Rating: M

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight - I just like to get weird with her characters.
Thanks to LovinRob for betaing – she smacked it up, flipped it and rubbed it down.
Thanks to Carrie ZM for doin' me… the honor of pre-reading this crazy fic.
Thanks to AmandaC3 for the fantastic banner.
And to the Triangle of Curls Girls for all of the encouragement.

Now remember this fic requires some reader participation.
Practice this sentence: "Pahk tha' cah in Hah-vahd yahd"
Don't forget to read with a Boston accent.
Oh, and this fic is entirely in EPOV for those who were wondering.

Now where were we?

Chapter 2 – Frenzy

April 18, 2013

11:15 pm EDT

Boston, MA

"Abso-fuckin-lutely."

I sigh in relief and lean down to kiss her crazy again, but she has other plans for me as she pulls me into her place and slams the door behind me. I admit it, she catches me off-guard when she pushes me up against the door and grabs the neck of my shirt.

"Kiss me," she demands as she pulls my mouth to hers once more.

More than happy to oblige, I pull her body flush to mine and turn her so I can press her up against the door. I grab a handful of that ass, while kissing the shit out of her. And just when we're getting into it, I hear a growl behind me. My head whips around, and I fully expect to see a full-size wolf or a guard dog waiting to tear me up. I see two yellow eyes peer at me from the corner across the room. Soundin' like Cujo and shit, this dog is full on snarling between growls. From what I can tell, his head sits waist high. Of course it's probably a good thing that a single girl in the city has such a large dog, but the possibility of being mauled by said large dog, not so much.

"Jacob! No thank you, sir!" Bella scolds and pats her legs twice. "Come here, pal!"

Imagine my shock when the dog hops down from the top of the recliner and then from the seat to the floor. He scurries across the wood floor and stops a few feet in front of us. There in the light from the window, I see the ferocious beast she calls Jacob. He's a teeny, tiny tea-cup dog who is the spittin' image of Toto. I almost feel bad for him since he is like the Mike Tyson of dogs, the voice just doesn't match his body. The little sprite is growling at me as Bella scoops him up into her arms.

"Jake, this is our new friend Edward," she reassures the little guy and waves his paw. "Say 'hi' to Edward."

I reach my hand out for him to sniff, but instead he goes berserk all snapping and barking.

"Jake, no!" she admonishes again. "Sorry, I think I am going to take him out real quick." I give her a nod before she adds pointin' behind me, "Make yourself at home. Bathroom is down the hall and the kitchen is over there."

"You need me to come out with you?"

"Nah, it's safe around here. I'll be right back."

I switch the light on in the bathroom. It's all girly, but clean and smells like Cookie. I run the water and splash some on my face. I sway a bit as the booze catches up with me and grip the sides of the sink for a little support. It's been a while since I got it in, so I look down at my junk and decide to give the boys a little pep talk. I snicker as I imagine my cock and balls takin' a knee, as if I am gonna give a speech about going the distance and being the best they can be and all that. I look up in the mirror and just mutter 'don't embarrass yourself, kid'.

I hear the door open and close, the shuffle of feet and Bella telling Jake to go to his crate. It's go time.

I find her in her kitchen, trying to open up a bottle of Tylenol.

"Headache?" I ask as I take the bottle from her to open it.

She shakes her head and grabs a bottle of water outta the fridge. "I'm just tryin' to make it hurt a little less tomorrow."

We are quiet as we each pop a couple of pills. I lean back on the counter watching her lips as she takes a sip from the bottle. She smiles at me, because she caught me creepin' like a pervert.

"See somethin' you like?" She asks as she runs her hands down my chest and pulls at the hem of my shirt.

"Yeah." I groan into her neck as her hand finds my dick again.

"Me too." She says as she grabs something behind me and slams it down as hard as she can on the counter.

I jump 'cause that shit is loud and turn to see what happened. And there she is, holding a spatula like my crazy ex, just laughing her ass off. It takes me a minute to compose myself, but when I do…

"Oh Cookie, ya gonna get it now." I tell her as I pick her up, place her on the counter and wedge myself between her legs to suck on the hollow of her throat.

