Hey! So I'm back again with another random chapter in Roman history! Hope ya like it!

Narrator: The first 253 years of Roman history are a period of time known as the Roman monarchy. There was also the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire, but-

Romano: Fuck that shit, tell 'em about me!

Narrator: *whipped puppy voice* I was gonna say that.

Italy: *is supposed to be dead, but is too badass* Vee~ Roma, you shouldn't be mean to girls!

Romano: ...Narrator's a girl?!

Narrator: *facepalms* I'm working with idiots. *sigh* Moving on, the first king, obviously, was Romulus.

Romano: Dat's right, I'm back bitches!

Narrator: Lovely. Other than building the entire fucking city and killing his brother, Romulus did lots of good things like getting citizens-

Romano: Yo Gramps, give me all yo thugs and criminals.

Rome: Uh... okay?

Narrator: -making laws for said citizens-

Romano: One, all tomatoes go directly to me for *cough* inspection. Two, no one shall give me tomato-related nicknames-

Spain da thug/citizen: But tomate-

Romano: Bastardo! *bitch slap*

Narrator: -and getting them ladies. *suggestive eye waggle*

Romano: Law number three! I want y'all to mass produce!

Bad Touch Trio, Denmark, Scotland, Ireland, and Poland (?) da thugs/citizens: *blank stares*

Romano: Procreate

BTT, Den. Scot., Ire., Pol.,: *more blank stares*

Romano: *rolls eyes* Get busy. Toe to toe tango. Knock boots. Make babies.

France: *wraps arm around Ireland's shoulders* I'd make babies with you any day, mon ami.

Crack shippers: *are intrigued*

Ireland: *doesn't give a fuck, and chugs whiskey like a boss*

England: *appears and is pissed* Don't flirt with my little brother you bloody git! *commence epic catfight of the century*

Poland: Catch all this and more on next week's episode of The Bad Girl's Club! *winks and smiles winningly*

Narrator: LOL wut

Prussia: Kid, one issue with your plan.

Romano: What?

Denmark: We're a city of thugs. Seeing as this is 753 BC, bad boys aren't in yet.

Romano: *doesn't get it* LATIN. Speak LATIN.

France: Hic, non potes pullas invenis.

Romano: So you're telling me I started a city and didn't think to get any chicks?!

Denmark: Ita vero, princepis mei!

Narrator: *is frustrated* Tell 'em they can speak English again!

Prussia: *nods sadly as if Narrator has said nothing* Even Gilbird isn't here.

Romano: ...FACK. *thinks, then smiles charmingly* Hey Narrator, you're a girl aren't you?

Narrator: Back off bitch, I got MACE. *holds up mace as proof.* Ahem. Continuing. So Romulus did the only sensible thing in this situation. He tricked the neighboring peoples (such as the Albans and the Sabines) into coming for a feast, and once they arrived Romulus and his men then proceeded to steal their daughters to have as wives. This event is known as the Sabine rape.

'Merica: Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo husband, 'cuz they rapin' everyone in Rome!

Narrator: Yeah, that's actually almost correct!

Romano & Co.: *run away with fem!America, fem!Canada, fem!Norway, Mexico, Hungary, Belgium, Seychelles, and... Lithuania?*

Romano: You bastard! *points to Mexico* What's she doing here?

Spain: Lovi~ You told us to procreate!

Romano: Not with my little sister, god damn it!

Narrator: Hey! You two! I just fixed the fourth wall, so you stop that now!

To be continued...

Bonus Scene!:

Ireland: *is running around proudly with a giggling Seychelles on his shoulders* My kids are gonna be Halfrican, my kids are gonna be Halfrican!

Scotland: Laddy, I wouldn't go yelling that with the boss's new wife around.

Fem!America: Politically incorrect! That's politically incorrect, damn it!

Spain: I'm sorry Lovi! I forgot she was your sister!

Romano: How the hell did you forget? You raised us! She revolted against you and everything!

Fem!America: Technically speaking, aren't I your sister too? I mean, Spain controlled parts of me for a while.

Romano: *is seriously flustered by this* T-That's different!

Fem!Norway: *has Denmark hugging her around the waist* So, you're telling me you're okay with this?!

Lithuania: *is being fangirled over by Poland* I'm kinda used to it *shrugs* aren't you?

Fem!Norway: With this idiot? Every time I think I'm used to him, he just gets stupider!

Denmark: Aww, you're pretending to hate me! That's so cute Norge!

France: *holds fem!Canada in his lap and rambles about sexy hair*

Fem!Canada: *pretends to care, proof that their relationship will go the distance*

Prussia: *glomps Hungary* Mine! Kesesese!

Hungary: *can't find her frying pan* Shepherd husband! Save me!

Spain: *judo-chops*

Hungary: *somehow has become pregnant*

Narrator: Seriously Prussia, how do you manage to do that so quickly?!

Belgium: I just want to know how I ended up married to Scotland.

Scotland: Aye lass, I was thinking that too, but from what I seen, it seems best if ye don't ask questions.

So yeah, that's the chapter. Here's the translations before I get to the actual note:

Hic, non potes puellas invenis- You won't be able to find girls here
Ita vero, princepis mei- Yes indeed, my king!

Anyways, just a reminder that beneath all the crackiness of this story, there is actual historical fact. The original citizens of Rome really were just the thugs and ruffians and criminals that the surrounding tribes/cities/kingdoms/whatever rejected. Since, for obvious reasons, none of these rejects were women, the Romans invited over the surrounding whatevers for a feast, and since the Sabines were stupid enough to bring their entire families, the Romans made off with their daughters and married them

Note: No one actually raped any of the girls in the "Sabine rape." Once they took the girls, the Romans talked to them and managed to convince them that they would be good husbands to them and take care of them (which I think is kind of sweet). So the girls were actually okay with it. But their dads and brothers kind of weren't. After a while the Sabine men came back and began fighting the Romans, but the girls got in between them to stop the fight and told them that they didn't want to become widows and orphans on the same day. Seeing that their daughters were happy there, the Sabines made peace with the Romans and the two groups joined together to make one gigantic Rome.

Now, I hope you either got a laugh or learned something from this. Please review if you want me to write more of these!