A/N: A bit of a longer chapter. Hope you enjoy! You guys are amazing with your feedback! Thank you so much. Disclaimer: I do not own W13 or B&W. Just playing with them for a while.
Chapter 7: Surgery
If there was one thing Myka had learned as an agent, it was that whenever there was a time she woke up without any idea of where she was or how she got there, her best option was to not move much until she could take in her physical state and her surroundings. And although she had not been zapped by an artifact and was not being held hostage at this very moment, her training served her well.
She slowly opened her eyes and took in her location. Hospital bed. Definitely. There was an annoying beep coming from her rihjt, and her entire body ached. Abrupt moving would definitely be a bad option. But God she was thirsty. She turned her head from side to side, looking for water, and noticed a pitcher sitting on the side table. It wasn't until she tried to lift her arm to help pull herself into a sitting position that she realized it was weighted down by something. Looking down, she took in the form of Helena, sitting in a chair next to her bed, body slumped forward and her head resting on their interlocked hands.
Lifting her other hand and bringing it across her body, she gently ran her fingers through the head of hair at her side. She felt Helena stir, and then watched as she slowly lifted her head and blinked her way back into consciousness. When their eyes met, she used all of her strength to grit through her growing pain and manage a smile for the woman at her side.
"Hi."
Helena returned the smile and added a squeeze to her lovers hand before a quick exchange of whispered words were spoken.
"You're awake."
"You're here."
"Of course. Wild horses couldn't have pulled me away." Helena spoke with pure honesty in her voice.
"Thank you." Myka replied sincerely.
"How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"
"I'm thirsty. And everything... aches." Myka acknowledged.
Helena pulled her hand back and moved to the table to pour some water. She handed the cup to Myka who had moved into a slightly more upright position, grimacing as she did. "Sip, slowly."
Myka took the cup and did as instructed, sighing in relief as it soothed her dry throat. Helena gently propped herself up on the edge of the bed, being sure not to jostle, and reached out to tuck some hair behind Myka's ear. She let her hand trail down the side of Myka's face and leaned forward to place the softest of kisses on her lips. Pulling back she said "Let me call the nurse so they can bring you more pain medicine."
"Not yet." Myka pleaded. She didn't want to go back to sleep yet, and she knew that's what the pain meds would do. "Just... do that again."
Helena leaned in again, holding their lips together longer, pouring every ounce of comfort she could into the kiss they shared. When it ended she smiled at the woman in front of her "Better?"
"Much." Myka closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillow behind her.
"Good. However, I still need to call your nurse. I am under strict instructions that as long as I was going to break visiting hour rules, I had to call them as soon as you awoke." Helena admitted.
"Ok." Myka sounded resigned, but she could not deny that being in less pain sounded good right about now.
Helena pressed the call button, and then picked up Myka's hand again, caressing the back of her hand and up and down her arm while the younger woman kept her eyes closed.
Myka did not open her eyes, but spoke up before she was completely lulled back to sleep by the feel of Helena's hand. "Thank you for not letting them make you leave... I'm sure it was quite the... scene. But I can't imagine waking up without you right here." she finished exhausted.
"I would never have let that happen, love. And you know me... always looking for the chance to break rules." She smiled at the words and Myka could feel her body relax even more.
She knew she would fall back to sleep quickly, especially once the pain meds arrived, so she needed to ask now. "How did everything go?" She knew Helena would be filled in on how the surgery went. During yesterday's appointment after having to repeatedly inform various doctors that yes, they were allowed to speak in front of Helena, she realized she needed to do something about that in case she wasn't there to say so. It was her Warehouse family who was going to be there through all this, and it was Helena who she trusted to make any and all decisions in the event she couldn't. So having signed medical power of attorney docs and disclosure documents with the hospital, Helena would be in the loop on everything.
Helena hesitated at first but knew Myka needed information. So she tried to stick to the facts. "It was fine. According to the doctor, you'll be out of here in a few days." she tried to reassure. Noting the look on Myka's face, she knew this wasn't the information she was looking for.
"There was nothing unexpected during the surgery. It went well. Vanessa was in the room with you the entire time to make sure you had no 'artifacty' side effects to any parts of the procedure or the anesthetic, but it all went fine." She looked to Myka as if to ask if she wanted her to continue and when she got a nod in return, she did. "They had to remove both ovaries as well as your uterus. They found tumors throughout and although they did their best to remove everything, Dr. Moore still believes that you will need to go through multiple rounds of chemo in the very near future." she finished with a sigh.
