have to choose between the two of us, because all three of us would be best friends again. I was determined to make it happen.