CHAPTER 6 - FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING

We were pretty close to a narrow creek and Chavez went down to the water to clean up his arm. I kept out of the way of all the others and sat myself down in the sparse shade of a small tree. I realised I needed to be careful or the others were going to want rid of me. They probably did already. I'd done too many stupid things too close together.

In addition, I felt like a real piece of shit now. I knew this time I'd gone too far. If Billy, Doc, Hendry and Tom hadn't all turned their guns on me, I would have shot Chavez. It was bad enough that I'd rammed my knife through his arm when I'd been in the wrong to begin with, digging up the damned Apache bones. I didn't care about it, but Chavez obviously did and the others respected his feelings so I was viewed as the black sheep of the gang and I needed to rectify things right quick.

I sighed heavily and got to my feet. There was only one thing for it. I would have to do the one thing I always avoided at all costs. I slowly walked down to the creek. Chavez had finished washing his arm and was wrapping a strip of cloth around it. I grimaced at the sight of the wound before he covered it up. It was still oozing thick dark blood and must have been horribly painful. I had done that to him. I halted a few feet away from him.

He looked up briefly and then ignored me. He didn't even seem to think it worth pulling out a weapon. I licked my lips. Damnit, pulling apologies out of my mouth was harder than pulling my blade out of someone's flesh.

"I'm sorry," I said grudgingly.

"If you're going to be sorry for something afterwards, why do it in the first place?" Chavez said philosophically, still not looking at me.

I immediately felt angry again, despite my remorse, which was in fact genuine. He was right and he was tougher than me too. I knew full well if I'd had a knife run through my arm, I'd be screaming like a stuck pig. The knowledge that the other boys also knew he was better that me just made me resent him more, but the fact that they wouldn't think twice about getting rid of me made me swallow it for once.

"Yeah, you're right," I said.

Chavez lifted his head and raised one eyebrow. "Makes a change for you to admit it."

"Yeah." I nodded. I couldn't think of a single word to add to that and after another moment's hesitation, I turned around and walked back to my horse.

Soon after, we all set off again and I was glad to be on the move. I just hoped I would find some way of redeeming myself as no one wanted to talk to me. Billy and Doc were riding on ahead and Hendry and Tom trailed behind. I found myself riding alongside Chavez and I felt pretty uncomfortable. I'd never found my horse's ears so interesting in my life before. I found myself concentrating on them fiercely to save me having to look at anything else. I rode along slowly, staring at the furry chestnut ears and sulking. I was a great sulker and it was one thing I didn't like about myself. Other people who sulked annoyed the hell out of me. I would rather they just said what was on their mind. It was ironic really. I could never say what was on my own mind unless it gave me a reason to be mean to someone. About half an hour later I was startled out of my sulk by a voice.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Huh?" I jerked my head up and looked to my right. Chavez was staring at me expectantly. "Nothing," I muttered.

"You're sulking."

"The hell I am." I sighed heavily. "I'm a fool," I said under my breath.

"We already established that several times over," Chavez remarked. "What's suddenly brought you to the same conclusion?"

"The damned knife fight," I said.

"Oh, that. What are you dwelling on that for? It's in the past, isn't it?"

"Only just."

Chavez shrugged. "Get over it, it was just a fight. Your lack of respect for the dead is more of a concern."

"Like I said, I'm a fool," I said ruefully. "I won't make that mistake again."

"Good, so forget about it then, I have."

I almost smiled. I'd thought he was going to make a big deal out of it, but I obviously didn't know much about him. I knew Billy much better and I didn't doubt he would keep on needling me about my misdemeanours until he got bored.

"The others will have more important things to occupy them by tomorrow tonight," added Chavez as if he could read my mind.

"Why? What are we doing?" I asked.

"Looks like we're circling around. We should be getting to a town by tomorrow."

"A town? Jesus Christ, it's about time!" I exclaimed.

Chavez actually laughed. "Yeah, you look like you could use a bath."

"I was thinking more of a woman," I retorted.

"I would have the bath first, if I were you," he grinned.

"Go to hell," I replied, but I found myself laughing too. Christ Almighty, I was actually getting along with him. Only an hour or so before, I'd been trying to kill him. "You don't hold grudges," I commented.

"There's no point. Better to deal with something at the time and then forget it."

"You didn't do anything to deal with it," I reminded him.

"I didn't have to. You finished up feeling like a piece of shit. That's going to have more effect, don't you think?"

"Hmmm." Godamnit, he knew everything. "I'm surprised you haven't convinced Billy and Doc to get rid of me," I said then. "Not that they'd need much convincing."

"Billy needs as many men as he can get right now; at least you can shoot straight." Chavez urged his horse to trot faster and left me alone as he moved up alongside Doc.

I rode on in silence, but at least now I wasn't wishing myself somewhere else and I had something to look forward to. Civilisation!