The tears that were on the brink of spilling then started to stream down Myka's face. And it frustrated her. She knew this was the most likely outcome. They'd said they wouldn't have an idea of how far the cancer had spread until the surgery. This was not quite worse case, but it felt pretty damn close. They'd talked about it extensively yesterday at her appointment and she'd known the likelihood they'd remove as much as they did. She'd cried into Helena's shoulder the night before because the reality was just too overwhelming. She thought she was cried out. Apparently she was wrong.
Knowing that it may hurt Myka to be hugged right now, Helena placed her hand behind the other woman's neck and brought their foreheads together. She used her free hand to brush some of Myka's tears away, realizing that her own were joining in as well. "You're going to get through this darling." she whispered to the woman before her.
Before she could say more, the nurse chose that moment to walk in. After giving a quick glance at the two women in front of her, she silently moved around to the other side of the bed to note Myka's vitals.
"Ms Bering, how are you feeling?" the nurse inquired as she started organizing something that would go in her IV.
Even if she wanted to, there was no point in hiding anything. She let Helena pull back as she sniffed and controlled her tears before replying "Everything hurts." And it did. Her body, her mind, her soul all ached.
The nurse nodded in acknowledgement and then stated kindly "Well, this should take care of any lingering pain for the time being. It'll take about 5 minutes to kick in completely and you should be resting comfortably. It's 2:30 in the morning now, and the next time you wake up Dr. Moore will be here to check in on you."
Myka simply closed her eyes and nodded, so it was Helena who replied with a "Thank you." although she never let her eyes leave the form of the woman in front of her. After injecting the meds into the IV, the nurse cleaned up and walked back around the bed, placing a gentle hand on Helena's shoulder.
She spoke quietly "You know, these beds are a little tight, and she can't move around much, but I've known a couple or two who have managed to work out the details. I trust you can keep her safe and comfortable at the same time. It'll help you both sleep." With that the nurse exited the room, not waiting for a reply.
Without saying anything Myka did her best to slide her body sideways so Helena could squeeze in next to her. Moving anything in her ab region sent shocks of pain through her body, but it was worth it. She felt Helena slip in next to her and wrap an arm over her shoulder. She dropped her head to Helena's chest without turning her body too much and absorbed all the warmth she could from that woman next to her. It was a little awkward, but she needed to be as close as possible so she would take it.
She felt Helena drop a kiss on to the top of her head "Sleep now, I'll be here when you awake."
B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W
As predicted by the nurse, when Myka awoke the second time, she was almost instantly greeted by Dr. Moore. She was still groggy but was able to stay awake long enough to have a conversation with the doctor about the next steps. Helena did not move from Myka's side as the doctor recapped the surgery and then went into more detail about when they would have the remaining biopsy results back and how those results would have an affect on what her chemo treatment would look like. Although they removed a significant amount of the main tumor, and subsequent smaller tumors, there were areas on her pelvis that had the doctor concerned and they needed to begin chemo soon.
They also spoke briefly of when Myka could return home. Although realistically Dr. Moore would have preferred Myka stay in the hospital for at least two more days, she was also well aware that the upcoming months were going to be taxing for her, and that she'd want to be away from the hospital as soon as possible. Myka and Helena pleaded their case, knowing that chemo started in less than 10 days and Myka needed to gain as much strength back as possible before then. The doctor was convinced that with Dr. Calder being in house, Myka could recover at home, however she still insisted on at least two days before that happened.
Before their conversation was even over, Myka felt herself drifting back to sleep, and was content to let Helena finish the conversation with the doctor on her behalf.
The third time Myka awoke, she was far less disoriented, but this time saddened to realize that she was no longer lying with Helena. She absently reached out to find the other half of the bed empty, but was calmed when she recognized the british accent coming from the other side of the room. Still too groggy to open her eyes completely, she did her best to make sense of the conversation being had around her.
"The doctor still wants her here for two more days, but I'm hoping we can convince her otherwise. She wants to get out of here and I know it'll be good for her. The only problem I see is she's going to be stubborn enough to want to get to her room, but she shouldn't be taking stairs yet..." Helena sighed, realizing that Myka was not going to be asking for help, but that her body wasn't ready to tackle some things on her own just yet.
A gentle hand was placed on Helena's shoulder and the other person in the room spoke. "It's been taken care of. We converted the study into a room for her. We put a bed in there and added some things she may want from her room. Claudia picked out 'the essentials.'" She spoke, using air quotes to emphasize Claudia's idea of what Myka would need. "We figured with Claudia's suggestions and the amount of books alone down there, she might be tempted to not stray too far."
"At least for the first few days." Helena agreed with a shake of her head. If their positions were reversed she knew there would be no keeping her off her feet, damn the circumstances. She knew Myka was not much different from her in that respect, and that getting the agent to spend time recuperating before the next round of treatment was going to be a challenge.
