It took H.G. 8 hours to make the trip to Leena's and it was nearing 9pm when she arrived. She hadn't hesitated once on her plan to get to the B&B and get to Myka, yet now she found herself sitting in her rental car for a good 15 minutes, working up the courage to go inside. With Leena gone, she had no idea what the internal workings of the B&B had become. From the cars outside she had a feeling that at least Claudia and Pete were home, and yes, Claudia had called her to come back, but would the others want to see her? She did know that whatever was to come inside, there was no going back now.
Mind made up, she exited her car and approached the front of the B&B. She rang the bell and nervously swayed, waiting for the door to be open. When she heard the click and saw the door swing open, she slowly released the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Claudia.
"HG! Oh God I'm so glad you're here!" Her young mentee was in her arms in a flash, and Helena felt the fear of not being welcome drain from her body.
"Hello darling. It's good to see you." Claudia released her and stepped back, allowing her entry to the B&B.
"Thanks for coming HG. We didn't... I wasn't sure..." Claudia rocked back and forth, staring at the floor, running her hand through her hair multiple times. Where did she start? Was texting Helena the right thing to do? It had been such an impulsive thing to do. Was Myka going to be mad?
A text was one thing, but the emotional shock of see HG in front of her had Claudia panicking. And realizing that it wasn't just Myka who might be mad. She was mad. Mad she had to text HG in the first place. Mad that Myka, the closest thing she had to a big sister, had been heartbroken by this woman time and time again. Maybe calling her wasn't the right thing?
Claudia looked up at the woman before her, a frown spreading across her face. This was the woman she thought knew everything. Who could do anything. Who could fix anything. But she left them. Left the Warehouse. Left Myka. She left without fixing anything. She left them broken.
"Damn it HG." she started, her body instantly taking a step towards the older woman. "What were you thinking? Playing house? Really? What the hell is wrong with you?" She glared at Helena, not sure what to expect for an answer. When Helena looked down, obviously not ready to answer, she wanted to rage at her even more. She froze though, because it didn't take Pete's vibes for Claudia to feel the regret radiating from the woman before her. The look in Helena's eyes told Claudia all she needed to know. She didn't need to yell at HG on behalf of her friend. HG was torturing herself enough without help from anyone else.
Helena was not shocked by Claudia's change in attitude, sighing at the young agents outburst and then looking away, not knowing what to say. She knew she ran for all the wrong reasons. She knew she'd been a coward. Obviously everyone knew it. There was no denying it and no point trying to justify it all now. "I'm an idiot."
When Helena finally did speak, Claudia soften immediately at the confession. "Yes." she agreed. "Yes you are." As mad as Claudia was, her heart would not allow her to watch Helena suffer from her words as well. She quickly wrapped Helena up in a second hug as an apology for her mini-outburst.
Claudia felt more than heard the "I'm sorry." whispered into the embrace. She pulled back and looked her mentor in the eyes. "You better be. You need to tell her that too."
Helena detached herself from the younger girl and wiped at her eyes. "I know. I will." she promised. Trying to return her mind and body to some sense of balance she took a step back. Now what mattered was figuring out what had inspired Claudia to text her so unexpectedly in the first place.
"So darling, other than my profound realization that I am a bloody fool, care to fill me in on what I'm doing here?"
"I wouldn't mind an answer to that question either?"
Helena heard the voice behind her and closed her eyes at the thought of it's owner. She slowly turned around to face Myka, all thoughts leaving her mind as she laid eyes on the woman before her.
"I'll just... you know... exit as ungracefully as possible right now." Claudia squeaked as she tried to slide past Myka.
"Claude, wait. You called her?" Myka accused.
Claudia briefly thought about making up an excuse for why Helena was currently in their hallway, but she quickly thought better of it. She gently placed a hand on Myka's shoulder before speaking. "I love you Mykes. You know that. And sometimes you need... a push. Don't be mad, please? I didn't tell her anything. Just that she should... come home."
Myka closed her eyes and thought about Claudia's words before covering the girls hand on her shoulder with her own. She closed her eyes and let a quiet "Thank you." slip out before she let Claudia pass her and head up the stairs.
She turned to face the woman who always managed to turn her world upside down, "Helena."
"Myka." It was all Helena could say. It was the only word running through her brilliant brain. Over and over again. Myka. In front of her. Myka. Staring into her soul. Myka. With a heart so big she might just listen to her one more time.
For her part, Myka stood with her arms folded across her stomach. Protecting herself. Torn. Between lashing out at the woman in front of her for repeatedly breaking her heart and falling helplessly into her arms. Knowing it was the one place she might be able to feel safe from all that was going on around her. "Helena? What are you doing here?"
Helena had no idea how long they stared at each other. How long the silence of Myka's unanswered question lingered between them. God she could get lost in the other woman's eyes. But Myka's words brought her back to the present and she knew she needed to start explaining. But not here.
"Claudia sent me a text. And... I don't know. Can we maybe... go for a walk? Or to the garden?" Helena never heard her own voice sound so hesitant. So scared of rejection.
