Antoinette was rushing. The last thing she needed was to be late, especially since she wasn't sure she'd even be presentable. She hoped her dress was as clean as it looked in the dim light of morning. She hoped her manners were right, and she didn't say anything silly or inappropriate. Really, she kind of hoped nobody except Gwen would talk to her, and she wouldn't even have the opportunity to do any of the things she worried about.
She was hoping a lot of things today.
She'd met Arthur of course. But only briefly, and never in a formal setting. She was lucky she'd met some of the knights, but still...their manners not only outdid her brothers, but herself.
How did her brothers shed their bad behavior? She'd heard Tristan belch as loud as a horn on more than one occasion. She'd seen Alynor forget to wear shoes. And yet, they had no qualms with trying to become knights and take on a new life. They weren't even worried about tonight.
She wished she didn't think so much about things. She wished she wasn't afraid all the time of what would happen. But she just couldn't shake the feeling.
She tried to push it from her mind and hurry home.
"Your dress is fine. You've known Gwen for ages, do you think she's going to judge you?" Tristan asked, kicking the air in front of Antoinette for her to hurry up.
Antoinette smoothed her dress one more time. She was surprised it still looked new after being packed away for almost seven years. She was lucky it wasn't eaten by moths or covered in dust, but she had taken extra care to package and place it on a high, protected shelf.
"It's too big," she told her mother, holding up the swimming green fabric.
"It's for the future," her mother said with a small smile. Her skin had grown pale, and her cheeks had sunk in, but her smile was the same, so that's what Antoinette focused on. "Diana guessed at what your size will be, but you can always have it altered when the time comes."
"When is it for?"
"I'm not sure yet," her mother said, smoothing down the fabric and folding it in the perfect way she always did. Her clothes never had creases. Antoinette's always looked like she'd crumpled them under her bed. "But I won't be around forever—"
"Mother," Antoinette said, looking at the ceiling. "Please."
"Nothing is certain, Nette. I just want you to own one nice dress. Every woman should have one, for a special occasion. And if it comes along, and you need help, you'll have this dress even if I can't be there."
"But you are going to be there," Antoinette said, hoping her voice came out as strong as she felt the statement.
"I'll always be with you," she said, leaning to press a kiss to her forehead. It felt like a feather brushing along her temple. "Even when I'm gone."
"I'm ready now," Antoinette said, studying her dress one last time. It was the fanciest she owned, even to this day. Diana had been her mother's best friend, and had embroidered it with silver thread that shimmered when she moved her arms.
She lifted her head up and tried to gather courage in her chest as she looked at her brothers. She wouldn't admit it to them, but they looked handsome. Tristan, with his long hair and sparkling eyes, and Alynor with his sharp cheekbones. She was a little bit of each of them, but awkward enough to keep away most admirers. "Let's go."
"Finally," Tristan said, rising from his seat.
"We're just on time," Alynor said soothingly, nodding at them.
When Alynor went through the door, Tristan hung back for a moment, leaning toward her ear.
"You look beautiful, you dolt," he said, kissing her cheek quickly before running after his brother.
She grinned at him, her step suddenly lighter.
Antoinette held her skirts in her hands, not caring what she looked like as they walked toward the castle. The sun was falling in the sky and she saw a group of children running around outside. They usually ate much later, after their parents had finished up a day at work.
She smiled as she sidestepped a barefoot Charlie chasing his friend, and followed her brothers closely. The little boy was the butcher's son, and the younger brother of Sam. He usually kept an eye on him, but thankfully she didn't see him anywhere.
They were almost to the castle now. She could feel the air grow colder in its shadow. She felt her nerves jittering, but this time in a good way. She'd been so concerned with her dress, but now she felt passable, and she would finally get to see Gwen.
They were only a minute away now, but Alynor had stopped moving. She turned her eyes away from his back to look to his left and saw him greeting Sam. She inwardly groaned, knowing she'd have to say hello. She inched closer, hoping they'd only be a minute.
"Alright Sam?" Tristan asked, clapping the boy on the shoulder. He was a year older than Tristan, but looked much younger. His frame was wiry and fidgety while Tristan was strong and secure.
"Hello," Sam said, nodding at her brothers before looking at her. She supposed she should have taken a compliment to his eyes growing wide at her, but she felt mostly embarrassed. "You look...very nice, Antoinette," he said, gulping visibly.
