CHAPTER 12 - NO TURNING BACK

We stopped running when we thought we were far enough away from Garrett's posse to set up camp. There were only a couple of hours of daylight left and we guessed our pursuers would rest up too. We came upon a broken down old barn and decided to make it our camp.

No one talked. I was thinking about Tom and I guessed the others were too. He had just made his fifteenth birthday a few days ago and now he was shot and killed. Doc lit a fire and sat warming his hands over it. Billy paced around muttering to himself. Hendry sat in silence close to the horses. Chavez walked off a short distance and sat down cross-legged. I went to sit near the fire opposite Doc. He glanced at me and said nothing. A few minutes later we both looked up as Chavez started singing.

"What's he doing?" I asked.

"Mourning. It's Navajo. He'll cut his hair too," Doc said.

I watched and when he stopped singing, he pulled out a knife and cut a lock of his hair off. Then he got up and went to his horse. I stood up.

"Leave him alone, he won't appreciate you bothering him with your shit," Doc snapped at me. I ignored him and walked over to Chavez. By the time I reached him, he had mounted his horse.

"You alright?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Where you going?"

Chavez shrugged. "I just want to get away from them for a while."

"What about me?" I asked.

"What about you?"

"You wanna get away from me too or do you want some company?"

He shrugged again. "I don't really care either way." He turned the horse away and rode slowly out of the camp. I quickly went to my own horse and sprang into the saddle. He hadn't said no after all.

"Where the hell are you going?" Billy demanded suddenly. I ignored him and urged the horse forwards. "Dave!" I left him behind and caught Chavez up some yards ahead.

It was growing dark and the horses plodded along side by side. Chavez didn't say anything and nor did I, but for once I wasn't in the wrong and didn't feel uncomfortable about being ignored.

We stopped after a while, tethered and unsaddled the horses and lit another fire. There were a few trees and scrubby undergrowth offering shelter and we spread out our bedrolls and sprawled close to the heat, still not exchanging a single word. Chavez lay on his front, propped up on his elbows, staring into the fire and I lay on my side, my hat half tilted down over my eyes, watching him. The flickering flames were reflected in his eyes.

I rose slightly to throw a few more twigs onto the fire. Chavez looked up at me and I threw myself into exactly the situation I had been determined to avoid. I was thinking with my cock as usual and I reached out, rolled him onto his back and leaned over him as I began to unfasten his shirt. No lead up, no conversation, I just grabbed him. He stiffened for a moment and lifted his hand to push me off. If he had shoved me away, I would have come to my senses, but he didn't. Instead he took my hat off and put it to one side. Then we were tearing at each other's clothes in an effort to get them off as fast as possible.

I briefly thought that I should get control of myself before I went too far like I always did with anything, but I couldn't stop myself. I expected a punch or a knife between my ribs, but I didn't get either. He wanted it as much as I did and wrapped himself around me. After everything that had happened, I was surprised that he would respond like that and surprised at myself that I wanted it so much.

I broke another one of my stupid little rules. As I was looking down at him, my hand between us rubbing his cock, I dropped my head forward and kissed him. It wasn't just a peck either; I poured myself into it as if I meant to devour him. He clutched at me, his response heated and I stopped thinking about whether I might regret it later and simply lost myself in it. I ground myself against him, pushing my erection alongside his and stroking us together. Chavez squirmed and bucked beneath me, his hands clutching at my back as he came hard, coating my hand and my cock, his breath leaving him in harsh gasps. I stopped moving even though I ached and throbbed with need; I wanted more than this. It had been way too long since I actually screwed someone; so long that I couldn't even remember it. I pushed his legs apart with my knees and reached down, pressing one finger into him, using his own fluid to ease the way. His eyes flew open and he stiffened.

"What are you doing?"

"Come on, you want it as much as I do." I forced a second finger in. He was tight as hell and hot...Christ, I wouldn't last a minute, I thought. He flinched and groaned in discomfort.

"Don't."

I stopped and withdrew my fingers reluctantly and his face took on a look of a surprise.

"Why'd you stop?"

"You said 'don't'." Disappointed, I rolled off him onto my side and he turned to face me.

"You don't usually do what people want."

"Yeah, well..." I half shrugged and avoided his eyes, unwilling to explain myself.

"Have you done this before? With boys?"

"Yeah."

He edged closer to me and my erection prodded his belly. Damnit, my balls ached and I was desperate to empty them. His hand grasped me suddenly in a firm grip and began to stroke and I let out a sigh of relief. I closed my eyes and thrust myself firmly into his palm, wishing to God I was pushing it into his body. I was so damned ready for it. I groaned loudly and he laughed softly and cupped my balls in the other hand, squeezing and caressing.

"Christ Almighty," I muttered. I opened my eyes and glanced down, watching his dark hands on my pale cock in the dim light. He was hard again too; I could feel his tip nudging my balls every so often. He grasped himself and did the same thing I had, rubbing us against each other.