Myka knew the answer she was about to give would probably reveal more than she cared to admit, but she also knew in her current state a walk was not a good idea. "It's been a really long couple of days Helena. I'm exhausted. But if you come upstairs we can talk in my room." And she turned and slowly headed up the stairs. Hoping beyond hope that the older woman would follow her.
Watching Myka walk away, the first thing that Helena noticed was how carefully Myka made her way up the stairs. There was no doubt she'd follow behind, and it was only a matter of steps before she was immediately behind Myka. When she noticed her ever so slightly sway and grip the railing a little harder towards the top of the stairs, she instinctually put her hand on the younger woman's lower back to steady her. She felt and heard Myka's breath hitch at the contact.
"Myka, are you..." she started, but was immediately cut off when Myka glanced over her shoulder at her.
"No. You don't get to ask. Not if I'm ok. Not what's going on. Not anything." She turned back around and was about to tackle the last stair, head down. "Not yet." she pleaded. And then she reached behind her and gently pressed Helena's hand firmer into her back.
Whatever this was, it was big, but Helena knew she couldn't deny Myka's request to let it go for now. She owed her at least that. "Ok." she whispered as Myka resumed her journey up the stairs, grateful for the physical contact with the younger agent.
B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W
Myka gently sat down on her bed, leaning against the headboard, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them in a protective ball. Helena following behind stood awkwardly next to the bed, not sure where Myka wanted her.
Myka could feel the hesitation in Helena's movements, and so releasing her knees, she slid over, patting the space on the bed next to her. "Sit. No shoes on the bed." she said before laying her head back against the headboard and closing her eyes.
Helena did as instructed, slipping out of her boots and pulling her feet up under herself, facing Myka. She took in the site before her. Myka was beautiful. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, she had no makeup on, and the lines under her eyes were proof she hadn't been sleeping well. But to Helena, she'd never seen such a beautiful sight before her.
Obviously Myka was waiting for her to speak, but the author was at a loss for words. She reached out and gently caressed the back of the younger woman's hand, but she didn't know where to start. She was sorry... She regretted so many things... She never meant to hurt her... She was lying to herself when she thought she could stay away... she was terrified of hurting her again...
"I love you." Those were the only words that made any sense. The only words she could imagine starting with. So they were the ones she spoke. Everything else, the apologies and the explanations, the hopes, dreams, and fears, would all come later. Right now Myka only needed to know she was loved.
Myka opened her eyes and turned her head to stare at the woman before her. She knew beyond a doubt Helena was speaking the truth. It was in her eyes. She did love her. And she would protect her. And past aside, that is what Myka needed right now. So she rolled her hand over so their fingers could clasp together, and squeezed.
"I know. I love you too." Closing her eyes again she felt a ghost of a smile across her own face. She felt Helena shift closer to her, and using the hand that was not holding Myka's, she gently stroke the side of her face. Myka could no longer fight off the tears slowly running down her cheek but smiled again when she felt first Helena's thumb brush them away, only to be replaced by soft lips upon her cheeks.
She opened her eyes again catching an equal number of tears in Helena's eyes. She raised her hand to brush them away, and then reached behind Helena's neck, pulling her forward until their foreheads touched. For now, it was enough of a connection to make both women sigh in relief.
Helena was the first to break the silence. She couldn't wait any longer. She slowly pulled back and waited for the woman across from her to open her eyes. "Myka, I am so very sorry."
"Shhh..." Helena felt a finger gently rest across her lips. She couldn't help but kiss it. She noticed the small smile on Myka's face as she did and it warmed her heart. She wrapped the hand at her lips with her own, and with a second kiss, pulled it away.
"I love you Myka. In a way I never thought possible, I love you. But I have hurt you so many times I don't know how you can possibly let me into your life again. How you could possibly trust me again?"
Instead of using a finger, this time Myka leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Helena's lips to stop her from speaking. When she pulled back she noticed they had equal smiles on their faces. She pulled back a little further to look into Helena's eyes.
"I know this isn't going to be easy Helena. There is so much we have to talk about. So much history to get past. God, there is so much I need to tell you. But not tonight. Tonight I am exhausted and I need to sleep. Tonight I need you to hold me and wrap your arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Tonight I need you to be the woman I love, who is never going to hurt me again." The honesty in Myka's voice nearly broke Helena. The tears that started running down her face again at admitting her need were Helena's undoing. She could never ever deny this woman anything again, and tonight she would be everything she needed her to be.
Helena brushed away a few more of Myka's tears before placing a sweet kiss to her lips once again. And like on the stairs, she knew all Myka needed from her was a simple "Ok."
She turned her body so she was lying parallel to Myka and then gently pulled her down so she was resting against her. She sighed contently when she felt Myka place her head on her shoulder and nuzzle into her neck. She wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her even closer as Myka tossed one leg over hers and let her arm curl around Helena's waist.
Helena felt Myka's entire body relax into hers, felt her breath even out, and felt more than heard the sigh of contentment that escaped the woman she was holding.
"Sleep my love. I've got you. I promise I'm not going to let go. Never again."
And with that, Myka slept, for the first time in months.