"We also authorized Claudia to set her up with access to all the Warehouse computer files directly from the B&B. That way, she'll be able to help out with research when she's ready." Jane gave Helena a look knowing what she was thinking. Myka would jump right back into work, potentially risking her recovery, if it was easy for her to do so. She nodded at Helena's unspoken words and continued. "I told Claudia not to set it up until at least the end of the week. I figure a little forced recovery time is good before she tries jumping back into work."
"Thank you." Helena replied sincerely. "I think that will really help her, and the new room should help convince her doctor that a home recovery is her best option."
"Mind if I join this conversation?" Myka asked from the bed, slowly opening her eyes to look at the two occupants of the room. She didn't catch everything being said, but she knew she was the topic of conversation, and that unsettled her a little, so she wanted to put an end to it as soon as possible.
Helena quickly moved to Myka's side, picking up her hand as she spoke. "Darling, how are you feeling?"
"I would have preferred waking up next to you." Myka admitted honestly. "And without people talking about me." she sighed and then whispered "But I'm glad you're still here." Remembering the other person in the room, Myka turned her attention away from Helena. "Hi Jane."
Jane approached the bed slowly, moving around to the opposite side that Helena was on. "Hi Myka, it's good to see you awake. I'm sorry to pull Helena away from you, but we didn't want to wake you before you were ready."
Truthfully if there was going to be a regent in her room when she woke up, Myka was grateful that it was Jane and no one else. Myka quickly realized that she wasn't speaking as a regent, or even as a friend, but as a mother looking out for one of her own. Her connection to Pete, and her obvious concern put Myka at ease.
There was something in Jane's look that made Myka believe there was more to her visit then a simple check in though. "Not that I'm not glad to see you Jane, but where's Pete? I kind of figured he'd be here."
Jane hesitated before responding. "He is still in Seattle with Steve. And let me tell you, he's more than a little pissed off about it. The retrieval had a few... hiccups."
Myka was immediately concerned. There was nothing simple about their job, and she hated not being out in the field to have her partner's back. "Are they ok?" she asked with a slight panic in her voice.
"Yes, they're physically fine, if not a little drained. He's been calling and checking in every couple hours and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he's driving you and Helena crazy. I told him I would come 'play mom' until he could get back and keep him up to date if anything changes. Hopefully that will let him focus on the retrieval and get back as soon as possible."
Extremely worried about overstepping her bounds, Jane continued. "Look Myka, I know you are in perfectly good hands" she looked to Helena as she spoke. "And you don't need or necessarily want me mothering you. But if there is anything I can do to help, other than keeping my over protective and worrisome son out of your hair, please let me know."
"Thank you. I appreciate you being here. Pete's a great partner and he's not overprotective. Just... worried. I feel bad for having left him out of the loop for so long, so if you being here makes him feel better, that's fine."
Jane placed a hand on Myka's shoulder before she spoke. "You have nothing to feel bad for sweetie. You just need to focus on getting better right now." she replied sincerely.
Helena took that moment to cut in, squeezing Myka's hand and bringing her attention back around. "Jane and Claudia turned the study into a room for you so that you can hopefully get out of here soon. With no stairs to deal with now, I'm hoping we can talk Dr. Moore into letting you head home later today."
Myka rested her head back and closed her eyes. She'd only been in the hospital for 24 hours, but the thought of going home was so damn appealing. She felt like she was destined to spend months in this place, so any moment away would be cherished. "What's this I heard about Claudia going through my stuff?" she asked with a small chuckle.
Jane laughed at the question thinking back to Claudia's insistence in arranging the room. "Right, well she wanted to make sure you felt as comfortable as possible in the study, so she tried to bring anything downstairs she thought you might want. I'm not totally sure about her selections... but her heart is in the right place."
"I can only imagine what she thought was important. But I'm sure it's perfect. I can't wait to get out of here..." she commented, and then turned as she heard the click of the door and saw Dr. Moore make her way inside.
"Hi Doc... Good timing. We were just talking about me going home." Myka spoke with more optimism in her voice than she actually felt. Helena took the chance to prop herself onto the bed next to Myka so she could also face the doctor.
"So I've heard. Vanessa did her best to convince me that she would be around 24/7 and that home is where you should be. She also mentioned that some effort was made to set up a way for you to recover without too much strain. So I'm inclined to agree with her decision." Dr. Moore replied with a smile.
Myka let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. Thank god.
"You should be able to get out of here by late this afternoon. We're going to do two more rounds of vital checks and I want to make sure we have the dosage of your pain killers correct, and then I will sign you out of here."