He was the shyest person she'd ever met, but she didn't quite find it endearing. His face was too close together, his eyebrows almost meeting each other, his eyes always squinting underneath them, his nose always twitching in tune to his mouth.
"Thank you Sam."
"You're all fancy now because you know the future Queen?"
Antoinette groaned out loud this time as she watched Hannah stride up to them. On the list of her least favorite people, she ranked near the top. Ironically, she was quite the opposite of Sam. Her features were far apart, her eyes on other side of her wide face. She fancied Sam, and always showed up at the worst times.
"Don't forget where you come from," Hannah said, her lips a thin pink line. "Down the road," she laughed, pointing where the children were kicking up dirt.
"Well you'll have to excuse us, Hannah," Alynor said, narrowing his eyes. "We're going this way on the road tonight, for dinner with the knights. And the King," he added.
Antoinette grinned. Alynor was always the level headed one, and while her tongue wanted to lash out, Alynor always found a better way to throw someone's words back in a dignified way.
"Truly?" Sam asked, his eyes widening again. It almost made his eyebrows disconnect. "That's exciting."
"We'll see you lot later," Tristan said.
Antoinette started to follow them when a foot appeared in front of her. She didn't feel it until she was pitching forward, her skirts rustling around her as her palms thudded against the ground.
She supposed it hurt. Her hands were stinging and her knees felt jostled, but her first thought was her dress.
Her dress from her mother. Her only nice dress. Her dress now covered in dirt from the knees down. With the green and brown, she actually looked like a piece of the forest.
"Nette!" Alynor said, leaning down to her. "Are you alright?"
She slowly raised her head to the smug face of Hannah.
"Yes Netty," she said, "It seems you've had an accident. Are you alright?"
Antoinette lunged for her without thinking. Alynor grabbed her arms just before they reached Hannah, but she still caught a piece of her skirt and pulled. She was held back just enough that it didn't do anything except make Hannah back up.
"You did that on purpose!" Antoinette called.
"Oh yes, a real lady," Hannah smirked, continuing to back up.
"You're just jealous, Hannah," Tristan said, glaring at her as him and Alynor pulled her backwards. "Stay out of it."
Antoinette watched Hannah retreat and Sam slink back toward his younger brother. That was another reason she didn't warm to him...he never stood up for himself or anyone else.
She couldn't believe she actually thought she would make it through tonight...she hadn't even reached the front door without incident.
She looked down and her hope completely depleted. She looked like...well, like she'd rolled around in the dirt.
"It's alright, Nette. Just tell everyone was happened. You'll be sitting most of the time anyway."
Her brothers looked worried, but a little impatient. They were already running late, and they wanted to make a good impression at their first feast.
Antoinette had built herself up, and now felt her confidence drain out of her. She couldn't walk in, not just yet. She spied a water spigot and knew that could serve as an excuse.
"I'm going to try and clean it, just for a moment," she told them, "I'll be there in a minute."
"We'll wait," Alynor offered.
She noticed his eyes briefly flit toward the castle, and knew that while he would, she didn't want to make him.
"No, go up and tell them I'll be right there," Antoinette said. "We don't want them to think we're all late."
Alynor exchanged a worried look between her and the castle.
"If you're sure..." he said.
"Yes, go!"
He reluctantly turned, only looking back once as she walked over to the water. Tristan followed him, and she watched them talk to a guard before disappearing from sight.
She sighed and sat beside the water. She wouldn't be able to clean anything. She just needed a moment to cool down and decide if she could run and hide somewhere.
"But I don't want to live without you," Antoinette insisted to her mother, trying not to cry in front of her again. "You're supposed to be at all my special occasions. Bring me the dress then."
She tried to thrust it back at her. The dress was for a woman, not a little girl with a penchant for wrestling with her brothers and making mischief in town. She didn't understand why her mother was rushing things. She didn't understand why she wasn't fighting to stick around.
"Take it now, my love," her mother said, her voice tired but firm. "And when you wear it, think of me, and how I'd always known you'd look beautiful in it."
Antoinette didn't cry easily, but she felt a few rebellious tears drip down her cheeks. Her nose burned, and she tasted salty water, which she always equated with weakness. She rubbed at them angrily, hating herself for having the reaction Hannah had hoped for.
"Ant?"
Antoinette knew only one person who called her that, and was thankful she'd wiped her tears before he squatted beside her.