She throws her head back all cackling and shit. Her entire body shakes with laughter. Just when I think I have the upper hand, she comes back at me a little harder when she grabs my face and pulls me in for a mad hot kiss. She works my mouth over with hers as she swipes her tongue along my bottom lip and grazes it with her teeth. We are both practically breathless as we moan and pant while our tongues twist and turn in tandem. She surprises me again when she stops abruptly and pulls my cap off and tosses it across the room. She runs her fingers through my hair and pulls my forehead to rest against hers. I can see her eyes are wild and feel her chest heave against me with each breath. She licks her lips and then she drops her voice so it sounds all low and sexy.

"So give it to me then."

I chuckle humorlessly and let my eyes wander over her form, 'cause she has no idea how bad I wanna give it to her. A small smile plays on her lips as she watches and waits to see if I am up to get wild with her. And I am. I will. But first I'm gonna play her little game. Gripping her ass, I pull her forward until her center is flush against my erection. I hear her gasp lightly when I run my tongue from her clavicle to the sensitive skin under her ear.

"How do ya want it, Bella?' I ask with a grunt and a grind.

The words must be stuck in her throat because all I hear is a soft mewl and I feel her tighten her grip in my hair and her legs wrap around my lower back.

"Huh, Cookie? Ya want it hard and fast right here on your counter?" I pause for effect, let it sink in that I am down to match every ounce of crazy she throws at me. "Do ya want it like that?"

She bites that lip in a failed attempt to hold back a moan as I skim my nose down her jaw and up the other side. I ghost my fingertips up her thighs until I reach the button on her pants. I take her earlobe between my lips and whisper against the shell of her ear.

"Take off your pants." I watch as she makes quick work of her pants and shoes and looks at me expectantly. "Now lose the shirt."

Bella gives me a wicked smile and makes a show of undoing her buttons and tosses her blouse at me. And there she sits sprawled out on the counter in a lacy little bra and panty set while she trails her hand over her stomach. It's an invitation. A dare.

"Open your mouth." I say as I run two fingers across her lips.

She opens wide and sucks my fingers hard, gliding that tongue all over them until they're nice and slick. I pull them out and run them slowly along her chin and throat and then down the valley between her tits. I can feel her stomach muscles tense as I circle her belly button and continue lower until my fingertips are at the hem of her panties.

I smirk at her as I watch her getting heated, licking those lips in anticipation. I grab her off the counter and turn her around to press my hard-on against her ass, and cup her pussy over her panties. She gasps loudly but recovers quickly as she places her hand over mine to increase the pressure of my fingers against her.

"Or do ya want it slow, baby?" I say as my hot breath fans across her cheek. "Make you work for it. "

She grabs the back of my head and cranes her neck to place her mouth on mine all wet and sloppy and awkward. I thrust against her roughly and growl against the side of her face.

"Fast or slow, Cookie?"

She swivels her hips and whimpers. "Slow. I want it slow."

I nip her shoulder and turn her so I can lift her up onto the island. She scoots up and spreads those legs for me, knocking a basket of fruit to the floor. I chuckle to myself at her eagerness. I give my dick a quick stroke 'cause it's strainin', practically begging to get wet. But I gotta be realistic. There is a good possibility that if I get in there, I'll pull a Luke Perry and only last 8 seconds which would not be a good thing. The minute I take off my shirt she reaches for me.

"Mmm… tattoos," she moans, running her nails down the Celtic cross on my ribs.

"Lay back, baby." I tell her as I cup her tits in my hands while my thumbs flick and roll her nipples over her bra. "Fuck, you're beautiful." I say as I admire how she's spread out before me. I place my mouth right over her panty covered crotch and watch her as I breathe over her sensitive spot.

"Don't," she pleads covering her face with her hands, suddenly shy. "It's probably… bad, down there."

"I want to." I tell her as I bite down on the fabric gently.

It's true too. I do. I wanna see her come undone. I wanna make her beg for it. I wanna make her scream. But not for nothin', if it smells like chowdah' down there, I'll have to cut the pussy eatin' portion of our evening short. I pull the panties off and go to work. I spread her further and hold down her thighs as I flatten my tongue and lick her from top to bottom. I tease and taste and dip my tongue in and out. I suck and nip at her clit and roll it roughly with my thumb.