"Thank you." Myka whispered. She let her head fall to Helena's shoulder, realizing just how much a short conversation and the anticipation of the doctors decision had drained her. Helena turned and placed a kiss to Myka's head, noticing that she was about to fall asleep.
Jane took this moment to excuse herself. "Get some rest Myka. I'll let the others know what's going on and I'll see you back at the house."
Myka opened her eyes and nodded to the woman leaving. "Thank you Jane. Say hi to Pete for me and tell him to stay safe."
"I will." After exchanging good byes with Helena and the doctor, Jane made her way out the door.
The doctor also took in Myka's appearance and started to make her exit. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to check in with you again. In the meantime a nurse will be by to go over some basics with you for home care, and also get you up out of bed at least once before we ok your release."
After the doctor took her leave, Helena moved more fully onto the bed, lying next to Myka once again. Myka turned to look at her and realized that as much as she was itching to get out of this hospital room, Helena could leave, but she hadn't.
Turning to look at the woman next to her, she linked their hands between them. "Why don't you get out of here for a while? Go home and shower, get some real food. You must be exhausted."
"No." Helena replied quickly. "I'm fine." she continued, a softer edge to her voice.
"Honestly, I'm just going to go back to sleep." Myka reasoned. "I'll be fine. And you look exhausted."
"Are you saying I look bad my dear?" Helena questioned with a lightness in her voice.
Myka laughed at Helena's feigned attempt at being insulted. "Of course not. You are beautiful all the time." she answered sincerely and sealed her answer with a kiss. "However, you also need to take care of yourself. I doubt you slept during the surgery, and when I woke up the first time you were half passed out in a chair. When was the last time you ate?"
Helena had the good sense to not put a time frame on her last meal. "I haven't been hungry. Honestly, I'm fine. It's you we need to be concerned with..."
"Helena, stop. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate your being by my side. But please, take a little time. Even if you just go home, grab a shower, pick up some food and come back. You don't need to be stuck here too. You'll feel better... " Myka insisted.
"No." Helena stated simply, without explanation.
"Helena?" Myka looked at her, concern growing in her voice. Although she had been on the verge of falling asleep, she forced herself to refocus all of her energy on the woman next to her.
"Myka please stop asking." Helena rose from the bed and paced the room a little. "I know you probably think I am being ridiculous. I know you're safe here in the hospital right now... I know I could go get food and come back and you'd still be safe... I know you are only looking out for me the same way I am trying to look out for you. I know all of that." She took a breath but continued her pacing, running a hand through her hair.
"I know it all. But I can't handle the feeling of absolute fear that grips me at the thought of having you out of my site right now. It's irrational and overbearing and... insane. But as ridiculous as it is, please don't ask me to leave your side right now." She pleaded with the woman in the bed.
Myka's heart broke at the pain in Helena's voice. She realized that what started as a small conversation about a shower in a meal was so much more than that. "Come here." she whispered to the woman pacing the room.
Helena easily conceded to the request, and moved back towards the bed, sitting to face Myka.
"No, not like that." Myke insisted. "Come here." she lifted her arm so that Helena could lie on the bed and then curl into Myka's side, extremely careful not to put weight anywhere that could hurt Myka. Helena felt Myka's arm wrap around her shoulder, letting her body relax into the embrace. She gently placed her arm across the younger woman chest to grasp her shoulder on the other side.
"I'm sorry Myka. I'm acting like a bloody fool, I know. This is not what you need right now." Helena confessed into Myka's shoulder.
Myka placed a kiss on the top of Helena's head before speaking. "What I need right now is to make sure that the woman I love knows that I have no intention of going anywhere. I know you're scared sweetie. I am too. But you have to believe I am going to be fighting this with everything in my power."
"I know you are." Helena agreed.
"I am not going to leave you if I can help it. Not after surgery. Not after chemo. Not even when we are old and grey and senile." She smiled at the last thought of the two of them growing old together.
"I will never be grey." Helena insisted with a small huff.
"There's my girl." Myka laughed with her at the pure stubbornness returning to Helena's voice. "Are you ok?" she asked.
"Probably not. But I will be" Helena conceded into her chest. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Myka reassured.
"I still don't want to leave." Helena whispered her confession.
"I don't want you to leave right now either."
"Are we crazy?"
"Probably. I'm sure we'll keep Abigail busy in the future. But for right now I am perfectly content to cling."
"Good. I love you." Helena lifted her head and planted a kiss on Myka's lip.
"I love you too. Nap with me?" Myka requested, knowing there was no chance of her staying awake much longer.
"Of course." Helena snuggled back down, happy to be in the arms of the woman she loved. Looking forward to a few hours of sleep before nurses and doctors took over their space again.