"Are you alright?"
Gwaine was all jokes and teasing, and she was going to make a sarcastic remark, but she was tired and settled for the truth.
"If it wasn't obvious enough that I don't belong here, now I look like it."
He glanced at her dress before looking back at her face. She wondered if he would be serious or not.
"Times are changing," he said, "Look at the knights. Look at the new queen...you can belong here too."
"You can belong anywhere, Gwaine," she said, looking at his face. He was handsome when he smiled, but he his stern face was handsome too. "Everybody likes you, and you just...fit."
Antoinette stopped when she realized she was complimenting him. Her face flushed but thankfully, for once, he did not point this out.
Gwaine thought she was prettier when she blushed, but he pushed that from his mind, because she was upset and they were late, and he felt a strange feeling in his stomach when he saw her crouched over.
"My father was a knight, you know," he told her, watching her head raise in interest.
"Really?"
"Yes, and when he died and we could barely survive..." he trailed off, trying not to feel bitter again. "Let's just say I didn't have a good picture of nobles. And I didn't want to fit in with them when I came here. If you'd asked me years ago if I thought I'd be a knight, I would have laughed in your face. Or punched you."
"Or both," Antoinette said lowly, a small smile on her lips.
"Probably," he laughed, feeling a twinge of accomplishment as she brightened. "But there's more to it than what I thought. It's unfair to think that all people from town are the same, right? Well it's unfair to think everyone you'll meet will look down on you. Arthur's marrying Gwen, and the knights all come to your home..."
"For my brothers," Antoinette protested. "And Gwen is a great exception."
"Exceptions make life interesting," he said, grinning at her. She had no idea how different she really was. "I may be a knight, but I'm still myself. And you be might have a dirty dress, but you're still yourself."
He saw her struggling to keep her downcast look. He was almost there.
"Yes, but I'm from the village, and for all the forward thinking, there are still those that would separate us."
"You belong where you believe you do," Gwaine insisted, "If you believe you're too lowborn for them, they'll treat you as such. But if you go in there with a high head, who's anyone to argue?"
She paused, looking down at the ground. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to convince her of this, but he knew that someone had given him a chance, and his life had changed...maybe it was his turn to pass along the favor.
"You're right," she conceded, getting to her feet.
"Great," he said, rising with her and offering his arm. "Ready to go in?"
"I'm ready to attract looks," she said with a small smile.
"You're going to attract looks no matter what you wear," Gwaine said, looking at the ground but not missing another blush on her cheeks. He reached forward and pulled up a fistful of dirt. "But if it makes you feel better..."
"Gwaine!" she said, her mouth wide.
"What?" he asked, rubbing the dirt from his throat to his chest. "Do I have something on my shirt?"
Antoinette wasn't sure if she liked Gwaine at first. But here he was, covered in dirt, escorting her into dinner. He might crack too many jokes and be a little too loud, but he was a good man.
"Just remember, you belong—"
"—where you believe you do," Antoinette finished, grinning at him. "When did you get so wise?"
"I don't know, but make it stop..." he said with a shudder, smiling down at her.
Two guards opened the doors for them. Antoinette took a deep breath. Banners were on the far side of the room, and the tables set up in rows. Arthur and Gwen were at the farthest table, their goblets being filled. The rest of the room was filled with red cloaks, and there were two ladies she could see.
They were all looking at them.
"Good evening!" Gwaine said, waving stupidly at everyone. Antoinette almost regretted that he dropped her arm, but quickly put that feeling out of her mind.
He looked down, like he was just noticing their appearance.
"Oh this...you should have seen it! A horse galloping full force at Antoinette, if I was a second later, we'd have both been trampled! We're lucky we got away with just a few dirt streaks, I'll tell you that much..."
Gwaine continued talking, walking toward the knights, while chatter resumed in the room. Antoinette began to walk toward Gwen who had the same thought and hurried forward toward her.
"Should I ask?" Gwen laughed, hugging her despite the dirt.
"I'll explain later," Antoinette said, feeling a little awed at the room.
"You know, I've invited you a few times," Gwen said, grabbing her arm and leading her toward the table. "I'm so glad you're finally here."
"Of course," Antoinette said, watching Gwaine continue his story, now adding hand gestures. She smiled and let Gwen lead her away. "Where else would I be?"
Thank you to all who read, especially those who review! I'd love some more feedback...nudge nudge.