"OH GOD!" She screams as her ass lifts off the island, and her hands find their way to the back of my head to clutch at the roots of my hair for dear life.

I keep at it for a while. I can barely breathe as she throws my head into a WWF style leg lock and smothers my face against her. Her gasps turn to moans, and her moans become muttered obscenities as she frantically works herself over my mouth. Her legs are so tight around my head, I am wondering if I should tap out when her entire body jerks and she screams so loud that Jake starts to bark and snarl from his crate.

"Bedroom!" She pants as she releases me and pushes off the island.

Making our way to her room, she unhooks her bra and tosses it at me. I smile as it hits my chest while I watch her ass sway. Crazy cool and mad sexy, she is the perfect distraction. Who knows, maybe more, but for tonight, she's just what I need.

Just before she enters her bedroom she looks at me over her shoulder. "Take off your pants." She orders me and I comply immediately though I stumble a bit in my drunkeness. "Slow." She adds as she turns and watches intently. "Do it slow."

I give her a crooked smirk and stroke my shaft over my boxers before I pull each side of my drawers down my legs. She runs her teeth over her lip again and turns away before walking into her room.

Jake growls as I pass him and I'm kind of a dick because I may or may not hump the air at him before I step into Bella's room and slam the door behind me. I find her digging around in the drawer in the nightstand, before she crawls to the middle of the bed on her knees.

She motions for me to come to her with her finger and a wicked smile on her face as she eyes my cock. I climb on the bed when she comes at me and pushes me down onto my back. She sways a bit as she kneels over me.

"My turn," she whispers against my cheek before she begins to trail soft kisses down my body. "I'm gonna take my time with you." She scrapes her fingernails down my torso and I groan, but she continues to tease me. "I'm going to ride you, Edward. I'm gonna ride you so slow, you'll be fuckin' begging me to move."

My dick twitches in anticipation at her words, that and the fact that she grips me tight and starts to jack me roughly. If she keeps this up there will be no ridin' whatsoever– slow or otherwise.

"Do it!" I tell her as I reach for her waist to line her up. "Show me." I demand as she puts her knees on either side of my thighs. "Ride me."

I hear the rip of the condom wrapper and snicker a bit as she fumbles with it. I unsuccessfully try not to wince and whine like a pussy when some of my hair catches as she rolls it down the base.

"Ready?"

I nod and hiss when she begins to lower herself onto me. Even through the latex, I can still feel her heat as she stretches all around me. She starts off slow, inching her way up and down my cock. She looks and feels so good wrapped around me. My hands are everywhere and I match her pace as I ghost my fingertips over her chest and then grip her ass tightly as she swivels her hips and grinds down over me. And it's slow. Painfully slow. And like she said I am on the verge of beggin'.

"Fuck!" I groan and sit up so our chests are flush against each other sticky and slick with sweat. "That's it, baby! Come on!" I encourage her as I seize her hips. "I- I'm s-so close!" I stutter as I pull her down harder and faster.

I suck a nipple into my mouth and skim the tip of my tongue against it before I pull it gently between my teeth. Her hands find my hair again and she presses me further into her chest. I am about three strokes away from embarrassin' myself so I grip her hair and kiss her hard. I can feel her insides clench a bit and she abruptly pulls her face away. I look up at her, and she looks fuckin' gorgeous with her head thrown back and her mouth open as she silently screams, her eyes shut tight.

That's all it takes and I grunt as I explode, holdin' her tightly to me while my cock pulses deep inside of her. I hold her there for a few moments before we collapse onto the bed. I think I hear myself telling her that she is fucking amazing seconds before I pass out.

"Edward."

I vaguely feel someone shake me. I hear the Imperial Death March from Star Wars playing somewhere in the background. I think I may even hear a helicopter as well.

"Edward. Get up."

I feel sunlight filtering in over my back and someone underneath me, push against my arm.

"Edward, your fuckin' phone has been going off for the past thirty minutes. Go put it on vibrate."