"Hell, Chavez," I groaned. I was so desperate for release, but it was just a little out of reach. "Please..." I cringed at the sound of myself begging, but his response surprised me.

"You can do it if you want."

"Why'd you change your mind?"

"I don't know; desperation?"

I grinned and pushed his hands off, spat into my palm and slicked the saliva onto my throbbing shaft. It was probably going to hurt like hell without oil or something, but there wasn't much I could do about that right now. We rolled over and I held myself above him, guiding myself, shoving my hips forward. He moaned in pain and I vaguely thought that he hadn't made a sound when I cut him, but I carried on, burying myself in his heat. He was shuddering and panting, blunt nails digging into my back, none of it from pleasure. His cock had softened and he was tense and unresponsive as I began to move. I almost stopped again; he wasn't enjoying it and was clearly suffering, but after another minute or so he began to move with me and his body relaxed, thrusting up against mine, his cock rising again. He slid one hand between us and began to stroke himself and I picked up speed, plunging deeper and feeling my balls tighten, heat coiling in my belly as I reached completion.

"Jesus Christ!" I cried as I emptied into him and his hand began to move faster, chasing his own release. Ordinarily I would have stopped as soon as I finished, but I kept moving, willing myself to stay hard until he spurted onto my stomach and went limp beneath me, trembling and panting. I stopped moving and pulled out quickly, turning onto my back and grabbing one of the blankets to cover us, gasping for breath. It had been damned good and for once I felt truly satisfied.

As my breathing slowed and I lay on my back next to him, staring up at the stars, I wondered where I was going. This wasn't me, getting close to someone; or at least it wasn't what I used to be. Maybe I'd changed. Maybe that was a good thing. Or maybe the afterglow had just fried my brain. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face and slept.

When I woke, I felt completely different to that other time. Instead of horror and rage I felt a mixture of excitement and slight panic, but even that was exciting. I expected to feel the warmth of Chavez beside me, but I was cold and I reached my hand out for him. It came to rest on the dusty ground and my eyes opened quickly.

"Chavez?" I sat up and looked around.

My new glossy dark bay horse stood alone a few feet away. Chavez was gone. It was as if he had never been there. I threw my blanket off and grimaced when I realised my clothes were scattered around on the ground and I hadn't got a stitch on. Shivering, I gathered everything up and dressed, concentrating fiercely on the simple task and trying to ignore the feeling of being punched in the stomach.

Where was he? Did he regret it? Did he wake up and wonder what the hell he was doing with someone he hated so much? But if he hated me, why did he come back for me on the mountain?

"Get hold of yourself," I muttered to myself. "Pendejo."

I picked up my bedroll, mounted the horse and began to ride slowly back in the direction we had come the night before. I tried not to think too much, but with no one to talk to and nothing going on, it was impossible not to. I didn't exactly feel comfortable with my thoughts at the moment, though.

What the hell had I been thinking last night? Couldn't I have kept my hands off? I never went back for seconds with anyone and now I'd made things a hundred times worse with him than they ever were before by screwing him. I wanted to turn around and ride off in the opposite direction. I didn't get close to people, I didn't come back for more, certainly not with a guy; certainly not with...Jose.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked the horse. "Why can't I walk away from this?"

I shook myself and rode on. I could already see the camp in the distance ahead and I steadied the horse to a slow amble, not wanting to get there. I didn't want to arrive and find that Chavez loathed me just as much as before. When I arrived, I jumped to the ground and Doc and Hendry approached at once.

"Where's Chavez?" Doc asked me.

"I don't know," I said. My breath seemed to be sucked out of me. He hadn't come back to them?

"What the hell have you done now?" Billy demanded, appearing behind me.

"What? Nothing!" I cried.

"What have you done to Chavez, Dave?" said Doc.

"I haven't done anything to him!" I protested. 'Well, not what you think, anyway,' I thought.

"So where is he, then? You rode off together."

"He….disappeared," I said lamely.

"That's horseshit!" exclaimed Doc. They both advanced towards me and I took a couple of steps backwards.

"Look, I haven't killed him, or injured him, or upset him or anything else, I swear!" I cried. "We kind of ….uh…called a truce. I fell asleep, I woke up and he was gone."

They both looked at me sceptically

"Why would he do that, huh, Dave?" Billy said.

"How the hell should I know?" I gazed around me, hoping that Chavez would suddenly materialise out of nowhere. To my intense surprise and relief, I could see a galloping horse in the distance, heading in our direction. I was sure it was him. "Look! There!" I pointed and the others turned around. "There he is."

Billy and Doc glared at me again and then waited for Chavez to reach us. His horse almost skidded to a halt in front of us and he stayed in the saddle.

"Garrett's coming this way!" he panted. "We have to get out of here!"