I hear Bella's hoarse voice and I realize that I am on top of her. I jump up, looking for my phone and she rolls out from under me. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and take a peek at the clock. It's a little after 9:30 in the morning. Good thing I am off today, because I think I am still drunk. First order of business is to find the bathroom. I seem to recall that it's next to her room and I feel suddenly modest as I cup my junk in the event that Jake isn't her only roommate.

As I relieve myself, I mentally congratulate my boys below on a job well-done last night. I hear Rose's ringtone start up again and I start to panic because she never calls me this early. As I open the door, Bella is there with the phone in her hand. I smile my appreciation and answer quickly.

"Hello!"

"Thank Christ! What the fuck, man? I've been callin' you for the past hour. Where in the fuck are you?!"

I don't feel like my whereabouts are any of her business so I try to redirect. "What's wrong?"

"Haven't you been watchin' the news? The city is on lock-down. SWAT teams are in the streets goin' house to house, lookin' for the suspect."

It takes a minute for me to process all the information she just said. I lean haphazardly against the bathroom doorway as she relays the events of the past twelve hours.

"Edward. Where are you?"

"Uh." I stall, looking to see if Cookie is in earshot. "I'm at Bella's place."

Rose is quiet on the other end which is strange because Rose rarely does silence. She usually falls somewhere between talking between her teeth and full on motherfucking ya if she's pissed.

"Go get Bella. And turn on a goddamn news station for Christ sakes. I think they're comin' down her block."

I take a peek out the bathroom window and sure enough the SWAT teams and vehicles are lining the streets.

"Fuck!" I shout as I hang up on Rose. "Bella, get dressed."

"What? Why? What's goin' on?" She asks as she tries to climb back in bed.

"Come on, get up." I yell from the kitchen where I start collecting my clothes.

I pick up my shirt and I notice it's wet. And when I find my pants, they are wet as well.

"What the fuck?" I mutter as I pick up my sock which is damp and stained yellow.

"Oh no… Bad boy, Jacob!" Bella yells, making my head hurt. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry." She says as she wrings her hands nervously and bites her lip. "He does this sometimes… especially when he's feeling… jealous."

I spot my Red Sox hat near the front door which I find odd since I remember she tossed it near the table last night. I give him the stink-eye as I go to grab it.

"Edward, don't!" Bella warns.

But it's too late. I see it.

"Did he shit in my Sox cap?" I shriek like a chick and turn to Bella for confirmation that I do indeed see pint-sized turds in my hat by the door.

She looks at me sadly, nods and then shrugs.

"Why in the fuck would he shit in my cap?" I shout.

I don't necessarily expect an answer. But the one I get makes all the sense in the world.

"Well, I mean. If you wanna get technical about it, he's a New Yorker… born and bred, ya know. And a Yankee fan."

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the lemon because it's time for things to get…awkward.

So glad to see so many In Your Room readers back for another go 'round with me. You guys make this so much fun.

Don't forget to check out Blueissoul's take on the article in her fic One Night Stand in Locked-Down London. This E/B combination is too funny and too hot to miss!

Also, I will be collaborating on a drabble with Hoodfabulous. We will be writing under the moniker FabulousLay - make sure to follow us on .

Alright – here we go with this week's Let It WIP:

In Mates by Jonesn - *Lay puts on 'Team Jonesn' t-shirt and Carrie ZM dons a 'Jonesn for Beardward' hat* Forbidden love, lust, danger and lies… and off the charts, take a fire extinguisher to your panties hot lemons… No one does it quite like Jonesn. Once you are done checking out In Mates – hit up her other new WIP that's just getting started – Bear Creek Road. A quiet Beardward though methinks there is a crazy, dirty boy lingering under the surface. Okay, me hopes… (HINT, HINT Jonesn)

Let Me by iambeagle – *Carrie ZM twirls* Love, love, love this deliciously awkward tale of two friends at a music festival. One who wants more and one who is just oblivious… UST, lemons, music references and all the feels done right. Don't miss this fun little fic, dolls!

Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, fav'd, rec'd, pimped and lurked this fic. See you all next Thursday!